ROMA

by R. A. Ender

  His finger hung for a moment above the key to activate the universal comm line. He looked at it. He debated pushing it and ordering every ship to remain in place. But, the debate was ended as the first squad jumped. He saw it go. Squad Eight Two. Nothing special about it except that it followed orders sent from its fleet commander. The fleets were still split and Longus could order his squads and they would not know that it was against Richard’s express order.

  Another squad jumped. Squad Six One. And another, and suddenly a few, then all of them jumped. Longus’ squad was the last to make the turn, at full maneuvering speed, and jump. They would not reappear on the display until they exited hyperspace again closer to the planet and the sensor satellite captured them.

  Until then, Richard was left with 550 warships battling an ever smaller garrison force. He was also left with the realization that if Longus is successful, their Defense force will forever be broken. He will never be able to maintain unified command. His fleet may not realize that the secondary fleet left against his orders, but after the battle, they will.

  How can they possibly continue the war against the Imperial Alliance of Empires when the only hope for the Confederacy is fighting against itself and broken? Richard thought to himself with a strong sense of self-pity and a great fear for the future of his people. I think I just lost the war. What a time to lose!

  As the first squad exited hyperspace between the supply fleet and the planet, by the slimmest of margin, the strategic map showed that it was opening fire on the supply fleet and scoring hits. Every second that passed, another squad exited and began firing on another freighter. By the time the final squad exited, and Longus’ flagship began firing on a large ore hauler, the supply fleet had stopped moving and was scattering. There was no doubt Longus would destroy every ship and stop that fleet. He would be victorious.

  With a quick look at the display, Richard saw that his own fleet had nearly destroyed the entire garrison fleet. He was also assured of victory. Only a small group of ten ships remained huddled and firing, their back facing the moon below. They were fighting to the end. No offer of surrender had been accepted. Richard was looking at the display with the deepest sense of worry for the future of the Confederate cause. They may have two victories here, but there are easily twenty-five hundred IAE warships in the Old Colony region. They still need to be found and destroyed before the Confederacy can rise again. And now that goal seems impossible.

  Suddenly, a new contact appeared near the planet, right beside the supply fleet. As Richard looked at that new spot of light, the sensor updated the information with ship type. The information box flashed, pulsed quickly for a second, and the name was typed out.

  DREADNAUGHT CLASS

  Richard blinked hard, keeping his eyes shut for a moment. When he opened them, the information still showed that an IAE Dreadnaught Class ship had just exited hyperspace beside the supply fleet. It also now showed that that ship was firing on Longus’ fleet.

  Worse than that, multiple points were now appearing every second near that Dreadnaught. The screen was filling with points of light, each representing a warship that did not belong to the Confederacy. Within seconds, an entire IAE fleet had dropped out of hyperspace right beside their much-needed supply fleet. And they were all firing, at full power and without mercy, on the Confederate fleet.

  Richard was about to open the line to Longus and tell him to withdraw when points of light began appearing near the moon in the very place where Longus’ squads had been only minutes before. Every second, more points of light appeared, but Richard had already moved his eyes up toward the main display. It was facing directly at the area of space where the second IAE fleet was exiting hyperspace. The halos of light surrounding each ship as it reentered normal space were flashing like a crowd in a coliseum taking pictures of a great play. It was almost blinding.

  It was no longer an event he could watch at a distance, and Richard’s trained instincts and superior command ability kicked in. He zoomed out on his strategic display to obtain a detailed overview.

  The sensor satellite, thankfully safe near the space lane exit point which no IAE ship was close to, revealed the full details of their situation. It was not just two IAE fleets that they were facing, it was clearly the entire IAE Armada. Or, as much of it as they could strategically combine at the time the supply fleet was due.

  The fleet nearest to Richard’s primary Confederate fleet numbered only 300 ships and no Dreadnaught class ship. Obviously, the IAE fleet commander didn’t expect them to have kept the bulk of their fleet handling a small garrison force, which as he now checked showed as completely disabled or destroyed. That fleet was cleared from the strategic display and it showed only the new one.

  Longus’ secondary Confederate fleet was lost. The strategic display showed a total of 1,500 ships including three Dreadnaughts. That meant there were six IAE ships against each Confederate ship. The best ships were part of that fleet, meaning they would survive longer, but those were impossible odds. The fleet was also close to the planet and pinned against it. This meant they would only be able to slug it out, maneuvering and finesse would be virtually non-existent. And in that kind of situation, they won’t last long against that kind of firepower, Richard thought to himself.

  And when the best of the Confederate fleet is destroyed and we have only a few hundred ships left in the fleet to free the Confederate worlds, what hope will there be? Richard thought to himself.

  I`ve lost this. I`ll never get another chance. There is no hope.

  CHAPTER 39

  I’ve lost her. I’ll never get another chance. There is no hope.

  Richard had been repeating that same line of thinking for the past few hours. As he rode down from the orbital shipyard, he had been looking out the window thinking about how he had lost Heather forever. On the train ride from the base to the Capital city, Rome, he had been obsessed with never getting a chance to love Heather again like they had when they were young. And now, after walking up the small steps in front of her three-story luxury downtown townhouse, he realized that he had no hope of getting her back.

  And all those thoughts were doubling depressing as he had been dreaming about coming home to New Earth and seeing Heather again every day of the past five years as his ship patrolled various parts of the extreme western portions of the Confederacy, in the Royalist League worlds. He had only learned that she was engaged when he opened his personal mail as he pulled into orbit. He had immediately tumbled into the deepest depression of his life.

  Though he had managed to avoid anyone else on board knowing that he was sad, he thought maybe a few small hints had shown through. He noticed that all his senior staff seemed to be extremely busy with their own departments once they docked. He didn’t even get a moment to speak to either Etu or Mato before they requested permission to disembark. He thought maybe it was just because it was a busy time, first time back in orbital docks for five years, but that idea was cast aside when Robin told him that Jen and Sara had already left, her having authorized them to disembark. That was not unusual, but then she followed up with a simple question.

  “Why haven’t you gone to see Heather yet?”

  Only Robin was a good enough friend to ask such a personal question to the commanding officer of a military ship and not even try to pry in a roundabout way. And for that reason, among many others, they were the closest of friends.

  “She’s getting married. I didn’t want to cause her any trouble having an old flame visit.” Richard explained out loud, strictly maintaining his visual attention on his workstation. “Besides, it is not as though I don’t have a lot of work to do.”

  Robin stood silently for a while. The longer she stood without speaking the more uncomfortable he felt. Finally, he was forced to look up at her as he knew she had meant for the silence to force him to do.

  As he met her eyes, she spoke again. “And how do you know she is getting married?”

  It was a simple question. I
t was too simple to bother asking so Richard’s mind immediately set to trying to figure out why Robin had even bothered asking. Where is she going with this? He thought to himself quickly before answering honestly.

  “She sent me a note in my personal mail. Why?”

  Robin smiled broadly upon hearing that. It was a prideful smile which meant he had answered exactly as she expected and she could complete her mini master plan.

  “And why would your childhood friend, who loves and cares about you, have sent you a note to tell you if she didn’t want you to come and visit and share her happiness?”

  Before Richard could answer, Robin kept rolling with her psychological explanation and rationalization.

  “It is not as though there is bad blood or that she would want to rub it in your face. She is sharing her happiness with her friend. Probably her closest friend. You should be happy for her and want to visit her and express your happiness for her in person. So why are you still sitting here unless it is just a selfish reaction to the failure of some romantic plan you’ve been constructing for the past five years?”

  Robin ended with a pretty blunt and harsh criticism, one only a dear friend could say and still remain on good terms with another person afterward.

  She’s right, Richard thought to himself. I should be happy for her.

  And so, on his travel to see Heather and her fiancée, Richard had selfishly obsessed and suffered. But now that he was standing on her front step, it was time to be there for his friend and not himself.

  Steeling himself, he forced his mind to be happy for her. He repeated to himself over and over again the proper way to think and feel about this situation. He forced his own selfish feelings below his rational reaction and rational plan for handling himself. He prepared to enter her home and be a commanding officer selling a plan to his crew, and that was a practiced skill he knew he could handle.

  I am so happy for you! That note made my day. What a great way to come home, thank you! Richard repeated to himself over and over again.

  Richard was still repeating that same mantra as he knocked on the door. He was still repeating it as he saw Heather come around the corner through the door window and his heart jumped and began to race. He was still repeating it as he saw Heather begin to jog excitedly to answer the door with a tremendous smile on her face.

  And he was still repeating it as she opened the door and he said, “I am so happy for you!” and grabbed her up in a big hug and held her tight.

  “So am I! Thank you for coming, I know you must be busy.” Heather answered as they continued to hug.

  Richard pulled back, still keeping his arms wrapped around his oldest and dearest friend.

  “That note made my day! What a great way to come home, thank you!” Richard said to her. Heather’s smile seemed to get even bigger upon hearing that.

  “Thank gods because I was so excited and nervous writing it. I didn’t know whether you’d have time to visit and I didn’t want to put pressure on you.”

  “Hey,” Richard said, breaking the hug and squeezing Heather around one shoulder as a big brother would to a little sister. “I’ve always made time for you and that will never change.”

  Heather smiled and then the small talk portion began. She showed Richard where he could leave his shoes and coat. She walked him around her home and showed him all the rooms and special trinkets. They asked and answered each other’s silly little questions about each other’s lives for the past five years. Eventually, they ended up in the kitchen, sitting at the little table for two, sipping hot calda.

  “Sorry again about Julius not being home tonight. He did have it booked off but then the Vigiles had a big operation tonight and needed him. He is the best Quaestor in the city so it happens. He even missed our second date and he’s lucky he got a third.” Heather said again, as she had already apologized for her fiancée, Julius, not being home several times.

  “Heather I came to visit with you anyway. I’ll get to meet him another time. Just make sure you don’t oversell him and give him an impossible bar to jump over when we do meet. And same for me, don’t be setting me up as anything special.” Richard said though he regretted adding the last sentence as it immediately struck him as selfish.

  It seemed not to register as bad to Heather, though, as she jumped right on it as though she had been waiting for just the right moment to say, “Oh, don’t worry about that. I think your reputation is enough to make him nervous. Plus the fact that every life story I have seems to involve you, he’s become quite used to being compared to you. I always tell him not to be jealous. We are friends who will always love each other. He and I are lovers who are becoming best friends.”

  For the first time since he walked in the door, Richard’s rational command of his emotions took a direct hit that broke through. It may have only flashed for a moment, but he felt the pain and forced it down.

  Heather had been looking away in that moment. Richard was glad because it meant that had his face betrayed his moment of pain, she had missed it. But upon reflection, he wondered if she had not looked away because it had hurt her to say what she did.

  Stop dreaming and focus! Richard immediately yelled at himself. I am happy for you! I am happy for you! I AM HAPPY FOR YOU! He repeated over and over to force his mind back into line.

  Just as he had finished admonishing himself, Heather looked back over. “Sooo… the big question I have for you is whether you can be part of the wedding?”

  “I would love to be,” Richard began. “But when is it?”

  Heather gave a half smile. “That’s the problem, we haven’t planned a date because I wanted to ask you when you would be available? I hate putting pressure on you but I need you to be there for me. My Mom has passed and I have no one from my family left to walk with me and stand with me.”

  Heather leaned back in her chair and a big smile spread across her face. “Trust me, telling my husband-to-be that we need to find out when my ex-boyfriend is available before we can set a date for the wedding was a very weird conversation. But, Julius is so great and understanding! He understood totally and made me feel so secure and confident in my choice. I’m not sure I’d be so calm about a similar request. But he is really great. I really love him.” Heather’s eyes danced with happiness as she spoke.

  For the second time, a pain struck through Richard’s controlled and rational thought process. This time the pain was different. It was a deep pain from love. Love of Heather but also love for Heather. Her request was so special and meant so much to him, that he wasn’t sad. He felt her love for him in her question. He felt her love for him in her desire to have him in her life. He felt her love, familial love, and he knew that even though she was getting married and would romantically love another, she would continue to love him.

  And that made him a little happy.

  But that little bit of happiness instantly became clouded over by the dark realization that she was happy and loved another. Another in a way that Richard wanted her to love him. A deep romantic love that he felt for her, but was clear she no longer felt for him. She loved Richard, but she was in love with Julius.

  As the happiness in her eyes continued to dance, Richard knew that his plan of five years was lost.

  I’ve lost her. I’ll never get another chance. There is no hope.

  And though he managed to remain rationally in control for the rest of his time with Heather that evening, in the back of his mind his despair rolled around. It fomented, it grew and it began to blacken his mind. It was only by luck that he made it to the front door, put on his shoes and coat, and stood in the open doorway about to leave without his rational control completely failing. But he could feel it failing. He could feel the structure collapsing. He could feel the reminders of maintaining happiness for Heather being replaced with reminders of loss and failure.

  As she gave him a kiss on the cheek, Richard couldn’t control his selfish despair any longer. He stepped out of the home and onto the front s
tep and asked. “Is this the love of your life? He’ll make you happy?”

  Heather paused for a moment and then looked down at the ground. “I was wondering when you’d ask that.”

  For a moment, there was silence and no movement by either of them. Then she let out a long breath, looked up at Richard, and said, “Yes, he makes me very happy. I’ve finally found what will make me happy and I’m glad.”

  And before he spoke again, she hardened her look slightly and spoke. “I know what makes you happy and it is up there.” Heather pointed up to the night sky. “And whatever you’re thinking right now, your actions have proven that time and again.”

  She leaned in and gave him another kiss, this time on the lips and grabbed him tight in a hug. After a few moments, she pulled away with a tear in her eye. With a little sad half smile, she said, “I always dreamed of you and me. It was a fantasy I tried to make come true. But I know now that it is just a fantasy that when brought into reality doesn’t work. If you really think about it, you know it is true.”

  “Are we ok?” Heather asked as she took a step back onto the door frame, raising herself up a little higher to come close to being the same height as Richard.

  Richard nodded. “Yes. Chalk it up to five years of thinking by myself. But you are right. We tried and we are just not looking for the same things. But I am damned lucky to have as great a friend as you.”