Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It
Page 1
Table of Contents
Title Page
Dedication
FROM THE DESK OF
Preface
BIOGRAPHIA DÆMONIUM
PUBLISHER’S NOTE ON THE 666 EDITION
ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF HELL AN INVASION MANUAL OF EARTH - BOOK I
INVASION MAPS AND DIAGRAMS - AND LORD SATAN’S MASTER PLAN
1. ON ANGELS
2. ON THE GROTESQUE HUMAN BODY
3. ON THE UNSPEAKABLE PLANET EARTH
4. MAPS OF EARTH’S INTERIOR AND EXTERIOR
5. INVASION ROUTES TO EARTH
6. ON THE LANDING SITES
7. ON THE INVASION PLAN
8. ON EATING HUMANS
9. ON THE TABOO OF EARTH-DENSITY
10. MORE ON TIME AND THE BANISHMENT OF PARADOX
ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF HELL AN INVASION MANUAL OF EARTH - BOOK II
QUADRIFIDUM THE FIRST
ZYK’S FIRST MEMO TO THE PUBLISHER
MANUAL OF EARTH TERMS
QUADRIFIDUM THE SECOND
ZYK’S SECOND MEMO TO THE PUBLISHER
MANUAL OF EARTH TERMS
QUADRIFIDUM THE THIRD
ZYK’S THIRD MEMO TO THE PUBLISHER
MANUAL OF EARTH TERMS
QUADRIFIDUM THE FOURTH
ZYK’S FOURTH MEMO TO THE PUBLISHER
MANUAL OF EARTH TERMS
ZYK’S FINAL MEMO TO THE PUBLISHER
PUBLISHER’S NOTE ON THE ADDENDA TO THE 666 EDITION
ADDENDUM 1
ADDENDUM 2
ADDENDUM 3 - LORD SATAN’S ABDICATION SPEECH
ADDENDUM 4 - LORD ZYK’S INAUGURAL ADDRESS
CLOSING REMARKS BY GOD
Copyright Page
To:
Andrew Lazar
Annette Van Duren
Robert Sheckley
Brother Theodore Gottlieb
Editorial Consultant:
Brian Lubocki
Book Design:
Sean Tejaratchi
Wheel of Kadab Illustration:
Joseph Alaskey
Additional Illustration:
Kaz
Celeste Moreno
Howard Gindoff and Duncan Long
Steganography & Web Design:
Oleg Rezabek/steganart.com
brettaronowitz.com • marenmiller.com
Daemonic Subversion Support:
Amit Itelman • Adam Parfrey
Ken Kaufman • Howard Klausner
John Schneider • Lars Ulrich • Kirk Hammett
Robert Gaylor • Tom Frykman
Barry Crimmins • Ken Daly • Dana Gibson
Howard, Michael & Chris Meehan
Adam Franklin • Keith Knee
Mary Jo Pritchard • Thomas Olson
Kay, Casey & Olivia Olson
WARNING TO THE READER
The following manuscript is alleged to be a pirated edition
of the original housed in a secret vault in Rome beneath
the Vatican Basilica di Santa Croce of Gerusalemme.
The pages were delivered to us by courier in a manner
which made knowledge of its origin impossible.
The following cover letter claims to have been written by
a disgruntled former agent of a covert organization.
Encyclopædia of Hell is a facsimile of the original book
with its imperfections intact. Note that some pages
show signs of wear due to the age of the manuscript
or manner of reproduction. However, we present this
unique volume exactly as it was delivered to us,
without further commentary.
The Publishers
FROM THE DESK OF
NATHAN STILE S
S.S.A. Field Agent (Ret.)
MAGGOTS DIE IN SUNLIGHT.
MOTTO ABOVE THE ENTRANCE OF THE SPIRITUAL SECURITY AGENCY
To Whom It May Concern:
MY NAME IS NATHAN STILES. For ten years, I worked as an agent for the Spiritual Security Agency. The S.S.A. is a covert military force composed of monks, ministers, nuns and priests from all world religions. Mankind is unaware that a secret war has been going on between Earth and Hell. For centuries, our agents have been trained in prayer, fasting and heavy artillery in order to stop demons from taking over Earth.
Critical to the success of our mission is the existence of the book you now hold in your hands. I was fired when my superiors ordered me to keep this book a secret and I refused.
They are idiots.
This book was written by and for demons, instructing them on how to destroy mankind. I believe this book must be distributed to the public as quickly as possible before the demon invasion begins.
Here are the facts:
Hell is a real place, located in another dimension, or frequency, of matter. Demons are real entities, created and genetically engineered by the supernatural entity known as Satan.
Over the past century in particular, Hell has become overcrowded with human souls. For this reason, Satan drew up a detailed plan to gain more territory by invading Earth and annexing it to Hell.
The book you now hold in your hands is a copy of an encyclopedic invasion manual of Earth written by Satan in English, the preferred language of Hell. As far as I know, only one copy presently exists on Earth. I seized it from the demon spy Zyk of Asimoth soon after he infiltrated Earth to scout landing sites for the invasion. S.S.A. officials confiscated the manuscript from me by force and locked it in a vault beneath the Vatican.
When I demanded that they release the manual to the world, my superiors refused, saying the document was classified. When I threatened to go public with what I knew, I was fired and told that if I spoke about the existence of the book, I would be discredited and eliminated.
Because the fate of the world is at stake, I had no choice but to defy their orders. I broke into the vault and stole the manual which you now hold in your hands.
I did what I had to do.
Now that you have the information you need, the fate of Mankind is in your hands.
HOW TO READ THIS BOOK
Just as demonic thought is strange to us, so is our world incomprehensible to demons. To insure an understanding of mankind, Satan compiled this overview of human existence from the satanic point of view.
Demons are fundamentally different from human beings, having no physical or emotional heart and knowing nothing of love or of the concepts of Good or God. To help bridge the gap of understanding, I include here an overview of the contents and structure of the invasion manual:
Each section of the book opens with a memo by the demon Zyk of Asimoth, the infiltrator who edited Satan’s Encyclopaedia, and is also, weirdly, Poet Laureate of Hell. Zyk’s memos tell the story of how he researched the Manual by time-traveling through Earth’s past.1 The memos describe the demon’s weird love affair with a human nun, his missions involving Hitler, Jesus, John F. Kennedy, so-called extraterrestrial aliens and so-called UFOs.
Many threads in this satanic embroidery are woven throughout the section entitled Book Two: Manual of Earth Terms. To fully experience the bizarre world of demons and to understand the reasons for the invasion2, track the links at the end of various Earth Terms which connect to related terms in the book. For example, the letter “A” links to terms which explain Mankind’s origin (genetically engineered by a demon criminal), Satan’s taboos regarding time-travel to Earth, and the diametrically oppos
ed views of Heaven and Hell concerning the Past and the Future.
Tracking other links, footnotes and memos will reveal many other hidden facts, including a demon conspiracy to assassinate Satan3, that Jesus apparently plagiarized his teachings from Satan4, Satan’s decision to kill his creator after being exposed to the human concepts of love and infinity, and God’s peculiar plan for creating the universe. The book also abounds with secret writing using acrostics, wheel and acroamatic ciphers, cryptograms, palindromes and elaborate hidden messages combining various obscure codes and ciphers. For example, the curious reader can decode certain cryptic passages by utilizing an online “substitution cipher generator.”
The bizarre intricacy of the manuscript itself 5, its charts, diagrams, paradoxical layering of texts and recursive footnotes, combined with Satan’s vile view of humanity, may make this volume too harsh and repulsive for many people to absorb. But I urge all men and women who care about the future of mankind to brave the contents of this Encyclopaedia with an open heart, for the invasion of Earth by Hell is imminent.
As I write these words, S.S.A. assassins are trying to kill me to recover this book. I have little time. I urge you to give this, the most important book in the history of the world, to every man, woman and child as soon as possible. We must spread the word so that Humanity will be prepared when the fleets of Hellcraft land and the Invasion begins.
NATHAN STILES
S.S.A. Agent (Ret.)
PRAYER To THE READER:
May God Have Mercy On Your Soul.
ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF HELL BY SATAN
AN INVASION MANUAL FOR DEMONS
CONCERNING THE PLANET EARTH
AND THE HUMAN RACE WHICH INFESTS IT
COMMENTARIES BYEXECUTIVE DEMONS
IN THE LOWERACRCHY OF HELL
DELUXE COMMEMORATIVE EDITION
WITH THE ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS
AND
NEWLY RELEASED HISTORICAL DOCUMENTS
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LORD SATAN’S PREFACE
TO THE
FIRST EDITION
OF THE
ENCYCLOPÆDIA OF HELL
THE
LOATHSOME DEMON READER:
The jewels of human mythology, the bogie-men, the ghouls and gnomes, the squeers, kobolds, podsnappers, elves and bugaboos are sorely disadvantaged by one ugly fact. They do not, as such, exist. For in the Infinite Dominions of Hell, known to Humanity as “the Universe,” there exist only Demons.
Due to my Immense Wisdom and Good Taste, I have separated Man from Demonkind by the Tapestry of Time, a Dense Embroidery impenetrable by Humanity.6 Only recently have I allowed my Demon Citizens access to the spiralutum of time-travel, for Fear that they would become corrupted by contact with Odious Mankind. For Humans, as larval Demons of immense obnoxiousness and stupidity, have yet to evolve into Evil Creaturehood.
Know that Humans are utterly ignorant of the Existence of Hell. Absurdly, they consider Hell as either a Myth, or as a pit of fire festooning the core of their drab planet.7 They know not that the quavers of light speckling their sky are the Island Kingdoms of Hell which, in their distant future, will become overpopulated by the rapacious reproductivity of Demonkind.
Therein lies the purpose of this manual. The City of Hell is now the most overpopulated district in My entire Kingdom. Although I and my Arch- Demons faithfully decapitate all Lower Demons (known as “Angels”)8 immigrating to our slums every Spring, their heads grow back every eleven years; thus in eleven-year cycles, Hell City has become increasingly overpopulated. Largesse in decapitating Angels has not remedied the problem, which today has grown endemic.
Drastic times call for drastic actions. You have all heard my Invasion Proclamation9. This manual will be distributed to all Demons shortly before boarding Hellcraft for the Invasion of Earth. I order you, my Subjects, to study this Precious Material in a State of Readiness, with Claws Unsheathed and Tails Unfurled. It offers the Studious Demon pertinent geographical, physical and psychological information concerning Mankind and Its Noxious Ancient Environs, as well as time-saving tips on the Trapping and Cooking of Humans as Foodstuffs.
Non hic Centauros, non Gorgonas, Harpysque
Invenies, hominem pagina nostra sapit.10
Under normal circumstances, humans, as veritable insects, are no danger to the Average Demon. Yet the queerness and primitive dementia of Mankind have proven too much for the weak stomachs of many sophisticated Demons.
But despite their strangeness, Humans are not to be feared. Relatively speaking, they are the least substantial of creatures: tiny, querulous bugs trapped in Jars of Time, quaintly naming themselves Jack and Jill and then flickering in and out of existence. Devoid of the ability to discern truth from falsity, humans have a fundamental propensity toward literalism and blind, robotic format-following, the result of the genetic engineering of the banished Demon Abra Kadab, who homesteaded Earth in ancient times.11
Humans, dimly aware of the paucity of their existence, kept from committing mass suicide by developing ridiculously self-absorbed mythologies in order to prop themselves up, and with which to masturbate their minds to ecstasy.
Mankind’s fundamental delusion is that they are the central linchpin in the structure of Creation. They perceive themselves as Prizes being fought over by opposing supernatural armies, each battling for control over their priceless human “souls.”
In reality, of course, there is no battle. The Future is Manifest: Only Demons inhabit the Cosmos, and humans are merely primeval gnats crushed betwixt pages in the Book of Time, who after eons evolve into Demonhood.
Generally, humans should be ignored, swatted away, played with or peremptorily squashed. Yet to insure a clean sweep in our Invasion Plan, nothing, not even mincing Humanity, should be taken for granted.
In this connexion, be not deceived by Man’s ability to ape reason, for, in truth, humans have no real knowledge about anything whatsoever. Beware particularly of their ranks of theologians, quacksalvers, politicians and empirics, which are attracted to the Black Radiation of Demons and may attempt to communicate via their simplistic, but focused, Linear Pipeline Thought.
Once this material is fully understood, I bid you relax and enjoy your Invasion. The Correct Posture with which the Invading Demon should enter into Earth-Density is one of Amusement; thus, it is My Desire that this Manual shall Entertain the Invading Hordes with its harsh Conceptual Parodies, and by this Device spur the Reader on to study the more Difficult and Scholarly Analyses herein.
It has, indeed, been a monumental challenge to compile only the data essential to the Invading Demon, for the Ghastly Morés of Humankind are Dense and Complex. And although the average Demon may be nauseated by the Unwonted Strangeness of Earth as described herein, remember that the Exegesis of Truth is always obtained for a Price.
Read on, then, My Hideous Demons, for now My Book Begins.
SATAN
Satan’s Palace
City of Hell
BIOGRAPHIA DÆMONIUM
BIOGRAPHIES
of the
DMON COMMENTATORS
and
MEMBERS of the INVASION MANUAL COMMISSION12
ZYK13
Poet Laureate of Hell, Poet in Residence at the Unive
rsity of Hell, and
historical scholar on Hell Antiquities, specializing in Ancient Earth and Its
Evils. Chairman and Chief Editor of Lord Satan’s Invasion Encyclopaedia.
Daemon of Clarity and Obfuscation, Ruler of the Myst of Words,
Master of Beginning and Ending Rhymes, the Elegant Human-Hater,
Noted Scholar of Evil on Earth, Satirist of Human Morés
and Poet Laureate of Hell.
LLU CIPHER
Satanic emissary of Pride and Masturbation, renowned for his Gigantic Sexual Organs.