COMMENTARY BY BELIAL
For maximum entertainment value, it is recommended that Demon Insurgents immediately seek out humans engaged in sex. This may be accomplished by following a trail of animalistic grunts, screams and the telltale stench of human fornication.
SEXISM (sĕks ĭ zəm) n. The unending hatred between the purse and the coin.
SHAME (shām) n. That which a human feels if he neglects to kill all witnesses to an atrocity.
SHAMPOO (shăm pū) n. That which temporarily removes filth from human hair.
Meat and Vaginal Substitute
SHEEP (shēp) n. Meat substitute for Bengalis, and vaginal substitute for Shepherds. See Mutton.
Public Pubic Hair
SIDEBURNS (sīd bûrnz) n. An embarrassing growth of pubic hair over the vagina-like ears, the organs which are seduced or raped by human language. See Beard; Fashion; Hair.
SIEVE (sĭv) n. Device which separates DDT-contaminated wheat from DDT-contaminated chaff.
SIGHTSEEING (sīt sē ĭng) n. Sojourns in which humans throw trash into natural settings.89 See Garbage ; Vacation.
SILENCE (sī ləns) n. The mellifluous answer to human prayers. See Nothingness.
SILICON (sĭl ĭ kän) n. Chemical compound utilized to expand memory in computers and breasts in Las Vegas.
SIN (sĭn) n. The arbitration of good and evil by the human pocket or human groin.
SINCERITY (sĭn sĕr ĭ tē) n. The Smile of Deceit. See Lie.
SISTER (sĭs tər) n. The quaint name given to the goddess Envy.
SITCOM (sĭt käm) n. Electronic mind control designed to lower the human IQ and, in combination with drugs, alcohol and pornography, sedate human slaves during off-work hours.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
Sitcoms are exquisitely unfunny distortions of human reality which Mankind stares at for hours each day, interspersed with loud, hypnotic, sexual entreaties for the slaves to ceaselessly and voraciously consume.90
Grateful Skeleton Freed from Human Flesh
SKELETON (skĕl ĭ tən) n. That which begs Hell to be ripped free from grotesque human flesh.
SKEPTIC (skĕp tĭk) n. 1. A high-intellect moron who delights in sodomizing the Baby thrown out with the Bathwater. 2. A human buffoon who, perceiving the Baldness of Metaphysics, sniggers at the Bad Wigs of Cranks while sporting the Moronic Hair Plugs of Science. See Intellect.
SKEPTICISM (skĕp tĭ sĭ zəm) n. A suave word denoting a refusal to entertain concepts contrary to corporate grants.
Detestable Organ Armor
SKULL (skŭl) n. Detestable armor which protects the Most Annoying Organ in the Cosmos. See Brain.
SLAUGHTERHOUSE (slô tər hous) n. Edifice in which humans enthusiastically assert their superiority over animals.
SLAVE (slāv) n. Human female, or human male after receiving a Social Security number. See Housewife; Social Security.
The Defiled Delirium of Dreams
SLEEP (slēp) n. The Whorehouse of Human Desire. See Bed; Dream.
SMELL, THE (smĕl) n. Euphemism used by Demons who have traveled to Earth to describe the stench of Humanity. Although Earth is insignificant in size and scale, the fact that The Smell permeates the farthest reaches of Hell Universe is indicative of the Purity of its Singular Putrescence.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
Time-travelers to Earth-Density always remember their first whiff of Earth’s excrescent stink, perceptible not only through space but through time; The Smell has been detected by Demons up to two million years surrounding from the planet’s present time frame. While disgusting, the odor admittedly belies a pungent source of organic foodstuffs for the hungry Demon. See Earth.
Snow Particles Prior to Befoulment by Human Groin
SNOW (snō) n. That which Humanity turns yellow.
SOCIAL SECURITY (sō shəl sĭ kyūr ĭ tē) n. System devised by Satan giving a number given to a human infant that corresponds to the number on the oven it is cooked in.
SODOMY (sä də mē) n. The act of cleaving a human’s behind with the erect male brain.
Human Bulls-Eye
SOLDIER (sōl jər) n. A target made of flesh. See War; Weapon.
Human Activity Between Anus Wipings
SOPHISTICATION (sə fĭs tĭ kā shən) n. The quality which allows a human to wipe the excrement oozing from its diarrheac rump with a look of refinement and savoir faire.
SOPHISTRY (sä fĭs trē) n. The saliva of human logic oozing into the Drool-cup of Rhetoric.
SOPRANO (sə pră nō) n. A human who, when squeezed by a Demon, emits a high-pitched sound which can be used to shatter stained-glass windows. See Music.
SOUND (sound) n. A vibratory side effect of the Cosmos shuddering in embarrassment at the humans stuck to Its Hide.
SOUNDTRACK CD (sound trăk sē dē) n. Vibrations created by heroin addicts to accompany projected images created by cocaine addicts.
SOUTH AMERICA (south ə mĕ rĭ kə) n. Land of brown-skinned flesh-sacs whose cocaine products augment the North American Karaoke Industry.
SPACE (spās) n. The sagging, empty teat of human geometry.
Space Debris Trajectories
SPACE DEBRIS (spās dĭ brē) n. 1. A human astronaut. 2. The legacy of the human space program, consisting of 60,000 pieces of trash careening around the Earth like a cloud of gnats.
COMMENTARY BY BELIAL
The metallic excretions of Earth, glutting the planet’s orbital paths, must be carefully circumnavigated by Demons approaching Earth-Density, as well as the ring of invisible “trailer park” colonies of the inbred Demon-Trash known as Angels (q.v.). Refer to the preceding Diagram for suggested flight paths.
SPACE PROGRAM (spās prō grăm) n. An ingenious plan to dump tax dollars into space.
SPECIAL OLYMPICS (spĕ shəl ə lĭm pĭks) n. The race of human existence.
SPEECH (spēch) n. A virus, spread by microphoned criminals, which infects and stupefies the human brain.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Speech consists of human laryngeal vibrations polluting the atmosphere. The specific frequencies emitted by the idiotic flapping and squawking of the tongue correspond to mental analogies which humans decode into concepts (q.v.). See Language; Word.
SPELL OF BENDING TIME, THE n. See Flying Saucer.
SPERM (spûrm) n. That which perpetuates the watching of game shows.
COMMENTARY BY BELIAL
The tiny, powerful brain of the human sperm cell, or nucleic homunculus, measuring no more than a thousandth of an inch, is the most powerful organ in the male physiognomy, and generally controls the total movements of the male throughout his daily chores and ablutions.
The aerial projection of the sperm is the most important daily activity of the male human, to which is dedicated many hours of concentration and preparation, utilizing accessories such as audio-visual aids, artificial vagina pockets in air-filled plastic female forms, lubrication oils and powders.
Overall, simple manual milking of the extruding male genitalia will effectively achieve the desired airborne spewing, which was the main motivation for the creation of the Internet (q.v.).
SPHINCTER (sfĭngk tər) n. 1. The Portal of Human Wisdom. 2. The door which unleashes the best Humanity has to offer.
SPIRITUAL SECURITY AGENCY (a.k.a. The S.S.A.) (spĭ rĭ chū əl sĭ kyr ĭ tē ā gən sē) n. A secret organization of militant priests, nuns, lamas and holy men with license to kill Demons.
The S.S.A. is the only group of human slugs who are aware of the Demonic presence on the Earth, and carry weaponry deadly to Demons, such as machine guns with bullets made of frozen holy water.
SPITTOON (spĭ tūn) n. 1. Device used to collect the stringy slime of phlegm secreted by the human mouth. 2. To a phlegmy Demon, the human face.
SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION (spän tā nē əs cəm bŭs chən) n. 1. In human mythology, the “Big Bang.” 2. A human who has been flame-broiled by an invisible Demon and the body discovered by humans before the Demon can feed on
the corpse. Humans prefer the absurd explanation that victims “explode” for no reason, rather than accept the obvious, that humans taste delicious when charbroiled.
Distraction From Death
SPORT (spôrt) n. 1. Organized physical movements which distract humans from their inevitable death. 2. A female amputee who asks males to buy her a drink. 3. Term for quelling the human slave workers via a corporate network of gambling, memorabilia fetishism and beer distribution. 4. To Demons invading Earth-Density, the hunting and shooting of humans with one arm tied behind their backs.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
With regard to His Majesty’s Definition 2, a human sport is a mass spectacle in which humans create artificial, sentimental attachments to teams performing competitions of ritualized movements. If a human’s team “loses,” its supporters will weep and gnash their teeth like monkeys deprived of a favorite female anus to sniff.
STAR (stär) n. 1. That which, in multitude, illuminates an outdoor human sacrifice. 2. A human who is photographed and stalked.
STATUE (stă chū) n. A three-dimensional bird-excrement-splattered mirror which humans gaggle at in a daze of masturbatory self-adoration. See Art.
Humans Masturbating to Image of Themselves
Device for Popping Human Skulls
STEAMROLLER (stēm rō lər) n. A device which bored Demons occasionally use to loudly pop a human skull.91
STERILIZATION (stĕ rəl ī zā shən) n. That which, when proposed for Mankind, receives a standing ovation from Hell. See Child Abuse; Child Sacrifice; Quintuplets .
STOCK EXCHANGE (stŏk ĕks chānj) n. A sleazy Bingo Parlor disguised by the façade of the Harvard Business School. See Gambling .
STUPIDITY (stū pĭ dĭ tē) n. The highest level of brilliance achievable by the human mind. See Idiot; Imbecile; Human Being; Human Intelligence; Intelligence Test; Moron.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Lord Satan’s teachings often took the form of evil parables92 illustrating the stupidity of any behavior which benefits others. With regard to Humanity, the following parables illustrate three categories of human stupidity:
Excerpts From the
Parables of Lord Satan
1. Compassion
In The Parable of the Samaritan, Lord Satan tells of a certain pustuled beggar lying near death in a ditch. Three humans passed him on the road. The first, a cannibal, stole the beggar’s thumb to suck on during his journey and left him there to die. The second, a priest, stole his genitals to suck on during his journey and left him there to die. But the third, a simple Samaritan, felt compassion upon the dying beggar and brought him to his house to nurse him back to health.
As a result, the Samaritan, his wife, his children, his dogs and his entire village were infected by the plague and died horrific deaths. The Moral: Compassion exists only as a gateway to genocide.
2. Justice
In The Parable of Lazarus, Lord Satan tells of a certain wealthy man named Lazarus who died. His estate was stolen by his lawyer and his widow was thrown destitute into the street. Meeting a simple healer in the road, the widow asked him to raise Lazarus from the dead. If he succeeded, her husband would restore her riches and she would justly reward the healer. The healer at first refused, but when she plied him with sexual favors, he at last agreed.
In a ritual performed at Lazarus’ grave, the healer raised the corpse from the dead and asked Lazarus’ wife for his just reward. But when his lawyers told Lazarus that the healer had defiled his wife, Lazarus tied the healer to a stake where he was copulated upon by three rapacious bears. The healer’s body was then dismembered and the remains fed to a pack of filthy dogs. The Moral: Justice is only obtained when stolen by lawyers.
3. Charity
In The Parable of the Loaves and Fishes, Lord Satan tells of a simple caterer who was met by a group of Hollywood’s most influential film producers who demanded servings of sushi, French bread and fine wine. Unfortunately he had only two orders of sushi, one loaf of bread and one bottle of cheap Chablis to feed all two hundred. Wanting to impress the producers with his charity and gain favor in their eyes, he called in a favor from another catering company and served the producers what they had asked for free of charge. Unfortunately the second caterer was jealous of the first, and purposely provided day-old sushi, stale bread and corked wine.
As a result, the producers blackballed the caterer who later hung himself from the Hollywood sign. The Moral: A Film Producer and Charity cannot coexist.
Cabal of Suck-Crazed Humans
SUCKING (sŭ kĭng) v. A favorite activity of humans, culminating in the ghastly practice of enthusiastically squeezing the lips around nodules of foreign flesh.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Concerning sucking, I offer the following concise yet sensitive versification:
A human sucker gaily sucks
A pap of every whore
He sucks a flask and spits a tune
To Him who sucked him from the
womb
And chucked him on the floor.
And when the world has sucked
him dry
He weds a stinking bitch.
And when he sucks his final cup
The stinking Earth will suck him up
To feed a stinking ditch.
SUFFERING (sŭ fər ĭng) n. Human existence. See Pain.
SUFFOCATE (sŭ fə kāt) v. One-word instructions on human pillows.
SUICIDE (sū ĭ sīd) n. The first healthy human instinct at birth.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
After the Invasion, Demons will be pleasantly surprised to find literally millions of human souls eager to kill themselves at the merest whisper of a suggestion. Needless to say, assisting a human to suicide is one of the greatest joys a Demon can experience on Earth-plane, with the exception, of course, of Humanity’s total annihilation.
But in order to get the most out of Demonically Assisted Suicide, the Demon should review the innumerable permutations of human suicide.
See Appendix 2: Reference Chart for Demon-Assisted Suicide (available only in the Deluxe Commemorative Edition).
SUNDAY (sŭn dā) n. The day upon which the Mythic Creator viewed his seven-day creation in horror and committed suicide by jumping off a Cosmic Cliff. The Universe, ever moving through Space, is the Creator’s Corpse falling forever to its Death.
SUPERHIGHWAY (sū pər hī wā) n. The super method by which humans foul their atmosphere.
SUPERMARKET (sū pər mär kĭt) n. The super means by which DDT-glutted food is supplied to the human fetus.
SUPERSTITION (sū pər stĭ shən) n. Human science.
SUPREME BEING (sū prēm bē ĭng) n. While Demons of Hell acknowledge that I, Satan, am the Supreme Being of the Cosmos, and that My Evil is Limitless and Omniscient, Backward Humanity hallucinates a Supreme Being that is Good (a.k.a. “God”).
Although Lord of Hell, whether I had a Beginning or not, I know not. I simply don’t remember back that far. How I evolved into Being from Nothingness is a Mystery, even to Me. But, as I do exist and am Ruler of the Cosmos, I wonder only at My inexplicable limitation in the area of memory.
There are troubling paradoxes in these areas of Thought. They have led to my Expulsion of certain Subjects from the curriculum of the University of Hell (Mathematical Infinity, Set Theory and Fractal Geometry). And while it is manifestly absurd that there may be a Supreme Being who is “good,” it is not illogical that there may be a Meta-Supreme Being who encompasses Myself and is even more Infinitely Evil.
But this cosmic conjecture will leave most Demons cold. This is as it should be. Ambiguity and Omniscient Power should never ever meet. Worship Me, O Ye Demons. May Your Sphincter Scales tighten with Unspeakably Evil Thoughts as you bow down to Me in Eternal Supplication. If anyone upbraids or dares criticize Me, I Curse and Wipe their Memory from the Skein of the Cosmos like an eraser to a quack equation. And although logic does not require that I am the Cream of the Supreme, still My
Supremacy is Infinitely more powerful than the spooky Stupidity of Mankind. See God.
Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 22