SUPREME COURT (sū prēm kôrt) n. A cult of senile human attorneys deemed “supreme” by attorney-cult worshippers.
SURGERY (sûr jər ē) n. The hacking of the human body by alcoholics.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
Surgery, or the slicing and gutting of humans with razors, is admired by Demons everywhere, the most exquisite expression of which is called the lobotomy (q.v.).
SURREALISM (sə rē əl ĭ zəm) n. The consensus slur of human reality. See Reality.
SUSPECT (sŭs pĕkt) n. The beloved friend or spouse of a freshly murdered human.
SUSPENSE (sŭs pĕns) n. That which a human experiences when being eaten by a Demon feet first.
Peppy German Icon
SWASTIKA (swäs tĭ kə) n. See Insignia; Nazi.
SWEAT (swĕt) n. See Perspiration .
SWEETENER (swē tən ər) n. That which a human female spoons into her spouse’s coffee to hide the aftertaste of arsenic.
SYNERGY (sĭn ər jē) n. The unexpected amplification of excellence when two serial killers cooperate on a murder spree.
SYPHILIS (sĭf ĭ lĭs) n. A Pusfilled Legacy of Love.
Magical Fluid Dispenser
SYRINGE (sə rĭnj) n. A tapered node filled with magic fluid which, like a teat putting an infant to sleep, lulls a human into insolent oblivion.
t, T (tē) n. The 20th pictogram in the human alphabet, a joyous symbol representing the tumescent male member being blocked by a plastic diaphragm.
TABOO OF EARTH-DENSITY (tă bū) n. Lord Satan’s Ancient Decree, since rescinded, forbidding Demons any intercourse with Earth and the creatures which infest it.
Duplicator of Human Screams
TAPE RECORDER (tāp rĭ kôr dər) n. That which, at worst, duplicates the human voice, and at best, duplicates its screams.
TATTOO (tă tū) n. 1. Act of self-mutilation by which humans simulate individuality. 2. Convenient way to mark humans for the ovens.
Humans Stupefied by Magical Screen
Diagram of Human Food Gnashers
TEETH (tēth) n. Camouflage term humans use to describe their grotesque food-gnashers, so they can pretend they are not rapacious, flesh-gnawing beasts.
TELESCOPE (tĕl ə skōp) n. Instrument which 1% of Humanity use to peer at the Cosmos, and which 99% use to peer surreptitiously at each other’s stinking genitalia.
TELEVANGELIST (tĕl ə văn jəl ĭst) n. 1. Generally, a Demon transferred to Earth-Density by Satan as a media consultant. 2. A stage magician skilled in pulling coins out of the lesions of cancer victims. 3. An insidious form of acid which seeps through television sets and eats away the souls and bank accounts of morons (q.v.). See Religion.
TELEVISION (tĕl ə vĭ zhən) n. 1. Magical Screen used to glorify that which is worthless. 2. The Secret Weapon of Hell which will facilitate the Invasion of Earth. See America; Anti-Christ; Consumer; Living Room.
TERMINAL PATIENT (tûr mĭ nəl pā shənt) n. Philanthropist who sends a doctor’s children to Ivy League universities. See Doctor.
Male Brain Hemispheres
TESTICLES (tĕs tĭ kəlz) n. The distinct hemispheres of the male human brain. See Penis.
THEOLOGY (thē ä lə jē) n. The study of con men who speak Latin.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Theology, a beautiful Diagram of Human Idiocy, is based upon the illogical concept that an Omniscient, Infinite Good (God) could also create Infinite Evil (Devil). Such a state of affairs, of course, would be insane. Do humans envision God as a Cosmic Moron, bumblingly creating Evil by mistake? Or as a Cosmic Masochist, purposely stabbing a Dagger in His Own Heart?
If humans were capable of Reason, they would see the absurdity of these conclusions. But since they are not, most branches of human theology require a Mythic Redeemer to save Mankind from Evil. And without a Cosmos filled with Evil, there would be no need for a Redeemer, and thus no need for theology. There is, in fact, no need for either, except in the thought patterns of Humanity, because there is no Infinite Good. There is only Infinite Evil inhabiting the Infinite Levels of Hell, which humans call the “Universe,”93 and is personified by Our Lord Satan. Yet the greatest irony is that Lord Satan Himself is an enthusiastic amateur theologian, whose monographs Proving His Invincibility and Imperial Majesty are marvelous demonstrations of His Ingenious Sophistry, Unequaled Personality and Flawless Iniquity.94
THIEF (thēf) n. A human who respects possessions with such sincerity that he makes others’ his own so that he may then treat them with the respect they deserve. See Crime.
THOUGHT (thôt) n. Excitement from neuron firing in the human brain which simulates knowledge 95 See Typewriter.
COMMEWNTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
Thoughts and thinking are that which clog the human mind and obstruct it from its most cherished activities — eating, killing and fornicating.
Unsevered Flotation Device for Demon Beginner Swimmers
THROAT (thrōt) n. Human body part which, when sliced from the body and gutted, serves as an arm flotation device for Demons at ocean resorts. See Neck.
TIME (tīm) n. The street corner on which humans loiter.
Toilet: Receptacle for Gushing Tubes
TOILET (toi lĭt) n. 1. A hyperbolic term for the human body, which collects the refuse of its environment and carries it around in gushy sacs and tubes which are best left, by Demons with taste, unexplored. 2. Unfortunate inanimate device which humans use to empty their gushy sacs and tubes. 3. Ultimately, the Earth.
COMMENTARY BY LLU CIPHER
It is recommended that Demon Invaders, by way of R & R, magically anthropomorphize human toilets and command them to tell amusing anecdotes of the variety of ways by which humans squeeze fluid and emulsions from their orifices.
TONGUE (tŭng) n. The Conveyor Belt of Tedium.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
When gutting a human, the tongue is the most enjoyable part to detach. You simply pull it out to full length, and then snap shut the jaws.
The Only Worthwhile Human Activity
TORTURE (tôr chər) n., v. The only human activity of substance and worth. See Music.
TRACHEOTOMY (trā kē ä tə mē) n. A hole cut in the esophagus allowing a human with throat cancer the joy of smoking.
COMMENTARY BY LLU CIPHER
Mutilating the body in order to smoke tobacco through an alternate orifice is an example of the synergy of humans and disease which result in hours of wonderful entertainment for the Demon Insurgent. But the smoking of tobacco is not the most imaginative use to which humans have put their tracheotomy neckholes. For spitting phlegm on religious icons, the tracheotomy hole is unparalleled in its accuracy in aiming and propelling fluid projectiles.
Also, for fellatio, the tracheotomy hole may be stretched several inches wide for the insertion of various human sexual appendages, the overall effect being not unlike a human Eskimo’s fornication with a whale’s blowhole.
TRAITOR (trā tər) n. See Unamericanism.
TRAP (trăp) n. 1. To males, a vagina. 2. To female, children. 3. To males and females, marriage. 4. To humans, employment. 5. To entities, incarnation.
TRASH (trăsh) n. See Garbage.
Organic Gallows
TREE (trē) n. That which supplies a natural setting for a hanging.
Attorney Arguing Case in Order to Purchase Cocaine
TRIAL (trī əl) n. That which finances the cocaine, whores and gambling junkets which an attorney requires to practice his trade.
TROPISM (trō pĭ zəm) n. The tendency of humans to inexorably move toward the Radiation of Stupidity.
TRUST (trŭst) n. The unnatural state in which humans refrain from stabbing each other in the back.
TRUTH (trūth) n. To Humanity, the glitter of falsehood.
Tweezing Device
TWEEZERS (twē zərz) n. Device with which female humans pluck out their raggy eyebrows in order to paint on slimy new ones.
TWINS (twĭnz) n. 1. The detestable duplication of a human in the
copy machine of the womb. 2. To Demons, a snack-pack.
Imprinter of Brain Excretion
TYPEWRITER (tīp rī tər) n. That which soils toilet paper with excretions of the human brain. See Writer’s Block.
u, U (yū) n. The Urn into which the rest of the alphabet vomits.
U.F.O. (yū ĕf ō) n. See Flying Saucer.
Instrument Designed to Smash Over Player’s Head
UKULELE (yū kə lā lē) n. That which, when played by a human, should instantly be smashed over the player’s head. See Accordion ; Bagpipe.
UMBILICAL CORD (ŭm bĭl ĭ kəl kôrd) n. That which should be cut only when a newborn baby is suspended over a cliff.
Human Barbecue Device
UMBRELLA (ŭm brĕl ə) n. Invented by Demon pioneer Abra Kadab and intended for human use only. Designed to attract lightning during thunderstorms to instantly cook human flesh.
UNABRIDGED (ŭn ə brĭjd) adj. Type of human literature which has all of its worthless padding intact.
UNAMERICANISM (ŭn ə mĕr ĭ kən ĭ zəm) n. That blasphemy which questions the integrity of the corporate fingerprinting of the populace. See America.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
America (q.v.) is a preeminent freedom cult and the model of many other Earth nations. It is composed of freedom worshippers who love liberty with such alacrity that the cult leaders will enslave the populace to maintain it.
The term unamericanism is a potent mind control tool with which the slave owners label unprofitable concepts. The technique of purposely reversing the meaning of important terms by cult leaders has proven effective in convincing the idiotic human slaves to believe a number of brilliantly evil precepts (e.g. Sugar = Food, Narcotics = Medicine, Sitcom = Humor.)
UNCERTAINTY PRINCIPLE (ŭn sûr tən tē prĭn sə pəl) n. The Omegan Blasphemy which sets limits on the supremacy of measurement by morons.
Before & After Parental Mutilation
UNCIRCUMCISED (ŭn sûr kəm sīzd) adj. A human male who has not been mutilated by his parents at birth.
UNCIVILIZED (ŭn sĭv ə līzd) adj. See Savage.
UNCLEAN (ŭn klēn) adj. See Uncircumcised.
Human Enjoying Unconsciousness
UNCONSCIOUSNESS (ŭn kôn shəs nĭs) n. In human terms, consciousness.
Hell Cosmos, Known to Humans as “Universe”
UNCONSTITUTIONAL (ŭn kôn stĭ tū shən əl) adj. That which blasphemes an absurd list of “rights” written by hemp-intoxicated millionaire slave owners.
UNDERSTUDY (ŭn dər stŭ dē) n. Human who prays nightly for the death of his employer. See Vice President.
UNDERTAKER (ŭn dər tā kər) n. See Mortician.
UNEARTHLY (ŭn ûrth lē) adj. Blessed.
UNIFICATION (yū nə fĭ kā shən) n. That which beautifully sets the stage for division, revolution and mass killings.
UNIVERSE (yū nə vûrs) n.
Literally, The Song of One which, when sung by Humanity, becomes Insipid Muzak. See Cosmology of Hell.
COMMENTARY BY LORD SATAN
Regarding humans, their paltry “universe” may be considered a crypt in which lies Mankind’s corpse. The truth of the matter, incomprehensible to humans, is that the material cosmos is a messy, self-generated Vibrational Flatulence with nothing more profound to say for itself than the blithering credo, “I AM!” And concerning such cosmic solipsistic stupidity, the less said the better.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
As Lord Satan states, that which Mankind designates as the Universe is, of course, nothing more than the limitless parameters of the Hell Cosmos.
In the superstition of Humanity, the stars surrounding their puny existences are a mythic Heaven (q.v.). In truth, of course, there is nothing in existence even vaguely resembling “heaven”; there is only the Ever-Expanding Evil of Lord Satan’s Infinite Black Hell.96
Center for Football and Weapons Design
UNIVERSITY (yū nə vûr sə tē) n. Institution dedicated to the highest achievements in football and weapons design.
Up-and-Coming
UP-AND-COMING (ŭp ănd kŭ mĭng) adj. Soon to be down-and-departing.
URINE (yūr ən) n. The quaint river which endlessly oozes from Mankind.
v, V (vē) n. Pictogram of the wedge necessary to penetrate the thick human skull.
VACATION (vā kā shən) n. A respite in which humans despoil nature. See Sightseeing.
VACUUM (vă kyūm) n. 1. The environs of the human intellect. 2. Quickest way to extract a human fetus.
Saloon Doors of Flesh
VAGINA (və jī nə) n. The saloon doors of flesh which swing open to the ecstasy of heaven and swing out to the excrement of hell.
Obsessed from morning till night by thoughts of the vagina, male humans refer to this nauseating orifice by myriad incomprehensible euphemisms, too numerous and puerile to mention in this concise encyclopedic tome.97 See Penis.
VAGRANCY (vā grən sē) n. The crime of Mankind loitering around and vandalizing a corner of their solar system. See Angel.
VAGUENESS (vāg nĭs) n. The height of specificity achieved by the human brain.
VAN ALLEN BELT (văn ăl lən bĕlt) n. The tacky human term for the Invisible Spiritual Face of Earth, blemished by the Craggy Zit of Mankind.
VANDALISM (văn dəl ĭ zəm) n. The sum of Mankind’s work on Earth.
VAPORIZATION (vā pər ə zā shən) n. The goal of human technology.
Soul-Brokers Headquarters
VATICAN (văt ĭ kən) n. 1. City of bejeweled soul-brokers whose finance charges are called tithings. 2. One of the two prime landing sites for the Invasion of Earth by the Armies of Hell. See Landing Sites; Las Vegas; Papacy; Spiritual Security Agency.
VEDA (va de) n. See Scripture .
VEIN (vān) n. That which, in humans, allows the circulation of bad blood.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
Upon dismembering a human, these tubes spurting blood should be sucked dry immediately to avoid unnecessary mess. And for a superior gourmet experience, I recommend sucking the bluish-black blood moving toward the heart first, followed by the freshly oxygenated blood moving away from the heart. The bitter aftertaste of the blue blood delightfully counterpoints the tangy tingle of the red corpuscles down the throat.
VELOCITY (vəl ŏ sə tē) n. The speed at which the Earth goes nowhere.
VENEREAL DISEASE (vən îr ē əl dĭ zēz) n. See Infection.
VENGEANCE (vĕn jəns) n. Equal and opposite actions reaching equilibrium between two idiots.
Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 23