Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  Walking back from the truck, Lucas stops in front of me and I can tell he doesn’t want to leave me on my own. Ever since he and Kel started dating, he’s been like a brother to me. Looking out for me. Being an ear to my worries and fears throughout this ordeal ever since I met Gavin and how my past has kept us from truly living out of the darkness. I wish he wouldn’t worry so much about me. Kel, too. They deserve happiness.

  “I’ll be fine. It’s only a five minute drive. Go take care of her, Luke.”

  Lucas draws his eyebrows together and looks at me for a while, almost like he’s trying to penetrate my thoughts. Finally he relents and leans in to kiss my head.

  “I’ll have her call you in the morning before we leave. Be safe.”

  Lucas gives me a small, concerned smile and ducks into the car, waving before peeling out of the parking lot and leaving me standing there.

  I blow out a breath, shaking my head to forget the concerned look on Lucas’ face just a minute ago. I hate that everyone around me is concerned for me now that Bryce has come back. As I’m heading towards the street, I feel my phone ding in my pocket. I don’t get a chance to check the message before my phone starts to ring and I see Gavin calling. A smile crosses my lips as I answer.

  “Miss me?” I press the button to cross the street as I speak.

  “More than you know, baby. You heading home yet?”

  His gravelly voice makes the best kind of goosebumps cover my arms and I bite my lower lip as I wait for the lights to change, thinking about the shower we had this morning. A mixture of steam, heat, and Gavin left me wanton for more.

  “I’ll be there soon, I promise. I was thinking we should try a shower again. I don’t think I got very clean.”

  I can almost feel the heated gaze I know Gavin has right in this moment.

  “I can get you clean, but it might take two or three tries. How far away are you, baby?”

  I see the light change and I move towards the street, walking across.

  “Five minutes tops.”

  “I can’t wait to see you,” Gavin whispers in my ear. I look up from the street in front of me when I hear the roar of an engine while the light is still red. All the breath leaves me as I see a black SUV driving straight down the street I’m standing on and the vehicle is not slowing down.

  “Gavin!” I scream, my voice dying in my throat as the vehicle gets closer by the millisecond. Terror sets in, but I’m frozen in my effort to move. A small part of me knows exactly who is behind the wheel. It has to be Bryce. He’s found me.

  I see Gavin’s smile in my mind just as shooting pain through my legs stop me from breathing. His face is all I see before my eyes close.

  * * *

  I slowly regain consciousness and my mind feels foggy, as if I’ve been dreaming. My arms and legs feel heavy, weighted down and as I try to move and stretch my limbs, I can’t seem to move them. It’s almost as if they’re restrained, tied down in some way. How is that possible? Unease begins to lace my thoughts and my heart beats a mile a minute as I hear footsteps far away from me. It takes every ounce of my strength to force my eyes open and keep them open. I scan the room I’m in, the bedroom in Gavin’s and my penthouse, but somehow it doesn’t feel like I’ve ever placed foot in the decadently furnished space before. A sense of such dread runs through my veins when I smell the musky scent of Old Spice cologne close to me and the overwhelming smell of coffee in the air. What is going on? Oh God, no. Bryce.

  “Ah, she’s awake. Hello, Princess,” A deep voice says and when darkened brown eyes meet mine, filled with no emotion whatsoever, my world stops. My whole body is screaming No! I try to be reasonable. This is a nightmare; this has to be a nightmare. Somehow, with the pain emanating from my right ankle up my leg and ending in the pit of my stomach—I know this is reality. I’m tied to the bed by cutting rope, by my hands and my feet and I know there’s no way I can untie them myself. I’m trapped.

  My skin crawls with such dread and my heart races with panic as my tormentor stalks toward me with a mug from the kitchen. It’s black with a Chicago Bears logo across the front of it. Somehow, focusing on something so trivial makes it easier for me to suck precious air into my lungs. My hands shake when I see Bryce’s unchanged face and as he reaches me, his eyes scan over my body slowly, his mouth parts as he blatantly stares at my breasts.

  I shake uncontrollably, pricks of dread covering my skin. A black sheet is wrapped around my body and I thank God for that, though the sheet only covers the bottom half of my body. As I watch him approach me, I struggle against the rope binding me and open my mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. Bryce stalks closer and stares down at me with lifeless eyes. I remember seeing a spark of mischief in them when I first met him in high school, how handsome and mysterious I thought he was. Now, I realize that all that was an act he showed me to reel me close. This man staring at me is nothing but a heartless person that strives on controlling others. I try to take deep breaths; try to pretend his staring isn’t making me want to run as fast as I can. I’ll get away from him, but first I have to convince him to let me go. God, how did he get in here? Surely, someone will hear me if I scream…

  “Bryce, w-what are you doing here? Please, please let me go!” I almost scream, struggling in vain against the restraints. Panic and fear consume me and the pain of the rope cutting my skin and the sting of broken flesh on my wrists is nothing compared to my fear of what’s to come now that he has me all alone, unprotected.

  I fought my way back. I climbed and suffered and finally found such happiness again. This can’t be happening!

  “Scream all you want, Ari. I told you, you’re mine. No one can hear you now,” Bryce says, opening the bedside drawer and producing a thick roll of duct tape. It’s the darkest shade of green, almost perfectly matching his tie.

  “I will keep you quiet if I need to, but for what I have in mind, I want to hear you, Princess. You got away from me before, but now, you’re mine. Forever.” He growls, and my stomach burns with the need to empty its contents as I force myself to swallow. Gavin will find me; he has to find me…

  I watch as Bryce gets up and holds the tape in front of my eyes, then his hand forcefully, painfully grasps my chin and he forces my eyes on his.

  “Will you stay quiet until I say so? Or do I need to tape your mouth shut?”

  Hastily, fearfully, I nod my head in an up-down motion and tears fall from my cheeks as I stop struggling. I’m helpless. There is no way he will stop this time. My only hope is Gavin. He will find me. He promised to keep me safe. I remember his words so vividly in my mind. “I won’t let him take you, Aria. I don’t care what I have to do, but I promise you, you’ll be safe. Please, believe me”

  “Good girl, Ari.”

  The man who’s tormented my nights for so long stands in front of me and unbuttons his suit jacket, his dress shirt underneath and then before I know it, he’s naked from the waist up and he climbs on top of me, his hand going on top of my mouth to stop my scream of terror.

  No! Gavin! Gavin, help me! I scream inwardly but as the sheet is torn away from me and he takes his hand off my mouth, I know I have no power to stop him.

  “Please, Bryce. I don’t want this, you almost broke me before. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anyone—”

  Suddenly, a large hand goes down harshly across my face, slapping me with such force that I cry out in pain, and he hits me again, again, again. One blow blends into another and the spread of pain is too much to bear. I try to turn my face away, to curl into myself like I used to when his anger got the best of him in the very beginning. Back then I thought the beatings were my fault. Back then I was naive and young.

  The blows don’t stop and the pain is almost too much to take as he grips my hips, hurting me and I hear the loud zipper of his pants. Oh, God, no! I will myself to stop him, to kick and scream and I do. I scream against every attempt to move my legs open. I kick against his hands gripping my thighs.

 
“No! God, let me go! Let me go!”

  I finally manage to scream vocally, hot tears stream down my face as I cry silently; willing Gavin to come and save me from this monster and then the darkness consumes me, silencing the paralyzing pain.

  Thirty Two

  I HEAR VOICES AS THE WEIGHT of darkness starts to ebb away from my mind and body, replaced with such pain in my face, hands, and stomach that I struggle to pull one small breath of air into my lungs.

  “Is she going to be okay?” I know it is Gavin’s voice with all my heart. I would recognize his voice anywhere. His voice is laced with such fear that I want to reach out and comfort him, hold him. But, I can’t. My eyelids are too heavy to open and my limbs are impossible to move with such pain ratcheting my body. My mind is foggy and all I feel is Gavin’s hand holding mine, squeezing tight and keeping me from falling back under the darkness.

  “She’s been beaten badly, but thankfully we got to her before anything worse could happen to her. She has broken ribs, cuts and bruises, but they will heal. It could be hours until she wakes up and then we’ll be able to tell if she’s suffered any emotional or mental damage. We’ll do some tests to make sure she hasn’t lost any blood we’re not aware of and that there hasn’t been head trauma.” I recognize the voice, Nurse Maggie whom I met at Memorial the night of Gavin’s accident. My entire body wants to sleep, my eyelids heavier by the second and though I yearn to stay awake and squeeze Gavin’s hand in mine or to hear his voice again, I drift.

  The sound of monotone beeping wakes me from the heavy fog covering my body, and when I hear his voice again, I struggle with every ounce of strength I have inside me to open my eyes.

  “This is all my fault, Mom. I left her alone and now, Fuck, what if he—” I hear the anguish in his voice when it breaks. When I hear his muffled sobs, I can’t take the sound. It tears at my heart to hear him so upset.

  I struggle and I fight the dark cloud of unconsciousness even more so I can find a way back to him.

  “Shh, honey. She’s going to wake up, I promise you.”

  With the last shred of strength I have, I lift my heavy eyelids and the blindingly bright light makes my head pound in agony. But then everything clears and I see Gavin, dressed in a white button down dress shirt and a dark pair of denim jeans, his brown hair tousled and messy and his face is pressed into his mother’s brown hair as she holds him tight by the doorway. I try to clear my thoughts. A million questions come to the front of my mind. Where am I? How did I get here? What’s happening?

  My throat feels as if I’ve been starved of water for at least a week. I open my mouth, willing myself to say something, but all that comes out is a choking cough that makes my stomach flip and my head to pound even more as my eyes adjust to the lit room I’m in. I’m lying face up on a singular bed surrounded by two stools and machines, wires, needles, an I.V. draw connected to my hand and another one to the inside of my left forearm. I must be at the hospital. I try to remember why or how I got here, but my head is foggy from whatever is in the I.V.

  I see Gavin’s mother whisper something in his ear and then he lifts his head and turns around to face me in the next second. His blue-gray eyes that are filled with so many conflicting emotions—love, fear, guilt, worry, sadness—meet mine and it feels like coming home. Love is so evident in his steely gaze; it banishes all thoughts from my mind as we stare at each other for long moments. Inwardly, I rejoice. He’s really here with me.

  He runs straight toward me, then drops to his knees right next to me, his eyes fierce upon mine as he grasps my hand in both of his and kisses my palm gratefully. The contact makes my pulse thrum faster and I barely feel the pain when he strokes my face with gentle fingers.

  “Aria, baby, thank God, you’re awake.” I gaze up at him and I see tears running down his ruggedly handsome face. I yearn to reach out to him, but both my hands are captured in his. I open my mouth, wanting to say something, but all I can do is squeeze his hand in mine infinitesimally and mouth “water” to him. Gavin nods, his hands leaving mine for a matter of seconds as he goes to the foot of the bed and pours me a glass of water from a navy blue pitcher on a table. I see the wrinkled shirt he’s wearing and realize what he must have gone through. God, how long have I been out of it? What Gavin must have gone through, my body shakes in such dread at the thought of it.

  “Here, baby. Take it slow, your throat might be a little dry after the pain medication you’ve had over the last few days,” he says, his voice laced with such happiness and such fear at the same time. He lifts the tip of the cup to my lips and I drink, almost moaning at the relief of the cool replenishing water down my dry throat. When he pulls it away and puts it down on the table once more, he grasps my hand again and tears build in my eyes at the relief of his touch.

  “G-Gavin” is all I can get out before a sob slips out of my mouth and I feel the dam start to burst open at the overwhelming feelings threatening to consume me. He looks absolutely shaken, but the love in his eyes is stronger than ever.

  “Beautiful, no.”

  He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my temple, wiping away my tears as I take a deep breath, trying to grasp reality.

  “Shh, please don’t cry. I’m here, and I love you so goddamn much. Please baby, don’t cry.”

  I clutch onto him as he gently wraps his arms around me and presses his nose to my hair. He breathes me in and a shudder goes through his body.

  “I am so sorry, baby,” Gavin says and pulls back to gently cup my cheek. The concern in his eyes makes me want to close my eyes to hide from it.

  “What happened, Gavin? Why am I here?”

  His eyes blink as if he’s surprised and he looks back to his mother before answering me. She steps forward and comes to the side of the bed next to him.

  “You don’t remember what happened?” she asks, her voice soft as if she’s talking to a child. I look between both of them and shake my head. Confusion starts to cloud my thoughts as I realize I’m missing something big about whatever happened to put me here. I try to decipher what I do remember. I remember standing on the street and I was so excited to go home to Gavin. I remember saying goodbye to Kel only moments before. But after that? Nothing.

  Gavin looks up to the ceiling for a moment, as if saying a silent prayer and then dips his head to kiss the top of my head.

  “It’s going to be OK. I promise you, Beautiful.”

  * * *

  Gavin

  I watch silently as Dr. Lee, the very same doctor who treated me only a few short months ago, checks my girl over. When he lifts her chin to examine the yellowing bruises across her cheek bone and eyes, I want to jump out of my skin knowing she’s in pain from that fucker. Bryce Williams. When we found the abandoned cabin where he was hiding Aria, all I was focused on was getting her out of there alive. But Spencer knew to be prepared. I see Aria’s eyes close as she flinches away from the doctor and I know if Spencer hadn’t shot the man responsible—I would have. I would have killed him.

  Blowing out a breath, I start to pace up and down the hospital corridor, impatient to go back in there with her. Being away from her after the torture of these last twenty four hours is almost too much to take. Christ, I could have lost her.

  “Mr. Thomas?” I hear the doctor’s voice and turn to face him. Shadows cover his face and somehow I know the news he has for me will be worse than I can imagine. Wringing his hands together, he clears his throat and steps forward.

  “I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, Mr. Thomas but your girlfriend—”

  “Aria. Her name is Aria,” I say, not liking that the only term he uses is girlfriend. She means much more to me than just a girlfriend. She’s my entire world.

  Dr. Lee nods and a small smile, though grave, crosses his pale face.

  “I’m so sorry, Mr. Thomas. Aria—she lost her baby. With the trauma of the accident, there is no way to know when—”

  Suddenly, it feels like my mind is splintering apart in an effort t
o un-hear what he is saying. His words are like a foreign language and I struggle to piece them together to make any sense. Aria lost the baby… the baby… God, please don’t let this be happening…

  I drop to my knees and feel as if my entire world has been taken from me before I captured it. My heart stops for a few beats in an effort to protect itself from the pain of what I am trying to come to grips with. Aria, Christ she was pregnant. Pregnant. She’d been carrying our child and that monster caused her to lose it. Blinding, unrelenting rage overwhelms me, strips me.

  “Fuck!” I yell and slam my hands to the wall for support. My shoulders shake violently as I sob for the gift that was stolen from me, from Aria.

  I don’t know how much time passes before the doctor places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently. As if to tell me everything will be OK. But how could anything be OK again? I let this fucking happen. I’d vowed to protect her and I had failed.

  “I take it you didn’t know?”

  I look over at him with water filled eyes and barely shake my head. I can’t remember the last time I truly cried, but finding out that we’d lost our child brings the worst kind of pain. The weight in my chest has a vise grip around my heart and keeps squeezing. It is unbearable.

  However, the worst of it is knowing what this loss will do to Aria. Silently, I make a solemn vow to myself and to the beautiful girl laying only feet away from where I stand.

  I will get her through this, I’ll get us through this and then I’ll give her as many babies as she wants. No matter how long it takes, I won’t ever let go.

  My hands shake as I open the door and walk straight to where Aria is sitting up on her uninjured side. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, the way she always wears it after a shower or the rare mornings she indulges in a bath. The memories of those times give me strength for what’s to come.

  “How are you feeling, baby? Any pain?” I lean down and kiss the soft skin of her forehead and she reaches up to slide her fingers through my hair. They massage the back of my scalp as she sighs in contentment.