Upload

by Chris Gladstone

  "Right. That will certainly occupy my time on the way up."

  I just hoped I could pull it off for Julian and Tiani's sake. I began to choke up when I realised that I wasn't just grieving for Kiera, I was also grieving for myself, for the loss of my own body.

  I realised that that raised another dilemma. Sometime in the future when I uploaded to my own un-imprinted clone, Kiera's body would become vacant. In one sense she would be alive, Kiera's body but with no mind. I wondered if there were any protocols in place to deal with that situation. Would she be euthanised, or would she have to be kept alive until she died naturally?

  Focus, Luke. Let's just think about how Kiera would react to Julian's and Tiani's situation. Focus.

  Chapter 30

  I sat on the floor staring at the sapioid that held Julian's consciousness. After the upload, Jack and I had moved him on to one of the bunks in the living module. Every now and then he would twitch, but according to Jack, it would be ten minutes before he opened his eyes.

  The upload had gone without incident. I wriggled around in an effort to make myself more comfortable, turning a little towards the opposite wall. I found myself gazing through a large picture window, crafted using 3-D holography. It featured a tranquil scene of a deep, blue lake, surrounded by trees gently swaying in the breeze. A sailboat, with its scarlet sail billowing, skimmed the water, creating a rippling wake. I could almost hear the waves lapping the shoreline. The scene soothed and comforted me. Jack's voice broke my reverie, just as the boat disappeared around the headland.

  "Tiani is on her way now. It's looking good." He paused in the doorway. "I've been thinking about Kiera."

  "Oh?" What now? I unwillingly tore my eyes from the holographic window, stood up, and stretched my cramped limbs.

  "Once you're transferred back to your own body, Kiera's body will still be alive, and it will still contain her identity spherule."

  "What difference does that make?" My right hand instantly strayed to my neck, and I could feel a small hard lump there.

  "Technically and legally, she is still Kiera. Even though the spherule only contains her genome, records of genetic modifications, and her bio-electric password, somewhere in the future it might be possible to re-programme her. If we could get it to work, we could fill her in on the details of her life."

  "That's insane, besides being impossible, Jack. Without her own memories and experiences, she would be a totally different person. She wouldn't be Kiera." Great Universe, is he becoming irrational? Is he finally cracking under the stress of everything that has happened? What will I do if he is?

  Jack rattled on, "All the basics would be there. You could probably make her fall in love with you all over again." He leaned on the door frame looking decidedly cheerful.

  Something snapped inside, and I exploded, "You can't make someone fall in love with you. You of all people should know that, Jack!"

  Jack straightened, and without a word, turned and walked away.

  I had spoken the unspeakable, kept locked away inside for three lifetimes. Invisible threads dissolved. The Universe broke apart around me, and an unspeakable grief overwhelmed me. "Jack! Jack!" Only Julian's eyes fluttering open prevented me from going after him.

  "Where…Feel strange…Hey, Mum?"

  I swallowed hard. "Yes, sweetheart?" Further words stuck in my throat. He made to get up, but I put my hand on his chest. "No Julian, don't get up, it's too soon." I tried to smile.

  "Why? Something's not…" He held up his hand and examined it. His expression transformed into horror. "But…this…not me."

  I reached out and touched his frightened face just like Kiera used to when he was sick as a child. I tried to think of something soothing to say. "It's only temporary, Julian. We'll be able to transfer you into a sapioid that will look just like you, later on." I smoothed his blonde hair back. He gazed back at me and smiled.

  "Good old, Mum. Hey, where's Dad? I think he spoke to me. I can't…think…can't remember what he told me." He looked so lost. I had to be careful. "Yes, he did, sweetheart, but he's gone back into hiber-sleep." I tried to give him a reassuring smile.

  "Why?" His eyes fluttered closed and he went still. I panicked.

  "Jack! Jack––I need help. Something is wrong with Julian." I heard running feet, and Jack pelted through the door. Just as he reached us, Julian's eyes opened.

  "Hey, Uncle Jack, what are you doing here?" He made another attempt to sit up.

  I reached out to stop him, but Jack grabbed my hand.

  "He's okay to sit up, Kiera," he said, without looking at me. He slipped his hand underneath Julian's left shoulder. "Just sit up slowly, Julian."

  As my son sat up, Jack, still refusing to meet my eyes, said, "He's alright, Kiera, don't mollycoddle him." His tone was terse and admonishing.

  I watched him help Julian to his feet.

  "Let's see if you can stand up by yourself. Take my arm if you need to." He let go of Julian and stepped back.

  "Still…a bit…wobbly." Julian stood and looked around. "This is the ship. I remember now. Is there…a mirror?…want to see what I look like now." He giggled, "It feels…strange." He took a few shaky steps.

  Jack took his arm. "There's a mirror next door." He guided Julian towards the door.

  "Jack! Is that wise?"

  "It's fine. He has to know some time." He and Julian disappeared. I followed them into the bathroom.

  Julian studied himself in the mirror. He turned around and flashed me a wicked grin. "Is that the best you could do, Mum? It doesn't look anything like me."

  "It's the best your dad could do. Don't blame me."

  "Oh well, I guess it's only temporary. So, have I got the process right, Uncle Jack? I'll be uploaded when my body's ready?"

  My stomach clenched, and I glanced at Jack. His face remained passive.

  "Not exactly, Julian, but don't worry about it now. Come back next door, and I'll check you out to make sure everything's okay." He took Julian's arm and guided him back to the living module. Jack didn't meet my gaze once. I had become invisible.

  I sat and watched Jack run through a series of tests to make sure everything was functioning normally. Julian and Jack chatted on as though they were sitting in our kitchen back on Earth.

  Jack, over the years, had become part of our family. Julian and Tiani, from a very early age, had called him Uncle Jack. Kiera had insisted he be present at the births of both of them. I'd been put out about it, but the expression on his face when we'd given him Julian to hold dissolved it all away. Jack's face had radiated an ecstatic joy suffused with tenderness and love. I didn't object a second time. He'd watched them grow from babies into young adults.

  A horrible thought struck me; everything had changed. In some ways, they were no longer my children. What a ridiculous thought, but I couldn't shake the emotions the idea generated. They began to spill to the surface. As I sat watching them laughing and talking, my eyes began to water up. Perhaps I was becoming Kiera. As the tears spilled down my cheeks, I wiped them away—but not quickly enough.

  "Hey, Mum, don't cry. Everything will turn out okay," Julian turned to Jack, "Won't it, Uncle Jack?"

  Jack, keeping his expression neutral, said, "Sure, Julian. Will you two be okay while I go and check on Tiani?" He was still refusing to look at me.

  Julian frowned. "Are you guys okay?"

  Jack smiled. "Yes, Julian, we're okay." He met my eyes for the first time since I'd shouted at him. But his smile had a falseness about it, a lack of depth. I stared back, drained by his emptiness and simply nodded.

  "No, something is wrong. I mean hey, I might be in a different body, but my mind is still the same. What's going on?" He folded his arms and kept looking at each of us, alternately.

  No one could ever fool Julian. He'd always been exceptionally perceptive, and he often picked up underlying emotional currents his sister frequently missed. I swallowed. Great Universe, what explanation could I safely give?

 
"We had a slight disagreement, but it's all settled now isn't it, Kiera?" Jack unfolded his arms and smiled his empty smile.

  "Absolutely! You'd better go and check on Tiani in case she wakes up and wanders off."

  Without another word, Jack vanished through the door. I breathed a sigh of relief––too soon.

  "I can see it's not." Julian folded his arms. "What's happened, Mum? What's going on?" He stood, came over and put one arm round my shoulder, and gave me a squeeze.

  I shrivelled inside. "I'll tell you some other time, but not now, sweetheart. Jack might need help with Tiani, so I'd better go and check. Help—" I trailed off. ‘Great Universe!’ I nearly said help yourself to some food, or tea and coffee. I turned away; the basic units Julian and Tiani had been uploaded into weren't equipped to eat and drink. They were only meant to be used in emergencies. True sentioid and sapioid bodies were more sophisticated, and we would be able to manufacture them after landing using the ship's equipment. I had to turn away momentarily to prevent myself from breaking down.

  I covered it by heading towards the door. When I reached it, I turned and said, "Sit and relax, or walk around if you like, but stay here. I'll come and get you when Tiani is awake." I made a quick exit before he could reply. Too close, Luke. Far too close.

  I hurried over to Jack, busily unplugging a myriad of leads. "Jack, please stop. You're upsetting Julian. If you keep this up, you'll upset Tiani as well. If you can't do it for me, at least do it for my children." His cold gaze pierced my insides with icy crystals. "Please… Please Jack. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

  Jack's face softened a little, and just at that moment Tiani gave a sigh and opened her eyes. I went over to her side and stroked her face.

  "Just lay still, Ti. We'll move you to somewhere more comfortable in a few minutes." I watched as her expression changed from passive to one of pure panic. I'd been afraid this would happen. "Jack?" He'd always been better at calming Tiani down than either I or her mother.

  "Hey Ti. Don't worry, Uncle Jack's here." He patted her shoulder.

  Her expression transformed into recognition. "Uncle…Jack…Jack…really you?" She raised a shaky hand and took hold of his arm.

  "Yes, it's really me, or it was the last time I checked." He grinned down at her. She managed a weak smile.

  I realised I'd been holding my breath. I let out a gush of air and followed it up with a couple of deep gulps while I continued to stroke her face. I let out a long sigh of relief, but it turned out to be premature. When Tiani met my eyes, her face flooded with fear and she began to scream—long, high-pitched animal screams.

  Julian shot through the door and raced over. Before either of us could stop him, he shoved me out of the way and scooped up Tiani. Cradling her in his arms, he began rocking her backwards and forwards while making soothing sounds. She continued to scream.

  "Zark, Jack, do something," I yelled.

  Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. He pressed the top button. Tiani's screams ceased. Her face became a passive mask as she went limp in Julian's arms.

  "What the hell's with the box, Uncle Jack?" Julian laid her inert form down and stood staring at us, his hands characteristically on his hips. "Tell me what's just happened." His voice was full of a quiet fury.

  Jack slipped the box back into his pocket before replying, "I switched her to sleep mode. Her adjustment to the download will continue normally. She'll be okay when it's complete. Calm down, Julian, or you'll upset your own integration."

  Julian contemplated his sister's still form. "That's not Tiani." His voice was full of conviction. "It doesn't look anything like her. It's not her. It can't be. She doesn't scream like that. She wouldn't scream like that." He began to shake.

  I reached across to give him a hug, but he batted me away. His face twisted with horror.

  "You're not Mum, either. You're all imposters." He started to back away from us.

  I didn't know what to do.

  Jack did. He reached into the other pocket and whipped out a duplicate box. Julian went limp. Jack rushed forward and caught him before he fell—and eased him to the floor.

  "Bloody Zark, Jack." I rushed forward and bent down over the prone form. "What have you done?"

  "What was necessary." His face remained impassive.

  "I thought you said we couldn't turn them off until they'd stabilised." I grabbed his arm, but he shrugged me off.

  "They're not off, they're in sleep mode." He turned away from me and went over to Tiani. He started plugging leads back in. Refusing to meet my eyes, he said, "Give me some bloody credit, I know what I'm doing."

  I stood with my hands on my hips. "Explain to me what you're doing."

  "Sleep mode won't hurt them; it will simply slow down the integration process. Julian's is almost complete anyway. Tiani's will take a bit longer. Just leave me alone and let me get on with it." His face was flushed with anger.

  Great Universe, doubts crawled into my brain like cockroaches. Perhaps we were all deluded; perhaps none of us were who we thought we were. A wave of queasiness saturated me, as Tiani's screams echoed through my mind, accompanied by the image of Julian's horrified face.

  I wanted it to end. I wanted to just close my eyes and not be here. I had never seen Jack so unemotional; he could have been an automaton. I didn't know how to deal with it. Overwhelmed with exhaustion, I went back to the living unit. I laid down on the bunk Julian had vacated. I would just close my eyes for a few minutes…just a few minutes…just…

  I jerked back into awareness. Somebody was shaking my shoulder. "Dad, you need to wake up." I opened my eyes. Tiani's face, lit with a brilliant smile, came into focus.

  "Tiani, you're alright! Thank the great…" I trailed off. She sat down next to me as I sat up and swung my legs to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her. Relief and joy surged through me as she flung her arms around me. We held one another in a long, tight hug. Finally, we untangled ourselves and stood up. "How's your brother?"

  "I'm fine," Julian said, from the doorway.

  Jack's head appeared around the door frame. "We're all fine." He followed Julian into the room. "You've been asleep for around two hours. Do you feel better now, Luke?" He smiled; a genuine smile––one filled with warmth and feeling. I smiled back as threads reconnected and stabilised. We were whole once more. Finally, it registered. He'd called me Luke. Great Universe! They knew.

  Chapter 31

  Everyone began talking at once. Jack held his hands up in front of himself to quieten us. We stood facing one another, breathless, bright eyed and smiling.

  "How did you two find out?" I faced Jack. "Did you tell them?"

  "No." He folded his arms and became serious. "Tiani knew. That's why she started screaming." Jack dropped his arms to his side. "You explain, Tiani."

  Tiani's expression became thoughtful and she drew in a deep breath. "I'm not sure I can." She reached up and began twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "I just knew it was you, Dad, and that something had happened to Mum." She screwed up her face in an attempt to stop herself from crying. "Oh, Dad, this wasn't supposed to happen. If something went wrong, we were all supposed to go together, weren't we?" She began to cry. I cradled her in my arms and held her while she sobbed. I spotted Jack trying to surreptitiously wipe his face. A staunch Julian stemmed his emotions by biting his lip.

  "What did you tell them, Jack?"

  Tiani's sobs were beginning to subside. She let go of me and turned to Jack, wiping her face with her sleeve.

  "The truth, Luke, as gently as I could. Tiani had stabilised by the time I woke her, but she still insisted you were her dad."

  "I don't know why, Dad, but I felt certain it was you. It was so weird; almost like I had x-ray vision and could see through to you, inside Mum's body." She gave me a sad little smile.

  "I have a theory," Julian said, in a quiet voice. "I think it has something to do with linking. I mean..." He paused to gather his thoughts. "Directly linki
ng with someone while they're in suspension is pretty unusual, isn't it? I don't know of any documented accounts of it being done. Has it been done before, Uncle Jack?" He went and put his arm around his sister's shoulder.

  "Not that I'm aware of. It's possible we've created an entirely unique process. Your dad and I might be famous in the future." Jack put his hand on his chin. His face took on a thoughtful expression. "There may be a residual effect, post linking that creates some sort of psychic connection." He went to the water dispenser, pulled a cup from the chute, filled it, and took a deep swig.

  "It's strange, but I feel certain Mum hasn't gone, that she is still here somewhere." Tiani met my eyes, twirling her hair again. "You feel that too, don't you Dad?"

  What should I say to her? I'd had a steadily growing niggle I couldn't shake. Williamson's cryptic message kept coming back to haunt me, ' Kiera is with me now.' Like Tiani, I too had an overwhelming feeling she wasn't gone. I knew, if I searched, I would find her. I'd kept trying to dismiss the thoughts, putting them down to grief, denial and wishful thinking. They'd persisted in spite of my efforts to put them to rest and strengthened as time had passed.

  "Yes, that's exactly what I feel."

  Jack frowned. "I know it's what you want to believe, but she is dead. You can't bring her back." He leapt up, strode to the door, and stood with his hand out—waiting to usher us through. "Okay, it's time to get everyone back to sleep."

  Nobody moved.

  "No, Uncle Jack." Tiani turned to me. "I'm going to help Dad to look for Mum."

  "So am I." Julian walked over to join us.

  We were now a conspiracy of three.

  "You can't be serious." Jack shook his head as his expression became one of incredulity. "Bloody hell, you're all deluded. I'm going back to sleep."

  "Please help us, Uncle Jack. You're the only one that can." Tiani gave him one of her best classic pleading looks. An amazing feat, considering she inhabited an android barely resembling her. I could see Jack beginning to waver. Tiani always had had him wrapped around her little finger.