A Mighty Dawn

by Theodore Brun

  ‘Bragi’s cock, it’s cold!’ Kai’s exclamation was followed by an absurdly loud sneeze. Erlan looked down into his face. Even buried under a mountain of furs, he looked half-starved and half-frozen.

  Solitude might well be a road to freedom. But he wasn’t alone.

  ‘If you weren’t such a stubborn bastard, you could’ve been tucked up with one of your lithe little milkmaids.’

  ‘Now there’s a thought to warm the heart,’ replied Kai. ‘Still, I came along to get my blade wet, not watch my fingers fall off.’ He blew into cupped hands. ‘We’ve been a week on the trail and still not a shadow of ’em.’

  ‘Turn back whenever you want.’

  Kai didn’t answer. Erlan pulled up. ‘Well?’

  ‘Baaah!’ groaned Kai. ‘Couldn’t do that. You’re such a bloody awful cook, you’d poison yourself ’fore you got within fifty leagues of the princess. And Sviggar’d have me on a spit!’

  ‘Your scrawny arse would make a poor feast.’ Erlan shook his head, wondering why he indulged the lad.

  Back in Uppsala, he had left the king’s council, headed straight for the stables, heart storming, while his head planned the journey’s provisions. Before all else, he wanted horses. He’d picked out a sleek black mare and a strong bay stallion, and set about making them ready. He was so deep in his preparations he didn’t hear the voice behind him.

  ‘Master?. . . Master?. . . Erlan!’ Finally he turned. Kai was standing there, still catching his breath.

  ‘Go away,’ said Erlan.

  ‘But I just heard you’re going after the princess.’

  ‘By the hanged! Folk can’t keep anything from your flapping ears, can they?’ Irritably, he slung a blanket over the stallion’s rump.

  ‘Not if I can help it. Now, I’ve been thinking about what we’ll need—’

  ‘We don’t need anything. I’m going alone.’

  ‘Alone? But you can’t. . . I don’t understand.’

  ‘What’s so hard to grasp, boy?’ he snarled. ‘The king sends a man to pursue his enemy. He chose me. I go alone. If I succeed, the king has another proven warrior. If I fail, I die.’

  ‘But surely you want me with you?’

  Erlan shook his head. ‘Actually. . . no.’

  Kai stood blinking, eyes wide and wounded. Erlan turned and shook out his bridle.

  ‘This is wrong.’

  Erlan looked up. ‘What?’

  ‘Our fates – they’re woven together. From the fire to this place, and onward. Our roads run together. Don’t you see?’

  ‘I see the road I must walk. Alone.’ But seeing Kai’s stricken face, he added, ‘Look, I’m doing you a favour. You like it here. You’re swimming in skald-singing and skirt. What more do you want?’

  ‘What more?’ Kai looked stunned. ‘But all this is. . . it’s nothing. It’s a. . . a lark. I’m here ’cause you’re here. Where you go, I follow. That’s my path, and I see it clear as the sun.’

  ‘You really think you’re bound to me?’

  Kai gave an eager nod. ‘I’m sticking to you like the bloody pox.’

  And so he had. They argued on a while, but Erlan soon realized Kai would never give in.

  ‘The king won’t take well to this change in his plans.’

  ‘You’re a smart fella. You’ll talk him round.’

  He had – eventually; persuading him Kai’s presence would make contact with the scouts simpler, and that Erlan could fight better if Kai were there to handle the extra horse.

  That same afternoon the Uppland folk watched the departing silhouettes of the two companions dissolve into the woods. Wrathling hung from Erlan’s belt, and in his heart, demons whirled.

  Despite the snow, they’d made seven or eight leagues a day. Fair going, by any reckoning, and now the last cultivated land lay far behind. Ahead lay a vast wilderness of woodland.

  On the seventh day the ground reared up, folding the forest into ridged valleys and crooked dales. Cresting one ridge, the breath caught in Erlan’s throat and he pulled up abruptly. The two sat, gazing out over the snowbound landscape, struck dumb by its cold beauty. There were no sounds around them. Nothing but a colossal stillness. As if silence were the god of this place. To break it was to smash something sacred.

  For a long time, neither of them was willing to speak, until at last Kai whispered, ‘Have you ever seen anything like this?’

  Erlan shook his head.

  ‘This must be near the place they call the Dale of the Elves.’

  ‘It’s well named if that’s where we are. We must stay watchful. The others didn’t get far beyond this.’

  They watched the sunfall burn the horizon, gilding every tree with fire. And then the land sank back into a cold, vast gloom.

  They dismounted and made camp – by now a well-worn routine. Kai darted around gathering wood while Erlan cleared space to lay a fire and prepared the kindling. Once the fire was lit, Kai began cooking, leaving Erlan to settle the horses and lay out a shelter and their sheepskins for the night.

  Since leaving the Uppland halls, even Kai’s excitement had slowly given way to disquiet. But he seemed especially subdued after they had squatted down to eat their supper. Erlan could see the boy was chewing something over.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Eh?’

  ‘Something’s bothering you.’

  Kai only grunted.

  ‘Come on – spit it out.’

  ‘It’s little enough. It hardly makes a difference now anyway.’

  ‘What – curse you!’

  ‘It’s just I never asked you – don’t know why – but I never thought to.’

  ‘Asked me what?’

  ‘Why you?’

  ‘Me?’

  ‘Yep – why did the old goat choose you? He had the pick of his men – loyal bastards to a fault and plenty of ’em know a sword’s point from its pommel. . . yet he chose you. Did he say why?’

  Erlan’s gaze dropped into his bowl for a time before speaking. ‘I asked him to go.’

  ‘You asked him? For the privilege of coming to this miserable wasteland to freeze your bollocks off? Are you mad? What the Hel for?’

  Erlan have a desultory grunt. ‘They were talking of sending one man after the princess. Right or wrong – I wanted it to be me.’

  The fire crackled beside them. A puzzled look settled on Kai’s face, while he did some figuring. ‘I see now,’ he smiled at last. ‘The glory. Yes – the glory! Ha! And why not – why let someone else win the old goat’s favour when it could be you?’

  Erlan shook his head.

  ‘No?’

  ‘No.’ When he said no more, Kai threw up his hands in frustration. ‘Then what?’

  But Erlan only stared into the fire.

  ‘It’s Lilla, isn’t it?’ said Kai, his voice turning crafty. ‘Of course – the princess! Am I right? Go on – you can tell me.’

  ‘I don’t want Lilla.’

  ‘Why ever not? What’s wrong with her?’

  ‘Nothing’s wrong with her. She’s just. . . Ach! She’s not why I’m here.’

  ‘Then why the Hel are you? You wanted to come – yet you don’t do it for glory. Nor for love. What then? Is it guilt?’ He leaned over and gave Erlan a poke. ‘The last princess you were looking out for didn’t fare so well, is that it?’ he chuckled.

  His master didn’t laugh. Instead his mouth hardened. ‘I’m tired, Kai. We should get some sleep.’

  ‘But you haven’t answered yet,’ the boy insisted. ‘I don’t understand. What else could you gain? The king’s favour? The favour of a beautiful girl? A great name? But you don’t seem to care what others think of you. It can’t be for vengeance, since you’re no Sveär.’

  ‘Just drop it!’

  But Kai couldn’t, not now. ‘If it’s none of them, what else can you hope to gain except a swift and bloody death? There’s nothing else down this— ’

  Erlan suddenly met his gaze, and the boy stopped.

&nbs
p; ‘Wait. . . a. . . moment,’ he whispered, gaping. ‘It is death you seek.’

  Erlan said nothing.

  ‘Death,’ murmured Kai. Suddenly he gave a violent snort, his face reddening. ‘Why, you selfish, self-pitying son of a pox- ridden whore!’ he cried, throwing his bowl at the fire.

  ‘It’s none of your con—’

  ‘Of course it’s my concern,’ yelled Kai. ‘You miserable prick! Haven’t I followed you through enough? Don’t I deserve to know some scrap of what goes on in that dismal block of wood you call a head? So you’ve got some dark story behind you. So damn what? I don’t care! You are you, and I am me. That’s it. The road lies ahead. I’d follow you to Helheim and back if that’s where we have to go – but not because I want to die.’ His long mouth was trembling with passion. ‘Because I want to live! And live as high and wide and far as life will throw me. But you,’ he snarled, ‘you ungrateful bastard, you’re living in the past, with your head stuck in some grave you’ve crawled out of. And all you want to do is crawl back there.’

  Erlan suddenly thrust out a hand and seized Kai’s throat. He yanked him so close and so hard he saw fear flood the boy’s eyes. ‘You can hardly call me ungrateful, little man. Haven’t you got exactly what you wanted? Yet you stand there yelping like a bitch. The moment you saw me you wanted to drop your folk and tag along with me. More fool was I to let you. But I never promised you I would change. I never promised you a thing! If you want to follow me into the bowels of death, it’s your idiot eagerness got you here. By the hanged, if you weren’t so like a bloody dog with a bone, refusing to let go of me. . .’ He shook his head, infuriated. ‘I’m not yours to keep, like some damned toy horse carrying you hither and thither to give you your next lark! I owe you nothing. I owe no one. Only myself, and the oath that I swore.’

  ‘That’s right,’ sneered Kai. ‘You serve yourself. You know how to do that well enough. And where’s that got you?’

  Erlan released his grip on the boy, and turned away with a scowl.

  ‘You and your fucking oath.’ Kai’s voice was bitter as death. ‘Whatever lies behind you, if it was that bad, you should be glad you’re out of it, rather than living like the shadow of death is already over you. Be glad, you fool.’ He reached out and gave Erlan a shove, but the stranger didn’t respond. ‘Death will find you soon enough without you seeking it.’ But Erlan’s stare was far away, into the fire and a thousand leagues beyond. ‘Why do you seek it?’ persisted Kai. ‘Why?’

  Erlan felt his anger ebb away as he watched the shimmering air rise into the night. ‘It’s not death. Or not only death. It’s. . .’ He shook his head, the fragile thread of his thoughts fraying. ‘There is no answer to your question. A wise man once told me to open my mind to a friend. But I find I cannot.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘You are my friend, and I would explain why I chose this journey if I could. I don’t rightly understand myself. Maybe it’s all of your reasons and none of them. And if death hasn’t the same meaning for me as for other men. . . I cannot tell you why. I swore I never would. You know I will not break my oath.’

  The two sat listening to the flames snapping at the wood.

  ‘I don’t think we will return from this,’ he went on. ‘Maybe that is why I came. But now you know this, if you want to turn back, I’ll not stop you. You’re free to do whatever seems good to you.’

  When Kai spoke, there was a rough edge to his voice. ‘You call me your friend. I am.’ He nodded. ‘And if I haven’t your wisdom, still I’m no fool. I see what I see in you. They call it the song of death. Aye, and it can be enchanting as any love, or any desire a man might know.’ His eyes shone in the flame- flicker. ‘You call me friend. Then I promise I will share with you whatever I have, as long as we walk the road together. And I have at least this much – I believe there is still much to live for. For me and for you. Maybe I’ve not known the world as you have, but I’ll carry this belief until death rips it from my hand.’ He held up his bunched fist. Suddenly he grinned. ‘Hey – you’re not the only one can make an oath.’ The boy jumped to his feet, pulled up his sleeve and produced his dagger.

  ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I make an oath to you – not as your servant, nor even as your friend. But as your brother.’ He laid the point of the dagger against his naked forearm and, with a flick, made a cut in his flesh. The blood came quickly, running dark in the half-light.

  Erlan saw him bite back the pain.

  ‘I swear to you, by this blood, that I will stand with you as brother whichever road you walk, whatever your reasons. What gold or honour I win in this life, I’ll share with you. I’ll be your eyes, your ears, your hands – whatever you need me to be. And I’ll not be separated from you by the will of any man.’ His wide mouth beamed. ‘Nor of any woman neither!’

  Erlan gave a thin smile. ‘I didn’t ask for it,’ he said quietly, ‘. . .but I accept your oath. It was good fortune indeed to find you, my. . . my brother. Here.’ He pulled out his own knife, cut off a corner of his cloak and threw it up to Kai. ‘Cover that up. We don’t need to do our enemies’ work for them, eh?’

  ‘Stings like a bastard too,’ hissed Kai, squeezing the cloth against the wound.

  ‘Aye – but no one ever tells you that.’

  Kai sat down and wrapped himself in his furs. Now it was Erlan’s turn to rise. ‘Put your head down. Get some sleep. I’m going for a leak.’

  ‘We need more wood.’ Kai began to get up.

  ‘I’ll get it. You rest,’ said Erlan, and stalked off out of the pool of firelight while Kai settled back down. He just caught the boy’s murmur: ‘Goodnight. . . brother.’ Then a low chuckle.

  Erlan smiled in the darkness.

  He walked away from the fire towards their sunfall lookout on the ridge-crest. The landscape spread below him in a wide bowl. It was another clear night. So far, they had been lucky. If the weather turned and the skies brought a fresh snowfall, the trail would be covered and the princess as good as lost. But there would be no snow tonight.

  The moon had risen – a sliver of silver in the darkness – its frail light enough to illumine the valley like a pale dreamland beneath him. He lifted his face to the night sky. Thousands of stars peered back at him. He looked down at his hand and could just make out the blurred lines and calluses in his palm.

  Is this how a man turns blind? The light dims, the lines blur, and soon he sees nothing but darkness.

  What did he want? Did he truly yearn for death? Or was it only vindication? Must he now die to save one beauty to pay for the beauty he could not save? To turn back the falling drops of time? This was madness, he knew. Or the road to madness.

  He looked up at the moon.

  There were men who lost their reason for love of the moon. Perhaps he had lost his reason also. Or was death the only sane thing to seek in this world of blood and broken love?

  How is it madness and sanity seem so close? Are they twins of the same father? The moon – the white queen of the night – who calls and calls to her lovers. She drinks down their love like a whirlpool, and yet they come no closer to her. She waits there, forever at a distance, inviting souls to her silken touch, weeping her moonbeam tears on lips that smile, cruel and taunting.

  How like love she is, he thought bitterly.

  They were riding into a trap – of that he was certain. But even the craftiest traps do not always catch their prey. Perhaps there was a chance. The words of the vala whispered in his heart. You will bear much pain, but you will never break. Yet the malice of the Norns seemed at odds with the vala’s telling.

  There was no answer. There was only the road ahead.

  He cast a last look across the valley, over which silence seemed to reign like the lord of all worlds, vast and eternal. And then he turned back – to find his wood and take his piss and return to the warmth of the fire.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  They awoke to a brilliant blue morning and picked their way down the forested slope, follow
ing the trail across the valley floor and over the next ridge. There, the land climbed higher before flattening onto a white expanse punctuated by frozen lakes.

  Around noon, clouds rolled in from the north. The shallow beams of the winter sun broke around their bulging shapes, colouring them black and gold. The sky, having dawned so clear, began to fill with a kind of foreboding. They pulled their cloaks tighter against the chill.

  They were riding through a stand of pines; ahead a treeline was visible. That meant another lake. Kai was a few yards ahead, leading the third horse behind him. Erlan watched him emerge from under the snow-mantled branches. And then, abruptly, he stopped.

  ‘What is it?’ Erlan called.

  ‘Come see for yourself.’

  As he drew alongside, he looked down to where Kai was pointing.

  There in the snow, the ragtag tracks they’d followed for so many leagues separated into three distinct trails. One led right, along the eastern edge of the lake; a second to the west, across the frozen lake; the third cut back south into the forest. Erlan jumped down.

  Kai dismounted after him, while Erlan squatted over the fork in the tracks, examining them. He felt Kai beside him, and was startled when the boy suddenly kicked the snow and swore violently.

  ‘I knew it was too bloody good to last! As if they’d lead us by the nose to their stronghold. Baah! They’ve been stringing us along like hogs to a roasting.’

  Erlan gave a wry snort, and continued glowering at the three sets of footprints.

  ‘This seems to be the larger pack of them.’ Kai pointed at the middle path across the lake.

  ‘Might be. . . But they seem to step in each other’s footprints a good deal. Besides, we’re to follow whichever leads to Lady Lilla. She may not be with the biggest pack.’

  ‘Could any of these be hers?’

  They looked again, squinting at every ruck and ripple in the snow.

  Kai shook his head. ‘It’s bloody impossible.’

  Erlan pointed to the trail leading back into the woods. ‘Follow that one a little way – might be you’ll see more. I’ll check this one,’ he said, striding out onto the lake.