by Claire Adams
“Now we’re talking,” I said.
As Perri rose and headed over to the machine, I thought more about Alex. Before, I’d been angry with him getting me pregnant and ghosting me, but after Kadie was born, I’d stopped caring as much.
The thing was, maybe I hadn’t planned to become a mother when I did, but I loved my daughter, and I couldn’t think of her or the night that led to her as a mistake. I wouldn’t change anything if it meant I couldn’t have my daughter.
Still, it’d been hard being a single parent, and it looked like that was going to change soon whether I liked it or not.
Chapter 8
Alex
I woke up to the Tennessee sun beaming on my face. Even though I knew it shouldn’t feel any different in Tennessee than in Texas, somehow those rays still felt warmer and nicer to me, more inviting. It was like even the sunlight was reminding me things would have been better if I’d never left Livingston.
Sure, I knew that was probably all in my head, but it didn’t matter. The main reason I’d come back was the trouble in my head.
A loud yawn came out, and I sat up. It took me a bit to realize I wasn’t tired at all. It was a normal thing for most people: a nice, solid restful sleep. That wasn’t normal for me. Not at all.
That filled me with hope. I wasn’t sure if my plan for coming back to Livingston would work, but it was a good sign. I’d been prepared to spend weeks in town before I got any good rest.
After a quick shower and some sausage for breakfast, I stepped out of the cabin and stretched. It was still early, so I figured Carl would be checking on the horses. It’d been years, but I’d worked on this ranch enough as a teen to burn the routine into my brain.
I walked toward the stable in the distance, taking in the rest of the ranch. His parents had been far more into cattle than horses, but Carl seemed to have gone in the opposite direction with only a small number of cows out in the pasture. I’d always liked horses more than cows myself.
I spotted Carl patting a beautiful black stallion on the head.
He waved and walked toward me.
“I guess we haven’t talked much about what I’m going to have you do here, bro,” Carl said, scratching his eyebrow. “I have all sorts of things I can have you do, but what did you have in mind?”
I shrugged. “I figured the same things your dad had me do in the summers when I worked the ranch. You don’t have to pay me much more than he did.”
An uncomfortable look appeared on Carl’s face. “That was summer work for kids. You know. I …”
“It’s fine. I’m here to clear my head. Good, solid work will help with that.”
“Are you sure, Alex?”
“The worst thing that happens is I get tired of it. If it’s a problem later, then we can talk about it then. Until then, I just want to work, not prove I’m King of All Ranchers.”
Carl laughed. “Well, first things first, then. I guess you can clean up the stable.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know you’re doing this because you need it, but honestly, this is gonna be a big help, even if you stick to doing the kinds of things you did before.”
“Really?” I glanced around. Nothing looked too dirty. The animals all looked in good condition. “You having problems?”
“I don’t have much help most of the time. It’s hard to afford other people.” He shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of offers to sell the ranch, and I know I could make a lot of money selling the land, but this is part of my family’s heritage. I want to make it work. I know I can make it work.”
“I can understand that.”
Carl grunted and looked away. “I’m just saying we’re both getting something out of this, so keep that in mind. I’m grateful, bro.”
“So am I, Carl. So am I.”
He nodded toward the stable. “Everything you need should be in the cabinet. Holler if you need anything else.” He turned and started walking away. After a couple of yards, he stopped and looked over his shoulder, a frown on his face.
“Yes?” I said. “What’s up?”
Carl furrowed his brow as if he were going to say something but then shrugged and walked away.
Something was going on. I knew it. There was something he was holding back from me. I wasn’t as worried anymore about Carl being upset that I’d come. A night of good, solid, nightmare-free sleep and the little talk we’d just had convinced me of that.
If anything, it seemed like it was the opposite, but that only made me think more about what he might be wanting to tell me.
I watched him as he walked away, thinking about what might be bothering a man like Carl. He was many things, including a good friend and rancher, but he wasn’t a complex guy. He never gave a crap about most things other than his friends, beer, and the ranch.
I turned toward the stable. It didn’t matter. At least not then. I wanted what he had, a simple life around people who liked him, and I didn’t want to mess that up by pressing him on some secret he didn’t want to reveal. Whatever secret he was holding onto, he’d tell me eventually, and I’d deal with it then.
The only thing I needed to worry about was cleaning out the stable.
* * *
A few hours later, I’d worked up a good sweat, but the stable was looking and smelling a lot better. I chuckled when I thought about my jobs.
Both construction and working a ranch involved a lot of hard work and nasty smells. It was only a matter of getting used to them, and after a while, you didn’t even notice all that much.
Even though it’d been a while since I worked on the ranch, it felt like it’d only been a few weeks. I guess that kind of thing stayed with a man, or maybe it had stayed with me for other reasons. I didn’t know.
I wiped some sweat from my brow and headed over to a water spigot to get a drink to soothe my parched throat. Good thing about a ranch was, no one was going to look at you funny for drinking straight from a spigot.
Carl was close by, inspecting another horse. He walked over to me.
“You looking to trade Perri in for a horse now?”
He laughed. “What are you even talking about?”
I gestured to the horse. “You’ve been all over the horses today. Checking them a lot more than I’m guessing you normally do, unless things have really changed around here.”
He gave a big grin. “I’ve got a buyer coming in today to look at them. Good price.”
“Oh, that’s cool.”
“Yeah. This has been coming for a while.”
I glanced over at the palomino he’d been checking out before. It was a damn fine animal and looked healthy with a good coat. It’d fetch a nice price. I wondered if Carl found it easier to do horse breeding than dealing with cattle.
Carl glanced over his shoulder before looking back over at me. “I had a question for you, Alex.”
I eyed him and nodded slowly. “Is this about what you keep trying to ask me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You obviously have something on your mind, but you keep stopping before you say anything.” I shrugged.
He frowned and looked to the side for a moment before shaking his head. “No, I don’t … well, anyway, why are you working at the ranch?”
“You know why. I told you.” I stared at him and shrugged again. I didn’t understand where any of this was coming from.
He shook his head. “I understand all that about getting your head on straight, but what I don’t get is why you need to work a job. You have enough money from that accident settlement to take a year or two off. Why not buy a nice little house on the outskirts of town and relax? Watch some NASCAR. Drink some beer.”
I regretted ever telling him about the settlement. I’d not even been interested in that kind of thing, but then lawyers for the family of the man killed showed up, and they wanted to represent me as well. The next thing I knew, I had a huge amount of money sitting in my bank account in addition to my already healthy savings.
All the money d
idn’t help, though. It didn’t stop my nightmares. It didn’t turn back the clock.
What was it that the headshrinker had said? It didn’t bring me closure.
“I can’t sit around, Carl,” I said. “That won’t clear my head. I need to do something, keep busy. This is the best way I know how. It’s good work I understand that doesn’t remind me of construction in the city.”
He held up a hand. “Now don’t get me wrong. Like I said, I’m glad to have you here, but I was curious. I only want to help you, bro.”
“What would you do if you had the money? Would you sit around on your ass drinking and watching NASCAR?”
Carl furrowed his brow. “No, I guess I wouldn’t.”
“Then you understand, right? We’re men. We can’t putter around and do nothing. That isn’t our nature. That’s not what God wants from us.”
He nodded. “I see what you mean.”
The palomino nickered. I looked over at the horse and noticed he was looking at a dark-haired woman on the porch of Carl’s house.
Aspyn? I sucked in a breath. No. I wasn’t ready to face her yet.
“Oh, that’s my buyer,” Carl said with a grin. “I have to go talk with her. Talk to you soon.” He nodded and jogged toward the porch.
I stared at the woman. After a few seconds, even at a distance, I could tell she wasn’t Aspyn. Too tall. Wrong shape.
I shook my head. I was going to see her soon, and it wouldn’t be an easy conversation, but if I really wanted to clear my head, I had to set things right and apologize for disappearing.
Even if I had my reasons, I knew I must have hurt her. My only hope was she could forgive me so we could at least be friends. I knew I couldn’t dare to even hope for anything more.
Chapter 9
Aspyn
Perri sat across from me, furiously typing some official letter on her computer. We didn’t really have an office or even a cubicle. What we did have were desks opposite each other in the town hall lobby.
It wasn’t like the building was all that large, though, so it’s not like I felt like I was missing out. Other than the mayor’s office, there was a bathroom, a conference room citizens could reserve, and a break room.
That Thursday had started normally enough for Perri and me. The afternoon was also what we’d expected, busy but not painfully so.
In a small town like Livingston, people expected we wouldn’t have much to do, but maybe that’d be the case if we had more staff. As it was, we both worked as hard as three people, in my opinion.
Typically, the only people working at town hall were Perri, Joe, and me. The town treasurer only had to come in part-time to balance the books. He spent most of his time at his own accounting business. We didn’t see the custodian unless we were working really late.
Not that I minded all that much. The budget didn’t really allow for more people, and Perri and I had never gotten too overwhelmed.
Our days were filled with paperwork, taking calls from angry and not-so-angry folks in town, and typing up forms and letters for Joe. Just like on that Thursday.
It’d been two days since Alex had returned to town, and I’d managed to avoid him. I was hoping to keep up the streak, and work was as good place as any to do that. It’s not like he had any reason to stop by town hall. Right?
Perri sighed as she finished tapping away on her computer. “Almost time to head home. Too bad it’s not the weekend.”
“I think we’ll survive.”
She grinned. “I’m not sure. I still have to get through an entire Friday.”
I rolled my eyes, and we both laughed.
“So, any plans tonight?” I said. “You having dinner tonight with Carl again?”
“No. I’m most certainly not.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her chin in the air. “I’m mad at him.”
I’d long ago gotten used to Perri’s attitude toward Carl changing on a dime, but that never stopped me from asking for the reason. Just too curious, I guess.
“Why? You were happy with him a couple of days ago.”
“Why?” she echoed. She stared at me. “Are you seriously asking me that?”
I shrugged. “Uh, yes, because I want to know.”
“Oh. I thought you knew.” She pointed at me. “Because he chose Alex over you.”
I sighed. “He didn’t choose anyone. Alex needs help, and Carl’s helping him. It’s what a real man and a real friend does.”
She shook her head. “Well, as your real woman friend, I’m sticking with you. Your enemies are my enemies.”
I barked out a laugh. “Enemies? Alex isn’t my enemy. He’s just … a guy who didn’t call me back.”
“And who knocked you up. That’s not exactly a small thing.”
“He didn’t mean to. I was on the pill. It just didn’t work. That’s not his fault.”
Perri blinked and stared at me for a few seconds. “Why are you defending him?”
Why indeed? I wasn’t even sure myself.
I waved a hand. “I’m not defending him. I’m trying to be fair.”
“So, what, you don’t want me to take your side?” Perri said. “You don’t want me to be angry with him?”
“You don’t have to. I don’t hate Alex. After hearing all that about his accident, I feel bad for him.”
She rubbed her forehead. “You can feel bad for him without forgiving him. It’s like you said, Aspyn. He could have called you after that, but he didn’t. Don’t forget that.”
“I’m not, and I love you, Perri, and I’m glad you have my back, but I don’t think it helps if we try and be angry with Alex.”
“So, what, everything is forgiven?”
“No, it isn’t.” I sighed and leaned back in my chair. “And I don’t want to talk to him anytime soon, but I don’t want you hating on him. I don’t want any of y’all to hate on him, and I want to be the one to tell him about Kadie. I’m just trying to figure when the right time is.”
“Well, if you say so.” Perri offered me a smile. “But my offer to hate him stands. Okay?”
I laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind if I need it.”
The bell above the front door jingled, and I looked over at it. My mama stepped inside, leading Kadie in by the hand.
My daughter rushed away from her grandma toward my desk. “Mama! Mama!”
Her nana smiled at me, waved, and then stepped out. She wasn’t normally in such a hurry, but I remembered her mentioning a bridge club meeting that night.
She was lucky that her current batch of kids got picked up on the earlier side. For most of last year, she hadn’t been able to go to her bridge club because of the parents’ work schedules.
“How you doing, sweetie?” I said to Kadie.
“I want candy.”
I laughed. We kept a little bowl of hard candy at our desk for people who stopped by. Of course, Kadie was obsessed with it. I grabbed her a piece of sour apple candy and unwrapped it.
“Now, you be careful, sweetie,” I said, holding the candy in my palm. “You suck it slow, and you don’t try and swallow it whole. You understand?”
“Yes, Mama.” Kadie snatched the candy out of my hand in the blink of an eye and popped it in her mouth.
Movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I turned. Someone was coming in the back way. Most people didn’t use it. I wondered if the custodian was coming in early.
Blond hair. Gray eyes that could see into your soul. Earrings. Tattoos. Stupid, muscular arms.
My heart started galloping. I wanted to grab Kadie and run, but my body just wouldn’t move. It was like his presence froze me in place.
Why the hell was he even there?
Joe all but sprinted out of his office to step in front of Alex.
“Did you need something, Alex?” Joe said.
“I needed to ask about some forms,” Alex said. “Carl said I could get them here.”
Joe gestured to his office. “Just step inside, and we
’ll talk.”
“Personal service from the mayor. I’m honored.” Alex gave Joe a lopsided smile.
My breath caught at the sight. Something about that smile sent a jolt right through me almost down to my center.
Crap. I didn’t want to hate the guy, but I also didn’t want to be responding that way after three years.
Joe chuckled. “You should be.”
Alex stepped into Joe’s office. The mayor glanced over his shoulder at me and nodded before stepping inside and closing the door.
“Just go,” Perri whispered. “I’ll handle anything he needs.”
“I’ve got to get everything closed down first,” I said, trying to keep my voice casual. “Not like I have to panic just because Alex showed up.”
Kadie sucked on her candy, completely clueless about the fact that her daddy had been right in front of her. She still didn’t even seem to realize she was supposed to have a daddy. That’d been nice. It kept me from having to answer questions I didn’t want to answer yet.
I clicked my mouse around and hit a few keys to save the progress of everything I’d been working on. I closed out all the programs and grabbed my purse.
“Thanks, Perri,” I said.
“Ready to go, sweetie?”
Kadie nodded.
I grabbed her hand and hurried out the front door, hoping Alex hadn’t spotted me, but it wasn’t like I’d been across a football field or something. He’d have to have been blind not to have seen me.
“I need to go potty,” Kadie said.
“I thought you said you were ready,” I grumbled.
“I have to go potty now.”
I groaned, but there was nothing I could do. Kadie had only recently finished potty training, and the last thing I wanted to do was make her wait and wet herself because I was trying to escape Alex. He wasn’t her fault.
“Come on, sweetie,” I said. “Let’s head to the bathroom.”
* * *
A few minutes later, my heart had settled. Kadie had done her business, and now we were at the car. Whatever forms Alex needed, Joe and Perri were apparently keeping him busy.