Access Point

by Tom Gabbay

  "What are you doing, Dad?"

  "What does it look like I'm doing?"

  "It looks like you're packing."

  "That's right. I'm packing."

  She could tell by the flat tone of his voice that he was in the midst of one of his episodes. "Are you going somewhere?" she asked.

  He paused to look up, but his gaze went through her, as if he was talking to a ghost. "Don't you remember?"

  "No, Dad." She sat down on the bed, beside the suitcase that he was filling with clothes. "I must've forgotten. Tell me."

  "Your mum and I are going to Paris for the weekend. It's been in the works for ages. I did tell you, didn't I?"

  "Are you sure it's this weekend, Dad?"

  He smiled good-naturedly and continued to empty his wardrobe into the bag. "Of course I'm sure, sweetheart. Mum is very excited about it. You know, the Eiffel Tower and all that. To be honest, it's not really my thing. I'd just as soon go the football with the boys, but she deserves a bit of fun, don't you think?"

  "Yes, of course I do."

  Boyd knew from past experience not to challenge Leonard directly. It was best to lead him gently back into this world.

  "Have you ever been to Paris?" she asked.

  "No, darling. We always planned to go but we never got there. I wonder if I'll need a jacket and tie. I suppose I should bring one, just in case. You know what the French are like."

  Boyd let a few moments pass before speaking again. "You know what mum once told me?" she said.

  "What, darling?"

  "She said that the best trip she ever took was the time you took her camping up in the lake country."

  "Did she really say that?"

  "Yes. She said she thought she'd absolutely hate it but in the end it was wonderful. One of her favourite memories."

  Leonard stopped packing and smiled as he looked back on the trip. "It was glorious weather. The sky so blue, sunlight on the water. Yes, I remember it very well."

  "Mum said you two would go on long walks and not see anyone for the entire day. She even told me that you went skinny dipping."

  Leonard smiled. "Yes, we did. And I'll tell you what. That water was absolutely perishing! I literally froze my nuts off!"

  Boyd smiled. "It's good to know that she had all those lovely memories to carry her through the hard times."

  Leonard paused. His smile dissipated and he looked over at Boyd, puzzled. "When did mum tell you all this?"

  "When she was in hospital," Boyd replied. "A few days before she passed."

  "A few days before..." Leonard sat down on the bed, looked over at his daughter, and attempted a smile. "Oh dear," he sighed.

  Boyd leaned over to kiss his cheek. "I'll help you unpack," she said softly.

  30.

  The gentle warmth of the bath waters comforted Mia's bruised body, but did little to soothe her wounded spirit. How could she be such a bad judge of people? No, not people, she thought. Men. Since the age of fifteen, when she let that jerk Wyatt Hitch feel her up behind the Texaco station, she'd always picked the wrong guys. One after the other, they'd sweet-talked her into believing they were somebody they weren't, waiting to reveal their true character until they got what they were after. And this time the bastard didn't even bother with the sweet talk. Well, one thing was for sure. She would enjoy taking a razor to that painting she did of him. Or better yet, she'd scrawl "PORTRAIT OF A RAPIST" in red paint across the top of the canvas and hang it in the school's entrance hall where everyone would see it. The idea made her smile.

  Strange, she thought as she closed her eyes and let her head dip down below the water line. Before coming to England she hadn't been in a bath since she was a kid. Back home, baths were for children, a time to play with plastic sailboats and rubber duckies as you were scrubbed clean by the firm hand of a loving mother.

  A sudden surge of homesickness engulfed Mia, bringing tears to her eyes. There was no way she could tell her parents about what had happened that night. Knowing them, they'd be on the next flight over, and they'd be carrying a one-way ticket home for her. Dad would be doing his "told you so" routine about life in the big city, while Mom would take a softer "we'd all feel a lot better if you could find a nice art college closer to home" kind of approach. Well, as much as she missed her family and life in Franklin, she wasn't about to go back with her tail between her legs. No way. She resolved to put the whole ugly episode behind her and focus like a laser on her art. After a year of struggling, she felt that she was on the verge of some kind of breakthrough and the last thing she needed was for this to throw her off track. She wouldn't even tell Kat what had happened.

  Stepping out of the tub onto the cold tiles, she pulled a towel off the rack, quickly dried off, and slipped down the hall into her room. Grabbing "Teddy" from atop the chest of drawers, she wrapped him in her arms and curled up under the duvet, hoping to escape into a deep, dark sleep.

  It started out as a dream. Mama's shadow standing over the bed, softly singing Down in The Valley, as she did every night when Mia was small and too scared of the dark to be alone.

  "Roses love sunshine, violets love dew

  Angels in heaven know I love you.

  Know I love you, dear, know I love you

  Angels in heaven, know I love you..."

  "Hello, Mama," Mia said in the dream.

  "Hello, baby. It's so nice to see you."

  "It's nice to see you too, Mama. Why are you here?"

  "I wanted to say that I'm sorry, baby. So sorry."

  "Sorry about what, Mama?"

  "That I wasn't there to protect you."

  "You don't need to worry about me, Mama. I'm fine. Really."

  "Good." Mama smiled down at her. "It makes me feel better knowing that. But we miss you something awful, baby. We'd give anything to have you back."

  "I love you, Mama."

  "I love you, too, baby. For always and forever..."

  The gentle warmth of her mother's hand against her cheek filled Mia with a sense of inner peace. It was like being home again, in the safety of her own bed, where nothing bad could ever happen. But the feeling was short-lived. Something wasn't right. The touch went cold.

  Opening her eyes, Mia gasped, then recoiled in horror and cried out. The shadowy figure that was standing over her took a quick step back, then turned and fled out the open door. Frozen with fear, Mia sat in the bed, gripping Teddy and shaking uncontrollably. The light in the hallway came on and Ula appeared at the door.

  "Mia? What's happened?" She was doing up her dressing gown. "Are you all right?"

  "I... I don't know..."

  Ula stepped into the room. "What is it? Did you have a bad dream?"

  "No... Someone was here. In the room. Watching me. They touched me... and when I woke up, someone was standing there."

  "Are you sure you didn't imagine it?"

  "Somebody was there. I'm sure of it."

  "What exactly did you see?"

  "Someone..."

  "Who?"

  "I don't know... It... it was too dark."

  "Sometimes the mind can play tricks on you." Ula took another tentative step closer. "Would you like me to stay with you for a while?"

  "No," Mia answered quickly. "No, I... I'm fine. It probably was dream." She shook her head and tried to smile. "I'll be fine. I just... I'm so tired. I just want to sleep."

  "Yes, of course. You need to sleep." Ula backed out of the room, but stopped in the doorway. "If you need me, just call out."

  "Yes, all right. I will. Thank you."

  Ula withdrew and closed the door behind her. Mia waited a moment then slipped out of bed to quietly engage the lock. "It wasn't a dream, Teddy," she said as she took the bear in her arms and slid back under the covers. "I know it wasn't."

  Flicking the bedside lamp on, she picked up her phone and checked the time. 3:12 AM. Four more hours of darkness.

  31.

  Searching the bed, Mia found her ringing phone under the pillow. "Hel
lo?" she said without opening her eyes.

  "What happened to you last night?" It was a relief to hear Kat's buoyant voice on the line. "You disappeared on me!"

  "Oh..." Mia sat up and cleared her voice of sleep. "Sorry, I... I left early."

  "Are you alone now?"

  Mia reflexively looked around the room, just to be sure. "Yes," she replied "I'm alone. Why?"

  "Someone said they saw you getting into some bloke’s car. I thought maybe you -- "

  "He just gave me a lift home."

  "He?"

  "Just some guy."

  "Some guy?"

  "Nobody."

  "Hey, if you don't want tell me..."

  Mia was silent for a moment. "His name is Nico," she finally said. "He's the one who invited us to the party. The model."

  "Oh, right, the hot one. And...?"

  Mia was silent, afraid that she'd start crying if she tried to speak. Kat picked up on it.

  "Mia?" she said. "Are you all right?

  "Yes... Yes, I'm fine."

  "Are you crying?"

  "Sort of."

  "Why? Did something happen?"

  "No, I..." Mia tried to lighten her tone, but it didn't work. "I'm just a bit moody, that's all."

  "Mia..."

  "It’s fine, Kat. Really. I'm fine."

  "I’m coming over."

  "No!"

  "You're obviously upset so I'm coming to see you."

  "You really don't have to, Kat. I -- "

  "I'm leaving right now."

  "Okay," Mia sighed. "But not here."

  "All right, where?"

  Mia thought for a moment. "There’s a pub on the corner. The Castle. I'll meet you there."

  "I’m out the door," Kat said and hung up.

  Mia knew it would take the better part of an hour for Kat to get there from Tooting, but she needed to get out of the house. Getting quickly dressed, she ran a brush through her hair and tiptoed down the stairway, hoping to slip out without being noticed.

  "Do you realise that it's almost one o'clock?"

  Mia spun around to find Ula standing in the kitchen doorway. "Ula! You startled me!"

  "I was starting to think you'd sleep all day."

  "Oh, right. Well, I, ah... I didn't sleep too well, so..."

  "I'll make you a cup of tea," Ula said, heading back into the kitchen.

  "Actually, Ula..." Mia followed her in. "I was thinking that I’d go out. Take a little walk. You know, get some air."

  "Oh." The information seemed to throw Ula off balance. She stopped filling the kettle and set it down on the counter. "Right. Well, then... I'll go with you."

  "Oh. That'd be nice, of course, but, well, if you don't mind, Ula, I’d kind of like to have some time on my own. You know, to clear my head a bit."

  Ula frowned. "I was hoping we could talk," she said. "There are things I'd like to tell you... Things that you should know."

  "Really? What things?"

  "If we could just sit down for a few minutes, I can explain it all to you."

  "Can we do it when I get back?"

  Ula sighed in frustration. "Do you really feel the need to take this walk right now? I've been waiting to talk to you all morning!"

  Mia hesitated, taken aback, and Ula seemed to realise that she'd gone too far.

  "I'm sorry," she quickly backtracked. "I'm being unreasonable. I didn't mean to be. In fact, just the opposite. It's just that..." She paused and shook her head, as if answering a question that she herself had raised. "No. You should have your walk. Yes. You go for a walk and clear your head. We can talk afterwards." She smiled. "Go ahead. It's fine."

  "If you're sure you don't mind."

  "I just said that I didn't."

  "Yes, all right. Good. I'll, ah... I'll see you later then. We can talk when I get back."

  Ula followed her to the entrance hall and waited as she put her coat on. "Don't be long," she said as Mia went through the door.

  It was half past two by the time Kat walked into The Castle. She found Mia at a corner table, nursing a pot of Jasmine tea.

  "Sorry, babe! Traffic was a bitch! I should've taken the -- " She stopped short when she saw the bruises on Mia's face. "Oh my god! What happened to you?"

  Mia shrugged. "Turns out the model wasn't exactly a gentleman."

  "No! Did he...?"

  "He tried to."

  "Bastard!" Kat sat opposite and Mia filled her cup with tea. "Christ, Mia! What happened?"

  "He gave me a lift home but when we got there he wouldn't let me out of the car. Then he just turned on me."

  "Fuck! I hope you kicked him in the balls so hard they turned to soup!"

  Mia smiled. "I don’t know about that but I did find blood under my finger nails this morning."

  "What did you do? I mean, did you just fight him off?"

  Mia started to answer, but hesitated, suddenly unsure if she could trust her memory of the event. Had Ula really saved her or was that part of some troubled dream she'd had that morning as she slept?

  "I don't know," she said. "It's all a bit of a blur."

  Kat reached across the table to take Mia's hand. "The important thing is, you got away, and you're all right."

  Mia nodded, then shook her head. "It was stupid of me. I’m too trusting."

  "Don’t do that, Mia! It's absolutely not your fault! Any man who did what he did is a king-sized asshole and you are not allowed to blame yourself!"

  "You're right. I know you're right."

  "Of course I am. Are you gonna be okay?"

  "Yeah. I think so. I mean, sure. Of course."

  "You're not convincing me, babe."

  Mia scrunched up her face. She really did not want to start crying again. "It's just... It was a pretty strange night. In more ways than one."

  "Why, what else?"

  "I'm not really sure, but..."

  "But what? Not sure about what?"

  Mia leaned in and lowered her voice. "I think Ula came into my room last night. While I was sleeping."

  "What?"

  "I think she was watching me sleep. And then she touched me."

  "Touched you? Jesus Christ!" Mia gave her a look and she lowered her voice. "Touched you where?"

  "No, not like that. Just here, on the cheek." Mia demonstrated. "It woke me up."

  "I told you, didn't I? She's a fucking weirdo!"

  "I know, I know."

  "What did she say when you woke up?"

  "Nothing. I screamed and she ran off. Then she came back and tried to convince me it was all a dream."

  "Mia..." Kat leaned forward and waited for Mia to meet her eyes.

  "What?"

  "You have to get out of there!"

  "I know I probably should, but... I was so lucky to find that place."

  "Listen to me, sweetie. I don’t care how convenient or cheap that place is. You have to leave. I mean, come on, there really is something seriously wrong with that woman."

  "I don't know. Maybe I’m making too much of it."

  "Stop it, Mia! Because there is no way on earth I'm going to allow you to stay in that house with that woman. What you're going to do is come stay with me until we can sort something out."

  "That's really so nice of you, Kat, but -- "

  "Stop! It's settled. You're moving to Tooting. I have an air mattress you can sleep on."

  "What about your housemates?"

  Kat made a face and paused to think. It was true that she couldn't just show up with a new housemate. "I'll talk to them tonight," she said. "And we'll move you in tomorrow."

  "What should I say to Ula?"

  "Did you give her a deposit?"

  "No."

  "Then you don't even have to tell her anything. We'll just grab your stuff and get you the hell out of there!"

  Mia nodded. "Maybe it's for the best."

  "Of course it is! All you have to do is make it through one more night."

  32.

  The sun had set and thund
er was rolling in the distance as Mia stepped onto the portico and approached the front door. It took a moment to steady herself and slip the key into the lock, an effect of Kat's insistence that they ditch the jasmine tea in favour of a series of Happy Hour cocktails. They'd had a good laugh -- which was the point -- but Mia's restored spirit dissipated on the walk across the park, replaced by a growing sense of dread that coalesced in the pit of her stomach as she eased the door open and stepped into the entrance hall.

  Aside from a soft light emanating from the back of the house, the place was in total darkness. Resisting the temptation to slink up the stairs to the safety of her room, Mia hung her jacket on the hall rack, took a deep breath, and headed for the kitchen.

  Ula was sitting at the table, bowed head in her hands. "That was a long walk," she said without looking up.

  "Yeah, I just kept going." Hoping to make a quick escape, Mia hovered in the doorway. "Made it all the way to Hampstead Heath and back. I feel a lot better now."

  "I'm happy for you," Ula replied coldly, still hiding her face.

  "Listen, Ula, I -- "

  "I really hope you're not going to apologise again!" Ula lifted her head to fix Mia with a searing look. "Because that's really getting quite worn out!"

  Her anger was palpable, but there was something in her expression -- an underlying vulnerability -- that made Mia feel a bit sorry for her. She took a tentative step into the room.

  "I... I don't know what to say, Ula. I wasn't thinking and I lost track of time. I really am sorry!"

  "Have I done something to offend you?"

  "No..."

  "Or to make you hate me?"

  "Of course not!"

  "Then why are you lying to me?"

  "What do you mean? Lying about what?"

  "You went for a long walk? To Hampstead?"

  "Yes."

  "That's what you were doing all this time?"

  "Yes, I told you -- "

  Ula slammed both fists down on the table and cried out: "LIAR!"

  The sudden outburst shocked both women and charged the room with a long, precarious silence. Ula finally let out a deep sigh, reached for her cane, and pulled herself up from the table.

  "I'm sorry..." she said, taking a tentative step in Mia's direction. "I told myself not to do that, but I just... I lost control. It was wrong of me, but it's only because I'm worried about you. About your safety."