by Mardy Grothe
never make the mistake of assuming
the audience is any less intelligent than you are.ROD SERLING
Write freely and as rapidly as possible and throw the whole thing on paper.
Never correct or rewrite until the whole thing is down.JOHN STEINBECK, who added, “Rewrite in process
is usually found to be an excuse for not going on.”
Never tack -ize on to a noun to create a verb.WILLIAM STRUNK JR. & E. B. WHITE,
in The Elements of Style (1999)
On -ize words, Strunk and White gave the green light to summarize and fraternize, but described prioritize and finalize as “abominations.” I can only imagine what they’d say about such modern constructions as incentivize, concertize, and anonymize (a new abomination, meaning “to render anonymous”). Discussing another problem that has plagued beginning writers—imitating one’s favorite authors—the style masters wrote:
Never imitate consciously,
but do not worry about being an imitator.
Take pains instead to admire what is good.
In yet another section, on avoiding elaborate and pretentious writing as well as “the coy and the cute,” Strunk and White admonished:
Never call a stomach a tummy without good reason.
Never, never . . . try to put the author “in his place,”
making of him a pawn in a contest with other reviewers.
Review the book, not the reputation.JOHN UPDIKE, one of six rules for book reviewers,
from the Foreword to Picked-Up Pieces (1975)
Never say, “I want to come on your show to talk about my book.”LISSA WARREN, in The Savvy Author’s
Guide to Book Publicity (2003)
Never stop when you are stuck.JEANNETTE WINTERSON
Winterson, who won the 1985 Whitbread Award for a First Novel for her semiautobiographical Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, added: “You may not be able to solve the problem, but turn aside and write something else. Do not stop altogether.”
Never read a book through merely because you have begun it.JOHN WITHERSPOON, said while president of the
College of New Jersey (later Princeton University)
Never try to fit in; it’s sheer folly.TOM WOLFE
Speaking to aspiring reporters in a 1987 interview, Wolfe added: “Be an odd, eccentric character.” The result, he suggested, will be that “People will volunteer information to you.” With his trademark white suits, often topped off by a white homburg hat, matching white tie, and two-tone shoes, Wolfe clearly followed his own advice.
Never forget that you are the protagonist in your own story.
Not the hero.WILLIAM ZINSSER, on writing memoirs, in his 2004
book Writing About Your Life: A Journey into the Past
Never say anything in writing
that you wouldn’t comfortably say in conversation.WILLIAM ZINSSER
Zinsser offered this in On Writing Well, a 1976 writing guide that sold more than a million copies and is now regarded as a classic. Urging his readers to “Be yourself when you write,” he added: “If you’re not a person who says ‘indeed’ or ‘moreover,’ or who calls someone an individual (‘he’s a fine individual’), please don’t write it.” The book also contained two other noteworthy neverisms:
Never let anything go out into the world that you don’t understand.
Never forget that you are practicing a craft with certain principles.
Zinsser explained this last point with a metaphor from the world of carpentry: “It’s first necessary to be able to saw wood neatly and to drive nails. Later you can bevel the edges or add elegant finials, if that’s your taste.” And then he concluded: “If the nails are weak, your house will collapse. If your verbs are weak and your syntax is rickety, your sentences will fall apart.”
Acknowledgments
I have dedicated this book to Linnda Durré and Carolanne Reynolds, two very special people who were enormously helpful on this project. I am also grateful to Terry Coleman, who carefully read early drafts and offered many helpful suggestions for improvement. My deepest gratitude, though, continues to go to my wife, Katherine Robinson, whose guiding principle in our marriage (“Never hesitate to offer your husband an opinion . . . on anything”) has been a perfect complement to my own marital interaction rule: “Never try to muzzle a wife.”
My heartfelt thanks also go to my HarperCollins editor, Kate Whitenight, an author’s dream-come-true, as well as to copyeditor Ed Cohen, who helped me realize something I didn’t think possible—that copyediting doesn’t have to be painful, and occasionally can even be fun. My agent, George Greenfield of CreativeWell, Inc., has represented my interests ably and professionally over the years, and I am fortunate to have him in my life.
Thanks also to Annie Lionni for providing insights into the life of her grandfather Leo Lionni, as well as for granting permission to reproduce one of his most memorable drawings. My gratitude is also extended to Sevanne Kassarjian, granddaughter of Margaret Mead, for permission to use one of history’s most famous quotations from one of history’s most influential women.
Over the years, many subscribers to my weekly e-newsletter (Dr. Mardy’s Quotes of the Week) have provided assistance with quotations and attributions, but nobody has helped more than Leonard Roy Frank, Don Hauptman, Bob Kelly, Giulio Solia, and G. Armour Van Horn. I also extend my deepest thanks to Jim Clark, Charles Duvall, David Herndon, Ken Logsdon, Grace McGarvie, and Lynn Powell for sharing so many quotations from their personal files.
The contributions of the following people also deserve a special mention and a hearty thank-you from me: Nick Arden, Joel Anderson, Karé Anderson, Les Axelrod, Derm Barrett, Carla Beard, Alan Bennett, David Bevans, Parminder Bhachu, Mike Boyd, Amy Brennan, Dan Brook, Bruce Brown, Donald Brown, Roger Burke, Robert Byrne, Jerry Caplin, Gardin Carroll, John Chamberlain, Adam Christing, Neal M. Cohen, Mary Conrad, Martha Davey, Murray Death, Maya Debus, Don Dees, Mike Dineen, Donna Doleman, Bill Duncan, Ross Eckler, Loren Ekroth, Howard Eskin, Susan Evans, Carl Faith, Dan Ferris, Sue Fiedler, David Fieldhouse, Ron Fleisher, Alan A. Fleischer, Jack Flynn, Frank Forencich, Rick Foster, Marti Franks, Anu Garg, Leonard Geifman, Bruce Gerber, Don Groves, William B. Hackett, Tasha Halpert, Fran Hamilton, Regina and Robert Hanlon, Dan and Linda Hart, David Hartson, Lee Hatfield, Blair Hawley, Art Haykin, Jeff Jacoby, Chuck Jambotkar, Rosemarie Jeannero, Peter Jennings, Frances Johnson, Jack Kaplan, Robert Kaufman, Sam Keene, Harron Kelner, Derm Keohane, Fr. Gary Kinzer, Ed Kirkpatrick, Amit Kothari, Michael Lai, Christine Lam, Helen Laman, Tim Lane, Sylvia Lange, Desiree Lapin, Richard Lederer, Sam Lehman-Wilzig, Milton Lewin, Phil Linker, Carole Madan, Mary Helen Maggi, John McCall, Erin McKean, Scott McKenzie, Mike Morton, John McCall, Peggy Min, Carol Mueller, Bob Natiello, Richard Nordquist, Bill Nye, Brenda Orndorff, Kalman Packhous, Charles Page, Dr. Emily Palik-Killian, Malcolm Park, Carol Patten, Stan Pickett, Suzanne Pomeranz, Richard Raymond III, Wes Reynolds, Dennis Ridley, Bob Rosenberg, Peter Ross, Carky Rubens, Don Ruhl, Lee Sechrest, Mike Sheppard, Phil Silverman, Ed Sizemore, Ed Schneider, Terry Scurr, John Stares, Ralph Stewart, Pamela Street, Lee Tilson, Mike Torch, Art Tugman, Dennis Vargo, Lora Veksler, Mike Wagner, Glenn Waring, J. Mark Wehner, Bruce Wilcox, Karen Williams, and Joseph Woods.
Index
The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader.
Adams, Scott, 112Addis, Don, 325Aesop, 3, 122–23, 322African proverbs, 332, 339Albee, E. F., 287–88Alda, Alan, 267–69Alf (Paul Fusco), 24Algren, Nelson, 11, 25Allen, Gracie, 325Allen, Robert G., 77Allen, Tim, 25Allende, Isabel, 43American proverbs, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93, 130, 144, 271, 333, 335Amis, Kingsley, 57Amory, Cleveland, 173Anderson, Dan, 138, 173Anderson, Elizabeth, 173Andretti, Mario, 215Andrew, Stephen, 107, 325Angelou, Maya, 138Anonymous, 20, 25, 26, 61, 63–64, 70, 86, 104–5, 123–24, 154–55, 173, 174, 193, 195–96, 249, 272–73, 291, 307, 309, 310, 322, 323, 325, 326, 343An
onymous coaches, 214–15Anonymous rhyme, 174Anstee, Margaret, 272Arab proverbs, 72, 130Arens, Moshe, 233Ash, Mary Kay, 138, 250–51Ashcroft, John D., 277Asher, Gaia & Ely, 107Asimov, Isaac, 310, 343Atwood, Margaret, 310Aurelius, Marcus, 43
Bacon, Wallace, 107Baida, Peter, 251Bailey, Gamaliel, 326Bailey, Thomas A., 107–8Baker, Howard H., 308Baker, James, 233Baker, Russell, 155, 310Baldwin, Stanley, 95Bankhead, Tallulah, 64Banks, Leo W., 272Banks, Tyra, 326Barnum, P. T., 105Barrie, J. M., 1, 43Barry, Dave, 17–20, 26–27, 64, 125, 175, 310Barry, Gene, 291, 311Bartlett, Robin, 175Bartley, Garrett, 311Baruch, Bernard M., 6, 251, 344Beecher, Henry Ward, 44, 64–65, 156Beecher, Lyman, 325Behrendt, Greg, 176Belinsky, Bo, 215–16Bender, Robert, 272Benjamin, Walter, 343Benn, Tony, 326Bennett, Jill, 196Benson, George, 273Bentley, Wes, 108Berman, Maggie, 138, 173Bernays, Edward L., 44Berra, Yogi, 216, 311Besant, Annie, 44–45Billings, Josh (Henry Wheeler Shaw), 196, 311Binder, Mike, 27Black, Hugo L., 234Black, Jack, 108Blackie, John Stuart, 155Blake, Eubie, 125Blake, William, 273–74Blanchard, Ken, 251Blockson, Charles L., 138Bogart, Humphrey, 81, 291Bohr, Niels, 308Bolt, Tommy, 216Bolton, Martha, 274Bombeck, Erma, 20–22, 108Bonaparte, Napoleon. See Napoleon IBook, William F., 64Boosler, Elaine, 83Bouvier, John “Black Jack,” III, 153Bowles, Heloise (Hints from Heloise), 194–95Boyden, Frank, 254Boyle, Lara Flynn, 176Bradshaw, Terry, 216–17Brando, Marlon, 290Bray, Anna Eliza, 196–97Bray, Ilona M., 138Brody, Jane E., 197Bronson, Po, 109Brooks, Mel, 59, 138, 289Brothers, Joyce, 197Brown, David, 138–39Brown, Helen Gurley, 139, 156Brown, H. Jackson, Jr., 106, 109Brown, Rita Mae, 65, 109, 139, 156, 343–44Brown, Sam W., Jr., 234–35Brown, W. Steven, 251–52Brownson, Charles, 89–90Bruce, Lenny, 177–78Bruschi, Tedy, 212–13, 217, 284Bryan, William Jennings, 235Bryant, Paul “Bear,” 217Budgie, 274Buffett, Warren, 250, 252Bundy, McGeorge, 125–26Burchill, Julie, 126Burgess, Gelett, 65Burke, Edmund, 65Burke, James Lee, 344Burns, David D., 311–12Burr, Aaron, 65, 81Buscaglia, Leo, 156, 176Bush, George H. W., 6Butler, Brett, 176Buxton, Charles, 327Byrne, Gabriel, 294Byrne, Robert, 124
Caen, Herb, 126Cagney, James, 292Caine, Michael, 292Califano, Joseph, 235Campion, Thomas, 274Canfield, Cass, 165–66Capote, Truman, 344Carey, Mariah, 139Carey, Sandra, 45Carlin, George, 27, 109, 312Carlyle, Liz, 274Carnegie, Dale, 149–52Carroll, Donald, 139–40Carson, Johnny, 27, 45, 193Carson, Richard, 136Carter, Harlon B., 45Carville, James, 235Cervantes, Miguel de, 46, 292, 321Chan, Charlie, 327Chandler, Raymond, 345Chapman, Harry, 252–53Charles I, King of England, 235Cheney, Dick, 217Chesterfield, Lord (Philip Dormer Stanhope), 59, 65–66, 78–80, 152–53, 230, 327Chinese proverbs, 72, 317, 332Ching, Cyrus, 97–98Christian, Vicki, 177Christie, Agatha, 66Churchill, Winston, 12, 86–87, 134–35, 137, 235, 238, 276–77, 307–8, 320, 321, 342Cicero, Marcus Tullius, 156Clausewitz, Carl von, 236Clinton, Bill, 236Clover, Andrew, 197Cobbett, William, 66, 345Cockburn, Claud, 109, 312Cockerell, Lee, 109Cohen, Ben, 126Cohn, Roy M., 139Colbert, Stephen, 27, 312Coleridge, Samuel Taylor, 345Collins, Joan, 292Collins, John Churton, 126, 157Colton, Charles Caleb, 197Comer, John M., 328Confucius, 3, 14Connery, Micheline, 287, 288Connery, Sean, 285–88, 292Connolly, Billy, 126Connor, Pat, 198Cooley, Mason, 157Coolidge, Calvin, 236Cooper, Jilly, 313Cooper, Susan Fenimore, 46Copen, Lisa J., 157Coppola, Francis Ford, 289–90Corrado, David, 27Cosby, Bill, 198Costner, Kevin, 293Coué, Émile, 198Cousins, Norman, 10–11Cowan, John, 109Coward, Noël, 127, 137Cowher, Bill, 218Crane, George W., 324Creasey, John, 345Crenshaw, Ben, 218Crimmins, C. E., 176–77Crisp, Quentin, 28, 139–40Crosby, Bing, 290Cullen, Countee, 177
Daly, Arthur, 209Dame Edna Everage (Barry Humphries), 28Damon, Matt, 293Dane, Frank, 236D’Angelo, Anthony J., 66, 110, 140Dangerfield, Rodney, 199Davies, Robertson, 67, 199, 346Davis, Bette, 140Davis, Carlos W., Jr., 275Davis, Heather, 275Davis, Jefferson, 237Davis, Ken, 110DeCima, Jay P., 328de Lenclos, Ninon. See Lenclos, Annede Leon, Rafael (Roaring Lion), 206Dell, Donald, 313Delonzor, Diana, 275Demaret, Jimmy, 216DeMille, Cecil B., 293Denton, Terry, 275Denyer, Bob, 281D’Este, Carlo, 51de Tencin, Claudine Guérin. See Tencin, Claudine Guérin deDe Vito, Danny, 110Diamant, Anita, 110Dick, Philip K., 6Dickens, Charles, 94Dickson, Paul, 210–12, 218Dietrich, Marlene, 36–38, 37Diller, Phyllis, 199DiMaggio, Joe, 218Dirac, Paul, 308–9Dirda, Michael, 140DiSesa, Nina, 253Disney, Walt, 67Disraeli, Benjamin, 46, 60, 94–95, 153, 157, 231, 307Dodson, James, 219Donaldson, Scott, 346Dostoevsky, Fyodor, 9, 346Douglas, Jack, 127Douglas, Norman, 313Dowd, Maureen, 237Dreikurs, Rudolf, 199Dryden, John, 92Dulles, John Foster, 108Dumas, Alexandre, fils, 199Dundes, Alan, 276Dunne, John Gregory, 346Durant, Will, 157Durkin, Mary G., 111Durré, Linnda, 253Durst, Joseph, 253–54Dyer, Wayne, 46, 68
Eagan, J. W., 293Earhart, Amelia, 313Ebner-Eschenbach, Marie von, 157Eclair, Jenny, 127Economy, Peter, 115Edelman, Marian Wright, 46Edward, Duke of Windsor, 237Edwards, Bob, 200, 318Edwards, Tyron, 347Einstein, Albert, 42Eisenhower, Dwight D., 14, 238–39Eliot, George, 46Eliot, T. S., 29Elliot, Joseph, 110Elliott, Bob, 28Elster, Charles Harrington, 110Emanuel, Rahm, 56Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 1, 60, 239, 347Emerson, Roy, 219English folk song, 174–75English proverbs, 76, 88, 91, 98, 130, 204, 317, 334–35Eppler, Mark, 113Erikson, Erik, 6Esar, Evan, 90, 199Esquire magazine editors, 67, 127, 178, 313Euripdes, 3
Fain, Sammy, 271Faulkner, William, 47Fein, Ellen, 178–79Feinberg, Mortimer R., 254Feirstein, Bruce, 28Felderstein, Ken, 328Feldman, Corey, 200Fellini, Federico, 294Fenwick, Millicent, 47Ferrazzi, Keith, 276Festa, Linda, 313Fiedler, Sue, 313Fields, W. C., 91, 128, 179, 287–88, 294, 304Fierstein, Harvey, 47Fish, Hamilton, Jr., 239Fisher, John Arbuthnot, 95Fitzgerald, F. Scott, 64Flagler, Henry, 259Fleming, Peggy, 140, 219Flesch, Rudolf, 347Fontaine, Jean de la, 69Fonteyn, Margot, 294Forbes, Malcolm, 28Ford, Corey, 276Ford, Gerald, 33Ford, Harrison, 294Ford, Henry, II, 95Ford, Norman, 29Forni, P. M., 136, 163, 254Foxman, Abraham, 277France, Anatole, 313Francis de Sales, St., 46Frankel, Lois E., 254–55Franklin, Benjamin, 200Freehan, Bill, 219Freeman, Morgan, 295French proverbs, 130, 131, 318, 332Frick, Ford, 219–20Friedman, Bruce Jay, 314Friedman, Mickey, 67Friend, The, 192–93Fripp, Patricia, 67Froehling, Jesse, 128Frost, Robert, 29Fulbright, Yvonne K., 179–80Fuller, Elizabeth, 47–48Fuller, R. Buckminster, 48
Galbraith, John Kenneth, 112Gallagher, 200Gallagher, Peter, 111Galsworthy, John, 328Garagiola, Joe, 220Garfield, 301Garner, James, 90Gauthier, Mark, 255German proverbs, 72, 91Getchell, Margaret, 255Getty, J. Paul, 255Gibson, Thomas, 111Gide, André, 48Gilbert, Martin, 276, 277Gillespie, Gordie, 220Gish, Lillian, 290Godek, Gregory J. P., 140–41, 180Golden, Arthur, 324Goldman, William, 111, 200Goldthwait, Bobcat, 29Goldwyn, Samuel, 314Goncourt, Edmond and Jules, 158Gordon, Ruth, 295Gore, Thomas, 319Gould, Stephen Jay, 111Gracián, Baltasar, 40–41, 328Grager, Robert A., 141Graves, Robert, 347Greeley, Andrew M., 111Green, Michael, 277Greenburg, Dan, 128Greener, William, 90Griffith, Melanie, 295Grizzard, Lewis, 25, 180, 200–201, 220, 326Gruenenfelder, Kim, 128, 180Guicciardini, Francesco, 158Gunch, Modine (Liz Scott Monaghan), 278Gunther, Max, 141, 256Gupta, Sanjay, 68
Hagman, Larry, 239Hahn, Emily “Mickey,” 181Halas, George, 220Hale, Edward Everett, 68Haley, Alex, 9Halford, Sir Henry, 29Hamilton, Cathy, 29Hammarskjöld, Dag, 48–49Hanlon, Robert J., 96Hannah, John, 295–96Hansberry, Lorraine, 49Harragan, Betty Lehan, 141Harrelson, Woody, 296Harris, Michael, 68Harris, Sydney J., 68Hart, Johnny, 30Hauri, Peter, 314–15Hayden, Carl, 239Heimel, Cynthia, 142, 172, 181Heinlein, Robert A., 30, 96–97, 111–12, 128, 158, 181, 276, 347–48Heinrichs, Jay, 315Heller, Robert, 256Hemingway, Ernest, 36–38, 158, 328, 348Henson, Jim, 32–33Hepburn, Audrey, 142Herbert, Bob, 142Herbert, James, 112Herbst, Sharon Tyler, 278Herford, Oliver, 301Herlihy, Kerry, 181–82Hewlett, William, 329Heywood, John, 88Higgins, George V., 348Hill, Linda, 142Hillel, 89Hipparchus, 158–59Hobbs, Chantel, 276Hock, Dee W., 256–57Holmes, John Andrew, 201Holmes, Oliver Wendell, Sr., 339–40, 341Holtz, Lou, 218, 220–21Home Circle, The, 192Homer, Karen, 142–43Hoover, Herbert, 239–40Hopkins, Lemuel, 98Hopkins, Sam “Lightnin’,” 69Horace, 60, 65Horne, Lena, 1Hornung, Paul, 201Horowitz, Vladimir, 49Houston, Ruth, 112, 182Howard, Tracie, 278Howe, Edgar Watson, 201Howell, James, 90Hubbard, Elbert, 95Hubbard, Fra
nk McKinney “Kin,” 30Hughes, Langston, 329Hull, Cordell, 329Humphrey, Hubert H., 49, 240Humphries, Barry, 28Hunt, Freeman, 128Hunt, H. L., 257Hunt, L. P., 329Hutcherson, Hilda, 182Hutchinson, Fred, 221Hutchinson, Phoebe, 201–2Hutton, Lauren, 83Huxley, Aldous, 81
Iaquinto, Anthony, 333Irish proverbs, 332, 335Italian proverbs, 184, 332Ivester, Douglas, 257
Jackson, Gordon S., 278Jackson, Holbrook, 349Jackson, Jesse, 48Jackson, Robyn Renee, 278Jackson, Thomas “Stonewall,” 98, 159Japanese proverb, 204Jefferies, Richard, 143Jefferson, Thomas, 230, 257, 315Jerome, St., 88Jerrold, Douglas, 143Jobs, Steve, 119–22Johnson, Barbara, 159–60Johnson, F. Ross, 257–58Johnson, Kimberly, 49Johnson, Lyndon B., 128, 236, 240Johnson, Matthew A., 143Johnson, Robert W., 258Johnson, Spencer, 251John XXIII, Pope, 48Jolie, Angelina, 300–301Jordan, Michael, 221Joubert, Joseph, 49, 160, 323, 349
Kahane, Rabbi Meir, 277Kahaney, Cory, 202Kami, Michael J., 115Kaputa, Catherine, 258Karan, Donna, 83Keillor, Garrison, 349Keitel, Harvey, 202Kelleher, Herb, 258Keller, Helen, 69Kempis, Thomas à, 69Kennedy, John F., 14, 56, 91Kennedy, Joseph P., 258Kennedy, Rose Fitzgerald, 143–44Kessler, Merle, 185Kidd, Betty, 102–3Kidman, Nicole, 112Kiechell, Walter, III, 144King, Alan, 30King, Florence, 30King, Martin Luther, Jr., 50, 112, 144King, Patricia, 278Kington, Miles, 315Kipling, Rudyard, 202Kirchheimer, Sid, 278Kissinger, Henry, 258Kita, Joe, 62–63, 183, 203, 259Kite, Tom, 221Kliban, B., 279Koch, Edward, 129, 240Koestler, Arthur, 349Kollmann, Dana, 279Korda, Michael, 50, 160Kotter, John P., 112–13Krantzler, Mel, 203Kreps, E. H., 329–30Krug, Critchfield, 40Krzyzewski, Mike, 222