Finding Courage (Love's Compass Book 3)

by Melanie D. Snitker

  He shrugged. “A month?” He inhaled, focusing on the way his lungs filled with air. “Let’s give it a month to find our footing.”

  “Okay. But I’m the one who left. I should take the spare…”

  It wasn’t up for debate. “It’s my choice. You’re taking the master.”

  Avalon appeared unhappy with his decision but held her tongue. For the first time, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes. When did she last get a decent night’s sleep? She gave him a single nod to signal she accepted and reached for her glass of water.

  Duke stood, cleared his plate, and placed it in the sink. “Leave the dishes. We both need sleep. I’ll go get a few things and move them into the spare room.”

  Chapter Three

  Avalon listened as the sound of Duke’s footsteps faded and put the leftovers in the fridge. Not knowing how long he’d be gone, she went ahead and took care of the dishes. There was no sense in waking up to them in the morning.

  Her stomach gurgled. She had no idea whether it was a result of the conversation that evening or the baby. Chances were, it was a combination of the two.

  Duke surprised her when he suggested they stay in separate rooms and give it a month. He was right, though. They couldn’t jump back to where they were before this all began. She was the one who’d left and it was a terrible decision — one she had to live with. She couldn’t blame him if he didn’t trust her.

  But what happened in a month if little progress was made? Had Duke thought that far ahead? Surely he made the suggestion hoping for the best. The possibilities and the unknown swirled around in her head and she couldn’t make sense of it.

  There’d been many times when she’d believed he’d put her feelings and concerns on the back burner. Especially with regards to his mother. She wanted it to be different this time. Needed it to be different.

  She also needed to tell him about the baby. She’d started to once at dinner, but hadn’t been able to form the words.

  Duke was right about one thing: Avalon was bone tired, and her body demanded sleep.

  She finished the dishes, turned off the kitchen light, and headed into the living room. She jumped when she spotted Duke standing at the bottom of the staircase, watching her. He was wearing a shirt and a pair of baggy cotton pants, his usual sleeping attire.

  “The room’s all yours.”

  Avalon would feel better if she could’ve stayed in the spare room.

  Duke motioned for her to precede him up the stairs. He turned the lights off behind them.

  At the top of the stairs, Avalon turned right and hesitated at the door to the master bedroom. Their room. It was funny how, after almost three weeks, the space didn’t feel much like hers anymore.

  She turned partway to watch Duke walk in the opposite direction down the hall and disappear into the room on the other side of the spare bathroom.

  With a gulp, she went inside and closed the door behind her. She’d left a duffel bag in her car but wasn’t going to go get it now. Instead, she dug out a pair of pajamas from her drawer in the dresser and changed.

  When she finally climbed into bed, Duke’s scent enveloped her. The memories of nights falling asleep with him beside her kept filling her thoughts. He hadn’t tossed her out of the house and that had to be a good sign.

  She had to keep praying she could show Duke how much he meant to her and how much she wanted to fix everything between them. She’d tell Duke about the baby during breakfast.

  After setting her cell phone alarm for six in the morning, she closed her eyes against the events of the day. Avalon fell asleep with one arm wrapped around her pillow and the other resting across her stomach.

  She could have sworn she’d been sleeping five minutes when her phone alarm woke her with a start. She silenced it and sat up slowly, blinking. That was the first time she’d slept through the night without waking up since she’d left. Duke would be getting ready to go to work. She didn’t want to start her first day home sleeping in.

  When Avalon stood, her stomach growled. She paused as a wave of nausea rolled over her. It’d been more frequent in the mornings lately and was showing up in the evenings, too. She hoped nausea would be the only form of morning sickness she experienced.

  She dressed and hurried downstairs to find the kitchen empty. The smell of coffee wafted from the coffee maker on the counter, nudging her mild nausea into overdrive. She let out a long breath and attempted to inhale primarily through her mouth to quell it.

  A note taped to the fridge said:

  Avalon,

  I’m heading out to work. I took lunch. I’ll be back tonight.

  Duke

  Did he leave early so he didn’t have to run into her this morning? Even more significant was the fact he packed a lunch, making it unnecessary to come home again until late that night. Before she had a chance to think about why he’d left so early, she found herself dry heaving into the trash can. Maybe it was just as well. She wouldn’t have wanted him to witness her stomach committing mutiny anyway. Not exactly the pregnancy announcement she’d imagined.

  In between expecting to see her insides on the outside, she located some crackers and dumped the remaining coffee down the drain.

  Avalon spent a good thirty minutes sitting at the kitchen table before she could move without losing the few crackers she’d managed to consume.

  It seemed fitting that full morning sickness would kick in the first day home. She’d probably jinxed the whole thing, hoping it wouldn’t get any worse than the nausea.

  She glanced at the half sleeve of crackers. Yep, she’d need a lot more than that to survive the next few weeks, which led her to searching through the fridge and cabinets.

  No wonder Duke hadn’t planned to come home for lunch. There was nothing to eat. She’d had to get creative to pull off last night’s dinner.

  She retrieved a piece of paper and pencil and set about making a grocery list. At least she wouldn’t need cleaning supplies — they hadn’t been touched since she’d left.

  By the time she finished, she had the list in hand and a tentative meal plan for the next two weeks stuck to the fridge with a magnet.

  Satisfied, she sent Duke a text telling him where she was going in case he came home early. Receiving only an “Okay” in response, Avalon headed into town.

  Now that her stomach wasn’t churning, Duke’s early morning absence bothered her. He was probably avoiding her.

  Before, they would have a quick breakfast together and he would go out to work. She tended to the house and garden, had lunch waiting and would eat with him, then would do more of the same until dinner. As time went on, they only had lunch together half the time.

  If she were honest with herself, she dreaded all the quiet. She’d spend the day waiting for him to get home and the hours stretched into forever. Since she hadn’t shared the news of her marriage with her family, she’d felt even more isolated. It became difficult to visit with them over the phone when each conversation felt like a lie.

  Especially after the quick marriage and divorce Marian had gone through a few years ago. Avalon should have learned from her oldest sister’s mistakes.

  When she went to Kitner and told them all about Duke, she’d waited for their “I-told-you-so.” It never came. Her mom was devastated and her dad worried. But they never made her feel guilty. Which was a blessing considering how much guilt she’d inflicted on herself.

  Avalon’s cellphone rang. She glanced at the caller ID before answering it. “Hey, Mom.” She kept one hand on the steering wheel and her eyes on the road. “What’s up?”

  “I thought I’d call and see how you’re doing.”

  Vera’s voice brought a smile to Avalon’s face. “I’m heading into town to buy some groceries while Duke’s at work.”

  “So you two are okay?”

  Boy, how did Avalon answer that question? “I apologized and we talked a little. We decided we need to get to know each other like we should’ve done originall
y.”

  “It sounds like a good place to start.” Vera cleared her throat. “Honey, are you okay?”

  “Truthfully? I’m not sure yet. But I’m back and I’m hoping we can make things right. I want this marriage to work.”

  ~

  Duke sat on the ground under a tree. The green leaves with traces of gold and red provided ample shelter from the sun. It wasn’t overly warm in November, but working outside all day still became arduous.

  Dry weeds and grass crunched under him as he got comfortable. It seemed like autumn was hitting the area later than normal this year. He gazed up at the branches above him. It wouldn’t be long now, however, before the leaves would turn and fall.

  He pulled two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches from a sack along with the tail end of a bag of barbecue chips. The bottom was filled with crumbs, which he polished off quickly.

  It had been a long morning working on the fence line. He hoped to have all the repairs out of the way by the end of the week.

  Avalon’s face came to mind. He felt like a coward leaving the house earlier than usual. While she was gone, he’d wake up every morning, hoping she’d decided to come back. He’d go downstairs, praying he’d find her asleep on the couch or waiting for him on the porch.

  This morning, as soon as his eyes opened, everything from the day before flooded into his mind. For the first time in days, he didn’t have to pray she was safe or that she’d find her way home. The relief was huge. But he needed time to think before seeing her again.

  Part of him was surprised she hadn’t come out to find him. He imagined her angry when she saw he’d already left. He hoped she’d still be there at the house when he got back.

  He didn’t think enough about how she might react. Regret for not waiting to see her before he’d gone to work hit his chest with a force that left his stomach aching.

  What if Avalon woke up, saw his note, and it was enough of a reason for her to take off again?

  Well, then she wasn’t going to stay anyway.

  Right?

  His body tensed. It took effort to push aside the yearning to go home and reassure himself she was still there.

  Rudy called and asked questions about the fencing and wanted to see if his son was feeling better. Duke said he was and cringed at the half-truth. But if his parents knew what was going on, his mom would storm the house and insist on speaking with Avalon.

  He didn’t look forward to that first meeting between them and hoped to put it off as long as possible.

  After Avalon left, he spent most of his time alone, trying to detach himself from his family until he knew whether she was coming back or not. He’d grown tired of his mother telling him it was all for the best and he would be better off if she never returned.

  No matter how things played out with Avalon, he needed to make changes in how he handled his mother. Loretta would not run him or his wife over like she’d always done with her own husband.

  The workday finally came to an end and Duke headed home. When he stepped into the kitchen, the image of Avalon leaning against the counter, a book in her hands, made him smile. Engrossed in the novel, she didn’t notice him until he was halfway across the room. She closed the book with a snap and set it down.

  “How’d everything go today?” Her words were a typical greeting, but her eyes relayed uncertainty.

  “Not bad. I’ll be done with the fencing by the end of the weekend.”

  “That’s good news.” She pushed away from the counter and went to stir the contents in one of the pots on the stove. “Spaghetti and garlic bread tonight. It’ll be ready in ten minutes if you need to clean up.”

  By the time he returned, she had everything out on the table waiting for him.

  Once they sat down, he said a prayer much like the night before.

  Duke scooped a hearty helping of noodles, slathered them with meat sauce, and swiped three pieces of garlic bread onto his plate. He noticed Avalon gave herself a much smaller portion and added a single slice of bread.

  They ate in silence. For Duke, it was as much out of appreciation for the dinner as anything else. He’d missed regular, real meals while she’d been gone.

  When the gnawing hunger in his stomach was satisfied, Duke leaned back in his chair. “I take it your trip to the grocery store was a success.”

  “It was. I’m amazed you didn’t starve to death while I was gone.”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Trust me, it was close.”

  Avalon chuckled. “I believe that.” She cleared the table, her plate still half full. “I’ve got chocolate pudding in the fridge.”

  He carried his own plate to the sink. “Are you not hungry tonight?”

  She blinked at him. “I guess not.” She said nothing, only piled dishes in one side of the sink and served the pudding.

  Duke accepted the bowl and spoon from her.

  Avalon went back to her chair opposite him. His eyes followed her movements as she scooped a spoonful of pudding, took a bite, and grimaced.

  He took a taste then. Perfect. When he glanced at her again, he saw her putting the spoon back in her bowl. “I’m sorry about the house. I’m afraid I didn’t do much to keep it cleaned up while you were gone.”

  “It’s okay. Grocery shopping took the majority of my time today. But I’ll get the place back under control.”

  She planned on staying — at least for the foreseeable future.

  Duke watched as his wife yawned. There were still dark circles under her eyes. Didn’t she sleep last night?

  He picked her book up off the counter and held it out to her. “Why don’t you relax for a few minutes? I’ll get the dishes.”

  She hesitated but took the book, her hand brushing his in the process. His eyes followed her every move as she left the room.

  Duke did his best to push thoughts of Avalon’s touch from his mind as he washed the dishes and wiped off the table.

  Thank you, Jesus, for bringing her home. Help us find our way. Help me to figure out how to be the kind of husband and friend she deserves.

  Chapter Four

  Avalon woke Wednesday morning and tried to dredge thoughts out of the fog that encompassed her brain. She registered the amount of light coming in through the window and bolted upright, reaching for her phone. It was almost seven.

  She clambered out of bed. Had she not set her alarm for six or did she hit snooze and fall back to sleep? Either way, it wasn’t good. She’d intended to be up and see Duke before he’d headed off to work. So much for that. She knew he would be gone by now.

  Avalon ate two crackers, nausea already making her stomach unsteady. She dressed in a pair of jeans that were too tight for comfort. She’d read bloating often caused an increase in the waistline at this point in pregnancy. Another article she’d seen suggested using a hair band wrapped around the button and through the hole, securing it back to the button again to give extra space. She gave it a try, impressed by how well it worked. To make sure she hid the gap, she chose a long, black shirt to wear.

  By the time she got down to the kitchen, there was no doubt Duke had already left. A note waited on the fridge for her.

  Avalon,

  Sorry I’m leaving before you’re up. I had to get out and work on the fencing again. I’ll see you at lunch.

  Duke

  She fought against her disappointment. Again, she’d planned on telling Duke about the baby before he left for work. She’d had every intention of telling him last night after dinner and then she couldn’t find the right time. The longer she waited, the more nervous she was becoming. She groaned.

  After brewing a cup of hot peppermint tea, Avalon sat at the kitchen table and tried to get herself pumped for the day ahead.

  Her mind went back to days she’d spent alone at the house before she’d left. Duke had started off coming home for lunch, but then things got busy with the fall harvest and she saw him briefly in the morning and late in the evening. By that time, they were both tired and grump
y.

  Eventually, she spent the majority of her day at home alone. And she hated it. It had been lonely, quiet, and boring. She’d expressed her discontent a time or two to Duke but kept her thoughts inside most of the time. Now she faced the same schedule and found herself dreading the long days already.

  She drank the last of her tea and stood up. The house was an absolute mess and she needed to get that under control. It definitely couldn’t be accomplished in a single day.

  There was one thing that driving to Texas and back had taught her: Music was a lifesaver. Several of her favorite artists had kept her company. She bought an album or two online and had the MP3s downloaded to her phone, making it possible to listen to her music no matter where she was.

  Now, she plugged her phone into the outlet in the wall and propped it up on an external speaker. She cycled through artists until she found one that fit her mood. With the loud beat of a rock song in the background, she got to work cleaning the living room. Avalon smiled to herself as she sang with the music, her voice resonating off the walls.

  By the time eleven arrived, she’d gotten the living room in order and thoroughly cleaned. She’d moved onto the kitchen which proved to be quite the task on its own. She replaced the last of the fridge items after cleaning out the appliance, turned the music off, and started making lunch.

  At the beginning of their marriage, Duke came home every day for lunch around eleven thirty. That’s what she was aiming for.

  She hid her surprise when he walked through the backdoor right on time. He offered her a smile — a combination of relief and nerves. Pretty close to the way she was feeling herself at the moment.

  “Have a seat. I’ve got soup and grilled cheese.”

  Duke made an appreciative sound as he washed his hands and took his place at the table. When she sat a bowl of bean with bacon soup and two grilled cheese sandwiches in front of him, he didn’t hesitate to dive in.