Finding Courage (Love's Compass Book 3)

by Melanie D. Snitker

  He didn’t seem to believe her, but they focused on the meal. Avalon was able to eat more than she had the last few days. But as soon as she’d finished, her stomach felt heavy and she regretted it.

  She popped a peppermint into her mouth and took a measured breath, attempting to squelch the nausea.

  ~

  When Duke had suggested they ride back together, it’d seemed like a good idea at the time. As soon as Avalon’s arms had tightened around his waist, he regretted the decision. Her closeness threatened his resolve to keep his distance. He didn’t truly know Avalon and that had to change before he would let her back in completely.

  Duke’s eyes rested on her. She didn’t seem well. But she made a point of avoiding his gaze. He was relieved she ate all of her lunch after consuming little since returning home.

  The silence stretching between them became too much.

  “We should be able to finish up the fencing today. You’ve been a lot of help.”

  A small smile graced Avalon’s face, although it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’m glad.”

  “Avalon, after today, it’s going to be a lot of riding and dirty work, checking on the crops for the next few weeks. I think you should stay home. You seem tired and that kind of work will be exhausting.”

  She started to shake her head before he finished talking. “No. I told you, Duke. I don’t want to stay home by myself all day. Not this time.” She clenched her jaw and lifted her chin. “I’m only going to be out here for part of the afternoon. Why don’t you let me decide if I’m too tired?”

  This wasn’t going at all like he’d intended it to. “You have no idea what the harvests are like. The days are long and once crops start coming in, the work is dirty and exhausting.”

  Avalon’s eyes were cold and her expression tight. “Of course I have no idea what the harvests are like. I’ve never participated in one. And if you think getting my hands dirty is going to scare me, you don’t know me very well.”

  “All of our problems boil down to that, don’t they?” The words were out of Duke’s mouth before he had a chance to stop them. It was too late now so he may as well finish the thought. “And you don’t know me well enough to realize I’m only trying to make things easier for you.”

  “Really? Because one of your mother’s main complaints about me is that I don’t have what it takes to help run a farm like this. And you know what? My lack of skills will always be there if you don’t give me a chance to develop them. How does my not learning the ropes around here make it easier on me? Because I’m not seeing the connection.”

  The mention of Loretta hit a nerve. He pointed a finger at her. “This isn’t about my mom. This is about us, Avalon. Don’t drag my parents into every argument we have.”

  Avalon massaged her temples, a frown tugging at the corners of her mouth. She focused her eyes on the ground in front of her. “I don’t want to fight. I get so sick of fighting.”

  Duke didn’t either. Maybe it’d be better to let her come out in the afternoons if she wanted to. She’d likely decide on her own to quit, anyway. And if she got tired or there were any issues, he would have more of a reason to insist she stay home.

  “Avalon.” He waited for her hands to drop and her eyes to meet his. “I don’t want to fight, either. If you want to come out the afternoons you’re free, I would be happy to have your help.”

  She gave him a firm nod, but it didn’t bring a smile to her face like he’d hoped it would. If anything, a hint of doubt shadowed her pretty features. He hated that he’d put it there.

  Duke wanted to hold Avalon in his arms. Something he didn’t dare do. He needed to keep his head clear. If there was one thing he knew well about his wife it was once he had her nested in his arms, his brain would turn to mush. The many nights he’d spent holding his wife flew to mind and he consciously shoved them away.

  They finished their meal and cleaned up before getting to work on the fence. Other than communication needed for the repairs, conversation stayed superficial and the time dragged.

  Duke finally cleared his throat. “Do you like it here?”

  Avalon kept her eyes on her task, but her brows knit together. “On the farm?”

  “In Arizona. Yuma. After growing up in Texas, do you like it here?”

  “I do. They’re similar to each other. We get a lot less rain here, though. I miss that.”

  He nodded. It was good she was comfortable in Yuma. He’d wondered if, when she’d gone back to see her family, she regretted leaving Texas again.

  “I’ve lived in the Yuma area since I was born. I’d like to visit Texas someday.” He waited for her reaction.

  Avalon raised an eyebrow and met his gaze. “I think you’d like it.”

  Their conversation ebbed. Duke struggled to find something else to bring up when they heard a vehicle approaching. He turned and spotted his dad, Rudy, driving up on a four-wheeler. Avalon sighed and he didn’t blame her. He hoped to buy a few more days before his parents noticed her return. It was a miracle they’d gotten this far without having to face this particular trial.

  Rudy stopped and got off the vehicle, his eyes never leaving Avalon. “When did you get back?”

  Avalon’s eyes flitted to Duke’s. He answered for her. “A few days ago, Dad.”

  Rudy turned his attention to his son. “Why didn’t you call and let us know?”

  “Because we needed time to figure a few things out. Mom wouldn’t have given us that.” Duke hated talking that way, but it was the truth. To say he dreaded the first interaction between Loretta and Avalon would be a huge understatement. Now that Rudy knew she had returned, Loretta would also learn about it within the hour.

  Avalon continued to work, even though she wasn’t accomplishing much. Duke moved a crossbeam for her to secure with a nail.

  “You’re making good progress on the fencing,” Rudy said.

  “We should be done after today.”

  “That’s why I stopped by. To see if you needed any helping finishing things up.”

  “Thanks, Dad. We’ve got it handled.”

  Rudy stayed silent a moment. “I would expect a dinner invitation from your mother for this evening.”

  “We have plans tonight, Dad. We’ll let you all know what evening will work for us.”

  “All right. We’ll see you later, then.” Rudy said nothing else before driving away.

  Duke took his cell phone out and put it on silent. He would have to deal with a call from his mother, but it would be on his terms today.

  Avalon set the hammer down. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For not agreeing to go over there tonight.”

  “You’re welcome.” Duke wasn’t in a hurry to see them, either. The night Avalon left was the first time he’d realized how horrible Loretta had been to his wife. He regretted he hadn’t taken Avalon’s concerns seriously for such a long time. He’d assumed she was taking things too personally or that she was blowing everything out of proportion. It would be different this time.

  He covered one of Avalon’s hands with his own. When she peeked at him through her long lashes, he said, “I want you to know that, no matter what happens, I’m on your side. I failed to do so before. I wasn’t the friend or the husband you needed. I’m sorry for that. I want to be the guy you can count on.”

  Tears swam in those bright, blue eyes. She gave him a single nod. “Thank you.” He watched as she straightened her spine and blinked the moisture away. She smoothed her hair from her face as resolve replaced the tears. “Duke, I hope someday you’ll forgive me for leaving. I promise you, I’m here to stay. I want you to believe me.”

  He wanted to as well. But he couldn’t. Not yet. As Duke studied his wife’s face, he came to one realization.

  “I forgive you, Avalon.” Uncertainty flashed in her eyes, combined with a flicker of hope. “But I’m battling with trust. That’ll take time.”

  Chapter Six

  Avalon�
�s eyelids fell and her shoulders slumped. Duke hooked a finger under her chin and raised it until she met his eyes. “I want to trust you again.” More than anything. As the connection between them surged like electricity through his body, he wished he could go back three months. There were many things he would have done differently.

  “I know.”

  He gently rubbed his thumb across her chin before he moved his hand. She shifted her weight, holding her head up high.

  They worked in silence for a while before she spoke. “I saw how your dad feels about me. I can imagine what your mom thinks. What about Calvin?”

  Duke pictured his younger brother. The boy was only sixteen, but he might as well be a clone of their mother. Every time Duke was around them both, it amazed and saddened him.

  “Take Mom and throw in teen angst.”

  “Fantastic.”

  He watched as she collected nails from a box at her feet. “We can keep putting them off if you want to.”

  “It’s a big, festering wound, Duke. We may as well rip the bandage off and be done with it.”

  It might have sounded melodramatic to a stranger’s ear, but she spoke the truth. That first interaction with his family would be brutal.

  Duke caught Avalon's attention on him several times as they worked. He sensed she wanted to say something but was hesitant. He caught her eyes and gave her a smile he hoped might encourage her to speak her mind. Whether that helped or whether she worked up the courage on her own, he didn't know.

  “Why does your dad let your mom treat you — or even him — the way she does?”

  That wasn't an easy question to answer. He considered his response for a moment. “I’m not sure. I have vague memories of my dad standing up to her when I was a kid. There was a fun run in kindergarten. As the name implies, it’s a way to get the kids outside and active. Both of my parents came to it and were standing on the sidelines, cheering me on. I wasn’t anywhere near first to finish, but my mom caught me on the other side of the finish line, grabbed me by the elbow, and said McNeils always succeed in what they’re doing, and next time I would do good to remember that.” Avalon’s eyes were wide as he related the story.

  He still remembered the way his joy in the moment had been crushed. What started out as a feeling of accomplishment for finishing the race with his classmates turned into feeling like a failure. “My dad put a hand on my shoulder and told me I’d done a great job, and if I did my best, I’ll always have a reason to be proud of myself. That's the last time I remember my dad talking like that.”

  “Wow. How sad. I’m sorry, Duke.”

  He shrugged. “What can you do? I didn't agree with her, even then. I don’t know if I'm not overly competitive or if I could ignore a lot of what she tried to push onto me. But Calvin wasn't as lucky. He’s like a carbon copy of Mom and he feeds off her competitive nature. I guess I’m somewhere between my parents. Winning isn’t everything and I don’t have to be on the top of the pack to make a difference. But I will not let my mom run me over trying to change my mind, either.”

  Avalon nodded thoughtfully. “Given your family dynamics, it’s probably a good combination.”

  She said nothing else as they worked. Duke wondered what she thought about his ability to handle his mother’s constant attempts to pry into their lives. Not for the first time, he considered what life would be like if he hadn't gone into the family business.

  His parents raised him to be a farmer. Everyone expected him to continue working for his parents. He enjoyed the work but didn’t always like that, even if they were operating in a partnership of sorts, his mother was essentially his boss.

  ~

  The next evening, Avalon closed the car door and flinched at the view of the house in front of her. Duke’s parents had a lot of money, and there was nothing wrong with owning a large house if you could afford it. But this one flaunted wealth. Avalon didn’t even think it was overly pretty. Each detail, down to the multiple fountains along the pathway, was overdone.

  It probably didn’t help that the owners of the near-mansion were anything but welcoming or warm. In fact, knowing she would be swallowed up as she entered that door made her stomach churn. She consciously kept herself from placing a protective hand over her middle.

  She heard Duke walk up beside her. He touched her lower back and warmth permeated the fabric of her teal blouse.

  As they approached the front door, she focused on that physical contact as her lifeline to sanity. It wasn’t too far from the truth.

  Duke pushed the doorbell once. Within moments, a woman who worked for the McNeil household opened the door and ushered them inside. “Mr. and Mrs. McNeil are waiting for you in the parlor.”

  Of course. Avalon bit back a sigh as her throat went dry. When they entered the parlor, Rudy and Loretta were seated, each nursing a drink in their hand.

  Rudy stood and reached out to shake Duke’s hand. “It’s good to see you, son.” He gave a nod to Avalon. “Welcome back.”

  Loretta maintained her position in the chair and fixed her son with an expectant stare. Duke left Avalon’s side briefly to kiss Loretta on the cheek. “Hi, Mother.”

  “Hello, Duke.” Loretta patted the side of his face. She never did look in Avalon’s direction. “It’s nice of you to find time in your busy schedule to drop by for dinner. I was beginning to wonder if you’d forgotten about your own mother.”

  Avalon thought it was probably just as well that Loretta didn’t acknowledge her. If the drop in temperature in the room was any indication, Avalon might turn into an ice cube on eye contact.

  A sound came from the doorway and Calvin walked in. He glared at her, his eyes hard. “What are you doing here?”

  Duke moved to stand next to Avalon again and she breathed a sigh of relief. “She’s back, Cal. And it’s between us.”

  Calvin folded his arms against his chest and moved his feet further apart. “She walked out on you. She doesn’t belong here.”

  Loretta narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been concerned about the same thing myself.” The woman still wouldn’t look directly at Avalon. “Apparently she’s been back for a few days now, but Duke failed to let us know such an important detail.”

  Avalon covered her surprise when Duke took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together, and giving hers a reassuring squeeze.

  “Stop talking about us as though we’re not in the room.” Duke gave Loretta a warning glare. “If Avalon’s not welcome, then neither am I.”

  Rudy kept his attention on his drink. Loretta appeared to consider her choices. She finally narrowed her eyes at Calvin. He sighed and stalked to the couch, perching on the arm of it like a cat ready to pounce.

  Avalon focused on the way Duke’s hand swallowed hers and tried to ignore the hostility. Not an easy thing to do. She’d gone in expecting it, but experiencing it was a whole different thing. If only the evening would hurry. She looked forward to escaping and going back home again. At least dinner would give them something else to do besides stare at each other.

  The filet mignon with mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn hit the spot. Avalon didn’t think she’d ever focused so much on a meal in her life.

  Duke cleared his throat and addressed his brother who sat across the table from him. The teenager had his phone out and was busy typing something on the screen. “How’s school going?”

  Calvin didn’t look up from his phone.

  Rudy spoke from the end of the table. “Calvin, no phones at the dinner table.”

  His reminder made no difference. Calvin acted as though his father had never spoken. A few moments later, Loretta spoke. “Put the phone away. It’s rude to ignore a question that’s directed to you.”

  Calvin turned it off and slipped it into a back pocket. “Of course, mother.” He never looked at Duke but did tell them about his friends and the big project they were working on.

  Avalon took a drink of water before asking a question of her own. “When’s your project due?” />
  Her query went unanswered and Loretta began telling them about several of the ladies at her garden club. “My iris bulbs are incredibly rare and for them to steal some from my garden — it’s abhorrent!”

  Duke set his fork down on the edge of his plate. “Mom, they may have ordered the bulbs. You can get almost anything online.”

  “Not these. I’m convinced they dug up bulbs here at the house and planted them elsewhere. Isn’t that right, Rudy?”

  Her husband swallowed his bite of food. “I’m sure you’re correct, dear.”

  Avalon resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Did the man ever disagree with his wife?

  If she and Duke had allowed themselves time to get to know each other and their families, the relationship between his parents would have been a concern for Avalon. Raised in that environment, how would he treat his own spouse?

  She was thankful he had somehow come through his childhood with a different outlook. Maybe watching his parents showed him there had to be another way.

  Duke brought up the crop and Rudy quickly latched onto the change of topic. “I think this will be one of our most successful years.” Duke’s voice relayed his excitement.

  Rudy nodded. “I agree.”

  The men compared what they had seen in the crops while the table was cleared and dessert brought in. As soon as Avalon spotted the chocolate cake, a small groan escaped her lips. She wasn’t sure which would be worse: Struggle through a few bites of cake and pray she didn’t vomit, or refuse the cake and offend Loretta. Either way, it wasn’t much of a choice.

  Loretta was shrewd. The last thing Avalon needed was for her mother-in-law to piece things together and figure out she was pregnant before she had a chance to tell Duke. So she accepted the piece of cake. Being careful to breathe only through her mouth, she took a bite and washed it down with a sip of water.

  Avalon managed to eat a fourth of it before she set the fork down. When she raised her eyes, she found Loretta watching her.