Finding Courage (Love's Compass Book 3)

by Melanie D. Snitker

  Doing his best to offer her a true smile, he wasn’t sure he succeeded as he mentally kicked himself all the way across the yard.

  Chapter Eight

  The next morning, Duke opened his eyes bright and early to find Khanrad staring at him, front paws planted firmly on his chest. He laughed and rolled the dog over to his back so he could rub his tummy. “You’re a good boy. You’ll fit right in here.”

  He was pleasantly surprised the dog slept through the night without barking or causing any trouble. A relief because he’d half expected to be up most of the night.

  They’d given the dog a choice of where to sleep, both leaving their bedroom doors open, allowing Khanrad to come and go as he liked. He chose Duke’s bed and that’s where he stayed.

  Duke’s mind went to Avalon. Memories of the evening before filled him with a whole slew of emotions. He should have kept his distance. After all, it was he who suggested giving themselves a month to get to know each other again. But no, he had to act like a love-sick teenager and push her. Clearly she wasn’t ready. Well, sitting around reliving the moment over and over again wasn’t going to help.

  It was still dark outside as he got dressed. “Come on, boy. Let’s go get some breakfast.” Khanrad followed him, bounding down three or four stairs, back up two, all the way. He reached the ground floor and turned, watching Duke expectantly.

  “Hold on.” He rushed to get the coffee pot going before taking the dog out the back door to do his business.

  Duke was getting dog food when Avalon entered the kitchen.

  “Did he sleep with you all night? I never heard him.”

  Duke nodded. “He slept on the foot of the bed. Never made a sound.” He studied Avalon. She’d dressed and gotten cleaned up, but there was still a sleepy haze to her eyes, which made her all the more appealing. His heart picked up speed.

  She yawned widely and put a hand over her mouth, a pretty blush coloring her cheeks. “Sorry.”

  “Didn’t you sleep well last night?”

  “I slept fine, but I don’t feel rested.” She hesitated. “I’m sure I just need time to wake up.”

  “Maybe you can take a nap here in a while. See if you can get caught up on sleep.” Although if she’d been kept awake half as long as he had the night before thinking about their almost kiss, that would be reason enough to feel tired this morning. “I need to take the truck and trailer into town here in a while and pick up the new four-wheelers. I want to go by the police station and check on the progress of our report, too.”

  “That sounds good. I’ll stay here with Khanrad. I hate to leave him on his own the first day here.”

  Duke agreed with her, though found himself disappointed he wouldn’t be spending the majority of the day with his wife. Things already felt awkward between them after the evening before, much less letting most of the day go by without talking.

  Then again, he had no idea what to say about it right now, anyway.

  ~

  By the time Duke finished in town and headed back to the house, it was mid-afternoon. It took much longer than he’d expected. His phone rang and when he glanced at the screen and saw his mother’s name, he released a heavy sigh. Perfect.

  He answered the call and turned the speaker on so he didn’t have to hold on to the phone.

  “Hey, Mom. What’s up?”

  “Is Avalon there?”

  Duke tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “My day is going well, thanks for asking. How about yours?”

  “Very funny. Answer the question, Duke.” Loretta’s voice revealed nothing.

  “I’m driving home in the pickup. No, she’s not here. She’s waiting for me back at the house.” He doubted that’s what she meant.

  “You need to sit her down and have a talk with her. She left once, she’ll do so again. Women like that can’t be trusted.” She paused. “I don’t want her hurting you anymore.”

  “I appreciate that you’re trying to protect me, Mom. I do. But Avalon and I need to work this out between the two of us.”

  Loretta made a noise that sounded a lot like disbelief. “Well, when you two work things out, remind her of why she left in the first place. If she’s going to give us all a repeat performance, it’ll be better if it’s sooner rather than later.”

  Her words floored Duke. He wanted to believe that what she said originated from a need to protect him, but he wasn’t so sure about that. “She has promised not to leave again and I don’t want her to. I’m respectfully asking you not to get involved.”

  Even over the phone, it was clear Loretta was less than pleased. Duke ended the conversation as he turned off the highway and onto McNeil land.

  Duke unloaded the new four-wheelers and parked them in front of the garage. At the end of the day, he’d be sure to lock them up for the night.

  As he stepped onto the porch, the front door opened and Khanrad bounded out. Before he knew it, the dog had his front paws on Duke’s pants.

  “He’s been waiting for you since you left. Every few minutes, he would go to the door and whine.”

  Duke admired the way Avalon looked as she leaned against the doorframe. Upon seeing his wife and being greeted by his new dog, he did his best to push Loretta’s words into the back recesses of his mind. It almost worked.

  He scratched behind Khanrad’s ears. “He makes a guy feel welcome.”

  Avalon chuckled. “I think he’s decided you’re his person. We got along fine. But he didn’t get this excited when we played ball.”

  “Are you my boy?” Khanrad looked up at Duke, brown eyes bright, mouth open. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  She stepped onto the porch and closed the door behind her. “Did everything go okay?”

  “It did, but it took a lot longer than I wanted it to. The police didn’t make any progress on our report, but I hadn’t expected them to. I doubt we see the vehicles again.”

  Avalon sat on the porch swing and patted her knee. When Khanrad sat at her feet and leaned against her legs, she scratched behind both of his ears. Duke had no idea she was so good with animals. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, though. Despite the difficulties in their marriage, his wife was one of the kindest people he’d ever known.

  She laid her cheek against the dog’s head. “I hope this guy will let us know if anyone else snoops around the property.”

  Duke sat next to Avalon, his shoulder touching hers. His thoughts went back to what his mother said about a repeat performance. When he spent time with his wife like this, he couldn’t fathom her leaving again. But he never would have imagined she’d leave in the first place, either. He studied her profile as she relaxed against the back of the swing.

  In order for them to move forward, he had to let go of what happened in the past and focus on their future together. That’s precisely what he planned to do.

  “I wish I didn’t have to go check on the crops.” He nudged her shoulder. “You’re welcome to come with me if you’d like.” He hoped she’d say yes. Duke wouldn’t mind having her arms around him.

  “I’m not feeling well this afternoon. I’m going to stay home. But I hope I can take you up on the offer tomorrow.”

  Duke’s eyebrows came together. “Do I need to take you to the doctor?”

  “No. It’ll pass.” She gave him a smile. There was something in her eyes he couldn’t quite place. Doubt tried to claw its way into his mind.

  “Okay. Get some rest. I’ll be back by dinner and don’t worry about cooking. We’ll have sandwiches or something.”

  She nodded. “Sounds good.”

  The image of Avalon holding Khanrad’s collar stayed in his mind as he took the ATV out.

  Duke spent his hours working while thoughts of Avalon filled his mind. He needed to know how she felt about their relationship. He wanted their marriage to work and he was ready to move forward. He prayed she would agree.

  His thoughts went to how Avalon hadn’t been feeling well and he was worried about her. She had
n’t been herself since she’d returned home. It didn’t matter how much sleep she got, she appeared more tired.

  It would be one thing if that were all — he understood how hard it was to get caught up on sleep. But it was everything else.

  Before she’d left, Avalon started each day with a cup of coffee. Not to mention he hadn’t seen her turn chocolate down before then, either.

  Between that and the little she was eating, it was almost as if…

  Duke paused. Everything around him faded as he played back all of her symptoms, calculating it in his head. Surely she would have told him. There’s no way she’d keep something like this a secret for so long.

  He tried to focus on work but when he realized that wouldn’t happen, he turned around and headed home.

  Every move he made seemed to be in slow motion. When he entered the house, Khanrad greeted him and there was no sign of Avalon. He took the stairs to the second floor one at a time, his legs numb.

  Khanrad raced ahead of him, taking a quick turn to the right toward the master bedroom. Duke didn’t see her but a sound drew him to the bathroom.

  He found Avalon sitting on the linoleum, her knees drawn to her chest and her forehead resting on them. She leaned against the wall. Khanrad was lying beside her and she patted his head absently.

  Duke released a puff of air, rubbed his damp palms on his pants, and leaned against the doorframe.

  Her head snapped up and her eyes found his. Misery haunted them along with complete exhaustion.

  “Avalon. Are you pregnant?”

  She nodded once, moaned, and began to dry heave into the toilet.

  Duke saw her response, but it took minutes for it to register in his brain. Anger built as he considered how long she might have known about the pregnancy and said nothing to him. He shouldn’t have had to figure it out on his own. How long had he missed the signs?

  As he watched Avalon struggle, he realized he was clenching his hands into fists and relaxed them. Every fiber of his being wanted to demand an explanation. But doing that while she was sick wasn’t the way to go about it.

  He hesitated a moment before stepping forward and gathering her hair at the base of her neck.

  When she’d finished, he wetted a washcloth with cool water. He sat cross legged next to her on the floor and laid the cloth against the back of her neck.

  “Is it okay you’re this sick?”

  “I’m not usually.” Avalon closed her eyes and seemed to appreciate the cold cloth. “Snacking and mints keep the nausea at bay. Apparently it isn’t working today.”

  Her eyelids drifted shut and Duke pulled her into the crook of his arm. She sighed deeply and the sound went straight to his heart.

  Avalon was pregnant.

  With their baby.

  The urge to protect her overwhelmed him and his pulse stuttered in response. He had a lot of questions and he wanted answers. But now wasn’t a good time. Not when her eyes drifted shut, her lashes resting on her cheeks like feathers.

  Chapter Nine

  Avalon woke with a pounding headache. She was lying on the bed, but how she got there evaded her memory. That seemed to be a recurring theme these days. She might have laughed at the thought if her head didn’t hurt so badly. She pushed to sit up.

  “Take it slow. You’ve been asleep for over two hours now.” Duke moved from a chair in the corner to help her up. “I’ll go get you something to drink. You’re on the verge of being dehydrated.”

  She massaged her temples while she waited for him to return. When he handed her some acetaminophen for her head, she marveled at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you.” The ice water cooled her throat and she willed the meds to work quickly.

  “You should talk to a doctor about how sick you got today.”

  “I have an appointment scheduled in Yuma next week. I’ll ask her then.”

  He gave her a single nod. “Do you need anything else?”

  She motioned to the side table. “The sleeve of crackers in that drawer, please.”

  Duke got them for her and she nibbled on one.

  The man had to have a million questions. Why didn’t he ask her any? She glimpsed his face out of the corner of her eye. He appeared relaxed and it made her nervous. The calm silence was too much for Avalon. “I planned to tell you before my appointment. I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

  Duke studied Avalon’s face as he inhaled slowly. “Is that why you came back?”

  “No. I tried to tell you, Duke. Several times right after I got home.” Her voice choked with emotion and she cleared her throat. “That’s exactly what I was afraid you’d think. When I finally decided to wait to tell you, it wasn’t easy for me. But I wanted to prove to you that I came here for us.”

  Duke’s eyes narrowed and he stalked to a nearby chair. Once seated, he sat straight and draped both of his long upper limbs along the arms of the chair. “You purposefully chose to keep the pregnancy from me. Please tell me you can see how it looks from where I’m sitting. ”

  Avalon’s hands trembled. She pressed a finger to each side of her head and tried to steady her breathing. God knew she needed help to convince him of what she felt in her heart. She turned to face him, crossing her legs on the bed. “Two days after I talked to my family and decided to come back, I started piecing a few symptoms and facts together and suspected I might be pregnant.” She paused and when Duke said nothing, she continued. “I bought a test and it was positive. I went back to Yuma and saw my doctor there who confirmed it.”

  “How far along are you?”

  “About eight weeks. My doctor will do an ultrasound next week to get a better idea.” His eyes traveled down to her abdomen. She could guess at some of the emotions bombarding him right now. She’d certainly run the gamut herself. With a palm resting over her womb she said, “The baby’s due around the end of June.”

  Suddenly exhausted, Avalon rubbed her eyes with both hands. She lay back down again, resting on her side. What else could she say?

  He stood slowly and a walk around the room led him to the other side of the bed. She felt it move as he eased his body onto it and lay down next to her.

  Duke’s deep voice spoke from his spot beside her. “I hate that we’ve gotten to the point where we’re second-guessing each other. It’s not supposed to be like this.” He paused. “I need to know what you want, Avalon.”

  She turned over to face him, bending her arm and laying her head on top of it. “What do you mean?”

  “What are you fighting for?”

  “You, Duke. Us. Our relationship, our friendship, and our marriage. I want us to fight for our family because it’s worth it.” She felt a tear escape and trickle down her cheek to drip onto her arm. “I don’t know if you feel the same way or if you’ll ever truly forgive me for leaving. But I know, without a doubt, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t try.”

  She wanted him to say something, but the frown on his face gave away nothing that might have been going through his head.

  He passed a hand over his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I told you I forgave you for leaving and I meant that. But I’m having a real hard time forgetting. I’m walking on eggshells here, afraid something’s going to set you off and you’re going to leave again.” Duke rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. “You have to promise me that, no matter what, you’ll be honest. I don’t care if it’s something I won’t like. But I need to know you’re going to talk to me before it gets bad like it did last time.” He turned his head to look at her. “We’re not going to win this battle if we don’t fight together.”

  More tears joined the others. Avalon sniffed and took in a steadying breath. “I promise.”

  Duke used a single finger to halt the stream of tears on one of her cheeks. “I promise I’ll be a better listener. Deal?”

  She nodded. “Deal.”

  ~

  The next morning, Avalon couldn’t focus on breakfast enough to eat a piece of toast
. The combination of tension and the smell of coffee made sure of that. She caught Duke watching her as realization lit up his face.

  “The coffee. I didn’t think. I’m sorry.” He jumped up from his chair and poured the remainder of his cup down the drain along with the rest of the pot.

  Avalon held up a hand to stop him but he ignored her. “It’s okay, Duke. I appreciate it. A lot of aversions disappear in the second trimester.”

  He rinsed the pot out and set it on the counter to dry. “That’ll be good. I’m sure it’s been hard not having coffee or chocolate.”

  “It would be, if they didn’t make me so sick. Right now, I’d be fine never eating or drinking them again.” She flashed a smile and he returned it, although it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

  She wished she could hear his thoughts. Maybe then she would have a clue about how he was dealing with all of this.

  His voice cut through her reverie. “I want to come with you to your appointment next week.”

  “I’d like that.”

  “All right. I need to get to work. I’ll see you at lunch.”

  Avalon forced a smile. “Be careful out there.”

  He paused on his way past her chair, moving his hand like he might touch her shoulder. Instead, he withdrew it, walked past her, and left the kitchen.

  Duke reacted better to the news than she’d imagined he would. Avalon had to focus on that. Had she made the right decision in waiting to tell him about the pregnancy? She truly didn’t know.

  There was one thing she was certain of. Standing around second-guessing everything she’d done in the last month accomplished nothing.

  She did the only thing she could do. She turned on rock music and worked to put everything for dinner in the slow cooker. Fajitas had sounded good for a while and the smell of the spices made her mouth water. She got flour tortillas ready along with shredded cheese and refried beans.

  Khanrad sat in the middle of the kitchen, his bowl of dog food ignored, as he watched her every move. “You’re not getting any of this now. You may as well eat your breakfast. Be a good dog, and I’m sure you’ll get a tortilla tonight.” One of his ears bent over in his usual way as he tipped his head sideways. Avalon chuckled. “Fine. I’ll give you a piece of chicken to go with it. Does that make you happy?”