Finding Courage (Love's Compass Book 3)

by Melanie D. Snitker

  Calvin’s eyes widened slightly before he regained his blank stare. The same could not be said for Loretta as she stood toe to toe with her oldest son. “Family should come first, Duke.” She was shaking with rage. “You drop those charges or I’ll lose both my sons tonight.”

  Duke held her eyes as sadness and resolve made their way through his system. “You’re right, Mom. Family comes first. That’s why I’m pressing charges. My family’s safety is my priority. This has to stop here for Calvin. He’s followed in your footsteps and he has to discover who he is and what he wants for his future. He can’t do that where he is in life now.”

  Loretta took two steps back, straightened her spine, and walked into the house. Rudy offered Duke a firm nod, the flicker of respect unmistakable in his eyes, as he turned to follow his wife.

  The officer who had hold of Calvin said, “We’ll take him into the station. Come by tomorrow and we’ll get the charges filed and go from there.”

  Duke nodded his agreement. He stepped back then and the officers took Calvin to the police car and drove away.

  As he watched the car disappear, the last of Duke’s energy drifted away along with the adrenaline he’d been living off for the past few hours.

  When he got home, he found Lance and Avalon waiting for him in the living room. He took a seat next to his wife on the couch, put an arm around her, and welcomed the comfort her warmth brought to him. With her safe in his arms, he told them what had transpired back at the main house.

  Avalon laid her head against his shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Duke.”

  He brushed the top of her head with his lips. When he looked to Lance across the coffee table, he gave a nod of approval. Duke turned his focus back to his wife. “How’re you feeling?”

  She had to suppress a yawn before she could answer. “I’m fine. I need a good twelve hours of sleep, though.” A pause. “How about you?”

  “I have no idea.” He chuckled and groaned as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. The relief it was all over and he wouldn’t have to worry about Avalon being injured was huge. But the weight of finding out his brother was behind the whole thing left him feeling bruised. His mind played over the evening again and again. His mother turned her back on him and walked away because he didn’t do what she’d wanted him to. It was an echo of his childhood in a lot of ways.

  Even though he’d gotten the impression his father agreed with the way Duke handled the situation, Rudy still hadn’t uttered a word against Loretta. Another reverberation from his past. One of many and they never got easier.

  Right now, he was just relieved it was over and he was home again. Together, he and Lance placed a piece of plywood over the broken window. By the time they finished, everyone was ready to get some sleep.

  Duke shook Lance’s hand. “I appreciate your help with everything here. Thank you again for coming.”

  “I’m glad to do it. I’m sorry for how everything ended up, though.” Lance hugged Avalon close. “Get some sleep, little sister. I’ll see you later on today.”

  “Thanks, Lance. Love you.”

  Lance patted Khanrad on the head and went to his room at the end of the hallway.

  Duke put an arm around Avalon and steered her toward his room. “Is there anything you need? I’ll go get it. We’ll get our room cleaned up again tomorrow.”

  Avalon gave him a short list and he retrieved the items for her. “Here you go. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything else.”

  “You aren’t coming to bed?”

  Duke shrugged. “I don’t think I can.” He couldn’t explain the thoughts that wouldn’t stop running through his mind. Or all of the emotions that vied for his attention while his ability to concentrate on even one wasn’t there.

  “It has nothing to do with you. You realize that, right?”

  Her words pierced the fog enveloping his mind. His eyes snapped to hers, drinking in the understanding she offered him. “What do you mean?”

  “This is all about your mom and your dad. Their insecurities and their own issues. It has nothing to do with you.”

  Emotion clogged his throat as he studied the face of the woman who spoke to his heart. He walked toward her with purpose, cupping the back of her head with one hand. The moment his lips covered hers, a sense of longing took over his entire being. He yearned to be the man she needed and prayed he could make her feel safe, happy, and loved just the way she was.

  For now, he had no words. He only hoped how he felt was being expressed in the way his lips caressed hers. Avalon’s arms went around him and held him close as he trailed kisses along her jaw to her collar bone. A contented sigh reached his ear and he engulfed her in a hug as she melted into his arms.

  “Thank you. I have a lot to think and pray about. I wish… You should get to sleep.” Duke ran his hands from her shoulders, down her arms, and stopped to hold her hands in his.

  He saw the hesitancy in her eyes but she nodded. “I’ll be praying for you. I love you, Duke.”

  “I love you, too. We’ll talk again later. Okay?”

  “All right.” She placed a hand against his cheek and gave him an encouraging smile.

  Duke went back downstairs and let Avalon’s words and his own realizations sink in. Khanrad started out sitting at his feet and he patted him absently until the dog curled up on the floor and went to sleep.

  When Avalon said his parents’ actions had nothing to do with him, it stunned him. He may have tried his best to push back the feelings his parents’ treatment of him elicited. But he would be lying if he said he hadn’t blamed himself many times. How could he not? When a kid is raised constantly being told he isn’t good enough, he’ll grow up believing that about himself. Maybe not completely, but it turns into a nagging doubt that surfaces every time he’s unsure about something.

  After feeling like a disappointment to his family for so long, it was hard not to wonder if he let down everyone else he got close to. The possibility that he might pass along those fears to his child scared him to death.

  No. He might make a million other mistakes. But if there was one thing he’d make sure of, it was that his child knew how proud he was of her.

  What if Avalon was right? What if it had never been about him? The idea never occurred to him before and he found the possibility liberating. He stood slowly, untangling his feet from beneath the dog, and went to his desk. He reached for the Bible sitting on one of the shelves and regained his seat on the couch. He leaned over, holding his head in his hands. “Father, I’ve lived my life feeling as though the views of my family have defined me. All I’ve done is focus on going against that definition. I’m tired. So tired.”

  You aren’t alone.

  The words embraced his heart and he turned to the concordance in the back of his Bible. Looking up scriptures that applied to different emotions he was feeling, he read for a while. At one point, he turned to Matthew 18:12-13. His eyes scanned the verses once and then he went back to read them again as peace settled like a warm blanket on his shoulders.

  “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying?

  And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray.”

  Duke read it twice more, recalling a song he’d heard many times before by one of his favorite bands. He'd always liked the song, but he suddenly needed to hear it again. Going online with his computer, he searched for Audio Adrenaline and the song he remembered.

  As the melody played and the lyrics began, he felt tears he’d held back since he was a child slide hot down his cheeks, carrying with them the hurt and confusion that’d plagued his childhood and continued to follow him as an adult.

  As if he knew his owner needed something, Khanrad put a paw on his lap. Duke absently scratched the dog’s ears.

  He wasn’t alone. He n
ever had been. God not only walked with him through many of the storms he’d weathered, but carried him through others that might have destroyed him. And Duke hadn’t realized it.

  Until now.

  A laugh bubbled up, replacing the sorrow he’d felt minutes ago with a peace and joy he hadn’t known in a long time. Khanrad picked up on the change in mood and stood. His tail swished back and forth hard enough his entire rear end moved along with it. His tongue bathed Duke’s face, taking with it every last trace of tears.

  “Thank You, God. Thank You for leaving the other ninety-nine to find me so I wasn’t lost for good.”

  He prayed a while longer before easing himself off the floor and patting Khanrad. “Come on, boy. It’s time we got to bed.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Avalon stayed awake for a while, praying fervently for her husband. There was a pain in his heart larger than anything that could heal on its own. She prayed until peace finally filled her and she fell asleep.

  A sound from the hallway found its way into her dreams. She sat up as a knock at the door preceded Duke’s hushed voice. “Are you awake?”

  The moonlight filtering through the curtains lit the room enough to make out his form as he entered the room. “Duke? Is everything okay?”

  He walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed, his weight shifting the mattress. “Yes. I think it is.” The sound of his voice was light. Relaxed. Relieved.

  She studied his face and even in the darkness could make out his open expression. The worry she’d felt for him since they’d returned home dissipated and she smiled. “I’m glad.” Avalon shifted over in the queen sized bed and patted the space beside her. “Tell me about it.”

  He climbed into bed and gathered her to himself. Those strong arms she knew so well surrounded her and she relished the feel of safety and love they created.

  He smiled and placed a tender kiss to her temple before telling her of the truth that God had placed in his heart earlier that night.

  ~

  The alarm sounded and Avalon reached over to turn it off without opening her eyes. It took two tries, but she managed. After getting little sleep the night before, she awoke slowly. She rolled over and her eyelids lifted.

  Duke’s face and that slightly crooked smile of his filled her vision. “Good morning, beautiful.”

  “Good morning.” They shared a lingering kiss before she stretched lazily. “I missed this.”

  “I did, too.” With a teasing grin, he moved to tickle her ribs before kissing her again. His lips barely covered hers when Khanrad leapt onto the bed, landing right on top of them.

  Avalon laughed as she ducked her face into the pillow to avoid his tongue. “Please, get your dog off the bed.”

  Duke laughed loudly as he got out of bed and called Khanrad to his side. “Come on, buddy. Let the lady have some space.” He kept the dog busy with pats.

  Avalon limped to the bathroom, her heel aching, before getting dressed. Her reflection smiled at her as she thought about the progress they’d made the night before. She was running a brush through her hair when Duke joined her again, his arms coming around her middle as he bent to rest his chin on her shoulder.

  “How are you feeling this morning?”

  His hand splayed over her tummy and there was no mistaking what he was referring to.

  “I’m good. No nausea.” She caught the green in his eyes and let out a soft sigh. “I haven’t seen you this relaxed in a long time. Maybe ever.”

  “I don’t remember the last time I’ve felt this… free.” He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before releasing her. “I like it.”

  Avalon did, too. A lot.

  They found Lance in the kitchen cooking something on the stove. “Good morning,” he greeted them with a smile, a teasing glint in his eyes. “You guys slept longer than I thought you would. Is that a good sign for you two?”

  Avalon’s cheeks got hot and she gave him a warning glare. “Changing the subject. You’re making breakfast?”

  The wink he gave her informed her she’d given him the answer he wanted. She couldn’t stop the grin as she gingerly made her way to the table.

  “It’s my last day here. I figured the least I could do is make one meal for you.”

  Avalon enjoyed having her brother there and she didn’t want to think about him leaving so soon. But he had projects to complete before Christmas and Lexi needed him.

  Lance handed her a glass of orange juice. “How are your cuts?”

  Duke held a chair out for her and motioned for her to sit down. He headed for the toaster.

  “I’m fine.” Avalon giggled when both men cast doubtful expressions her way. “Seriously, you two, don’t worry about me. Now, if you really want to help, the baby and I are in serious need of some food right now.”

  ~

  Duke watched the easy banter between Avalon and Lance as the three of them ate breakfast. He’d never had that with his brother. He could easily picture Lance being the devoted uncle while Calvin was dismissive at best. He couldn’t help but feel like he’d missed out not being part of a large, caring family and envied Avalon her childhood. He was determined his child wouldn’t grow up like he had.

  A plan came together in his head. But before he could put it into motion, he had to talk to his dad. And that wasn’t something he looked forward to doing.

  In an effort to turn his mind to something better, he thought back to the night before. The freedom he’d experienced when he realized God’s truth in his life flooded his mind again. The mix of that along with his reconnection with Avalon — well, it certainly brightened his spirits.

  After breakfast, they drove into Yuma to the police department. Filing charges was more complex than filing reports like they’d done the last few visits. By the time they were finished, Duke hoped he didn’t have to see the inside of a police station for a long time.

  “Can I talk to Calvin before I leave?”

  “Give me a few minutes to move him to a room and I’ll come back and get you.” The officer left.

  Duke sat down with Avalon and Lance. “Do you guys mind if I go in alone?”

  “Of course not,” Avalon said, placing a hand on his arm in support. “Take your time.”

  Lance nodded his agreement. “We’ll be here.”

  When Duke saw his brother sitting at a table, he didn’t expect the level of sadness that washed over him. Calvin crossed his arms tightly in front of his chest and kept his eyes riveted to the table in front of him. Duke took a seat in the chair opposite him. “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself.” The teen’s voice was cool.

  “You okay?”

  “My brother had me sent to jail for the night. How do you think I’m feeling?”

  Duke took in a slow lungful of air. He expected some hostility but it was still difficult to witness, especially when his brother hadn’t bothered to look in his direction. Duke leaned back in his chair and simply waited. After several minutes of silence, Calvin’s eyes finally lifted. There was a hardness in them, but something else just below the surface that gave Duke a measure of hope. “I had to press charges, Cal. What you did — it’s inexcusable.” When Calvin said nothing, Duke continued. “Mom and Dad both have made a lot of mistakes. But the fact of the matter is that you and I make our own choices. We can choose whether or not we make those same mistakes.”

  “Yeah, because you’re the golden boy in the family.” The disdain dripping from his words surprised Duke.

  “I’ve made more mistakes than I care to admit. I have no doubt I’ll continue to make them no matter how hard I try. But I hope and pray I learn from them and try to use that knowledge to better myself.” He paused, waiting for his brother to look him in the eye. “You’re sixteen, Calvin. You have so many things to look forward to. We may not even be friends at this point, but I do know that you’re talented and smart. You’ve got a lot going for you so don’t waste future opportunities by making the same mistakes.”

&n
bsp; Calvin’s arms relaxed and he rested his hands on the table in front of him. Without looking up, he said quietly, “Is Avalon okay?”

  “She’s going to be fine.”

  The teenager nodded and swallowed hard. “Is it horrible I don’t want to be a farmer?”

  Duke wasn’t the least bit surprised by Calvin’s question. “No, it’s not. I want you to learn to think for yourself, Cal. Stop worrying about what Mom will say or if she’ll be disappointed in you. If you feel like you’re being pulled in a direction away from farming, that’s okay.” Duke stood and Calvin’s gaze followed him. “Look, I’d better go. Avalon and Lance are waiting for me outside. I want you to know that, no matter what, you’re my brother. Pray for God to show you how to be your own man.”

  The teen’s head bobbed and he met Duke’s eyes with a hint of respect. “I’m sorry.”

  “I appreciate that, Cal.” Duke stretched a hand out to his brother who accepted the handshake. “Think about what I said. I’m here for you. Anytime.”

  Duke walked out of the room, feeling better about his brother’s future than he had in years.

  ~

  As soon as they got back to the house, Duke needed to check on the harvest progress in the fields. He’d been in contact with Francisco throughout the day and things were going according to schedule. Avalon and Lance planned to stay at the house and wait for the company they’d hired to come and replace the upper window. They would clean up the glass in that room as well. Duke thought the two might enjoy some time to visit.

  He’d been watching the harvest and helping where needed for a few hours when he saw his dad approaching. Duke knew he’d need to talk to him about his ideas sooner than later and maybe this was God’s way of encouraging those plans.