Rumor Has It Box Set: The Complete Series, Books 1-5
Page 58
I also haven’t seen Jackson much. Just like I feel so stupid and terrible for how I acted with Jen, I’m equally embarrassed for doing it all in front of him and everyone else.
Jackson: u cant hied 4eva
Jackson sends me a text. It’s his fourth one today. Looking back at our text conversations, after ignoring his texts the last couple days, I start to feel bad for another reason. I shorten words when I text or change things up. Like typing ‘kool’ instead of spelling it correctly. But seeing how he types, I know the letters are probably a struggle for him. It should’ve been something I picked up on sooner. It just goes to show what a great friend I am.
Jackson: TXT!! ME!! BAK!!!!
He sends another one and I decide I should finally reply to him.
Me: You need a gf
Jackson: Andu need 2 asnwre ur fone!
Me: And you need to start texting using voice text
He replies with the middle finger emoji
Jackson: hwos that 4 vioec txt???
I let out a small laugh and my phone starts ringing.
“What’s up?” I answer, still laying in my room.
“Finally, you reply to something, you assmunch.”
“Screw you.”
“Dude, where you been?”
“School, man. Some of us haven’t entered the workforce yet.”
“Yeah? Must be nice mooching off your parents.”
“Again, screw you.”
He laughs. “How come you haven’t stopped by the deli the last few days.”
“I dunno,” I reply, sitting up.
“Dude, stop it. It’s cool, we all have meltdowns.”
“Gee, thanks, that makes me feel so much better.”
“Seriously though,” he says, laughing. “Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
I make my way out to our kitchen and grab an apple. “That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t snap at both Carter and Matt’s girlfriends, make a fool of yourself in front of people watching, and make Jen feel like shit by acting like a dick.”
“Yeah, well, other than all that you’re fine.”
“You’re just one big ball of optimism today. What’s with you?”
I hear a rustling sound in the background and plop down on the couch, taking a bite. “No, it’s fifteen. Fifteen,” he enunciates the word and I can only imagine he’s talking to an older customer at the deli. I was surprised when I started going in how many regulars they have that are in their sixties and seventies.
“You gonna get in trouble for talking on the phone at work?”
“I can do what I want,” he replies confidently before I hear his mom in the background. “Oh, damn. No. Sorry, Mom,” he calls out before whispering back in to the phone. “Damn it, I gotta go. Call me later.”
“All right, later, man.”
I hang up and hit the remote for the TV when Rich walks in.
“What are you doing?” he asks, sitting down next to me. He grabs the apple and takes a bite.
“Hey, I was eating that.” He rolls his eyes at me, before turning his attention to the TV. “Anyways, you’re looking at it.”
“Cool, at least you’re not moping anymore.”
“You’re an ass.” I shot him a glare as he laughs. “I’ve evolved from my moping phase. I’ve promoted myself to couch potato.”
He chuckles. “Anyways, get some pants on and let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Mom and Dad’s anniversary is next week. We need to get them something.”
“Oh, yeah.” The dickish feeling creeps back up, forgetting my parents’ wedding anniversary. “Why don’t you just get something, and I’ll sign my name.”
“No, butt-nugget, get your ass up. We’re going.”
I know there’s no arguing and honestly, I’d feel like such a loser if all I did was sign my name to a gift Rich picked out for them. “Fine,” I mumble and go change.
Driving around to a few stores, we can’t decide what to get them as a couple, so I finally say we should just get them separate gifts. Technically, they’ve been married twenty-one years, but they hit a rough patch when Rich was a freshman in high school and I was in sixth grade. They separated for a few months, but thankfully they got back together after counseling, and then renewed their wedding vows. They started counting new anniversaries from their renewed vows. I asked my mom why once and she told me it’s because it makes it feel fresher for them. Like their relationship is still new. Whatever they’ve been doing since it’s working, because they both seem happy.
After stopping at a sporting goods store, we decide to get our dad a new bowling ball and shoes. He’s in a league with some of his friends from work. Bowling. That’s one sport Rich and I never got into.
We drive down the street and decided to look at a jewelry store for Mom’s gift but can’t really find anything we’d like to give her.
“Hey, let’s go next door to the makeup place. I think she’ll like something from there.”
Rich cringes. “I don’t know. Jewelry and makeup? I feel like my man bits are gonna shrivel up if we don’t do something that requires some testosterone soon.”
There’s a giggle behind us and we both look and see a cute redhead, standing behind the counter.
“On second thought,” Rich says, casting me a glance. “I’m gonna stick around for a few more minutes. See what I see.”
I let out a chuckle. “All right, I’ll be next door.”
“Hey, want to get a burger across the way?”
“Yeah, I’ll meet you there.”
“Cool.”
I exit the store and can hear Rich starting up a conversation with the girl at the counter, but don’t pay much attention. Entering the makeup boutique, I really have no clue where to start. I know some brands my mom likes, but other than that I’m lost. It must show because a lady walks over to me.
“Can I help you with anything?”
“Uh, yeah. Maybe. I don’t know …” I laugh at myself. “Sorry. I’m looking for a gift, but really have no idea where to start.”
“Okay, maybe I can help, I’m Ginger. What kind of gift are you looking for?”
“My parents’ anniversary is coming up, so my brother and I are getting split gifts for them. We’re not sure what to get our mom, but I know she likes MAC and Clinique.”
She flashes me a smile. “It’s so nice you know that. I’ve had guys in here before looking for gifts and they couldn’t even name one name, let alone two.”
“Thanks,” I reply still looking around, unsure what I’m looking for.
“We have both of those products right over here.” She heads to another aisle.
A younger girl walks over to here. “Ginger, your three-thirty is here.”
“Oh, that’s right.”
“You take appointments?” I ask, looking at her confused.
“We do consultations. Let me just get an associate to help you out and I’m sure we’ll find something for you.”
“Okay.” I shrug and look around aimlessly.
My head snaps back to her, as she talks into a small microphone on her collar. “Jen, we have a young man up front, looking for a gift. Can you please come up?”
“Be right there,” Jen’s voice answers back through the microphone.
“She’ll be right up. I hope you find something great for your mom.”
“Thanks,” I answer. At least, I think I do.
Ginger turns to leave, and I look over at the front doors. Maybe I can make a break for it before Jen shows up. And I know it’s my Jen. One, because I know she got a job at a makeup shop. And two, because the universe wouldn’t be so kind to me as to have this Jen just be a nice stranger, leaving my conscience at ease, after the crap I’ve pulled.
As sure as the sun rises, Jen turns a corner and as soon as she spots me, she stops in her tracks. I swallow the lump in my throat, give her an awkward smile, and an even more awkward wave.
“Hi,” I mutter.
>
“What are you doing here?” she asks, glancing around and keeping her voice low.
“Sorry. Rich and I are looking for gifts for our parent’s anniversary.”
“Oh,” she responds. She stays a couple feet away, as if she’s debating her next move. “Well, what are you looking for?”
I take a deep breath, keeping my eyes on her, but she doesn’t return the stare. Instead, she keeps scanning the store, avoiding eye contact.
“I don’t know … I know she likes MAC and―”
She starts walking. “This way. We just got this new product in I think your mom will love.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” she says, finally looking at me, but she instantly turns back around. “I know she loves stuff that’s all natural and this stuff is great.”
“Okay.” I follow her around the table.
I don’t say anything else, other than “okay” or “yeah”. She doesn’t say much either, just little tidbits about what she thinks my mom will like. After about ten minutes, I’ve got a load of makeup and she rings me out at a checkout stand.
“Well, okay then.” I give her an anxious grin, taking the bag from her.
She just lifts her shoulder and looks away.
“Jen, listen, I have to say this―”
“No.” She puts up a hand. “Please, Lucas. Just don’t. Not here.”
She stares at me, worried and conflicted. And it hits me again how much I’ve screwed everything up.
“No, it’s not―” I grit my teeth, trying to calm myself. “Jen, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about everything I said and did. I wasn’t thinking. I was stupid and mad and was being selfish.”
“It’s okay, Lucas.”
“No, it’s not.” I quickly scan the store to make sure we’re at least somewhat alone, and there’s no one else waiting for help. The last thing I want now is to get her in trouble at work. “I thought of something today. We’re out here, looking for gifts for Mom and Dad, and I remember when they separated. When I thought they were going to get a divorce, you remember that?” She nods. “And I remember talking to you one night. Bawling my eyes out to you, telling you I hated my life. I hated my parents, and that I couldn’t believe they were doing this. You didn’t say a word. You just let me talk and cry. And then you hugged me, and it was the only thing that felt good in my life at the time.”
“Lucas,” she croaks out, and I can see the tears starting to well up in her eyes. “Why are you telling me this?”
“No, please don’t cry, Jen. I’m sorry, what I’m trying to say is you were there for me. And later that night, I started to feel like the biggest ass in the world.”
She wipes her eyes and lets out a soft chuckle. “Why?”
“Because, yeah it sucks that we thought they might get divorced, but there I was telling you all this stuff and I never even considered your feelings. I didn’t know where your mom was, but I knew she wasn’t around. I knew Nancy was your aunt, not your mom. You never, ever talked about your dad. And I felt like such a spoiled brat, complaining to you about all this stuff. And I thought about all that today because I kind of did it again. I complained to you about everything that night at the movies, only thinking about myself, and I never thought about you and your feelings. So, I’m sorry, Jen. I’m so freaking sorry.”
Chapter 32
Jen
Lucas leaves the store and I head back to our break room to see how bad my makeup is smearing. Thankfully, it’s not horrible. Double thankfully, we haven’t been busy today, so I’m able to gather my thoughts after everything he said. The door to the break room opens and Ginger pokes her head in.
“Everything okay?”
I nod, checking myself in the mirror again.
“You sure?” She steps in, closing the door.
“Yeah, it’s fine, Ginger. Sorry about that.”
“Boyfriend trouble?”
I let out a scoff. “No, not exactly.”
“Not exactly?” she says, raising an eyebrow. “That sounds interesting.”
“It’s not. We used to be best friends and now we’re … not.”
“You want to talk about it?”
“Not really. No.”
“Okay.” She puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Why don’t you take a fifteen and come back and finish your shift?”
“Okay.” I nod, because really, what else am I going to do?
I head across the parking lot to Burger Shack and decide to get some fries and a soda. Lucas’ words are still running through my head as I order my food. Walking over to the soda dispenser, I see Rich out of the corner of my eye and quickly step in front of the soda machine, hoping he didn’t see me. Lucas has his back to me, both of them sitting at the table.
“I feel like such an ass,” I hear Lucas tell his brother. “How do I keep screwing this up, man? I was trying to apologize, and I feel like I just made it worse. Again.”
“You didn’t. It’s just a lot, you know?”
“I understand that we’ll never be what I wanted, I get that now. But, I don’t know … I just wish we could be something. Some sort of friends. Instead, I’m this jerkwad she practically hates.”
“She doesn’t hate you.”
I stare down at my shoes, feeling like I’m eavesdropping but still wanting to listen.
“Just give her time,” Rich says. “I’m not saying she’ll come around or anything like that, but you’re like this annoying little puppy that just keeps yapping at her.”
“Thanks.”
Rich laughs. “Seriously, bro. It’s a bad look. We’ve all got our own issues. You know what my hang up is.”
“Rosie.”
Rich nods, as he looks down at the table. “Jen’s got her own issues, just like everyone else. Sometimes, the only thing we can do is give people space and hope for the best.”
My order number is called, and I glance over my shoulder at the server and then back at Rich and Lucas. Lucas still hasn’t turned around, but if I walk back over to pick up my fries, Rich might see me. I turn and face the guy at the counter, hoping that by avoiding the boys all together, it’ll be like I was never here.
Instead, I grab my bag of fries and before I leave the store, I turn and look back at them. Lucas is still sitting at the table, but I see Rich and he sees me. He gives me a silent, knowing nod, and then goes back to his food. I leave the store wondering if he knew I was by the soda machine when they were talking.
When I finish my shift, I talk to Emma on the phone about the encounter. After discovering everything about my mom, of course she was the first person I called and talked to about it. Something about finally knowing and getting to talk about it to someone that wasn’t Nancy seemed to put me a little more at ease.
“So,” Emma says to me on the phone as I lay in bed. “What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, since you know the truth about your mom?”
She waits, while I stay quiet. It’s not like I haven’t thought about it since Nancy told me everything. I’ve been so scared, imagining things might change with Lucas, because I held on to that thought and believe that that’s what my mom did. She left me. She stopped loving me. I do still feel some of that. I don’t know when, if ever, I’ll get over her leaving me with my aunt. But I have so much more context now for things she was feeling. I know now that she did come back and try to get back in my life. But I’m still scared.
I let out a huff. “I don’t know.”
“Do you really think he’d go through everything he has if he didn’t really have those deep feelings for you?”
“No, but she did leave,” I counter, reverting to my old excuse.
“Jen,” she says softly. “I can’t tell you what to do. I’m your best friend and I’ll be here for you no matter what happens, now or ten years from now.”
“You better.”
She laughs. “But I do think you should at least think about the what-ifs in
a good way and not just a bad way.”
“I don’t only think about the bad stuff.”
“Right,” she scoffs. “You’re always thinking about what could go wrong with Lucas. What happens if he leaves or stops liking you or whatever.”
“Can you blame me?”
“No, but I also know there’s a flip side to that. What would happen if you tried? What good things could come if you said yes? I’ve never thought of you as looking at the bad side of things, I just think you’re scared.”
“You know I am.”
“But what if, Jen? What if your fantasies of kissing him when you were younger came true? What if you guys were there for each other, like you used to be and like you two always thought you would be. What if you …”
“What?”
“What if you doodling his last name as yours actually came true one day, like all those times you told me about when you’d write his name in your notebooks. What if, Jen?”
I stay quiet on the phone. So does she. “And if I’m right?” I finally say.
“About what?”
“About all the bad what-ifs? About him loving me but then falling for someone else. What then?”
“Then, I’ll help you plot a revenge scheme so great he’ll wish he’d never made that mistake.” We both laugh. “And if I’m right?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’ll tell you, because I know. If I’m right, I better be your maid of honor.” Her words bring another round of laughs out of both of us.
“Maybe you’re right. But I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up to him now. I mean, he was right, you know? He put it all out there and those things he did were so great. How would I even come back and try to meet that? I can’t be all, ‘Hey, I know I rejected you time after time, but I think I want to try this thing between us now’. I’d feel like such an idiot.”
She giggles. “Jen, don’t overthink it. Just be honest with him. Let him know he’s the one that has a key to that lock around your heart. And believe me, it’s not that I don’t like Lucas, but the last thing I did say to him was I called him an asshole, so that’s sort of saying a lot.”