by Dale Mayer
“I can’t believe I missed seeing this guy,” she said, stroking the tiny head.
“He often stays behind the front desk, so you can usually find him there.”
“He’s gorgeous,” she whispered, loving the delicate small head and the bright eyes as he stared at her. “It’s quite a life he’s got here, isn’t it?”
“Well, it’s a whole lot better than the life he would have had if he wasn’t here,” Stan admitted.
“How do you let them go?” she asked.
“It’s hard, unless I know that they’ll be in a better place,” he said with a smile. “But then I’m a little bit harder to convince than a lot of people. I want to make sure every animal is safe and okay. So we end up keeping way more than we probably have to,” he said, laughing, “but Dani has been great about that too.”
“It seems like Dani has really forged a path for herself here.”
“She has, but it was originally a path of adversity that she finally found a way forward to make her own.”
“I guess that’s the trick, isn’t it?”
“It is, but also you are not on some deadline either,” he said. “Nobody said you had to figure out everything in your life right now,” he added. “And sometimes it’s not that easy to figure out anyway, so it can take months to years.”
“I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life,” she said. “Everything’s changed now. I’m at a crossroad, where I get to make a new decision.”
“Oh, I like that,” Stan said. “You get to make new decisions, change directions, make new directions. Those are really positive words,” he said, “You’re not at a point where you have to, but you get to.” He nodded. “Good way to look at it.”
Even after he left, she frowned at him, considering his insights into her use of that term, and he was right; it was a good way to look at it. She hadn’t realized that she had moved from “have to” onto “get to.”
When Shane sat down in front of her, she beamed. “Hey, you.”
He laughed and said, “Hey. How’re you doing?”
“Well, I just had a fun conversation with Stan.” She told Shane about it and said, “But what really got me was how he reacted to my words that I get to make a new decision about where I want to go in my life.”
“And that’s because Stan, like the rest of us, is aware of how much change and turmoil, chaos even, is in everybody’s life here. You’re all here for a reason,” he said. “So, when you get through that, we all care and are interested in seeing where you all end up, where you go, what choices you make. It’s fascinating for us because we invest all for your care and then wonder about what you’ll do after this.”
“No, I get that,” she said. “And I can see how that would be somewhat of a challenge, if you care about somebody.”
“A big challenge,” he said. “But, so far, I haven’t found anybody I’ve cared about quite the same way as you.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “And I haven’t figured out what I want to do from here either.”
“And nobody said you had to figure it out today.”
“And that’s what Stan just said.” She stared off in the distance. “I don’t want to just do nothing. Now that I can walk, and I can feel my body strengthening, I want to have a passion. I want to have something to do that’s aligned with my purpose.”
“And what would that be?”
She shook her head. “Honestly, I have no clue.”
“Well, give yourself permission to figure it out,” he said, “and then just wait and see what comes up.”
“That’s what I was thinking about,” she said, chuckling. “It’s not always that easy, but maybe it’s not always that difficult.”
“It definitely isn’t all that difficult,” he said. “Life should be easier going forward. It’ll be different, and you’ll have varied things to sort through, but it won’t have the same pain and worry that you’ve had up until now.”
“And won’t that be different too,” she said. “For the longest time I wasn’t thinking about a future because I didn’t think I had much of one. Now I can see that I can do something, and now the choice is, what is it I want to do?”
“Like so many people here, you have a whole different story now,” he said, “because now you do get that choice, you do have an option, you do have something that you can do. So it’s all about you. And what you would like to do.”
“And that will take time to figure out,” she said, nodding. “But at least I have the time.”
“Exactly,” he said. “Now you have the time, so give yourself a break, and let yourself just do what you need to do to heal. Keep your mind open, think about what you want, and let it go.”
“Yeah,” she said.
Just then his phone rang. He hopped up and said, “See you later,” and he disappeared.
She smiled and realized that what she really wanted to do was spend time with him, as much time as she could. But she didn’t want to be a burden, so what would she do? While he was busy doing his thing, what did she want to be doing that would be her thing?
Whatever she decided, even just considering her options, she was up for the challenge. At least she thought so. Today of all days, at least it felt like a future was out there for her, something was out there for her. She just had to figure out exactly what that was, and good luck with that because it didn’t seem like any answers were on her horizon. She would have to wait and do some in-depth thoughtful consideration on it first. That was okay too.
Shane was a little more agitated than he’d been in a long time. He attended a team meeting going over multiple cases. And, of course, Melissa’s name had been brought up. And one of the doctors had mentioned Shane’s relationship with Melissa. Everybody else had slowly acknowledged that they knew about it.
Only one of the other therapists had brought it up further. “Are you sure,” she said to Shane, “that you are not affecting her ability to improve?”
He immediately shook his head and said, “No, I think her improvements are right on target.”
“Sure, and how much of it is she doing for you versus for herself?”
“I can’t answer that,” he said quietly, not liking the turn of the conversation. It was to be expected in many ways, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
The other therapists stayed quiet, but then she asked, “Have you thought about backing off a little bit, just to see if it does affect how she does?”
“It would be hard to explain to her,” he said, “why all of a sudden I’m not having anything to do with her, and I think that, in itself, would cause confusion and hurt instead of her own backward progress. And that’s not what we want.” He kept his voice calm and contained, but it was not an unusual conversation, given the circumstances. He’d attended many when it was based on other people than himself. He just didn’t like having the spotlight turned on him. Nobody did.
One of the doctors said, “Well, you could try it for a day or two, and just see if there’s any change.”
“Not a day or two,” he said. “It’ll just confuse her.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “Well, maybe just ease things back a little bit, make it not quite so dominant in your world.”
“Is it wrong to want to spend time with a patient?” he asked. “We’ve seen it time and time again here.”
“It’s absolutely not wrong,” Dani said quietly at his side.
He gave her a grateful smile, appreciating her endorsement, her championship. But her next words brought home to him just how many problems could be here.
“The thing is, if anybody has any issues over this, it’s always been our policy to keep an open thought process moving on it.”
“So what am I to do?” he asked. “I don’t really want to set her back.”
“No, of course not,” Dani said. “Maybe I’ll talk to her,” she said thoughtfully. “I do know her better than anybody else here.”
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“Are you sure that’s wise?” Shane asked.
The doctor spoke up. “That seems like we’re just getting things more confused.”
“I don’t think so,” Dani said. “I think there’s room for a lot more clarity here than we’re giving Melissa allowances for.”
“Do you really think that she doesn’t see him as some kind of a savior?” the doctor continued.
“I would hope not,” Shane said. “I’m very much a simple man with the same lead feet as all of us.” He kept his voice cool, making sure not to point any fingers or to bring up any names, because everybody here had had multiple reasons to question their own abilities. There was always a hard case, always somebody who didn’t respond, always somebody who had an attitude issue that grated a nerve or two. He knew he wasn’t alone, worrying about the progress of a patient.
“And now that we’ve decided that Dani will speak with Melissa,” he said, somewhat forcibly, “let’s move on to the next case. I am quite concerned about Nash, who’s arriving next week. I think it’s a little early, considering his surgery was only last week.”
“I wondered about that too,” Dani said quietly. “His doctor has okayed it though.”
“But then how much of that is because they’re short on space?”
“That’s always a problem we’re up against, isn’t it?” she said with a heavy sigh. “I’ll contact the doctor again to make sure it’s still a go.”
“We do have a good medical staff here too,” the doctor said. “If traveling here so soon after his surgery is a problem, it just means his progress will be slower as we get him stabilized.”
“And that’s really not what our role here is,” she muttered. “But it seems like, in some cases, some of the treating doctors are just fobbing their patients off early, putting them in our hands.”
“And sometimes I think it’s for the best too,” Shane said with a wry tone. “Here, at least, we can work with them on a one-to-one basis, and they can progress at a much faster rate than they would if they were still back where they aren’t wanted.”
“It’s always a fine balance, isn’t it? We can’t bring in everybody because we just don’t have space or the facilities or the staff to handle it,” Dani said. “But maybe it’s time I had a little bit deeper conversation with him.”
“Has Nash been told he’s coming?”
“Yes,” she said with a nod. “I haven’t spoken to him directly though. I’ll add that to my list today.”
After that, they moved into a series of different conversations, and, by the time Shane walked out, he felt better than if he’d walked out earlier.
Dani caught him as they were leaving. “May I speak with you for a few minutes?”
He nodded and headed to her office. He didn’t know exactly what the conversation would entail, but always something was going on in Dani’s world. He sat down in the visitor’s chair and said, “Thank you for stepping in to talk to Melissa.”
“And I need to talk to you. Melissa’s had a pretty rough go-around in many ways,” she said. “So, as a friend, I also don’t want her hurt.”
He looked at Dani, frowned, then nodded. “Right. You’re caught in between, aren’t you?”
“She is a friend of mine. She came here at my persuasion,” she said. “I figured we could do an awful lot for her, and I’ve been proven right. You’re a fantastic therapist.”
“But,” he said, waiting for the pin to drop.
She smiled. “The only thing I want to say is that I just want to make sure that she’s not hurt in all this either. Some hurt comes along with life, and we can’t protect everybody from everything. But I do need to know how you feel about her.”
“All I can tell you at this point is,” he said, “I’ll be devastated when she leaves.”
She sighed and sat back. “I guess that’s partly why I’m asking. Are you leaving with her?”
She surprised him once more, and his instinctive reaction was to shout no across the room. But, of course, she was concerned. He was the head of the physiotherapy department, and replacing him—while he didn’t have a large-enough ego to think it would be difficult—it would be trying, and training would be involved. He shook his head and said, “No, I’m not planning on leaving at all.” He watched the relief whisper across her face.
“You know all this stuff really does bring up emotions and problems for everybody else, doesn’t it?”
He stared off in the distance and said, “I didn’t even think about it. I didn’t try to go in this direction.”
“Good,” she said. “That sounds wrong to think of somebody even attempting to do that. It’s always better when it happens naturally. At one point in time, I suspect you do want to move on,” she said. “I can’t force you to stay. I can’t persuade you to stay, but it’s good to know that you’re not looking to leave.”
“No, I’m not. Do you know if she has any plans?” he asked her.
“I think she’s still figuring out her options. I know she’s always had a love of animals, but I don’t know if she’s up for going back to school or not. I don’t know how her body would handle that yet either.”
“I’m not exactly sure,” he said. “Obviously we can get her to the point where she can go. Whether it’s a viable option, considering how tiring it might be for her, I don’t know.”
Dani nodded. “It’s one of the things that I want to talk to her about.”
“I’m hoping you don’t discuss our relationship,” he said carefully.
She smiled at him. “I’ll bring up what I need to,” she said. “I just need to know where her thoughts are about you, so I know if we’re dealing with something that’s professional or personal.”
“Dear God,” he said. “I would really hate for her feelings toward me to be solely based on anything other than deep and profound personal reasons.”
“And that’s partly why I want to talk to her because you’re special to us too. I don’t want you hurt. I don’t want her hurt. I’d like to head off something before it becomes a problem. But I can see that it’s already something that should have been brought up before.”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “We weren’t really there. In truth, I don’t know where we are.”
She laughed out loud. “And that’s perfect,” she said warmly. “Nobody should really know where they are at this point. Life is for living, so stop trying to plan it. Just get out there and enjoy it.”
And, on that note, he got up with a silly grin on his face, walked out, and, of course, he headed for Melissa’s room, just to check in and to say hi because something about seeing that smile of hers made every day all that much brighter.
Chapter 11
Melissa looked up several days later to see Dani walking into her room. “Hey,” she said, taking a good look at her friend. “Don’t you look tired?” Melissa noted, her tone of voice serious.
“Tired, yes,” Dani said. “I’ve been pondering for a couple days how to broach a subject, wishing I could assign it to someone else.”
“Okay,” Melissa said, straightening up slowly. “This sounds serious.”
Dani gave her a crooked smile and said, “Well, that depends. The question really is, how serious are things between you and Shane?”
Immediately Melissa gasped and said, “Oh, my gosh. Is it becoming a problem for him? I just wanted to be … friendly.”
“The thing is, are you being more than friendly just trying to be friendly? How serious is it in your heart?” she asked. “Because I’m in an odd position. Not only are you my friend but Shane’s my friend. I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”
“And yet, as you well know,” Melissa said, “you can’t protect me from every ill in the world, and you can’t save me from all the hurts in the world.”
“I know,” Dani said sadly. “I wish I had that crystal ball that would tell me how you could avoid it all, but I don’t.”
She laughed with a joyous peal of lau
ghter. “No, you sure don’t,” she said, “but that’s okay. Neither do I. It’s not like that’s a mandatory thing as far as Shane and I are concerned,” she said. “I really like him. He’s a sweetheart.”
“As in somebody you want to stay in touch with when you leave here?”
Melissa stared at her in shock. “Are you asking if my intentions are good?”
Dani shot her a cheeky grin. “Yeah, in some ways I am.” She walked over and sat on the bed beside her. “You and I have been friends for a long time, and Shane and I have been friends for a long time. There’s a certain amount of strife just because he’s here and you’re a patient, so it’s up to me to make sure that everybody is happy, healthy, and willing in this joint venture of yours.”
“Absolutely,” she said. “He’s a wonderful guy. I’m not sure how I was ever so lucky to have caught his interest, but I really don’t want to mess up anything and lose it. You know what my relationship history is like.”
“I do,” she said, “and I know that, from your perspective, it really sucks, but I don’t think it’s quite as bad as you think it to be.”
“I think it’s that bad,” she said. “And Shane’s a really nice guy. I really care about him.”
“So, as in a permanent forever-after type of care, or as in Hey, we’ll take it on a fun road trip and see where we go?”
“You know what?” she said. “I try not to make any plans, and I’ve never really been very good at going after what I want or telling people when to stop because I can’t do it anymore, so you’re bringing up some personal issues.”
“Good,” Dani said. “That’s all important too.”
“Argh,” Melissa said. “I just assumed it wasn’t. I hope you’re not having the same conversation with Shane.”
“No. It was brought up in a team meeting a few days ago as to whether the relationship is impacting your ability to improve or not.”
“I can’t see that it has been,” she said. “I can see that maybe people would get the wrong impression about how I feel about him, and that’s not what I would want him to worry about. Obviously a lot of very grateful patients have been in his life, and obviously …” She stopped, confused. She took a deep breath and said, “Obviously I’m grateful. That goes without saying. He’s helped me a lot, and I can see a ton of progress, but I can also see where everybody else is a little worried that my emotions are a bit caught up between thankfulness and actual caring.”