It Took Billy

by Miguel Lopez de Leon

  This third short journal was written by Chaos.

  Tuesday. At the local café, having a delicious cup of hot coffee.

  Good morning! Guess who? For those who don’t know me, let me introduce myself. My name is Chaos, and I’m so happy that you’re reading this.

  Forgive me for writing down these entries, as opposed to shooting a video, but it seems to be the format that my followers—and the readers of the two other journals—prefer. Don’t worry, I’ll try to keep this relatively short and sweet. Although I love the idea of communicating with you all directly, your time is valuable to me, and I don’t intend to waste it. I assume, though, that if you’re interested enough to read this, then you’ve probably already read the journals of Billy Ranter and Michael the mystic. “Michael the mystic…” Doesn’t that sound like he reads palms or tarot cards? Well, if you haven’t read the other two journals, let me sum them up for you. Billy Ranter wrote about his experiences in my organization, The Chaos of the Five. Michael the mystic entered that same institution incognito, and along with his mystic friends, took down the organization, and myself, in one swoop. I am an immortal entity, and the founder of The Chaos of the Five and The Honor of the Five. So here I am, a year and a half later, and still as weak as a newborn puppy—sipping my cappuccino.

  How weak am I? Although I can go about doing everyday things, I got tired running across the street to get here. So yeah—still weak. But, wink-wink, I must admit, I still look good. Might as well use what little power I have left to keep up appearances, right? For example, for a wink and a smile, I got this coffee for free. Not bad, huh?

  Now that we’re all caught up, let’s address the herd of elephants in the room. I have read and seen Michael’s journal all over the internet. I have also read all the endless comments made by online readers, and I thought I’d take this opportunity to address some of them.

  Firstly, yes, I greatly underestimated the mystics. I could have actively sought them out and settled the grudge that they had against me, but I didn’t. I admit it, I didn’t take them as seriously as I should have, and as time passed, I had no idea how powerful they had all become. I knew about them, I knew they wanted to disrupt my organizations, but honestly, it was just so easy to avoid them. Once every few years they would enter the same general location I was in, so in an instant, I would leave that location—simple. My followers already had evacuation procedures in place for those types of emergencies, so it was no big deal. I didn’t want to fight, and I did all I could to avoid it. Unlike the mystics, I didn’t want any trouble.

  And despite what Michael wrote and implied throughout his journal, I am not as terrible as he made me out to be. Carbs being fattening is terrible—I just have a job to do. I’m not good, I’m not bad, I’m simply here with the rest of you, trying to do my thing.

  What is my thing? I provide balance. That, in a nutshell, is my main job. To provide balance to this world. For example, let’s say we have a group of lions in the wild, a pride of lions, if you will. Cute, right? Natural, free, beautiful animals…all that good stuff. Now, I hate to break this to you, but these beautiful free creatures have to eat. So let’s say a beautiful free zebra comes along, and boom, the lions eat the zebra. They have to, in order to survive. And not to be too graphic, but yes, the lions will tear the zebra to shreds while it’s trying to fight for its life. But here’s the thing—does this make the lions terrible? Does this make them evil? Or are they simply doing what they have to do to survive? They are just being lions. The lions needing to eat and hunt is natural and necessary, and their existence provides balance to that ecosystem. Now, I totally understand that from the zebra’s point of view, these lions are bloodthirsty monsters that need to be stopped at all costs. But does that mean that we, as humans, are going to then kill every lion we see? Of course not. We understand that lions eating zebras is the natural order of things. That is my point. My job is, and always has been, maintaining the natural order of things, even if it’s not a pleasant sight—just like when peaceful zebras are being eaten. Opinions like Michael’s, while completely understandable, are from the zebra’s point of view. He’s focusing on the viciousness of the lions’ attack, and the zebra’s pain, without even considering the needs of the lions or the natural order of the animal kingdom in the first place. Life must go side by side with death, just like the day makes way for the night. Is the night evil—no. Is death evil—no. Is balance evil—no. Am I evil? Well, I’ll leave that up to you.

  Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. Yes, Chaos, but lions having to eat, and setting up organizations to enslave people and make them addicted robots are not the same things. And to that I say—I absolutely agree with you. But before I speak about my institutions, let me first point out that even in Michael’s journal, he was very specific in showing that only people who wanted to join The Chaos of the Five were admitted of their own free will. And they did so, having already read all the details in Billy Ranter’s journal. They knew exactly what they were getting into, and they still wanted to join. Free will. I never took away their choice. Now in the one singular case of Billy Ranter, that was different. But that kid was so bored with his life, it almost felt like I was doing him a favor. Besides, Billy loved being part of my organization.

  So, where were we, yes…members joining of their own free will, knowing exactly what they were getting into. How is that my fault? How is that a fault at all? If I put out an ad saying that I’m selling cakes that each have a ton of calories, but then people buy them and eat them anyway—is it then my fault when they start to gain weight? No! New members were told what to expect, then complained when it actually happened. They got a sense of community, a purpose, free food and lodging, and made lots of new friends. But what about the addictive honey bread? Look, I don’t know what the big deal is. Was the honey bread addictive? Yes. Is sugar addictive? Yes. Is caffeine addictive? Yes. And here’s the big one…is alcohol addictive? Dare I say it for you—yes. All these substances are legal, and for the most part, socially acceptable. But let’s all beat up on Chaos for serving freshly baked bread!

  Anyway, I don’t want to bore you. A lot of these topics have been extensively spoken of in Michael’s journal. But I do have one more gripe before I move on. I was honest about who I was in Billy Ranter’s journal, with the exception of only using one of my two physical forms. But that’s not really being dishonest, that’s just more like changing outfits or hairstyles. I told you all everything that mattered about my intentions and myself and welcomed members in with open arms if they wanted to be part of it. Did Michael, in his journal, tell you everything about himself and his group? No, they are just the mysterious “mystics.” And didn’t Michael repeatedly lie to my followers about his interest in my organization? And just to be fair, who was the one who was trespassing on private property under false pretenses? Who, in fact, when Michael and I were face to face “threw the first punch?” Michael wrote in his own words that I tried to escape his attacks several times. Not only did he stop me from peacefully leaving, he and his four other cohorts ganged up on me—then acted surprised when I was forced to defend myself! Let me ask you, if a trusted guest in your home suddenly revealed that they were really an assassin, then stopped you from fleeing to safety, then let four of their cronies break into your property to destroy you, wouldn’t you do what was needed to defend yourself? Of course, you would. Who wouldn’t?

  Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not trying to say that I’m in any way perfect, or that I’m an innocent victim in all this. I am proudly neither of those things. But is it a crime to not be perfect? I am not an innocent victim, but does that automatically mean that I’m a horrible villain? No, it does not. Like all the rest of you, I fall somewhere in the middle. I’m flawed and I’ve made mistakes, and I sincerely apologize for that. But unlike Michael and those who think like him, I do not judge and condemn people for making mistakes. I do not label them “monsters” or “demons” simply because the
y’re not perfect. But everyone has a right to their opinion, and while I do not agree with Michael’s, I still respect him and do not judge him. We are different, but I respect his differences. Has he respected mine? I’ll leave that up to you.

  Let’s see, what were some of the other online questions and comments that were posted after Michael’s journal that I wanted to discuss? A lot of you mentioned that eating raw squirrels was gross, and I can see why some of you would think that—but why? The squirrels were treated so that no one would get sick. And if you eat meat, then what’s the difference between a squirrel and a chicken? And if you’ve ever eaten sushi, then you’ve eaten raw animals. So I can see how it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but to me, it’s not that big a deal.

  Let’s see, what else…well, in general, a lot of you wanted to know where I was, and what might have happened to me after our little battle. Well, I’m here having coffee. My cup is empty, so I’ll probably get another cappuccino soon. I’m loving life, as I always try to do. And although I’m still extremely weak from my altercation with the mystics, I’m getting stronger every day. I read books, I watch television, and I might even start dating. Are you shocked? Even us immortals need company. And yes, I still have many followers and many other organizations out there that would love to see me, but until I’m strong enough, it would be difficult to be a working leader and CEO, especially when simply going out for coffee is tiring. And when all is said and done, I’d rather take some time off for a while. Especially with so much negative attention still being focused on my institutions.

  Now about all those headlines that I read everywhere. After Michael and his friends attacked me on my own property—which I’m sad to say is accurate—a whole lot has happened. I’m not saying anything that is not already common knowledge when I note that both The Chaos of the Five and The Honor of the Five have, for the most part, been disassembled and stopped. For the most part. We all saw on the news how Billy Ranter was cured of his addiction and reunited with his father, and I truly could not be happier for them both. Is that hard to believe? I suppose it would be, but it’s true. I have nothing but fondness for Billy and all he’s done for my followers and me, and I’m happy to hear that he’s happy. Now yes, I’ve also seen the news coverage about some other newly cured members of my organization, who’ve spoken out about their terrible experiences. About how they were abused and brainwashed. About how they were made to be addicted to honey bread. Some of them have even taken to publishing their own journals, chronicling their negative experiences. (All these online journals will probably make it a little tricky for me to make sure that my own journal shines through, but I’m not too worried. Once I’m done writing it, I’m just going to send it to a pocket of loyal followers whose work and expertise helped make Billy’s journal so popular). Many cured former followers are also in the process of legal proceedings, and are soaking up as much court time, and news exposure, as possible. All I have to say to those individuals is this: I respect you, and I love you. But if you read Billy Ranter’s journal, then you all knew exactly what you were getting into. Now that poor old Chaos is not as popular anymore, you’re acting like you were tricked somehow. But I understand, and I’m not mad at you. The pressure in today’s society to conform to the latest thought or opinion is strong and can be overwhelming. Only know that I forgive you, and when you find yourself lost and alone again, I will not turn my back on you. I will never turn my back on you, and I will never judge you. Besides, all of you, including Billy, expressed these opinions after the so called “cure” was administered to you—the cure that the blossom-women and the mystics made to “heal” the minds and bodies of those who’d become addicted to the bread and music in my organizations.

  All I have to say about the cure is this: If you were opposed to the honey bread because of the addictive matter in it—that came from the blossom-women—then how are you okay with this cure, which comes from the same women? It’s coming from the same source! And not only that, but with a little unknown mystical magic thrown in for good measure! Aren’t you worried that the cure is somehow mind-altering as well? Automatically trusting the cure just doesn’t make sense to me. Again, if this is what makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.

  And the blossom-women—wow, they are mad at me! At this point, they’re more responsible for the fall of my institutions than the mystics are. Not only did the blossom-women decide to live with and work with the mystics to find the cure, which in and of itself is a huge deal, but they’re not allowing themselves a moment’s rest until every one of my businesses are destroyed. Well…all I can say is that might take a while. I’ve been around for a long time. It also doesn’t seem healthy, does it? A little vindictive if you ask me. What if I told you that the blossom-women were part of The Chaos of the Five voluntarily? What if I told you that they were not trapped and that they wanted to do the work they were doing? Who would you think would more naturally have the power to control squirrels—them or me? What if I told you that they were not my prisoners, but were my business partners? Now, as soon as I’m stripped of power, all of a sudden, they’re the victims and want justice. That’s pretty convenient, isn’t it? But again, the blossom-women, or to use their names, which no one else has had the courtesy to do: Eli, Zif, Liio, Gho, Hie, Jey, Bey, Zot, Miw, Tuc, Sil, Dir, and Lis, have my continued respect, and I will always be grateful for what they did for me. They were great business associates, and I wish them well.

  Ah, I just glanced at the new tray of pastries that were placed on the counter. I had better get one—or three—before they’re gone!

  Tuesday. At the park,

  sitting next to the fountain.

  So I ended up having four pastries. They were delicious! I started with a small custard one, topped with fruit, then had two made of chocolate mousse, and then ended with what was basically a blueberry cheesecake. They were all small though and went well with another strong cappuccino. I know, I know—calories. But when you’re an immortal being on the run, you might as well eat what you want.

  This park is so beautiful. The fountain I’m sitting beside generates the constant sound of trickling water. It’s so tranquil. And yes, I know my name is Chaos, but I too like to relax. Again, I’m not about turmoil, I’m about balance.

  Anyway, so we talked about Billy and the blossom-women…oh yes, I wanted to address one of the questions that I saw most often. And although it’s a simple question, it further illustrates a point that I’d like to make: If I could change my appearance to a pleasing one, then why did I appear to Billy as I did? Why not market an attractive face? And the answer is very simple. If we’re honest with ourselves, most of us would admit that the image of a “monster” makes us feel better about our own appearance, while physical beauty in another person makes us feel worse about ourselves. The exception being if that beautiful person takes an interest in us. It’s true. Just think about most, but not all, advertising. Especially for beauty products. They don’t want you to feel good about yourself. They show you images of genetically rare individuals, who just so happen to fit whatever mold society decides is fashionable at the time, then spends huge amounts of money perfecting their appearance with cosmetics, lighting, filters, and editing. They then present this fake image to you as if it’s attainable, if and only if you buy their products. They play on your insecurities. By appearing as was described in Billy’s journal, I was not making anyone feel bad about themselves. The readers were the beautiful ones; I was the “monster.” I only appear in my altered form when I meet my followers face to face, when the personal contact makes them feel positively about the interaction. I didn’t know that Michael would publish his journal, and I wouldn’t have marketed myself as he described me. This is a small, but clear example of how I’ve thought about my followers, and their state of minds. It’s another way that I want them to feel good about themselves.

  Now, I realize that some of you who are reading this journal might think it one-sided, delusional, or ev
en hypocritical, and that is your right to do so. But in my opinion, Michael’s journal was the one that was one-sided, delusional, and hypocritical. And in turn, it’s my right to have that opinion as well. This is simply just another viewpoint, another set of beliefs and perspectives. And unless your own perspectives are so threatened by ones that are not the same as yours, then there is no reason not to hear the other side of the story. I have read and considered Michael’s views, and this journal is just a way to express some of my own.

  Thursday. At home, blissfully

  sitting in front of the television.

  I love being a couch potato. Is there anything better than binge-watching your favorite shows? Yes, there is. It’s binge-watching your favorite shows, and having pizza delivered to your front door. Is there anything better than that? Yes. It’s binge-watching your favorite shows and having pizza and Chinese food delivered to your front door. On a Thursday. With no work the next day. Naked. Just kidding—I’m wearing socks.

  I love my couch. I sleep in it more than my bed. And all these new shows to watch, on television, online—so many. When the show is good, it’s so good. And I can totally get into it and not even realize that the whole day has passed. But sometimes the shows don’t grab my attention, and my mind wanders. As you can imagine, with all that’s happened, my mind can wander to many different topics. One of them is the five sisters. And since that’s also something that many online comments have focused on, I thought I’d share my perspective on the subject.

  When all is said and done, and this was all said and done a very, very long time ago, it’s a difference of opinion of what happened between the five sisters and I, and I feel that both Billy’s and Michael’s journals have directly and indirectly addressed the nature of my relationships with the seasons more than enough. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the five sisters. They have, in so many ways, made me who I am today.