by Elena Aitken
“I did it!”
“Of course you did.” Ben’s heart swelled, watching his nephew take in the moment of his first base hit. “I never doubted you for a second.”
“Thanks, Uncle Ben.” Austin threw his arms around Ben’s waist and hugged him tight. “Oh.” He pulled away. “Am I supposed to call you Coach during the game?”
“You can call me whatever you like, kiddo.” Ben stepped back. “But you need to pay attention to the game. Conner is up next and when he hits the ball, you need to run to second base, got it?”
Austin nodded seriously and turned his attention to the game.
A few hours later, the game over and the Timber Creek Trout the victors over their rivals, the Bridgetown Bears, Ben and Evan took the team and their parents down to Timber Treats for some ice cream.
“I’m proud of all of you,” Evan announced as he lifted his own cone into the air. “They played pretty well, don’t you think, Coach Ben?”
“I couldn’t be prouder.” Ben’s eyes landed on his nephew, who looked so much like his brother had when he was young. The only difference being the freckles that were sprinkled over Austin’s nose. Those came from his mother. He had to turn away. “Congratulations, Trout! You played a great game.”
The kids all let out various whoops and hollers.
“And a big thank-you to the Trout fan club, too,” Ben added and raised his cone to the crowd of parents and grandparents. Including his own mom and dad and Drew’s parents. “We love our cheer section.”
There were more hoots and hollers before everyone turned their attention to devouring their ice cream.
“You’re doing a great job, son.” Sylvia Ross met him with a smile as soon as he turned around, and Ben pulled his mom into a hug.
“Thanks, Mom.” He wished he couldn’t, but Ben noticed the gleam of unshed tears in her eyes. As sad as his mom was about Eric’s death, Ben also knew it was just who she was. His mom had always been quick to tear up. It didn’t mean she wasn’t okay. “I know Eric would have been the first to jump in as coach, so I hope Austin likes that I’m helping out.”
“Oh, I think everyone likes it.” She smiled. “It means a lot and you’re a great uncle, Ben.”
“Good job, son.” His dad joined them with his own ice cream cone. “I think you’ll take those Trout all the way to state this year.” They all laughed and rolled their eyes.
“Well, maybe at the very least, we’ll have a couple of kids who fall in love with the sport.”
“That’s perfect,” Mitch Ross agreed. “We’re going to go say hi to Laura and Paul and get out of here. Good job, Ben.”
Ben gave his mom one more hug, and watched as they joined Drew’s parents to enjoy their ice cream. After a moment, he turned to find his co-coach and eat his own melting cone of double chocolate.
“Wasn’t that great?” Evan took a seat on the picnic table next to him. “That’s the best part of coaching,” he continued. “Watching the kids hit the ball for the first time and run as hard as they can to get to the base.”
“It was pretty cool,” Ben agreed. “I’m glad you talked me into being a coach. I had no idea it was so much fun.”
Evan laughed. “There is a reason I subject myself to crazy baseball parents year after year,” he said.
Ben’s eyes floated across the crowd to Drew, who sat with Conner’s mom and dad, laughing at something they were saying. “Not all the parents are so bad,” he said absentmindedly.
It didn’t take long for Evan’s eyes to follow where Ben was looking. “Right,” he said, drawing out the word. “Not all the parents are so bad at all. Some of them are downright—”
“Don’t say anything.” Ben whirled on his best friend, who held up his hands protectively.
“Whoa. Stand down. How did you know I was going to say anything at all?”
Ben shrugged. He’d always been defensive where Drew was concerned. And it seemed as if it was only getting more intense as he struggled to sort out his feelings. Evan was only one of very few people who knew how much he’d loved her once. Once? More like always. Those feelings had never gone away. Not in any real sense. Something he realized more and more every day.
“I wasn’t going to say…okay, I was going to say something,” Evan confessed before turning his attention back to his ice cream.
Ben waited, knowing his best friend wasn’t going to be able to stay quiet long.
Just as he predicted, Evan took a big bite of his ice cream and, a second later, said, “I was just going to mention that…well, I know that you’ve been so supportive to Drew and don’t think I don’t think it’s awesome. I mean, I think we all know that Eric would want you to be there for them.”
Ben nodded and looked out across the parking lot. “He asked me to watch over them. I’m just trying to do my best, man.”
“I know you are. And honestly, I think it’s been just as important for your healing, Ben. I mean, you lost a brother, man. That’s not a small thing. And I’m definitely not saying it is.” Something in Evan’s voice had Ben turn to face him. “I also know how you feel about her,” he continued.
And there it was.
Ben shook his head. There was no way he was having this conversation now. “No. It’s not about how I feel.” It was a lie, but not completely. “We’re all healing, and…I just need to make sure they’re okay.”
“I get that.” His friend nodded and for a few moments they went back to eating their ice cream in silence before Evan said, “Cam told me that Drew had found some sort of list and you were helping her with it. What’s that all about?”
“It’s more like it was a list Eric left for me. Some of the fun things we did when we were kids. I think he probably wanted Austin to be able to experience all of that, too, so I’m just making sure he does and…Drew wanted to come along. That’s all.”
“That’s all, huh?”
Ben turned again and stared at him. “Is there something you wanted to say, Evan? Because I’m not in the mood to play games with you. Just say what you need to say, already.”
Evan’s face grew serious. “There’s nothing I need to say,” he said after a moment. “You don’t need me telling you that you’re playing a dangerous game. She’s your brother’s widow, and—”
“Dammit.” Ben jumped up from the table. “I knew you had something to say.” He glanced around, and was once again aware that they were surrounded by little ears. He took a deep breath and looked at his best friend. “I’m not playing any kind of game with Drew and trust me, I know damn well she’s Eric’s widow. If you think that I can forget that even for one second, then you don’t know me at all.”
“Ben.” Evan held his hand up. “That’s not how I meant it. It’s just a really complicated situation and—”
“It’s not complicated, Evan. Because it’s not about anything else except for Austin.” And his mom. Ben shook his head in an effort to clear it. “Besides, I met a girl. Just like you said I should.”
He knew it wasn’t fair to talk to Evan about this. Not when he didn’t think of Calla as anything more than a friend. Despite the idea he’d had when he’d first met her. It had become clear in a few phone calls and talking to her the night of the patio grand opening that as great as Calla was, there was no romantic connection.
“Really? The girl from Petal Pushers?”
Ben nodded and pushed down the little voice that was screaming at him to stop talking. “Right,” he said, ignoring the voice. “Calla. She really helped me out and she’s really…well, she’s nice.”
“Nice?”
“Yes.” Ben glared at his best friend, already regretting having this conversation. “She’s nice. We’ve talked a few times.”
“And when are you going out with this nice girl?”
He shrugged. “We’re both pretty busy.”
That made Evan burst out in laughter. “Right. You’re pretty busy with another woman. I guess that is true.”
That did i
t. Ben stepped up to his friend, no longer caring that kids might be watching, and stood right in his face. “I told you. It’s not like that,” he hissed. “It’ll never be like that with Drew. I think of her like a sister. That’s it.” The lies tasted bitter on his tongue, but maybe if he said it out loud he just might start to believe it himself. “I’m just trying to help her out,” he continued. “I feel really sorry for her. That’s it. Got it?”
Evan nodded and the smile faded from his face. But Ben could see Evan didn’t believe a word that he’d just said. He stepped back, and remembering where he was, looked around. His eyes landed on Conner’s parents, but Drew was no longer with them.
“She’s over there,” Evan said.
Ben turned in the direction his friend pointed without even questioning how Evan knew who he was looking for. Drew was walking quickly, her head down, with Austin’s hand tightly in hers, heading away from them and the group.
“Where’s she going?” Ben asked aloud. She hadn’t been sitting close enough to overhear anything he’d said, and even if she had… “Do you think she heard what I said?”
“What does it matter?” Evan said slowly. Something in his voice made Ben turn to see the knowing look on his best friend’s face. “After all,” Evan continued, “you said it wasn’t like that.”
It was almost a week after the Little League triumph for the Timber Creek Trouts and Austin was still insisting on wearing his jersey to school every day. Drew had given up trying to fight that fight. There was no point; she was bound to lose. Besides, the school year was almost over and Austin could have picked worse things to wear. The problem was completely her own because every time she saw the red and black shirt, with the Log and Jam name proudly displayed across Austin’s little shoulders, right above his number five, Drew couldn’t help but think of Ben.
And more specifically, what she’d heard him say.
It’ll never be like that with Drew. I think of her like a sister. That’s it.
And then, worse: I feel really sorry for her. That’s it.
The words had been on repeat in her brain for days. Is that really what Ben thought of her?
Of course it was.
She’d been stupid enough to let herself, even for the slightest moment, think that what she was feeling for Ben was something more than just a friendship. That she might be able to feel something for someone again. That all the feelings she was having racing through her whenever she saw him could possibly be her allowing her heart the chance to open up again.
Maybe Amber had been right. It was too soon.
Okay, she hadn’t said that. Not in so many words, but she might as well have.
“Besides,” Drew said aloud as she dug through her pots and pans, pulling out the tools she was going to need to create her sample menu, “I have more important things to worry about now.” She found the saucepan she’d been looking for. “Like perfecting this sauce.” She slammed it down on the counter with more force than she’d intended, and got to work.
She’d been so busy avoiding Ben for the last few days that all the time she normally would have spent with him had been filled instead with her digging out all her old cookbooks from the boxes in the garage, and hours upon hours of her poring through the pages in search of the perfect recipes for her tasting menu.
She’d compiled a good list of things she could put into her cooking classes, but she didn’t just want to cook her tried-and-true things, but come up with some new creations as well. Which was why she was spending her Friday evening surrounded by ingredients and pages and pages of ideas she’d jotted down. Austin was sleeping over at her parents’ house and she had the house to herself. Determined not to go to bed until she’d perfected her menu, Drew connected her phone to the portable speaker she kept in the kitchen, turned on a nineties sing-along playlist and cranked up the tunes while she got to work.
She was so lost in what she was working on that she didn’t hear the knock on the door, or the doorbell, or then the front door opening, followed by all her best friends as they used the spare key Drew always kept under the mat, and walked into the house.
With a tray of homemade flax and parmesan crackers in the oven, Drew shook her butt and sang into her spatula, “I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brothers can’t deny.” She spun around and screamed, dropping her spatula as she jumped. “What the hell?”
“Baby got back!” Christy picked up the tune as she danced into the kitchen. Amber and Cam started laughing and, as soon as Drew recovered from the shock, she joined in and turned down the music.
“What are you guys doing here?” She didn’t bother asking how they got in. It had been Christy’s idea to have the spare key outside and it was definitely not a secret. “I was just—”
“Singing.” Christy laughed.
“Terribly singing,” Cam added.
Christy held up her hands. “I wasn’t going to say it.”
Despite the shock of having her friends show up unannounced, Drew found herself glad they were there. “Seriously, what are you guys doing here? It’s Friday night. Don’t you all have lives you should be living?”
“That’s exactly what we’re doing.” Amber put two bottles of wine on the kitchen table and helped herself to glasses before pouring everyone except Cam, who was breastfeeding, a glass. “We’re spending our Friday night with our best friend, who, by the looks of things…” Amber looked around the mess and back at Drew. “Actually, I have no idea what’s happening in here. Are you having a dinner party?”
“No dinner party.” She shook her head and checked the timer over the oven. “But I am testing a few things and you guys are just in time. These crackers are almost done and…” On cue, the oven chimed.
“Crackers?” Cam looked over her shoulder as she removed the hot pan. “You made crackers? I didn’t think you could do that?”
Drew laughed at her friend’s incredulousness. Cam wasn’t known for her culinary skills. “Of course you can. Give them a few minutes to cool down.”
“They smell delicious,” Christy said from across the kitchen. “Is this all for your new class that you’re working on?”
Drew shot Amber a look but she only shrugged. “What? You didn’t say it was a secret.”
It wasn’t.
“It is for the class,” she admitted. “I’m hoping to have a few things that are easy enough that everyone can actually feel like they can pull them off, but fancy enough for people to think that they’re really getting value from the class.”
“That makes sense.” Cam nodded. “But don’t forget to account for total kitchen disasters like myself.”
Drew laughed. “Don’t worry. You are my target audience.”
While they all chatted and caught up with each other, Drew pulled out a few condiments that she’d been working on earlier: a roasted red pepper hummus, and a smoked salmon spread, along with a fig jelly. She gathered everything on a tray and once her cracker creations were cool enough, put them on a plate and carried it to the table where the women dug in to the unexpected snack.
“Okay, so we know that I’ve been trying to juggle a baby and a business,” Cam said once they were all settled. “Never mind a teenager and a husband. So my life is pretty boring.”
“That hardly sounds boring.” Drew raised an eyebrow.
“Well, it’s not nearly as exciting as Christy’s life.”
“Whatever.” Christy laughed. “Mine sounds similar to yours. Minus the teenager.”
“And plus the singing career that’s blowing up,” Amber added. “What’s the latest on that, anyway? When do we get to see you win a Grammy?”
Christy shook her head, but the smile on her face gave away her excitement. “No Grammy yet,” she said. “But we did sign with an agent, and he’s pretty sure he can get us a record deal.”
“No way!” Cam’s mouth fell open. “I mean, not that I’m surprised,” she added. “You guys are amazing. But it just seems so surreal. Like, we kno
w a famous musician.”
“We do.” Amber lifted her glass of wine. “And soon, a famous chef.”
Drew laughed so hard she almost choked on the cracker she’d just taken a bite of. “I don’t know about famous,” she said. “But I’ll be more than happy with successful. I’m excited about doing this.”
“As you should be,” Amber said. “It’s delicious. And I’m sure your business will be a huge success, too. In fact, I was hoping you would agree to cater the grand opening of Taking the Reins whenever it finally opens.”
“Of course. Do you have a date finally?”
“Not quite.” Amber shook her head. “It’s so frustrating, but Harry finally made some things happen and we can finally see some real progress. We’re all closed in, drywall is up and now it’s just a matter of finishing things up. So, hopefully we’ll have a final date within a few weeks, but we should be in by the end of July. Hopefully earlier.”
“That is so exciting,” Drew said. “I know you guys have been working really hard. And I would be absolutely honored to provide some food for the big day.” They spent the next few minutes discussing the details of what Amber and Logan were looking for, while Christy and Cam traded baby stories. Drew sketched out a few things in a notebook, and her mind spun with ideas for her very first catering affair.
“Hey.” Amber leaned in to whisper. “We’re okay, right? I mean…the other day…I didn’t mean to say—”
“It’s good,” Drew cut her off. “I know you didn’t…well, it’s fine.”
It wasn’t fine. But Drew wasn’t upset with Amber. The truth was, everyone was going to feel the way they were going to feel about things when she did decide to move on, and there was nothing she could do about that. Besides, she wasn’t moving on and any feelings she thought she might be having weren’t real anyway. So none of it mattered.
“It’s not fine.” Amber put her hand on Drew’s arm. “You were trying to tell me something, and if you want to tell me about—”
“Hey,” Cam interrupted unknowingly from the other side of the table. “I just remembered that Evan told me about the camping trip that you and Ben are going on with Austin.”