by Elena Aitken
She hesitated for a moment, but nodded and continued to unpack the bedding while Ben took Austin and started gathering kindling for the fire.
“You need to look for dry pieces,” he told the boy. “About this size. And any bark and dry moss is really good, too. Got it?” Austin nodded and was already at work, filling his hands with kindling. “When you have a good pile, just put it over here, okay?”
“Got it, Uncle Ben.”
He couldn’t help but smile at the boy’s excitement over the simplest things. Things Ben himself had always taken for granted. Camping and being outdoors was just part of his lifestyle, and had been since he was young. Eric had loved it once, too. But things changed, and circumstances changed. Ben was just glad he had the opportunity to teach Austin these things.
It wasn’t long before they had a roaring fire and were finally able to relax and roast some hot dogs. “Go slow,” Drew told Austin as he jammed his roasting stick into the flames. “You have to roast it around the edge of the fire or it will burn.”
Ben watched as Drew showed Austin the proper way to hold the stick and couldn’t help but grin.
“What are you smiling about?”
He shook his head. “Just…well, who would’ve ever thought that you’d be showing anyone how to roast a hot dog over a fire? I mean…”
“Okay, okay.” She laughed. “I know I’m not the most outdoorsy, but I’m not stupid, Ben. I know a few things.”
“Really? By all means then, what else can you tell us about camping?”
“Well…I can tell you…” She looked around and Ben tried—very unsuccessfully—not to chuckle. Finally, she nodded triumphantly. “I can tell you that it looks like you might have a wet sleep tonight.” She pointed to the sky and the gathering clouds.
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Ben shook his head and tossed another log on the fire. “A little cloud cover is a good thing. It actually keeps the warmth from the day in.” He used air quotes. “Otherwise it can get a little cool out here at night.”
“What about the rain?”
“What rain?” He shrugged. “The forecast looked great. Clear with no real chance of precipitation. Those clouds aren’t rain clouds. In fact, I’m willing to bet they clear out completely and we get a great night for stargazing.”
“When will the stars come out?” Austin looked up from his hot dog long enough to ask the question.
“Soon,” Ben assured him as the boy yawned. Drew gave him a knowing look. It had been a big day for Austin. “But maybe we can save our stargazing for tomorrow night when you’re not so tired.”
“I’m not—” His words were cut off by a yawn and Ben once again had to hide his laughter.
“It’s okay, buddy. You eat your hot dog and get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.”
Despite his protesting, Austin fell asleep on Drew’s lap shortly after consuming his dinner. Ben carried him into the tent and they tucked the boy in for the night. “There’s no reason you should go to bed,” he told Drew. “After all, it’s only barely getting dark. It’s the best time to enjoy the fire.”
She looked between Austin, cuddled in his sleeping bag, and Ben at the door of the tent. “I don’t know. Maybe I should stay…”
“He’ll be fine here,” Ben said. “Besides, we’ll be right over there.” Not for the first time, Ben was struck by the fact that there was something going on with her. She’d been acting strange for weeks. Whatever else happened, he was going to get to the bottom of it. “Come on, Drew,” he encouraged. “I miss you.” Something flashed on her face, but in the dimming light, he couldn’t be sure. “I want to hear all about your business.”
“Okay,” she said. “But just for a few minutes.”
He took her hand and helped her out of the tent. She turned and zipped Austin safely in before standing only inches from Ben. Heat flashed through him and before he could stop himself, he took her hand again and led her to the fire. Everything with Drew just felt natural, despite the fact that it probably shouldn’t. No matter what he’d said to Evan before, as far as Ben was concerned, when it came to Drew, it was most certainly like that. And it was getting harder and harder to pretend that it wasn’t.
Drew probably should have gone to bed with Austin. It would have been easier than sitting around the fire with Ben—and not because she was in the middle of the woods and she didn’t even want to think about what kind of critters existed in the shadows that she couldn’t quite see.
No. The biggest threat to her was the one right next to her, putting more logs on the fire.
“There.” Ben put yet another log into the flames. “That should keep us warm.” He sat back in his foldable chair and turned to her with a grin on his face. “This is fun, right?”
She nodded and managed a smile. “So fun.”
“Oh, come on, Drew.” He laughed. “You don’t really hate camping that much, do you?”
She shook her head. “Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t think it’s fair for me to say if I hate it or not.” She shrugged. “I’ve only actually done it the one time, and that wasn’t so bad.” Her foot kicked at the dirt. She hadn’t meant to bring up the high school camping trip. Not that he would remember it, but still. “Honestly, I just never really got the chance to do a lot of outdoorsy things and then there was that time we went hiking as kids, and I might have been a bit of a wuss.”
“A bit?” Judging by his howl of laughter, Ben remembered the elementary school trip well.
She turned to him, her mouth open, ready to protest, but ultimately just shook her head and laughed. When they’d been in elementary school, either grade five or six, the class had gone on a field trip to the woods. It had been part of an outdoor education unit that involved a hike, an outdoor cookout, and some basic camping skills. Drew had been at a doctor’s appointment the day before and had missed the reminder that the teacher had given about proper dress. Both she and her mother had completely forgotten about the field trip the next day and Drew had shown up for school wearing a dress and patent leather shoes. There’d been no time for her to go home and change before the bus left, so she’d been left wearing the dress and totally inappropriate shoes. But despite her unreasonable attire, she’d done her best to keep up with the group. Even if it had meant slipping and falling over roots and rocks until her dress was tattered and stained beyond repair.
“Hey,” Drew defended herself. “I didn’t dress that way on purpose.”
“Sure you didn’t.” Ben chuckled. It had become an ongoing joke that Drew was too much of a girly girl to go for a hike, and she’d always taken the ribbing with good spirits. “But I have to say, I completely fell in love with you that day.”
“I didn’t—” She froze as Ben’s words sank in. Had he just said what she’d thought? “You what?”
He shook his head and ran his hand roughly over his face. “I just meant…that day…” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “You were so determined not to be left behind. So many girls would have freaked out to see their dress ruined that way, and would have cried and…well, you didn’t do any of that. You just…you just did it.”
She nodded slowly. “But you just said you—”
“You know what?” He jumped up from his chair and slapped his hands on his thighs. “I totally forgot that I brought a bottle of wine.”
“Wine?” Drew blinked. “Ben…what…”
“Wine,” he continued, as if she hadn’t said anything. “To celebrate the Bro List. I thought maybe a beer would be more appropriate, but I didn’t think you were much of a beer drinker, so I—”
“Beer will be fine,” she interrupted him quickly. She didn’t love beer, but she couldn’t help but think that drinking wine with Ben might not be the best idea. At least not while she was so confused by everything she was feeling. And what the hell had he just said?
“Okay.” Ben opened the cooler. “Beer it is.”
He handed her a can a
nd they once again sat in silence around the fire. The carbonated liquid was cold on her throat and bitter on her tongue. But drinking the beer gave her something to do so she didn’t have to focus on the awkwardness between them. After a few minutes, Ben got up and fetched two more cans from the cooler. He offered her one and she took it without a word.
The logs cracked and popped in a way that completely mesmerized her. But despite Drew’s focus on the fire, she was acutely aware of the man next to her and the tension in the air. She wasn’t the only one who noticed it either because, after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, Ben cleared his throat awkwardly.
“Why didn’t you mention your new business?”
“I wasn’t sure if…well…I don’t know,” she finished lamely.
“I’d like to hear about it.”
“You would?”
Ben spun in his seat so quickly, his flimsy camping chair wobbled, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Of course I would, Drew. Why would you think any differently?”
This was her chance to clear the air. To tell Ben exactly why she’d been so distant. How her feelings were hurt in a way she couldn’t even explain and that definitely didn’t make any sense. She’d never kept secrets from him before. Of course, she’d never had a reason to.
She took a breath and considered her situation.
Sitting there with Ben, everything became really clear. She was being completely ridiculous. “You know what?” she said before she could change her mind. “I’m sorry. I’ve been really silly and that hasn’t been fair to you.”
“What do you mean? With your business? I don’t—”
“No.” She stopped him. “With everything.” She turned so she faced him, their knees almost touching. The fire danced and lit his face as she spoke. “You’re really going to laugh when I tell you this, but…” She took another breath and went for it. “I’ve been kind of avoiding you.”
“Really?” Even in the firelight, Drew could see him roll his eyes. “I noticed, Drew. What’s going on?”
“It’s so dumb but I think with everything from the last few months…” She waved her arm. “You’ve just been so good to me and Austin and as everything started to get back to normal, and I started feeling better, I started to think that maybe there was…never mind.” Despite the fact that she knew he couldn’t see her, she was blushing.
“Drew. What is it? You’re worrying me.”
“So, here’s the thing.” She chuckled a little to herself. “I somehow managed to convince myself that I had feelings for you. I know it’s so dumb, but somehow I guess I thought…well, it doesn’t matter and then I heard you tell Evan that you didn’t think of me like that and—”
“But I do.”
“So I think for the last few weeks I was just—what?” She blinked and worked hard to focus on him in the firelight. “What did you say?”
Ben reached across the space and took her hand in his. She drew in a gasp at his touch and the heat that fired through her. He squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes. “I do feel that way about you, Drew.”
She had the sensation that the world was spinning and her chair was collapsing out from under her but for whatever reason, she hadn’t fallen to the ground. Her eyes locked on his hand clasping hers. She focused on it until she steadied. Finally, she gathered the courage to look up at Ben’s face. He was watching her intently, cautiously, as if he were worried she would tell him everything she’d just said had been a joke.
But it wasn’t.
And now he was telling her… “What are you saying?”
He shook his head slightly and smiled a little. “Drew, I’ve been in love with you ever since we were kids. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the day of that hike in elementary school, but it was close. I have spent my entire life trying to figure out how to love you.”
“But…” She was going to protest and say something about how she’d never known, but that wasn’t true. Not entirely. On some level, she’d always kind of been aware of his feelings for her. “You never said anything.”
“How could I?” He squeezed her hand. “When we were young, I was scared and stupid. Too chicken shit to say anything and then you asked me to tell Eric that you liked him.”
“You know what’s funny?” She squeezed her eyes and let herself remember that day. “I asked you that to see if you liked me. I was so sure you liked me but wouldn’t say anything.” She shook her head and laughed at how mixed their signals had been. She remembered the day well. She’d been so convinced that he liked her, but instead of telling Ben she liked him, too, she panicked and asked him to ask out Eric for her. A few days later, when Ben walked up to her locker, leaned up against it looking all cool, but a little nervous too, the butterflies in her stomach took flight. She’d been so sure he was going to admit his feelings then, but instead he’d said, “My brother wanted to know if you might think about going to the dance with him.”
“The dance? With Eric?”
“Yup.” He’d looked down and kicked his sneaker against the linoleum floor. “So will you?”
She’d been flustered and caught completely off guard. Up until that moment, despite the fact that she’d been the one to say something to Ben about him, Drew would never have guessed that Eric even knew she was alive. It had been stupid, she knew it even at the time, to play such a game, but she’d really expected, or at the very least hoped that it would be Ben who would admit his feelings and ask her to the dance. But in that moment, it was clear that he wasn’t interested. Not like that. So she really had nothing else to lose. “Okay,” she’d said.
“Okay?” He looked up; his face registered shock. “You will? Like, you want to go with him?”
She’d shrugged, trying not to look disappointed. “Sure. Why not?”
It felt like a million years ago that Drew had watched him walk down the hall, presumably to tell Eric that she’d agreed to go to the dance with him.
“What else was I supposed to do?” Ben said, bringing her back into the moment and out of the past. “I guess in hindsight I should have told him—no, maybe I should have told you that I was in love with you.” He chuckled and shook his head. “But I regret nothing. Not really.”
She let his words sink in and after a moment, she said, “Neither do I. My life with Eric was…well, it was unexpected,” she admitted. “But it was amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” It was the truth. She’d never expected to fall in love with Eric, but that’s exactly what had happened. They’d spent the next almost eighteen years loving each other completely and totally. “But now…” she continued. “I don’t know how to feel about what I’m feeling.”
Ben leaned over in his chair and took her other hand in his, forcing her to look him directly in the eye. “I get that. I sure as hell don’t know how to feel what I’m feeling. You are my brother’s…well… I’ll be honest, Drew. I’m not sure I know how to sort that out in my head.”
She nodded, letting his words roll around in her head. It was complicated, yes. Messy even. But being with Ben, she couldn’t help but feel more at peace than she had in months and that counted for something. Drew bit her bottom lip and squeezed his hand. “Maybe we can figure it out together?”
He was quiet for a second, but when he looked into her eyes and said, “I’d like that. A lot,” it was all she needed to hear.
Chapter Thirteen
“Do you ever think about having kids?” Amber asked the question lightly, but she kept an eye on Logan from the corner of her eye. With most of the finishing work done in the lodge, they were finally starting to move furniture in. While the movers they’d hired did all the heavy lifting, Amber and Logan were walking from room to room with a clipboard and a checklist.
Logan looked up from what he was writing. “Pardon me?”
“Kids,” she said again. “Have you ever thought about them? I mean, I’m sure you’ve thought about them, but…having some of your own.”
Logan walked across the guest
room they were in and stood in front of her. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
Amber shook her head and laughed. “Not at all. It’s just something I’ve been thinking of and I guess I wondered what you thought of the idea. We’ve never talked about it.”
“Well, we’ve been a little busy.”
It was true. They’d been so consumed by Taking the Reins and making the treatment center a reality, they really hadn’t discussed any of those things that couples usually talked about early on in their relationship. “I know,” she said. “But maybe we should. I mean…” She swallowed. She’d never been one to mince words, or shy away from saying what she really wanted. There was no point starting now. “I love you,” she stated.
Logan laughed and wrapped his free arm around her to pull her close. “I know, baby. I love you, too.” He pressed his lips to hers and kissed her slowly to demonstrate just how strong his feelings for her were.
“My point is,” she said when he finally pulled back, “is that we’ve never talked about what’s next. And because I love you, I obviously want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I guess we’ve never really talked about what that looks like.”
He eyed her out of the corner of his eye and released his arm from her waist. “And what do you think it looks like?”
Amber swallowed and told him exactly what she’d been thinking for the last few months. The ideas floating through her head still shocked her considering it wasn’t all that long ago that she’d been certain she’d always be a single woman with nothing but her faithful romance novels to keep her warm at night. Career had been everything and her whole life, she’d focused on it with laser precision. Nothing else mattered as much as making partner at her fancy law firm in San Francisco. Nothing. Not even her health.
Until it did.
A cardiac event that exposed her addiction to Adderall had changed everything and brought her home to Timber Creek, where she’d met and fallen in love with Logan. Everything had changed. It hardly even felt real some days, but other days, Amber felt like a completely different person with a whole new set of priorities. Priorities that included making sure Taking the Reins was a huge success so they could help as many people as possible with equine therapy. But also, those priorities included her friends and her family, especially her newly rekindled relationship with her dad, that was stronger than ever. And maybe those priorities also extended to a family of her own? It was a thought she’d been having more and more.