by Elena Aitken
“I think maybe it looks like us getting married and having a family.” She ran a hand down Logan’s chest and pulled him close to her once again, using the front of his jeans. “I mean… I think I might be convinced to be Mrs. Logan Myers and—what?”
He’d stiffened under her touch, and the normally light-hearted smile that was ever present on his face had turned into a frown. “Amber, I…”
“You what?” She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest. Based on his body language, she was pretty sure she knew what he was going to say, and she was going into full-on defensive lawyer mode, an old habit she’d always used to protect her emotions.
He shook his head and tried to step closer to her. “Don’t be like that. Don’t close up on me.”
“Tell me what you were going to say, Logan.” She wasn’t going to let him off so easily. She needed to know. It suddenly seemed very important to know at that very moment exactly how Logan felt about moving their relationship forward. “It’s important, don’t you think?”
“Of course it’s important, Amber. But I don’t know if this is the right time to talk about it. Why don’t we go home tonight and have a glass of wine and—”
“No.” Her voice was louder in the empty room than she’d intended it to be. “Tell me now,” she said, somewhat softer. “I mean, I already know what you’re going to say.” She hated herself for sounding so defensive, but she couldn’t seem to stop. She’d been so happy a moment ago, so sure of where everything was going and now…in an instant, she was unsure. And Amber hated being unsure. About anything.
“Okay, okay.” Logan held a hand up. “I don’t think this is where we should do this, but I’ll tell you.” She pulled in a breath. “I never wanted to get married.” Her heart stopped, which was ridiculous because the idea was still so new to her, too. “And I’ve never really thought about kids,” he continued. “Except for that I don’t think I need to have any of my own to be fulfilled. I mean—”
“Enough.” She couldn’t hear anymore. She ran a hand through her long, dark hair. “Maybe you’re right.” She forced herself to be calm. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here.” She lifted her clipboard and tried to scan the list, in an effort to focus on something, anything else.
“Amber, I—”
“We’ll talk later.”
But she wasn’t sure they would. How could they, if she wasn’t sure what she’d say?
Somehow over the last few months, Amber had talked herself into having a future she’d never before imagined. And without even knowing she was doing it, she’d fallen in love with the vision of a future with Logan that he didn’t see.
And now, in an instant, she had no idea what any of it looked like.
Chapter Fourteen
The next morning, Ben woke up with a sore neck and a crick in his back. They’d stayed up late into the night, talking and holding hands. That was it. It was so innocent, yet at the same time, it wasn’t.
A line had been crossed in their relationship to be certain, but it didn’t feel wrong. In fact, it was just the opposite.
Ben couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so comfortable and content and just…happy. He could have sat there just like that until the sun came up, but when Drew started trying to stifle her yawns, Ben stood and pulled her to her feet. “I think you should probably get some sleep.” He’d held both her hands in his and pulled her close, so they were almost pressed up to each other. “We have a big hike tomorrow.”
She hadn’t even bothered to protest. “You’re right.” She smiled. “And I am definitely going to redeem myself from the last time you hiked with me. I even brought hiking boots.”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t wait.”
He led her to the tent, guiding her with a flashlight so she wouldn’t trip on any of the roots or stones in their path.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay out here tonight?”
He knew she was asking out of concern and not because of anything inappropriate. And as much as the idea of lying in a small tent, curled up next to her, now appealed to him on many levels, instead of scaring him, he needed the space. For his own sanity. “I’ll be fine.”
She bent to unzip the tent but stood again before disappearing inside. “Thank you for...well, for all of this. It means a lot.”
“Of course.” More than anything, he wanted to pull her up against him and kiss her.
“And for…” She gestured between them. “Not being weird about—”
“Drew?” Ben put two fingers under her chin and lifted it so she was looking at him. Despite the darkness around them, the glow from the flashlight lit her face enough for him to see the confusion that still remained there. He had no doubt it would be that way for a while. After all, they were navigating some uncharted territory, to be sure. “You don’t need to thank me, okay?”
She nodded and then he could no longer resist. He pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He yearned to kiss her and feel her lips pressed to his, but it wasn’t time. He settled for pressing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Get some sleep.”
After stoking the fire for the night, and organizing a makeshift bed close to the warmth of the coals, he curled up in his sleeping bag to spend the rest of the night dreaming. Only when he woke, he realized that it hadn’t been a dream. He had confessed his feelings for Drew. And she for him.
None of that had been a dream.
He stretched out the stiffness from sleeping on the ground and got to work with the supplies from the back of the Jeep. In no time, Ben had the camp stove out, and some hot water boiling for coffee. He snuck a glance at the tent, but despite a little bit of rustling, there was still no sign of anyone, so he got started on cooking up the big camp breakfast he’d planned. Just as he’d guessed, it wasn’t long after the bacon started sizzling that he heard the zipper of the tent and Austin, followed by his mom, appeared.
“Good morning.”
“Morning, Uncle Ben. Are you cooking bacon? Mom never lets me have bacon!”
“She doesn’t?” He ruffled the boy’s hair and feigned surprise.
“She says it isn’t healthy.” Austin rolled his eyes.
Ben grinned over his head at Drew. “Well,” he said to Austin, “we’re camping and when we’re camping, some of the regular rules don’t apply.”
Austin pumped his fist and jumped up. “I love camping.”
“Me too.” Ben poured a cup of coffee for Drew. “Good morning.” He handed her the cup and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.
Her hand came up to her face, and Ben worried he’d overstepped, but she only smiled. “Good morning. Did you sleep okay out here?”
“Surprisingly well.”
“You slept out here?” Austin spun around to stare at him. “Like outside? Here?”
Ben laughed. “I did, and maybe tonight you’ll join me?” The question was aimed at both of them, but it was Austin who yelled out his request.
A good night of sleep was exactly what the boy needed to reenergize him. After they finished breakfast and cleaned up, he was more than ready to get moving on the hike. Ben gave him a little briefing on safety and animal awareness; however, with all of Austin’s excited chattering, he really didn’t think that would be a problem. If there were any wild animals around, they would no doubt be scared miles away by all their racket.
“He’s loving this,” Drew said about twenty minutes into the hike. She’d fallen into step beside him. “I can’t believe I’ve never taken him on a hike like this before.”
“Well, I can’t imagine there were a lot of forests in Nevada.”
She laughed. “Not so much. But still, we should have come home more.”
Or at all, Ben thought but didn’t say. “Why didn’t you come home?” he asked instead. It was a question he’d often wondered about, even though he was pretty sure he knew the answer.
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
<
br /> “Eric didn’t want to.” She shook her head. “And I know how ridiculous that sounds because Timber Creek was my home, too. But it never really seemed worth the fight. Besides, our parents all liked coming to visit us and then you know, you get busy having a life and…”
“Time goes by.”
“It does.” She reached out and grabbed his arm for a moment. “I regret it, though.”
They stopped walking and Ben turned to look at her. For a moment, his stomach sank at her words. What did she regret? Last night? Their confessions?
“Not coming home more, I mean,” she clarified and he released the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “I should have insisted. It wasn’t right staying away like that and I see it now. I see how unfair it was for you not to know Austin better and for…well, for you and Eric. You used to be so close and then—” She put a hand to her mouth, her eyes wide at the thought in her head.
“What?”
“Do you think I was the reason Eric didn’t want to come home? I mean, last night you said…” Ben remembered exactly what he’d said. “Did you ever talk about it?” she asked. “With Eric, I mean—did he know how you felt?”
Ben shrugged and considered lying to her. It wasn’t something they’d spoken about often, although he was sure Eric always had an idea. Almost everyone else did—how could Eric not? But there was one time when not only had they spoken about it, they’d fought over it. It was right after Eric had proposed, a day that had hurt Ben deeper than he could have imagined. They’d been living away, while both Drew and Eric went to school, that first year. But after he popped the question, the couple had come back to Timber Creek to announce their engagement, and although Ben managed to suffer through the family dinner, later that night everything came to a head. Eric and his buddies had decided to have a guys’ night, while Drew and her friends gathered at Christy’s house for a sleepover. Because he was trying to be a supportive brother, and there was nothing he could do about it anyway, Ben decided to join the guys at the End of the Road for a drink. The owner at the time didn’t care about checking IDs as long as everyone paid their tabs and didn’t cause trouble.
He’d arrived late and the other guys had already had a few drinks. They were hooting and cheering at the mostly naked women performing on the stage, an unfortunate side effect of the only bar in town. It wasn’t Ben’s scene, but judging by the look on Eric’s face as he took in the view of the scantily clad woman who was leaning down in front of him to place a drink in front of him, it was his brother’s scene.
Ben had taken one look at what was happening in front of him and without thinking, crossed the room to Eric and physically put himself between his brother and the woman. “What the hell are you doing? You just got engaged.”
“Exactly.” Eric laughed. “We’re just taking in a little entertainment. It’s a bachelor party.”
“His last chance for a little fun,” one of his friends hollered. “Relax, Ben.”
“I’m not doing anything wrong.”
Ben glanced around and could see a variety of Eric’s friends engaging in lap dances and tucking dollar bills into the stripper’s G-strings, but as he’d said, Eric didn’t seem to be doing anything wrong.
Still. It didn’t matter. “Get up.” He glared at his brother and spoke through gritted teeth.
“I’m not going anywhere, Ben. It’s innocent fun.”
Ben’s fists clenched reflexively. “You don’t deserve her.”
It might have been the alcohol he’d consumed, or maybe Eric had finally had enough of his little brother mooning over his fiancée, but Ben would never forget the way his brother’s lips twisted up in a snarl as he did finally stand up to confront him. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it? Your stupid schoolboy crush on Drew. Face it, brother—I won. She chose me. For better or for worse. Get used to it.”
Ben took a step toward him and cocked his fist.
“You’re going to hit me?” Eric egged him on. “Go ahead. If it’s going to make you feel better, do it.”
So he did. Ben’s fist connected with his brother’s face. Never as adults had they fought. Not seriously. And the moment the punch landed, Ben regretted it.
Eric put a hand to his face, and stumbled backward but didn’t retaliate. Instead, he said, “Did it make you feel better?” He spit out the words. “Did it help you get it through your head that she’s mine?” The words hurt, because he didn’t feel better. Quite the opposite. “Like I said, little brother. This is just innocent fun. No lines are being crossed. And whatever you might think, Ben, I love her more than life itself and I’ll never hurt her.” He pulled his fingers away from his lip and Ben spotted the blood. Eric only shook his head. “I hope you can get used to it, Ben. She loves me and she’s going to be my wife. That will never change.”
Ben remembered the entire scene as if it were yesterday.
He knew in his heart that Eric would never do anything to hurt or disrespect Drew. He’d known it that night. But his emotions were too raw. The next day, Eric and Drew left to go back to school. A few years later, after they’d both graduated, they made it official and got married. Ben had gone to the wedding, but Eric hadn’t asked him to stand up for him and nothing had ever been the same since.
To answer Drew’s question, he was pretty sure he knew exactly why Eric hadn’t wanted to come home. But could he tell her?
“Ben?” she asked. “Do you think—”
“Mom! Uncle Ben!”
Both of them swung their heads in the direction of the voice, Drew’s question forgotten as Austin announced from up ahead on the trail, that he’d found Bizarro Cave.
“This is where your dad and I carved our initials, buddy. See?”
Drew took a step back so Austin could see what his uncle was pointing at. Her son’s enthusiasm made her laugh as he clambered to get a closer look. Austin was a little too short to see clearly, so Ben scooped him up. “E.R. & B.R.” Ben traced his finger over the faded initials.
“I see them.” Austin put his finger over Ben’s and traced the initials with him.
Drew had to swallow the lump in her throat. The immediate and unexpected rush of emotion caught her totally off guard and she had to look away.
Despite growing up so nearby, Drew had never been to Bizarro Cave. The location was gorgeous. The lush pines and cedars lined the path leading up to the cave and some wildflowers sprouted up among the moss and ferns on the forest floor. The cave opening itself was quite a bit bigger than she’d expected and let out a great deal of cool air. She pulled her fleece out of her backpack and tugged it over her head before turning around again to watch Ben and Austin.
They’d sat down on the rocks and Ben had pulled out a pocketknife. She stepped closer so she could overhear them.
“Let’s put you first,” Ben said. “Ready? You put your hand over mine and we’ll make an A.”
Drew had to bite her tongue to keep her from stopping them or warning them to be safe. She trusted Ben explicitly. He’d never do anything to put Austin at risk.
But would she?
Not on purpose, of course. But what if confessing her feelings to Ben was the wrong thing to do? What if she was just confused and had made a mistake? Was letting Ben get too close going to hurt Austin if it didn’t work out?
Of course it would.
But Ben was Austin’s uncle, and that was a bond that would never be broken. He would always have him in his life. Drew knew that in her soul. Ben would never walk away from Austin. No matter what happened between them.
She took a deep breath, letting her lungs fill with the fresh, cool air.
She left the boys to their task, and started walking into the cave. It was quite open, which provided a lot of light, although the farther it went, the dimmer it got.
Drew stepped from rock to rock and let her mind drift as she walked deeper into the cave.
Being with Ben was easy and last night it had felt right, just sitting with him by the f
ire. In fact, there wasn’t a time in recent memory when she’d felt quite so relaxed and just…well…good.
And that could only be a good thing, right?
There was no rule book when it came to this type of thing. No instruction manual she could refer to. She had to go with her heart.
It would all just be so much easier if she could reconcile what her brain was telling her with what her heart was saying, but the reality was, Drew wasn’t sure that either her brain or her heart had their own messages straight.
“Drew?”
“Mom?”
She froze in place at the sound of Ben and Austin’s voices echoing through the space, but she didn’t turn around right away. Instead, she looked around for the first time. She’d gone in quite a distance. The cave had a small stream running through the middle of it, and a few rock formations sticking up from the ground. There were a few places a little farther in, where she could see similar formations coming down from the roof of the cave. It was oddly pretty and the solitude was comforting in a way she couldn’t explain.
“Did she really go in there?” She heard Austin say, his voice echoing in the tight space. “My mom would never do that. She’s totally scared of that stuff.”
“I’m pretty sure she did, buddy,” Ben replied. “And you know what? Your mom is pretty tough. She can do whatever she puts her mind to. In fact, I don’t think she’s scared of anything.”
“I don’t know.” Drew strained to hear her son’s reply. “She was pretty scared when Dad died.” Her heart clenched in her chest.
“I bet she was.” Ben’s reply was soft. “I bet you were, too, huh? And that’s okay.”