When We Fell

by Elena Aitken

  “It is.”

  “We’ll talk after, okay?”

  She agreed with a nod.

  “Now, get dressed.” Ben grinned. “Team Bro List has a race to win. Or at least complete.”

  She should have trained.

  It was hard.

  Really hard.

  Drew wiggled her way through yet another giant tire before collapsing on the ground on the other side. Already they’d run farther than she’d ever run in her entire life combined, climbed a net of some kind, balanced on beams through mud—thankfully, without getting too muddy—carried buckets of water, shot a bow and arrow, and now these tires.

  Yup. She should have trained.

  “You got this.” Ben stood over her and offered her a hand, which she took. He hauled her up and she had to fight to keep from collapsing on him. “You’re doing great, Drew. Really.”

  “Come on, Mom!” Austin, who, as she’d predicted, hadn’t tired at all, jumped up and down next to her. “Now we can go to the wall.”

  Drew looked to where he pointed: a giant wooden wall, with ropes dangling down the front.

  “You have to be kidding,” she said to Ben.

  “You can totally do this.”

  She really didn’t think she could. From somewhere deep inside her, Drew felt a sob building. Was she seriously going to stand in the middle of this race course and burst into tears?

  It was entirely likely.

  The emotional toll of the last few weeks had exhausted her, never mind the fact that she was completely and totally out of shape. She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

  “Mom!”

  “Hey, buddy. Go grab your mom one of those bottles of water from that aid station over there,” she heard Ben tell her son. And then his arms were around her, pulling her close and holding her to him. She was way too tired to object.

  Nor did she want to.

  “You can do this, Drew,” Ben said in her ear while he rubbed her back. “It’s just one more thing. You’re going to flip this tire and then we’re going to go together and get over that wall.” She shook her head against his shoulder. “Yes,” he said. “We’re going to do it together. I’ve got you. I’m here and I’m not leaving. We’re going to do this, Drew. Okay?”

  He’s got me. He’s here. I can do this.

  “Do you hear me?”

  She nodded and he rubbed her back with more vigor before giving it a small pat and pulling her up off his chest. “I’m right here with you,” he said, quieter this time. “Always.” Before she could even think about what that meant or let his words sink in, Ben planted a kiss on her dirty, sweaty forehead and stepped back.

  “Here.” Austin shoved a bottle of water at her. “Drink.”

  She did as her child told her and drank deeply from the bottle before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, which she was certain left a smear of mud behind. And judging from the grin on Ben’s face, it had.

  Drew tossed the bottle in a nearby trash can and looked at the boys, who were eagerly watching her. “Let’s do this.”

  As promised, as soon as she crouched down and flipped the tire, they ran the short distance to the wall, where Ben did a quick survey of it before instructing first Austin how to grab the rope and use the wooden steps provided for the children’s modified wall to climb to the top. “Just a few steps and you’re up there,” he told Austin. “Wait for us at the top, okay?”

  With a look of determination Drew couldn’t remember ever seeing on her son’s face, Austin nodded and did as his uncle instructed.

  “Good job, Austin!” She cheered as he easily handled the climb.

  “Now it’s your turn, Mom!” he called down.

  Her eyes grew wide as they looked over to the adult wall. It was higher. Much higher. And there were far less little steps or footholds to help her out. She turned to Ben but he was smiling and nodding.

  “You’ve got this, Drew. You are capable of so much more than you think you are.”

  “I don’t know if that’s true.” She shook her head at the wall.

  “You are,” Ben insisted. “And I’m right here with you, okay?”

  Numbly, she nodded and listened as Ben gave her some basic instructions on the easiest way to tackle the wooden wall. “Just go bit by bit. Only look as far as the next foothold, okay? Don’t look at the whole thing or you’ll get overwhelmed. Just step by step.”

  Drew took in a deep breath that filled every inch of her lungs. “I can do this,” she said as she exhaled.

  “Damn right you can,” Ben said. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”

  She turned and looked at him and saw nothing but truth in his eyes. Truth and love. Despite everything she’d said to him. Done to him, to push him away. There he was. And he believed in her. More, he loved her. And she—

  “Come on.” He interrupted her thoughts. “Let’s do this. I’ll be right next to you.”

  And he was. Ben took the rope next to her and just as he’d promised, he stayed with her step for step, coaching and motivating her as she somehow made her way up the wall.

  She’d done it.

  Drew took a moment to look around and there it was—the finish line only a few yards away.

  She could have cried with relief if it hadn’t been for Austin tugging on her hand. “Now we get to slide, Mom.”

  “Now that I can handle.”

  Together, they slid down the rubber slide that took them back to the ground.

  “Let’s go!” Austin was bouncing with his endless amount of energy, eager to get to the finish line.

  “Almost there,” Ben said, much quieter. “Are you ready to do this?”

  She looked from her son to Ben and almost cried. This time, not because she was exhausted and spent, but because of the way he was still looking at her, for the love she’d felt coming from him moments before as he got her up the wall, for the love she felt for him no matter what she’d been trying to tell herself.

  “Absolutely.” Drew took Austin’s hand and Ben’s in the other. “Let’s do this.”

  There was so much more she wanted to say, but that would have to do for the moment because Austin was already dragging them to the finish line, where, a few moments later, they crossed, hands still joined, arms in the air, cheering and laughing before they collapsed together on the ground, still laughing.

  “That was awesome,” Austin said. “Dad would have loved it.”

  Drew smiled through the familiar dull ache in her chest, but she nodded. “He would have loved it. Especially watching you work so hard. You did awesome.”

  “Let’s do it again!”

  Drew groaned. “No way.” She twisted from where she was still laying on the grass and spotted the playground full of children. “Why don’t you go play and as soon as I can move again, we’ll come find you?”

  Austin didn’t have to be asked twice. With limitless energy, he jumped up and took off running.

  “You did great, too.” She turned to see Ben watching her with a smile of his own on his face. “He would have been so proud of you, Drew.”

  She wished that was entirely true. Eric would have been proud of her in the race, especially after he got over the shock of her actually doing it. But Drew knew without a doubt that he wouldn’t have been proud of her at all for the way she’d been acting when it came to Ben. He wouldn’t have wanted that for her at all. And she knew it in her soul.

  “Thank you.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  She laughed a little. “Oh yes, I do. I don’t think I could have gotten through that without you.” She pressed her lips together and nodded a little. “I don’t think I could have gotten through a lot of things lately without you.”

  He pushed himself up off the ground with one arm and looked her straight in the eyes. “I meant what I said back there, Drew. You are capable of so much more than you think you are. You are the strongest, most amazing person I know.”

  She rea
ched out, knowing she no longer had the right to touch him after the way she’d acted, but unable to stop herself. “You should come by for dinner.” She touched his cheek lightly and he closed his eyes. “To celebrate,” she continued. “I guess we’ve completed the Bro List.”

  “I’ll absolutely come over.” When he opened his eyes again, they sparkled with mischief. “But there’s still one more thing on the list.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Even hours later, after a shower, a quick bite to eat, stopping by the bar to solve a small supplier crisis, and picking up everything he needed to finish off the Bro List, Ben still couldn’t stop smiling. The Timber Creek Challenge had been the best morning of his life. Watching Austin, and especially Drew, push through each challenge to cross the finish line, at the risk of sounding like a complete and total sap, had been almost magical.

  It was as if he’d watched Drew transform in front of his eyes. And although he would happily have taken at least some of the credit for his encouragement, she’d done it all herself. Whatever it was she’d been going through, maybe she’d finally come out the other side.

  He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but Ben couldn’t get the sight of her big beautiful eyes looking at him as they laid on the grass together out of his mind. And the way she’d touched his face. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. But maybe it did. And he sure as hell hoped it did. He’d been patient with her, and he would continue to do so if need be, but damn, he hoped he wouldn’t have to.

  His arms were full as he stood on Drew’s porch, so instead of knocking, he hollered through the open window. “Hello. I’m here. Can someone grab the door for me? Austin?”

  But it wasn’t Austin who answered the door; it was Drew, looking gorgeous in her cut-off shorts and a flowery top that slipped off one shoulder to reveal her creamy skin. Ben had to look away from the sight before he became fixated.

  “Ben, hi. What is…what are you…” Her mouth fell open when she saw what he held in his arms. “No.” She shook her head and backed up. “No way.”

  But Ben only laughed and offered what he hoped was a fairly innocent shrug. “Hey, we have to finish the Bro List.”

  “Nope. It’s finished,” she protested, but Ben could see her melting as she took another step forward.

  “It’s not finished and you know it.” Ben readjusted his bundle as he spoke and scratched it behind the ear. “Austin needs to teach his first dog how to play fetch.”

  “Oh my God. I could kill you.” But Drew was smiling as she reached out to pet the golden retriever puppy. “He’s so cute. Austin is going to freak out.”

  “He is pretty damn cute, isn’t he? And so sweet.”

  “For now.” Drew took a step back and put her hands on her hips. Ben could see she was trying really hard to act mad, but she was failing miserably. “But look at those paws. He’s going to be huge, Ben.”

  “He’s going to be Austin’s best friend. Where is he?” Ben had been dying to give Austin the puppy since he’d secured the little guy’s adoption three weeks earlier. It had been torture keeping it a secret, but the timing had worked out perfectly as he was ready to be separated from the rest of his litter earlier that morning.

  Drew led the way through the house to the backyard, where Austin sat on the lawn, his back to them, playing with some trucks in the grass. He hadn’t heard them come outside, and Ben quieted Drew before she could get his attention. Instead, he crouched and put the puppy down. The little ball of yellow fluff took a few moments to sniff around, before he spotted Austin and pounced his way over to the boy.

  Austin jumped a little as the dog snuck up on him, but when he turned and saw the puppy, he let out a noise that could only be described as a combination between a cry and a laugh.

  “A puppy?” He immediately reached for the dog, who scrambled into Austin’s lap. “Hi, puppy. What’s your name?”

  “I love that he’s not even questioning where the dog came from,” Ben whispered to Drew.

  She smiled and put her hand to her mouth as she watched her son and his new best friend. “It’s almost like he just knows the dog is his. And I think they like each other.”

  Sure enough, Austin was holding the puppy up as he wiggled in his hands and licked the boy’s face madly, causing an outburst of giggles.

  After a few minutes of playing, Austin finally turned around to see Drew and Ben watching him. “Is he mine?”

  “He’s all yours, buddy.” Ben felt a twinge of guilt for springing the dog on Drew, but judging by the look on her face at the moment, she didn’t seem too troubled by it. “Do you like him?”

  “I love him!” Austin put the dog down on the grass and they watched as he climbed right back up into Austin’s lap. “I think he likes me, too.”

  “I think he does.”

  “What’s his name?”

  Ben looked at Drew and then back at the boy. “What do you think it should be? After all, he’s yours to name.”

  Austin examined the dog for a minute and finally looked up. “I think I’m going to call him Buddy. Because he’s going to be my best buddy.”

  “I think that’s a great name.”

  Together, Drew and Ben joined the boy on the lawn and the puppy entertained them by running between all of them, chewing on their fingers and licking their faces.

  “I don’t know if you’re going to be able to teach him to play fetch for a little while,” Drew said. “He might have to get a little bigger before you can finish off the Bro List.”

  “He’s pretty smart,” Austin declared. “I bet he could learn soon. But I might need help teaching him.”

  “Don’t worry,” Ben said. “Whenever he’s ready, I’ll be here to help. I’m not going anywhere.” He added the last bit and looked right at Drew when he said it. “If that’s okay with you?”

  “Ben, I…can I talk to you for a second?” She hopped to her feet before even waiting for him to answer and walked into the house.

  He caught up with her in the kitchen. Her back was to him, as she looked down at the counter.

  “Drew, I—”

  She spun around and threw herself into his arms. By instinct, his body knew what to do. She kissed him while his arms wrapped around her, holding her tight to him. Damn, she fit just right.

  The kiss was fast and hot and there was so much more behind it than could ever be conveyed with words. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. He could have kissed her all day, but he also knew there was a lot that needed to be said between them, so, regretfully, he pulled back.

  “Drew. I don’t know what to say about that.”

  “Say that it’s okay.”

  “Of course it’s okay.” He still held her close, unwilling to let her go. “But you…” He shook his head. “Talk to me.”

  She laughed nervously and dropped her head to his chest. Ben breathed in her scent. “I’m so scared,” she said when she looked up again.

  “Of what?”

  “Of all of it.” She shook her head. “Of moving on and forgetting him. Of not moving on and losing you. Of disappointing him.” She took a step back so she could look in his eyes properly. “But mostly I’m terrified of letting myself love you because I couldn’t bear it if I lost you, too.” She smiled a little but unshed tears shone in her eyes. “I’m absolutely terrified, Ben.”

  “I could tell you not to be scared.” He intertwined his fingers with hers. “But I think I’ve figured out by now that I’ll never be able to tell you what to do.”

  That got a laugh out of her and she shook her head with a smile. “That being said,” he continued. “Let me tell you this.” Ben’s eyes locked onto hers while he spoke directly from the heart. “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and even if we did, there’s nothing we can do about it. But the one thing I do know is that you can’t spend your life wondering what might happen and hiding from your life and your feelings. Because that’s not living. It’s time to stop hiding, Drew.” With his free hand,
he reached out and cupped her cheek. “You don’t have to be scared.”

  She wanted to close her eyes. Not so she could hide from the way he was looking at her, but so she could keep his tender look in her mind forever. But she didn’t.

  Drew forced herself to look straight ahead into his bright-green eyes, and all the love that was there for her, because it gave her strength.

  Not that she needed it. Not for what she needed to say. Not anymore.

  “I can’t promise you that I won’t be scared again,” she said after a moment. “This whole thing…it’s terrifying.” She shook as she spoke, but it was too late to turn back. Besides that, it was the last thing she wanted. She’d finally started moving again; nothing was going to stop her.

  “But just because I might get scared, doesn’t mean I’ll run,” she said after a moment. “I’m sorry, Ben. For…” A sob choked her momentarily, but it didn’t matter because Ben pulled her close to his chest and held her until the moment passed.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead and just held her. No expectations, no demands. Just love that she could feel flowing from him into her. “I’m not going anywhere. I told you that once, and I’ll tell you that again. Over and over again until you believe it.”

  “I do believe it.” She pulled back to once again look into his eyes. “Ben, I need to tell you—”

  “You don’t have to.”

  He was trying to make it easy on her. Protect her. Help her. It’s what he did and she appreciated it more than anything, but she didn’t need protecting. And definitely not when it came to this.

  “No,” she insisted. “I do need to tell you something.” She took a step back out of his arms, not because she needed the distance from him, but because it was something she needed to do on her own. She was strong enough to know her heart, and that included the love and the pain that resided there. “Losing Eric was the hardest thing I ever had to face,” she started. “As you know, even though he did his best to prepare me, there is no amount of preparation that can help you be ready for the day you lose your husband.” Her voice shook, but she swallowed hard and kept going. If she stopped, she was afraid she might never get the words out. “There were times I didn’t think I’d survive it. Days when I thought my heart would explode from the loss of him. The last thing I ever expected was to feel anything again. Not like that.” She smiled a little to herself. “In fact, if someone would have told me that I’d be able to have feelings for someone else, I would have told them just how wrong they were.” She paused and took another deep breath. “But you know what?”