That was what she liked about Dan. He’d always been good about letting things be her decision. When she’d gone back to work after leaving Chris, he’d stood by her and refused to let Chris’s bullying tactics work. Chris had even threatened to ruin Dan’s business if he kept Rachel employed. Dan had told him to get lost.
For the first time she realized that as much as she had always told herself she’d been completely alone during the situation with Chris, she had had someone looking out for her. Dan had given her a job and let her keep it when everyone else had turned their backs on her because of him.
Janie had told her that maybe instead of looking for everyone to let her down, she should look around and see how people had actually been there for her. Like God. That maybe some of the ways in which she felt she’d been let down by God were actually places where God had been taking care of her in ways she hadn’t recognized.
Like with her job.
“I appreciate that,” she said. “To be honest, I’m a little baffled that they’re so eager to work with me when they were so busy with other things that we never had much of a chance to talk about it.”
Dan nodded. “The kidney donation project.”
They’d told him that, too? Dan knew she had medical issues, but she hadn’t told him about needing a transplant. One more thing she knew she needed to do sometime soon, but hadn’t gotten around to it. Legally, her job would be safe and she had plenty of short-term disability coverage. But for some reason she hadn’t been able to tell him.
“Why didn’t you tell me you needed a kidney?” Dan asked.
Because she didn’t tell anyone much of anything, let alone her boss. Maybe, as much as she had been feeling alone in everything, some of this was her fault.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m starting to realize how much I shut people out. After everything with Chris, I was afraid to trust people.”
At least that much she knew he’d understand. She hadn’t told him everything about the situation, but he had seen enough.
“I guess I would have thought that you would have known I’d have your back.” Dan gestured around the empty office. “A lot of people here would have. I know you’re focused on raising your daughter so you don’t socialize with everyone outside of work, but you have to know that many of your coworkers see you as a friend. Someone they care about. Brenda and I care about you.”
Dan’s wife, Brenda, often invited them to spend the holidays at their house. Rachel had always refused, not wanting to intrude or be a bother. But the sincerity in Dan’s eyes made her feel guilty for those refusals.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I guess I thought—” She shook her head. “I don’t know what I thought. Other than I didn’t want to be a bother. I promise I’ll do better in the future.”
The warm smile Dan gave her brought tears to her eyes. “First of all, you can tell me how you really feel about taking on the ranch account and spending the summer out there. After that, I would like to know more about your kidney situation, and more specifically, how I can be tested to be a donor. I haven’t asked about your medical issues because I know they’re protected under privacy rules. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”
He wanted to get tested? It hadn’t even occurred to her that Dan, or anyone else currently in her life, would be willing to make such a sacrifice. But she had also been surprised by how many people at the barbecue had signed up for more information on becoming a kidney donor.
Had she been underestimating people?
Rachel took a deep breath and, as she had been starting to do regularly since talking to Janie, she said a prayer that God would show her the right thing to do, and give her the right things to say.
Yes, technically, she didn’t have to tell Dan anything. She’d only given the bare minimum information about her medical situation to protect her privacy, but also because she didn’t think anyone would care. And yet, as Dan stood there in her office, she could see that he did care. All these years, he’d been offering her friendship, as had his wife, and she hadn’t been able to see it. She’d been too afraid after everything that had happened with Chris.
She explained more about her kidney problems, basic information she’d lived with for months now, but was brand-new to him.
When she was finished, Dan said, “So that’s why they were asking about what it would cost to put ads in major publications about kidney donation. Ricky said he would spare no expense, but I told him I didn’t think this was the most effective method. We brainstormed some ideas, and I hope you don’t mind, but he said he would rather me handle this one and keep you on the ranch account, because he says you’re too modest to ask for help for yourself.”
It wasn’t so much modesty, but that she didn’t think anyone would be interested.
Then Dan gave her a sad look. “I hate to say it, but I agree with him. I know you are a private person, and I’ve always respected your privacy. But we can’t just let you die because you refuse to ask for help. My conversation with them made me realize that you’re likely not the only person unwilling to make your condition known. So I hope it will make you feel better that we’re not just doing a campaign to help you, but to raise awareness about kidney donation so that others may also receive the gift of life. Besides, Katie deserves to grow up with her mother.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She hadn’t considered the impact of her illness on others, except for Katie. Dan, too, understood how important this was for Katie, and she wished she could go back in time to that first Thanksgiving she spent alone, when Dan and Brenda had done everything they could to try talking her into going to their house, but she’d adamantly refused.
She thought about the warm community in Columbine Springs, and how they’d all come around her, but the real relationship had developed because she’d chosen to open up to Janie. She’d found a friend because she’d taken a chance, and maybe, if she’d taken more chances, her life might not be so lonely.
Ty’s image sprang to mind as she realized just how much she’d done to push everyone out of her life. She hadn’t given him a real chance, even though he had been trying to make up for how badly he’d treated her when she’d first arrived. Every time she felt herself softening toward him, she’d found a reason to shove him away.
Even now, as part of her wanted to point out the fact that Ty’s interference here with her job was one more reason she couldn’t trust him because of how controlling he was, a tiny voice inside her suggested that perhaps it was because Ty cared. Even though she also didn’t like Ricky’s interference, she’d already accepted it with the realization that he was only trying to keep her, the granddaughter he’d just found, alive. But she wasn’t attracted to Ricky.
And maybe that was the real problem.
It had been so long since she’d been attracted to anyone that the thought of potentially giving her heart away and getting hurt again was too much to bear. She’d spent the past few years doing everything she could to keep from getting hurt, and now, because of it, she’d almost missed out on the opportunity to potentially find someone who could donate a kidney to her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, hoping Dan could hear the sincerity in her voice. “I didn’t realize until now how much I’ve been shutting everyone out. And you’re right—highlighting my need for a kidney just might give someone else the chance at life. I was so busy worrying about myself that I didn’t think about others. I’ll do better in the future.”
Dan nodded. “We’re going to make sure that you have a future. So tell me more about the ranch, so I can call Ricky with an answer.”
As Rachel told him about the ranch and her plans for it, she realized that in a very short time, she had fallen in love with it. She could understand Ricky’s passion for preserving it for future generations. And, as she remembered Ty’s interactions with Katie on their hike and how gentle h
e’d been with her at church, she could even understand why Ty would work so hard to protect it.
Ty wasn’t like Chris, controlling things for the sake of control. Ty worked to control the ranch because of how deeply he loved it. It didn’t mean that she had to jump in and give him full access to her heart, but it did mean that she could give him a break.
“If you don’t mind,” Rachel said, “I’d like to call Ricky myself. I know his heart was in the right place, getting you on his side, but I think it’s important we set some boundaries. I’m glad things are out in the open, and it’s good to know people are on my side. But both Ricky and Ty overstepped, and they need to know that it won’t be tolerated in the future. I don’t want anyone going behind my back.”
Dan nodded thoughtfully. “I hope you know that no one had any malicious intent here.”
“I do. And that’s why I’m interested in Ricky’s offer. I hated coming home, but it was necessary, both for work and my treatment. I’ll need to speak with my doctors to see how going back and forth to Columbine Springs will affect my treatment, so I will need to come back to town occasionally. I can stop by the office on those days.”
Already, she was thinking about how she could adapt her plans to make this work. Her doctor had told her that she’d be a good candidate for home dialysis, but she hadn’t explored it beyond looking at the literature she’d been given. She didn’t want to have a bunch of equipment at home that would scare Katie. But maybe, just like she should have opened up to others sooner, she needed to tell her daughter what was going on.
She’d avoided telling Katie about her illness, just like she’d avoided figuring out legal options to protect her daughter when she died, because of her fears. She’d once said that after Chris died, he would never control her again. But the truth was, the constant fear she carried was just his way of controlling her from the grave. She didn’t have to be afraid anymore.
“I don’t want you pushing yourself too hard,” Dan said. “As I’ve told you before, your health is my number-one priority. Yes, I’m in business to make money, but what good is money if it’s gained at the expense of those who have helped you along the way?”
In some ways, Dan sounded a lot like Ricky.
They discussed further plans about how to handle the transition of Rachel working from home or the ranch, and it was surprisingly simple. While Rachel did have a lot of meetings, they often did video chats with clients across the country. There was no reason why Rachel couldn’t call in to those chats, as well.
But that left just one more item on the list.
Rachel picked up the phone and dialed Ty’s number.
“When can we expect you?” Ty asked without even greeting her.
Rachel laughed. “A little presumptive of you to assume I’m going to say yes.”
“Ricky gets what he wants,” Ty said, but there was laughter in his voice, and once again Rachel could tell the genuine affection that Ty had for the older man.
She also noticed that Ty’s answer was about Ricky, not him. “And what do you want?” she asked.
There was silence on the other end for a moment, then Ty said, “I’d like you to come. We didn’t get much of a chance to talk when you were here.”
She wasn’t sure she liked that answer or not. But she also didn’t fully know what it meant.
“We do need to talk about a lot of things,” she said. “But most important, before I agree to come, we need to set some boundaries. I know you have Ricky’s best interest at heart, and you mean well, but you can’t do things like contact my boss or arrange for a community meeting about kidney donation without discussing it with me first. I don’t like that you went behind my back, and if my being part of Ricky’s life is going to work, then you need to stop that right now. From here on out, if it’s about me or Katie, or affects either one of us, you talk to me first. Got it?”
“We were just trying to help,” Ty said. “You’ve got to understand—”
“You have to understand that you can’t go behind my back. If Ricky wants me to stay in his life, then there will be no more of this. If you can’t agree to that, I’m sorry, but it’s all over.”
Ty sighed. “Why aren’t you having this conversation with Ricky?”
She would, but she also knew who was likely the driving force behind it all. “You’re the one doing his bidding. More important, he listens to you. I’m going to tell him exactly what I told you, but I want you both on the same page so that if you do it again you can’t point fingers at each other. Am I clear?”
“Crystal,” he said. “But surely you can understand someone wanting to help.”
That seemed to be the message she’d been given all day. “I do understand, but in the future, if you’re trying to help, clue me in first.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, then he replied, “Okay. I see where you’re coming from. This is new for all of us, and there’s bound to be some bumps along the way. I’m sorry I overstepped. But don’t be too hard on Ricky. He’s spent the better part of thirty years feeling guilty for not being supportive of Cinco. He might be going about it the wrong way, but Ricky just wants to do better, and be supportive of you.”
His words made her feel slightly bad for being so upset. It hadn’t occurred to her that this was Ricky’s way of making up for lost time. But Ricky also had to realize that overstepping in this way would only serve to drive people away, not bring them closer. Maybe they all had a lot to learn about what healthy relationships looked like.
“I get it,” she said. “But now that we had this conversation, I hope you get it, too.”
“I do.”
She was surprised by the sincerity in his voice. Not that she’d thought he was feeding her a line before, but it was almost like, as he spoke the words, he was making a solemn oath. Something about it was surprisingly comforting, and whatever misgivings she’d had about him earlier, she felt a deeper trust for him now.
But that still left one more important issue. The one she’d been thinking about on her way to work.
“I also wanted to talk to you about what you said to Katie,” she said. “Yesterday, in church.”
The silence on the other end made her think he probably didn’t remember. Maybe it was insignificant to him, but it wasn’t to her. “About not having a dad?” she prompted.
“What about it?” he asked. “I know it’s natural for a child without a father to look to the men in their lives to be a father figure. But I think we’ll both agree that it’s a terrible idea for a couple to get together simply to give the child a father. I didn’t want to encourage her with any matchmaking ideas.”
That was what he thought she was upset about? Obviously, he hadn’t learned a whole lot from his friendship with Janie.
“I agree with that part,” she said. “But you had no right promising her to always be there for her. You don’t know that’s true. You can’t make that kind of promise to a child. Especially my child.”
“I stand by what I said,” he responded. “No matter what happens, I will always be there for Katie. Twenty years from now, if she calls me out of the blue, I will drop everything to help her.”
The passion in his voice surprised her. It was strange to think that he would have this level of commitment to a child who wasn’t even his.
“Why?”
Once again the air between them was filled with silence. She supposed it was a good sign that he thought through what he said, but it was also frustrating.
“I know how hard it is for Janie and Sam. Janie’s biggest worry is what will happen to Sam if something happens to her. Yes, she has her family, but she doesn’t want to be a burden on them. Katie doesn’t have the same support as Sam, so it only seems right that if I can be there for her, I will. We have a summer camp for foster children at the ranch once a year, and I’ve always promised myself that if an
y of them ever came to us needing something, I’d do what I could to help.”
The sincerity in his voice made her wonder if she’d underestimated him. “I didn’t know about the camp for foster kids.”
Growing up, she’d gone to several camps for foster children, and had enjoyed them. But she hadn’t thought about what the experience had looked like for the people running the camps. She’d just figured they’d done it for a tax write-off or something. That was what she’d overheard one of the camp directors say.
“It’s always been important for Ricky to give back to the community. When he heard there were foster kids in the city who never had the chance to spend time in nature, he made a point of reserving a week every year for them to come. I work closely with a lot of the charities in Denver to find kids who would benefit from the program.”
He might be a lawyer, but it was clear he had a heart. And suddenly, she felt guilty for making so many assumptions about him.
“That’s a great thing to do. I’d like to learn more about it when I return to the ranch. And I...”
Would it seem weird to go back to the part about him wanting her to come to the ranch because they hadn’t had much of a chance to talk the last time? She’d been so hostile, wanting to make her point, and now, seeing this side of him, she had to admit that maybe Ty was one more person she needed to give a chance to.
“I hope we can spend some time together,” she said.
“I’d like that.”
The promise in his voice gave her hope. One more source of support to accept. One more way to open her heart.
And suddenly, that didn’t seem so terrifying anymore.
Chapter Eight
Having Rachel and Katie on the ranch the past few weeks had been a refreshing change for Ty. Yes, there was still the work, but having Rachel and Katie around brought a lightness to things he hadn’t expected. He finished reading the contract for a new supplier and closed his computer. Ty smiled as he leaned back in his chair and looked at the pictures Katie had taped to his wall. Every day she came in with another drawing and a big hug for him.
The Cowboy’s Sacrifice Page 11