“None of us knows how long we have,” she said. “Even if I didn’t have the kidney problems, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I have nothing in place to protect Katie. Which is why I want your help.”
That got his attention. “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re right. So many people die without making their wishes known. We aren’t promised tomorrow. I have a worksheet you can fill out regarding your assets and their distribution. I’m assuming you want them in a trust for Katie?”
Having him in professional mode made it easier. It didn’t feel as personal, or as real, preparing for her death.
“I do,” she said. “But there’s one more important thing I need your help with. What happens to Katie when I’m gone.”
The air between them stilled. It had become personal to him again. As much as she’d appreciated seeing professional Ty, knowing how he responded to Katie made her more comfortable with her request.
Since coming to the ranch, she’d appreciated Ty’s interactions with Katie. He genuinely cared about her, and it was clear Katie was crazy about him.
“Do you remember when Katie asked you to be her dad?”
Ty stared at her blankly.
Maybe it hadn’t signified anything to him the way it had to her. But knowing that Katie would choose him made him a serious consideration in her mind. Especially since coming to the ranch, Rachel had observed Ty with Katie and other children, and he seemed to have a genuinely loving heart toward them. More than that, Katie was always seeking Ty out, and when Rachel wasn’t feeling well, Ty would help with Katie.
“You told Katie that you couldn’t be her dad because it required us to be in love and married. But what about if I was gone? Would you be willing to be her dad if I weren’t around?”
She couldn’t read the emotions crossing his face. But then he finally looked at her and said, “You want me to take care of Katie if you die?”
Rachel nodded, still not sure if he was pleased or upset by her words.
“Wow.” He closed his eyes briefly, like he was trying to process her words, or maybe he was praying.
But then he looked at her and asked, “Are you sure?”
Was he giving her space to take back her request? Once again tears filled her eyes, making her wish she hadn’t said anything. But then he squeezed her hands gently.
“I’m honored. I know what a difficult decision this must have been for you. You know I would do anything for Katie. I just remember how upset you were when I promised Katie I’d be there for her no matter what.”
She’d almost forgotten about that. “I was too hasty,” she said. “I’m so used to people not being there for us that I thought you were making a promise you couldn’t keep. But I know now that you meant that promise, and you will be there for her. My biggest worry with my illness has been not knowing what will happen to Katie if I die.”
The concerned look on his face made her wish she didn’t have to have this conversation. But that was the trouble with needing a transplant. She’d had to have a lot of conversations she didn’t want to have.
“I see her here, and the community that has gathered around both of us. Katie has found a home in Columbine Springs, and if I can’t be here to raise her, I know she will be in good hands. Ricky would do anything for her, and were he a younger man, I might have asked him, since he’s family. But you’re young, and even though we don’t have any promises in life, you stand a better chance of watching her grow up.”
She was babbling now, trying to explain the thoughts she’d had over the past month. But Ty nodded patiently, like he was trying to understand, process her words.
“It’s a lot to ask, I know, but—”
His warm hands had never left hers, and yet the squeeze he gave her as he interrupted made her feel like she was firmly on a foundation she’d never before stood on.
“My answer was yes the moment you asked. Don’t start telling me how you don’t want to be a burden. Katie means the world to me, and my only hesitation is how unfair it is that you even have to face the possibility of having to choose someone else to raise her.”
Swallowing the lump that had been growing in her throat, Rachel felt some of the burden she’d been carrying fall off her.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d said no.”
He looked at her with such intensity that she wondered if he could read her innermost thoughts. Now there was something she wasn’t ready to confess. How her personal feelings and regard for Ty were growing. But she didn’t have the right to say so, not now. Maybe not ever.
Did he see her as a woman to love, or a woman who might be dying? And was it fair to even ask that question with so much hanging in the balance?
“You mentioned the conversation we’d had earlier about me being there for Katie no matter what. I meant it then, and I mean it now. I will still be praying for your recovery, and I will put whatever resources I can behind it. Because what’s best for Katie is her mother. But I’m grateful that you’d trust me enough to step in if the unthinkable happens.”
She reached out her arms and hugged him. When he responded by holding her tight, she wasn’t prepared for the flood of emotions that hit. She hadn’t been in a man’s arms since Chris, and Chris had never made her feel this safe, this protected. Actually, she couldn’t remember a time when she’d ever felt like this. Ty was a rock, a foundation of goodness and strength who was promising to be there for Katie.
And a tiny part of Rachel wished that he was doing the same for her. That he would say the same thing to support her. Not that she was the kind of woman who thought she needed a man in her life. On the contrary, she’d always been self-reliant.
But here in Ty’s arms, for the first time, she could see herself being okay with admitting that maybe she did need someone in her life. Someone to hold her, just like this.
Ty pressed a kiss to the top her head as he pulled away. “You know I mean that for you, as well, right? Katie isn’t the only person in this equation I care deeply about.”
Maybe he really could read her thoughts. Her stomach felt queasy as he examined her face.
“I...”
He smiled at her gently and, if she were to be so bold, lovingly. “Don’t turn this into an argument, okay? If you’re getting your house in order, then you have to let me do the same for mine. I know you don’t have the capacity to process some cowboy lawyer making calf eyes at you. But I don’t want either of us leaving this earth without you knowing how much you mean to me.”
Ty paused, then he closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.
He was just as fearful as she was. Clearly, she wasn’t the only one who had feelings for the other. But he probably also realized that this wasn’t the right time for her to get caught up in some crazy romantic fantasy.
Then he opened his eyes and looked at her. “Sorry. God was just dealing with me on some things. I know I haven’t shown my affection for you in obvious ways, and I’ve tried to give you space. You’re dealing with so much that I didn’t want to burden you with my feelings. So you don’t have to do anything with what I just said. Let’s just let it be for now.”
This was why the whole situation was so difficult. Because there were so many emotions to sort through, and having Ty facing his, confessing because he didn’t want her dying without knowing, somehow obligated her to be honest about her feelings, as well.
“I care about you, too,” she said. “But I don’t have the luxury of time to figure out what that means.”
This was worse than being a teenager. Worse than being the naive college student who’d thought she loved Chris. She was nervous, scared and sick to her stomach, all at the thought of turning on an emotion she’d long ago locked away.
Ty sat there holding a key, and she knew that if she only said the word, he would open that long-forgotten room and maybe it would
be safe to let herself love again.
“I’m not asking you to figure anything out right now,” he said. “God willing, when you get your kidney, we’ll have all the time in the world. But for now I want you to rest in the promise that I’m not just here for your daughter. Though I’ll admit, I’d really love to kiss you right about now.”
He wanted to kiss her?
Why did that make her more nervous than the fact that he’d just said he’d be there for her no matter what?
“I...”
Ty turned away. “It’s okay. It was a dumb thing to say. You’re not at a place right now where that was remotely appropriate.”
Maybe not, but did she want to die without having experienced the joy of being kissed by Ty? Being in his arms had been so wonderful.
What would it be like to sit here, holding each other, kissing and planning their future together instead of talking about what would happen if she didn’t get a kidney?
That a man could know she was so sick and still like her so much—maybe it meant she should take a chance. Maybe something worse than dying would be to never know what it meant to be loved by a man like Ty.
“I’d like you to kiss me,” she said.
He searched her face, his eyes full of questions. “Are you sure?”
Rachel nodded, leaning in to him.
Ty placed his hand on her cheek, cupping it gently as he came closer. “You have no idea how long I’ve thought about this.”
She’d never been the type to make the first move or to go around kissing random men. But Ty wasn’t a random man, and she’d never been so sure of anything in a long time.
As she leaned in to close the gap between them, Ty met her halfway, tenderly brushing her lips with his, and as he wrapped his other arm around her, drawing her closer, she wished she’d been braver sooner.
When she pulled away, she knew it hadn’t been just a simple kiss.
They’d exchanged something very deep, something very special, and for the first time in her life, Rachel could actually believe that someone meant it when they said they’d always be there for her.
Chapter Nine
Whoa. Not that Ty thought of himself as an expert kisser, but that had to have been somewhere in the top ten of the most powerful kisses of all time. Kissing Rachel had profoundly changed something in him. It was as though his heart doubled in size, and all he wanted to do was keep her close to him.
After their kiss they’d sat on the swing in silence, Rachel resting her head against his shoulder, and Ty didn’t want the moment to end.
When he and Rachel were talking about her future, he’d prayed for answers, and, as had been happening so often lately, he thought once again about donating one of his own kidneys to Rachel.
He’d been thinking a lot about the Bible verse that said there was no greater love than laying your life down for your friends. So wouldn’t he be willing to donate a kidney for her?
The answer, deep in his heart, was yes, even if it cost him his life. Rachel deserved that. Katie deserved that. While it was touching that Rachel trusted him enough to raise Katie, he shouldn’t have to. Rachel should get to.
He wanted more moments like this, and if God wasn’t willing to answer their prayers, at the very least, Katie could have her mother around to watch her grow up.
Rachel sighed contentedly, and he kissed the top of her head.
Lord, please give me more of these moments.
Part of him wanted to tell Rachel about his decision, but he also didn’t want to give her false hope. He might not be a match. Several potential donors had been turned down, because while they were technically a match, they’d had other health problems preventing them from being a candidate.
Besides, something in his heart told him that this newfound conviction about helping Rachel was between him and God. He wanted to glorify God, not himself.
Rachel shifted, turning to look at him. “As much as I don’t want this to end, I need to get inside and do my treatment. It’s past time.”
Before he could respond, his phone rang. It was Ricky’s ringtone, so he answered right away.
It didn’t take long for Ty to realize this wasn’t an issue he could solve over the phone. Ricky was dealing with a drunk ranch hand and couldn’t manage it alone.
“I’ll be right there,” Ty said, hanging up, then turning to Rachel. “I hate to leave you, but—”
She smiled. “It’s fine. I’m going to bed after my treatment.”
“Okay.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He went to the barn, where Ricky was trying to reason with a drunk ranch hand who’d been seen leaving one of the guest’s cabins. It was too bad, because the cowboy was a good worker when he was sober. But the Double R had a strict policy about not getting involved with the guests, as it caused too much trouble when the guest left with a broken heart.
As Ty handled the paperwork terminating the ranch hand, he wondered how Ricky would feel about Ty becoming involved with Rachel. He supposed he should talk to the older man about it, but right now it felt too new, too special.
And yet, it was the right thing to do.
Once they solved the problem with the ranch hand, Ty walked with Ricky back to the main house.
“I need to talk to you about something,” Ty said.
“Did you find Cinco’s child?” Ricky asked. “I know you’ve been spending all your energy fielding calls about Rachel, but I hope you’ve had time for that, as well.”
He hadn’t made any progress on that front, though he had gone ahead and reopened Ricky’s account on the DNA site in case a relative was looking for him. Not only would it potentially give them access to Cinco’s child, but it could also connect them with donors for Rachel.
“No,” he said. “Actually, it’s about Rachel.”
Ricky stopped and looked at him. “Not more bad news?”
“I’m interested in her romantically,” Ty said, knowing that Ricky didn’t like beating around the bush.
“Well, don’t that beat all,” Ricky said. “She’s a right pretty woman, if a man can say that about his own granddaughter. Smart, too.” Then he looked Ty up and down. “I know I’m supposed to ask a man about his intentions toward my granddaughter, but I reckon I’ve known you long enough to know you’d do right by her. So what are you telling me for?”
Something about Ricky’s words made Ty feel foolish for even bringing it up. “I guess, after what just happened in the barn, it occurred to me that it might be considered a conflict of interest to be involved with the boss’s granddaughter. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble for you.”
Ricky snorted. “We both know that what happened in the barn wasn’t about falling in love. It was about a young man sowing his wild oats in the wrong field. It would make me the happiest man on earth to see you settled down with a good woman. For Rachel to have a man like you, that just doubles my happiness. When’s the wedding?”
Maybe Ty had been a little too hasty in saying anything to Ricky. He should have known that would have been the older man’s first question.
“Rachel and I both agreed that her health must come first.”
Ricky nodded. “Is there any progress on finding her a donor?”
Though Ty hadn’t wanted to get Rachel’s hopes up, he knew that Ricky expected him to tell him everything. It seemed weird, keeping the information from her, but Ricky expected him to do everything in his power to make sure Rachel got a kidney.
“I’m going to get tested,” Ty said.
He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he would get from Ricky, but a cackle wasn’t one of them.
“You do love her,” Ricky said. “I know how scared of needles you are. You turn white every time I mention you donating. Don’t think I haven’t forgotten the time we had that blood drive in
town, and you took one look at the needle and fainted.”
Ricky would bring up that moment of humiliation. But at least now he knew the older man understood what a big deal this was. He’d thought Ricky had been disappointed in him for not wanting to donate, but maybe it was just Ty being disappointed in himself.
“Rachel has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow,” Ricky said. “Wanda said she was feeling poorly earlier, so you could offer to drive Rachel into Denver, and while she’s at her appointment, you could talk to the donor people about being tested.”
It seemed like a simple solution, especially because it would give him the perfect excuse for being at the hospital without arousing Rachel’s suspicion.
“Good idea,” Ty said. As they rounded the bend, he caught a glimpse of the ranch house, or more specifically, Rachel’s window. The light was out, which meant she was probably asleep.
“Just don’t say anything to her. I don’t want to get her hopes up. We’ve had too many potential donors not work out.”
* * *
At breakfast the next morning, Rachel was surprised to find Ty in the kitchen. He was usually off checking on ranch business by the time she got up.
But the smile he gave her when she walked in the kitchen made her realize he’d stayed behind purposely to see her.
Was this giddy feeling in her stomach what it meant to be really, truly falling for somebody?
She’d thought that what she’d felt for Chris had been love, but she’d never felt so happy to see his face as she was to see Ty standing in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in his hand, a smile lighting his eyes.
Closing her eyes briefly, she sent a silent prayer heavenward that there would be many more mornings just like this.
“Good morning,” Ty said, giving her a brief hug. “I was thinking I’d drive you to Denver for your appointment today.”
That momentary touch reminded her that the previous evening on the swing hadn’t been a dream.
It was real.
“I hate to take you from your work,” Rachel said, wishing she didn’t sound so needy. Truth be told, she would like him to take her to her appointment. If only to have more precious moments with him.
The Cowboy’s Sacrifice Page 13