by Wild, Nikki
“I’ve heard about him. Think he’s the little girl’s father?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Okay, well, that doesn’t matter,” I said, dismissing the issue. The time Maisey had spent away from me was still a big fat mystery, but none of that mattered now. Maybe after some time alone, Maisey would come around and I’d get to know what happened to her a bit better.
I’d find a way to make her love me again…
I’d always used my charms to get between a woman’s legs. I’d never used it to get into her heart before.
Maisey had changed everything for me.
I wanted her.
And that’s the thing about me. Once I set my sights on something, I get it.
She might not know it yet, but I planned on making her mine and I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
I’d spent the whole week without her, without seeing her smile, without hearing her laughter, without touching her - and it was entirely too long. I’d drifted off into daydreaming, and almost forgot I was on the phone with Maria until she spoke up again.
“Do you want me to keep following them? I’m pretty sure the girl noticed me at the grocery store the other day. She’s pretty sharp for a ten year old.”
“What did you say?” I asked, my brain snapping into high alert.
“She’s really smart. For a ten year old.”
“She’s ten?” I asked.
“Well, yeah, nine, ten, something like that. I thought I told you that.”
“I thought she was much younger,” my heart began racing in my chest. “Maria - when’s her birthday?”
“Let me look - I have it here in the background check I did. Let’s see…oh, it’s Valentine’s day actually. February 14th. I guess she’s still nine, sorry.”
The numbers flew around in my head, until they settled into one very unbelievable scenario.
I felt the blood drain from my face as I hung up the phone slowly. Maria was still talking, but I’d heard everything I needed to know, and it explained everything perfectly.
MAISEY
“Do we really have to watch Goonies again?” I asked. Maddy and Snowflake were curled up next to me and we were settling into the couch after dinner for a movie. “We’ve seen it a million times.”
“You know how much I love it, Mama,” she replied.
“And you know how it ends already. Don’t you want to watch something new? I here there’s this new show on…”
“Nope,” she said. “I want Goonies. It’s my favorite.”
I stared down into her eyes and sighed. How could I deny her anything? I couldn’t. And she knew it.
“Alright, alright,” I said.
“Yes!” she said, pressing play and snuggling back into my shoulder. I pulled the blanket over us and let my thoughts drift off as she watched Goonies for the millionth time. It had been a week since I’d talked to Jesse and it was getting harder every day. I’d vowed to give him back everything he’d given me, but that would have meant leaving Maddy alone, and I was terrified of letting her out of my sight.
She’d had another mild attack the night before last, but we’d managed to get it under control before we had to go to the hospital. But we’d spent the next day at her doctor’s office, and it was a lot easier driving myself there in the car Jesse had given me, instead of waiting for a taxi. And Maddy had grown quite fond of Snowflake…
It was the easy way out. But it was also the cowardly way out, too. I knew this. I felt terrible about it, and I promised myself that I would call him. I could go see him and try to make amends… But I couldn’t bring myself to face him in the daylight. The words that sounded so good in my head turned into an unacceptable disaster in the sunlight.
So, I’d done nothing. I’d turned my complete attention to taking care of Maddy and left dealing with Jesse on the back burner.
It was easier this way. And I desperately needed things to be easy.
Halfway through the movie, Maddy fell asleep on the couch, her blonde curls splayed over the couch cushion and her bare feet in my lap. I couldn’t help but smile when I looked at her. She slept like an angel, full of peace and beauty.
Gingerly, I removed her feet and stood up from the couch. She stirred lightly, but kept sleeping, so I left her there. I padded to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine, hoping it would do something to help the knots in my shoulders. I’d been so on edge, so tense this last week that my back had turned into one big stress knot.
I tried to remember the last time I’d felt relaxed, but then I realized that it was as I’d laid in Jesse’s arms that night after our date. It seemed so far away now. And yet, I knew that if I picked up the phone, he’d be right there on the other end. I wondered if he was thinking about me. Or, since he’d stopped calling me, maybe he’d finally given up on me.
I knew he wasn’t one for relationship drama, so if I’d pushed him away completely it wouldn’t be a total surprise. And maybe it was all for the best.
I had to put what was best for Maddy first. She was my priority.
Not my peace, not my pleasure, not any irrational fantasies I had of having a relationship with Jesse.
The doorbell rang, startling me so bad that I almost dropped my glass.
It must be Eddie, I thought. He’d probably left something behind when he’d dropped by to check on Maddie earlier. It would be nice to chat with him and have some much needed adult time.
Gleefully, I bounded to the front door and flung it open with a smile.
“Jesse!”
My mouth flew open and I stood there dumbfounded in front of him.
“Hello, Maisey,” he nodded. He looked very serious, but oh so fucking handsome. A black button down shirt was tucked into a pair of black silk trousers that outlined the perfect treasure that I knew was hiding behind the thin cloth. The sun was barely beginning to set behind him, leaving the sky streaked with a soft purple light that washed over his face.
“What - what are you doing here?” I asked. My heart was pounding in my chest, a mixture of anxiety and excitement racing through my veins.
“I was hoping we could talk,” he said. “It’s important… Can I come in?”
“Come in? Um…I - well, sure. Would you like a glass of wine? We could sit on the front porch.” My thoughts jumped to Maddy on the couch in the living room, and I wanted to keep them away from each other.
“That’s fine,” he said, nodding solemnly.
“Stay here,” I swallowed hard, ran to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle and another glass and walked out onto the front porch. I was being incredibly rude not inviting him in. “Sorry, I’d invite you in, but my house is a mess right now.”
“That’s okay,” he said.
“I wasn’t expecting company,” I shrugged, sitting next to him on the porch swing. I’d left the front door open slightly so I could hear Maddy if she needed me. I turned to him slowly. “How’s the knee?”
“It’s better. The Amazonian woman they sent in your place does a helluva job.”
“Oh, no. Did they send Helga?” I asked.
“Yep. I call her Helga the Hun. She’s awful. You were much, much better.”
“I’m so sorry, Jesse. My daughter got sick, and I need to spend some time with her.”
“Are you sure that’s what it is?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we did have a fight,” he said. “And you’ve been avoiding me…”
“Maybe it’s best if we don’t work together. I didn’t mean for things to get so complicated.”
“Complicated,” he said, biting his lip. “That’s one way of putting it.”
I nodded, unsure of what to say next. I stared over at him, drinking in his masculinity, my body responding to him, just as it always did - with intense desire and yearning to get as close to him as I could.
But his energy was different today. He wasn’t flirting, he wasn’t tempting me with his salacious winking and touchi
ng. In fact, he hadn’t touched me at all. Or kissed me, which was his usual way of greeting me.
“Maisey, I need to ask you a question and I need you to tell me the truth,” he turned to me, his blue eyes peering deeply into mine.
I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away from his.
“Why did you leave Ault? Why did you leave that day? Why didn’t you wait a week, like you were supposed to?”
“I told you, Jesse,” I replied. “It was just time for me to go.”
“But why? Why that day?”
“Why are you asking me all these questions?” I asked, my voice rising. “We’ve already gone over all of this, and you know how bad I had it there. My life was a goddamned mess.”
“I need real answers now, Maisey.”
“What does it matter, Jesse? It was so long ago.”
“Ten.”
“What?”
“Ten years. That’s how long ago it was.”
“Right, wh-whatever,” I said, my words tripping over each other. I felt trapped in a corner, and I wanted out - fast.
“How old is Maddy?” he asked, his voice quiet as a whisper. I froze in my spot, my eyes darting away from his. I couldn’t look at him.
“Nine,” I whispered.
“Maisey, you’re going to have to talk to me about this…”
I looked away, I looked at the neighbor’s house, my lawn, the Volvo in my driveway, and Jesse’s long and low Jaguar sitting next to it with Grady inside at the wheel…
I looked anywhere but at him.
He knew.
Somehow, he’d figured it out.
And I had no idea how to face him.
“Maisey, look at me.”
I bit my lip, my hands wringing in my lap furiously, until he reached over and grabbed one of them in his huge palm. His touch was hot. Too hot. Too real.
I pulled my hand away and stood up, walking to the other side of the porch, ignoring his questions.
The swing squeaked as he stood up behind me, his footsteps falling loud behind me. His hands clasped my shoulders, pulling me around to face him. He put a finger under my chin, raising my eyes to his.
“Tell me the truth, Maisey,” he said, his voice so loud, so clear, so demanding. “Is Maddy my daughter?”
“Jesse,” I said, my eyes filling with tears as I looked up at him. “I’m so sorry.”
“She’s mine?” he asked.
“Yes, you’re her father,” I said, a huge sense of relief washing over me as I said the words.
“Oh, my God…” he whispered, his eyes searching mine frantically.
The clanging of the screen door behind him startled us both and we jumped. Maddy’s footsteps rang out through the house as she ran up the stairs and into her room. The sound of her door slamming vibrated through me violently. She’d heard everything…
“Maddy!” I yelled, running for the front door.
“Don’t!” Jesse said, grabbing my arms and stopping me. “Give her a minute and we’ll go talk to her, together…”
I collapsed into his arms, my sobs echoing up to the sky above us.
JESSE
“How could you do this?” I asked Maisey, pushing her away. I wasn’t angry, I was just bewildered. I didn’t understand how she could keep this a secret from me all along.
“You said you didn’t want children,” she said, the muffled words sounding as if they were being wrenched from her soul. She was in so much pain, it hurt to look at her. I wanted to take her into my arms, soothe her, comfort her, but I was so confused and fucked-up, I didn’t know which way to move.
“What are you talking about? When did I say that? I love children!” I said.
“Back then. In Ault. Before we even had sex, don’t you remember?”
“No, I don’t. But for fuck’s sake, Maisey, I was eighteen! No eighteen year old wants kids!”
“Jesse, I didn’t want to get in the way of your dreams. You had such big plans. And look at you, you’ve achieved them.”
“You think I wouldn’t have achieved them if we had a kid?”
“No, I don’t. And don’t lie to yourself and tell yourself differently, either. I gave you a gift.”
“A gift?!” I asked, incredulously. “You took away the first ten years I should have had with my daughter!”
“I was eighteen too… I made a mistake Jesse. I made a big stupid mistake and I couldn’t fix it. One day led to another. One year to another. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you… I understand you’re upset,” she said, her eyes darting up the staircase. “But she’s upset. I can’t leave her alone. Please just leave. I’ll call you later.”
“You want me to just leave?!” I couldn’t believe her. “I’m not going anywhere. Go, go check on her. But I’ll be here waiting when you come back down. We have a lot to talk about, Maisey.”
“Fuck,” she shook her head, let out a huge sigh and turned and ran up the stairs.
So it was all true. I couldn’t believe it. I had a daughter. A real, living breathing daughter. And she was right upstairs.
It was all too much to take in, and I felt anger bubbling just under the surface, but I was determined to keep it at bay. Anger wouldn’t help anything in this situation. I had to do my best to keep my cool, to stay calm.
I limped around their living room and picked up a picture on the mantle - Maisey and Maddy were at a carnival with a huge ferris wheel looming in the background. I gasped when I saw Maddy’s face. She was almost dangerously thin, her vulnerability shining in those bright eyes… My eyes.
“Unbelievable,” I whispered. “A daughter. My daughter.”
My heart swelled with a love I’d never felt before. It pushed away all the anger and frustration, leaving nothing but an unfamiliar purity that threatened to burst my heart wide open.
MAISEY
“Maddy?” I whispered outside her door, knocking lightly. I had no idea what I was going to say to her. I had no idea how I was going to explain. My hands were shaking as I turned her doorknob, slowing peeking in.
Empty.
“Maddy? Maddy!” I cried, looking around her room frantically. I ran into her bathroom, but she wasn’t there either. I turned around and spotted the open window, her pink lace curtains blowing in the breeze. “Maddy!” I ran over and looked out the window, but she was nowhere to be seen. I turned back around and saw Jesse standing at her door, his eyes wide as he held a picture of us in his hand.
“She’s gone,” I cried, my voice shaking as I sank to the floor.
Jesse ran over, pulled me to my feet, and peered into my eyes.
“Let’s find her,” he said, pulling me close to his warm body. “She’s just upset. We’ll figure it out.”
“Oh, Jesse…” I cried, tears falling down my face. “I’ve screwed everything up. Everything!”
“Shhh, we’ll fix it. We’ll sort it out. You gotta get a grip on yourself, so we can find her, okay?”
I nodded, staring up at him. I felt so lost, so out of my element that I had no idea what to do. I leaned into him, sobbing uncontrollably.
“Calm down, Maisey! Now, where would she go?”
“I don’t know!”
“C’mon, let’s get in my car. We’ll find her. She can’t be far.”
Jesse dragged me to my feet and we ran downstairs. I grabbed my phone and keys and we rushed out to his car. Grady was waiting behind the wheel as we jumped into the back.
“Did you see which way the girl went, Grady?” Jesse asked. “We gotta find her.”
“I think she ran around the corner there,” Grady said, backing up.
Terror gripped my heart like nothing I’d ever known. It wasn’t just that she’d run away… Maddy couldn’t run.
“Wait!” I said, just as he began to back up. I threw open the door and ran back inside as fast as my legs could carry me. I grabbed Maddy’s inhaler from the kitchen counter and made my way quickly back to the car.
“She’s sick, she needs this,” I said, my
voice shaking with fear. Grady backed up and began driving around the neighborhood as we searched for her.
“She has asthma?” Jesse asked.
“I don’t know. Nobody knows. The doctors are useless. We can talk about this later, we need to find her right now! If she’s upset and running fast, she won’t be able to breathe!” I cried. “We have to find her fast, Jesse.”
“We’ll find her, don’t worry. Just stay calm.”
“Okay, okay….turn left here, maybe she went to the park.” Grady turned and we drove through the neighborhood, through peaceful, calm home fronts that reflected the complete opposite of the turmoil that was churning inside of me.
“Maisey - tell me about her symptoms,” Jesse said.
“What? Why?”
“Just fucking do it, tell me what happens to her,” he insisted.
“It looks like just like asthma, only her attacks are getting worse as she gets older. They hit out of the blue, sometimes they wake her up. She’s been on a dozen different treatments and medications. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t. There’s no pattern.”
“Maisey, I know what it is,” he said, his voice low and serious.
“What? What do you mean?” I asked. How could he know? He hadn’t even met Maddy yet.
“My sister, Maisey! Nina!” he yelled. “If Maddy’s my daughter, then she has the same condition as my sister! It effects the females in my family.”
“Oh, my God! Jesse!” I said, my head spinning.
“We’ve got to find her, Maisey. If we can get her to a doctor, we can get her help. It’s her heart, Maisey. There’ve been so many breakthroughs since Nina died! I’ve spent a damn fortune on research and development of treatment and a cure. Everybody thought Nina had asthma too… We didn’t know what was wrong until it was too late, but now there’s help for these kids. There’s help for Maddy.”
“I can’t think about this right now… I just can’t. Turn right here,” I murmured with a huge lump in my throat. We got to the park and I told Grady to pull over so I could jump out. Jesse and I ran around the park calling her name and looking for her. I could see he was in pain as he moved faster than he had any business moving at this point in his therapy, but I wasn’t about to stop him. We had to find her… It was getting dark and it was taking all my strength not to break down completely.