Thrive (Guardian Protection)
Page 33
“I’ll take off work tomorrow,” I pleaded. “We can talk. Figure things out.”
It was selfish. Completely and utterly selfish. But that was nothing new for me.
Her chin quivered as a steady stream of tears fell from her eyes. “Promise me something, Roman.”
I would have promised her the entire fucking universe if it had made her stay one night longer. But who was I kidding?
We were over.
We both knew it.
“Anything,” I whispered, reaching down to take her hand, desperate for the connection I didn’t deserve.
“Remember to live.” Her voice caught, and a silent sob tore through her.
Cupping the back of her head, I pulled her into my chest.
“I can fix this,” I swore, but it was yet another lie. “We just need time.”
Her shoulders shook as she cried in my arms. “We…we promised. We told him we’d live for him.”
I closed my lids and clung to her tighter.
We were supposed to be fighting and screaming. That was what soon-to-be-divorced couples did. But that wasn’t us. We didn’t hate each other. Elisabeth was my soul mate on every level.
And she was paying the price for that.
Minutes later, the tears stopped and she backed out of my arms. I fought the urge to regain my hold, forcing her to stay. But her sad resolve as she hurried to the mantel and then to the door made it clear it’d be a wasted effort.
Never in a million years had I thought I’d be standing there, watching her walk away.
But, then again, I’d never expected her to have the urn of our only child cradled in her arm, either. A reminder of just how much I hadn’t been able to give her. How much I’d never be able to give her.
My past, present, and future were walking out of my life, and I stood immobile as every fiber in my being screamed for me to drop to my knees and beg her to stay.
To take her in my arms and tell her that we’d figure it out.
To reclaim my life once and for all.
But how would that have helped her?
Staying wouldn’t magically bring back her smile. Nor would it make her look at me with those bright-green eyes that made me feel as though I could conquer the world.
It wouldn’t give me back the crazy woman who argued with her whole heart and loved with her entire soul. No. Those days were gone.
I’d lost that woman somewhere in the bitterness between grief and blame.
We’d been happy once.
But we’d gotten greedy and tried to start a family.
That was her future. Not mine. Regardless how desperately I longed to give it to her…and then selfishly take it for myself.
Sex. That’s how babies are made. Children as young as elementary school are taught the simple biological facts of reproduction.
But what they never tell you is that, for one in six couples, having a baby goes a little differently.
For Elisabeth and me, it looked more like this:
Thirty-six months of crushing disappointment.
Three miscarriages.
Hundreds of tests our insurance company refused to cover because the inability to reproduce was not considered a health condition.
Countless tears.
Helplessness.
Failure.
Failure.
Failure.
Her broken heart.
My empty chest.
Thirty-seven thousand dollars we didn’t have.
In vitro fertilization.
A sperm donor.
A handful of hope.
A positive pregnancy test.
Five months of utter bliss.
Earth-shattering devastation.
A funeral for a child I would never get to see grow up.
A job that became my only reprieve from reality.
And now…losing the only woman I would ever love.
I’d always been amazed by how much punishment a heart could take. I was broken, battered, and destroyed. And yet, much to my dismay, as I watched the front door close behind her, my heart kept beating.
Click here to keep reading Retrieval.
I’m going to keep this short and sweet…
Every book I write is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. From number one to number fifteen, (Holy wow, FIFTEEN!) it never gets easier. Before I even dream of hitting the magical publish button, I lean on a team of amazing woman to help me through the process. THRIVE wouldn’t be the same without them.
To my husband for talking me off the ledge.
To A.S. Teague for talking me off the ledge.
To Mo Mabie, Meghan March, and Erin Noelle for talking me off the ledge. #JJL4Life
To Amie Knight, Miranda Arnold, Megan Cooke, Kelly Markham, and Lana Kart for talking me off the ledge.
(Anyone noticing a pattern here?)
To Lisa Paul for talking me off the ledge.
To Mickey Reed for talking me off the ledge.
To Julie Deaton for talking me off the ledge.
To Stacey Blake for talking me off the ledge.
To my kids…well, they just gave me a reason to drink more wine and yell, “STOP FIGHTING!” all the time. But I love them and couldn’t have written this book without them.
Guardian Protection Series
Singe
Thrive
The Wrecked and Ruined Series
Changing Course
Stolen Course
Broken Course
Among the Echoes
On The Ropes Series
Fighting Silence
Fighting Shadows
Fighting Solitude
The Fall Up Series
The Fall Up
The Spiral Down
The Retrieval Duet
Retrieval
Transfer
The Darkest Sunrise Duet
The Darkest Sunrise
The Brightest Sunset
Originally from Savannah, Georgia, USA Today bestselling author Aly Martinez now lives in South Carolina with her husband and four young children.
Never one to take herself too seriously, she enjoys cheap wine, mystery leggings, and baked feta. It should be known, however, that she hates pizza and ice cream, almost as much as writing her bio in the third person.
She passes what little free time she has reading anything and everything she can get her hands on, preferably with a super-sized tumbler of wine by her side.
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