“It certainly is possible she was experiencing some of the same symptoms that you did.” Jackson looked lost in his own thoughts.
“How would I know? It’s not like I can ask her if she is having visions of another time period. Besides, I have never seen her in any of my visions or memories or whatever from my other life,” I told them.
“I wonder if she did inherit it, but her other time period varies from yours,” Jackson said without focusing his eyes on me or his parents.
“Can that happen?” I looked from one to the other.
“I am not sure. I suppose.” Robert leaned back and rubbed his chin in concentration. “I have not heard of it before, but I would think it could. Especially if she inherited it from a paternal uncle.” He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly before getting up and walking over to the hearth. He fumbled around with a tobacco box and picked up a Michelin pipe, packed it absentmindedly and lit it before turning back towards the three of us. “That is precisely what is so aggravating about this gift. There are no exacts, no facts, no nothing to explain just what is passed on from one generation to the next. I am sorry, Jocelyn. I wish I could give you a more sufficient explanation.”
“So you are saying it is possible that if she has this EVE thing, her other time period could be somewhere other than mine or ours?”
Robert shrugged and puffed on his pipe. “I guess, unless Sidney decides to tell you what she is witnessing, there is no way of actually knowing. Unfortunately with today’s psychological standards she would most likely end up on a psych ward if she confided in the wrong person. Then they would pump her full of antipsychotic medications that would affect those neurons in her brain that are overproducing and releasing dopamine during the visions and therefore, shut them down completely, stagnating the barrier in mid breakdown.”
“I’m guessing that’s bad.” Fear for my sister rushed through me. I knew vaguely what antipsychotic medications were and a little about schizophrenia, but my knowledge of dopamine and serotonin neurons was extremely limited.
“Yes . . . very. It’s more like taking a caterpillar and holding it in suspension and never allowing it to become the butterfly that it is destined to be. In such an environment, nothing beautiful can flourish and will eventually become a shell of what it is meant to be.” Robert turned away from us as the realization of his words fully rested upon me.
“Then we have no choice, we have to talk to her . . . get her to admit what she’s seeing,” I exclaimed urgently.
“It is not so simple, Jocelyn . . . remember? She would not believe you anyway at this point,” Jackson added.
“But we have to do something . . . anything!” I couldn’t fathom the thought of something so horrible happening to my sister.
“Do not worry, my dear. We would never let it get to that point. We will intervene long beforehand,” Emily assured.
The room went silent for several moments while each of us contemplated what to do. No one knew what to say. The tension in the space between us was unbearable. I leaned against the back of the couch with my arm barely touching Jackson’s, but my thoughts were so consumed with Sidney that I hardly noticed his presence.
All I could think about was doing more research on neurotransmitters and their effects on the brain. I vaguely recalled Mr. Rand talking about them in psychology class. I think he said something about their connection with Parkinson’s disease which I thought was the under-production of dopamine whereas Schizophrenia was the result of overproduction or vice versa. I couldn’t remember. My brain felt fried. Nothing made sense anymore.
“Does that mean that if Sidney doesn’t get help adjusting to this before someone tries to put a psychotic label on her, she could struggle the rest of her life?” I looked over at Robert with pleading eyes.
“Like I said before, Jocelyn, most of what we know is speculation. There are no absolutes because anyone who has any credibility has never conducted a study of It,” he laughed lightly. “And why would they? Who would possibly believe EVE to be real?”
“If I wasn’t experiencing it, I wouldn’t.” I shook my head slightly knowing full well that he was right.
“Can you imagine trying to explain this to your friends?” Jackson chuckled half-heartedly. “They would have you committed.”
“Yeah . . . ,” I sighed. “They would.” Our eyes locked for a moment and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. It was an impossible situation and the timing would have to be right.
“So where does that leave us?” My eyes shifted between his parents.
Emily shook her head gently. “I am not sure. It all really depends on Sidney and your relationship with her.”
“Excuse me?”
“How comfortable you are with walking her through this experience. You know firsthand how terrifying it can be and what she is going through,” Emily said.
“She would never believe me,” I laughed. “Seriously, Sid and I are not close, never have been and this . . . well, there’s no way,” I tried to explain.
“There is some time, a little anyway. I take it she is coming home for Christmas?” Robert asked.
I nodded. “I would imagine so.”
“Perhaps we allow this to continue a little longer and by then she may be more receptive to listening and understanding the truth,” Emily suggested with a slight shrug.
“Ordinarily I would agree with you, Emily, but I’m afraid that this could severely affect her GPA.”
“Trust me, she can recover.” Jackson squeezed my hand. “It is not ideal, but she can always retake a class if necessary.”
“Oh my mother would love that . . . especially now!” I smirked, broadening his smile. Even his parents couldn’t help but crack a grin.
“Things have a way of working themselves out,” Robert added.
***
I spent the rest of the afternoon with Jackson and his family. I helped Emily prepare dinner as she attempted to teach me how to cook. I felt rather foolish when she quickly learned I knew very little in the kitchen. I was positive by the look on her face that she was afraid that her youngest child was going to starve to death with me as his wife. However, true to her nature, Emily was polite, gracious, and patient with me, trying to fix all the little mishaps I managed to consistently create.
After the four of us pitched in and cleaned up the dishes together, Robert and Emily excused themselves and retreated into the study. Jackson and I snuggled down under a blanket on the couch. He started flipping through the channels and settled on It’s a Wonderful Life that was just beginning.
“Oh, I love this movie,” I cooed.
“A classic,” he agreed, wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him.
“It’s the perfect way to kick off the Christmas season.”
“You realize that we have less than a month before the wedding?” A devilish grin slid across his lips.
“There yes, but here we have another six months!” I teased.
“You are not seriously going to make me wait until we are married here, are you? I know you think I am being old fashioned in wanting to wait until our wedding night, but I don’t honestly believe I can make it past our first wedding, let alone the second.” His smile broadened.
“That sounds so weird,” I laughed.
“For us,” he half laughed. “Not really.”
“True.” I snuggled into his shoulder.
***
After a quick shower and throwing on a pair of pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, I flopped down on my bed and grabbed my cell phone. I couldn’t get my conversation with Jackson out of my head. As much as I wanted to be with him I knew I was completely unprepared.
“Speak,” Jenna answered her phone almost immediately.
“Nice greeting.” There was a strange comfort in knowing some things never changed.
“Sorry, I’ve been waiting for Kyle to call me back.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah
,” she paused. “So, what’s up?”
“Don’t laugh, all right? I need your help with something.”
“Why would I laugh?”
I felt so foolish. “Where can I go to get on the pill that my mother will not find out about?”
“Planned Parenthood over by Fifth Third Bank.”
“I can’t. One of her friends is the doc there.”
“What about the Clinic over on Airport Road?”
“Nope.” This was a bit ridiculous.
“Well . . . ,” I could almost hear the wheels turning in her brain. “We could drive into the city after practice one day this week or next weekend.”
“All right, thanks. I just need to go somewhere that my mother doesn’t know anyone.” Sometimes I really hated her being a physician.
“No problem. We can do some Christmas shopping while we’re there if we have time.”
“Sounds good. Thanks.” I felt a rush of relief.
Jenna’s phone beeped in. “Oh, that’s gotta be Kyle. Gotta go.”
I tossed my phone aside and climbed under my duvet trying to calculate days in my head. I knew I was getting a late start on starting the pill. I was going to do it sooner but then we separated and without Jackson in my life there was no point. Now, I wasn’t going to make the thirty day deadline before our wedding there. So precautions would still be necessary no matter how much I didn’t want our first time . . . my first time with my husband, to be like that.
CHAPTER 4
Sunday, December 1, 1878
THE FAMILIAR COMFORTING SOUNDS of everyone moving about downstairs flooded my ears before my eyes even attempted to open. I tried to block out the visions of my other life that persistently shoved its way into my mind. I had little to no knowledge of my sister Sidney, but I felt terrible that she was experiencing the horrible night terrors that I went through such a short while ago.
Mimi quietly opened my door and crept across the floor. She leaned slightly over my bed to see if I was awake. I could feel her eyes on me despite mine still being closed tightly. I tried my best not to crack a smile as she assessed my condition.
“Ms. Jocelyn, it’s time to get up,” she said softly.
I tried my best to remain still, but I failed miserably as a smile slid across my face. “Good morning, Mimi. How are you feeling this morning?”
“I doing betta. I just worried whether this mild fall’s gonna hold. I can feel the snow a’ coming.”
“Do you think we will have a white Christmas?” She was rarely wrong about these things.
“Donchya fret now, Ms. Jocelyn. I sure that you is gonna have a beautiful weddin’ with or without the snow.” She smiled and pulled the covers off me.
“Mimi, it’s cold!” I complained and shuddered, trying to pull my covers back over me, but she was amazingly strong and wouldn’t let go.
“Getchya lazy rear outta that bed now. You gonna be late for church.” She playfully smacked my leg making me jump up.
“Mimi!” I hollered.
She laughed aloud, instantly sending the painful reminder that soon I would be waking up every morning without her to greet my day. The mere thought saddened my core. She was the heart of our family and the soul of this house. Her presence made this a house a home.
She picked up the gown she had laid out the night before, my navy blue velvet one with a cream lace trim. She gathered up my other apparel, setting them neatly beside my gown on my bed while I washed my face and brushed my teeth.
She took her time helping me dress, doing my make-up and hair, and chatted excessively the entire time. It was almost as if she too was dreading that our morning rituals were drawing to an end as well.
***
William was seated at the table alone reading the morning newspaper when I entered the dining room. “Where is everyone?” I inquired, taking a seat across from him.
“Our parents are in the study; they finished breakfast a while ago and Olivia is not feeling so well. Father checked her this morning and said it is just a cold, but she should stay in bed for a couple days.”
“I’m sorry. Perhaps I should see her before we leave?”
“You should wait until we return. I believe she is already back asleep,” he replied without looking up from his paper.
“All right,” I said more to myself than to him.
Jackson showed up before I was even done with my first cup of coffee. He was wearing a dark suit, hat, and overcoat. He looked breathtaking as he took my hand and escorted me out to his carriage.
Reverend Jacobs was as long winded as ever this morning. I sat beside Jackson listening to him drone on about the book of Luke and the parable of the lost sheep. As hard as I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, my mind kept drifting back to Sidney. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed me. I could still hear her screams ringing in the back of my mind. I could vaguely recall speaking with Jackson and his parents about them and what they’d said about Sidney’s possible other self. It was so overwhelming and my mind couldn’t fully wrap around the concept.
Jackson reached over and took my hand in his. He squeezed it gently. “Are you all right?” he whispered.
“Yes,” I lied. Now was not the time to discuss what was haunting me.
“You seem tense.”
“I’m fine,” I whispered back and tried my best to focus my attention on Reverend Jacob.
But I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried. Sitting here seemed so unimportant at the moment. All I wanted to do was get Jackson and his parents alone and find out what really happened with Sidney. I couldn’t see it all. Only bits and pieces of it were coming through the barrier in my mind. It was so aggravating. I wanted to scream until I finally got the answers I so desperately needed.
After church services, Robert, Emily, and Jackson’s siblings joined our family once again for supper and everyone was in high spirits. There was laughing, teasing, and joking around as everyone talked about the upcoming holiday and wedding. The younger children were running around making a racket yet no one seemed to notice or be annoyed by it.
The adults gathered around the hearth with coffee and sponge cake after dinner while the little ones were put down for their afternoon naps. A peaceful calm settled over the house and I snuggled in with Jackson. I relaxed and remained still for a moment attempting to savor everything around me.
By early evening, the extended families all retired to their respectable homes and only Jackson, myself, and my parents were left. We chatted endlessly about various songs for the wedding and the reception. My mother had some very specific ideas about the music for my special day. Jackson and I listened attentively, both of us trying to think of a polite way to express to her that we had our own ideas about what we wanted to hear on our wedding day.
However, we never got the chance to discuss it any further because William ran pounding down the stairs with sheer panic on his face.
“Father . . . Father!” he hollered before he entered the front room. “Please come upstairs. Something is wrong with Olivia!” All heads turned in his directions as he rushed into the room.
Father leapt to his feet and rushed up the stairs with the three of us directly behind him.
Olivia was curled up in the fetal position holding her abdomen with little beads of sweat across her forehead. She was moaning slightly with tears slowing falling onto the pillow. She looked like a small child in pain.
My father leaned over her and gently brushed the hair away from her face. “Olivia dear, can you tell me where it hurts?” he said very softly.
“My baby . . . something is wrong.” She physically cringed.
It broke my heart to see her like this. I looked over at Jackson whose face looked as terrified as I felt. I reached over and took a hold of his hand trying to gain some of his strength.
“Can you roll to your back?” Father asked.
William came around and sat down on the other side of Olivia taking her hand in his before placing h
is other hand on her arm to carefully roll her over. She cried out in pain with the slightest movement and drew her legs up closer to her.
“Jocelyn, Jackson . . . wait for us downstairs,” my mother whispered, but neither of us could move.
“Easy, William . . . gently.” My father guided William’s every move.
My father lightly adjusted Olivia’s legs out before her and she yelped out a little in pain. My brother brushed her cheek and kissed her forehead in a vague attempt to comfort his young wife.
My father pressed carefully on Olivia’s abdomen causing her to yell out. He moved his hands around, feeling various areas with tender care and expert fingers. He pulled back the covers forcing a gasp of air to escape my lips before I even realized I’d done it. Both of my parents gave me a disapproving look, but what my father revealed was a large amount of blood pooled between her legs. William’s face turned white along with Jackson who swayed slightly before catching himself on the back of the rocking chair.
“Jocelyn, Jackson, William . . . out!” My father said sternly. “Annabelle, I need my bag.”
My mother firmly took hold of my arm, pulling me towards the door. Jackson, who was still holding my hand, got dragged along behind me.
“William, come along,” Mother requested gently but firmly.
“No, I am staying with my wife,” my brother stated firmly in a weak voice.
“Son . . .” Patrick gave him a look that told all of us the seriousness of the situation. “You need to wait downstairs with Jackson and your sister.”
William nodded reluctantly and kissed his wife on the forehead. “I will be right outside, my love. Everything is going to be all right. I love you.”
William slowly rose from her side with Olivia’s eyes following his every move, silently pleading with him to make everything all right again.
My mother closed the door behind us. Jackson and William retreated downstairs while I set up post outside the door waiting for our mother to return with Father’s medical bag. Fear had gripped hold of my soul and I couldn’t move. My mind was whirling in a thousand directions at once. How can she lose her baby? I know I’d seen him in the photos. There was proof that William and Olivia had their son and two others after that. I’d seen the photos in the forbidden album in my other life. Their little boys were adorable. I could still see their beautiful little faces.
Perception Page 5