I heard Olivia scream out in pain and the sound ripped my heart in two. I felt so helpless. My mother ran past me, threw open the door and slammed it quickly behind her. Her screams also sent William and Jackson running back up the stairs. Both men came to a sudden halt outside the door beside me. Their faces marred with despair. There was nothing any of us could do.
Time stood still and impatience was noticeable. Mimi soon joined us along with Sarah and we each took turns pacing about the landing and hall. The screaming had subsided, but muffled cries were sporadic and had us jumping each time they occurred. William soon became inconsolable and reverted back to the small boy being comforted in Mimi’s arms as he wept on her shoulder.
Two agonizing hours passed before the door opened again. Our father came out looking haggard and worn. His hair was a mess and wet from perspiration, his face was drawn and pale. We all knew what had happened before the words ever passed over his lips.
“Ms. Olivia is fine. I got the bleeding stopped, but I am afraid she miscarried,” he whispered.
A horrible sob escaped from somewhere deep inside William and I rushed into his arms. He held me so tightly he was causing me physical pain. I remained silent and held onto him with all the strength I had left in me. My heart were breaking for both of them.
“I want to see my wife,” William blubbered between sobs.
“I just got her to sleep son. Your mother is sitting with her and will let you know when she awakens.”
“I can do that.” William headed for the door.
“Not now, son, she needs her rest and if she hears your voice, she’ll awaken. Let’s all go downstairs and have some coffee.” He coaxed his son and Jackson gently over to the stairs before he hesitated a moment, grabbing mine and Mimi’s arms. “Jocelyn, Olivia is still awake. I need you to go help your mother. I am afraid that there is quite a mess and your mother will need some help with her. Mimi, Sarah . . . please get some clean sheets, towels, put on some hot water and bring it upstairs just before it boils to wash her well. Also, boil a large pot for the sheets,” he said barely loud enough for us to hear him. My father looked me directly in the eye, noticing the inquisitive look I gave him over his lie to William. “Trust me, your bother does not want to see this.” I nodded slightly and turned back towards their room while the others scattered off quietly.
After Olivia was attended to and sleeping soundly with her husband in the chair beside their bed, I joined Jackson on the lounge. My parents had excused themselves to my father’s study for which I was grateful since it allowed me some alone time with Jackson.
“I don’t understand this.” I shook my head in dismay. “None of this makes sense. We saw pictures of them with their son.”
“I’m not sure.” Jackson thought for a moment. “Did you happen to notice if any of the photographs had dates written on them?”
“No, remember there was nothing written underneath them and I did not dare remove them to see if the dates were written on the back.”
“Well obviously the children we saw them with come at a later time.”
“I guess. I feel so horrible for the two of them. Olivia is beside herself with grief. She wanted this baby so badly.”
“I know, but at least it is a comfort to know that they do have happy healthy children in their future.”
We rested for a while but I could not get the image of Olivia out of my mind. All I wanted to do was drift off into my other world where I did not have to endure the sorrow that fell upon our entire household.
CHAPTER 5
Sunday, November 29, 2009
I CLEANED MYSELF UP and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. After pulling my hair up in a ponytail and barely applying any make-up, I headed downstairs to find something to eat.
My mom, Sidney, and Landon were in the kitchen when I arrived. My mom took one glance in my direction and walked out the other entrance and headed back up to her room. “Wow . . . do you think she’ll ever speak to me again?” I asked my worn-out looking sister.
“Not any time soon,” she half laughed. “She’s really ticked about Thanksgiving.”
“Why? It’s not like we were doing anything special for the holiday. She wasn’t even cooking for crying out loud,” I said.
“It’s not so much that. It’s more the fact that you two are back together. She’s afraid the wedding’s back on.”
“Great,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “How are you feeling?” I asked casually while pouring myself a cup of coffee.
Landon picked up another donut and his coffee and kissed Sidney on the cheek. “I’ll be in the family room.” Sidney smiled and nodded as he left the kitchen.
“I’m all right. Weird dream I guess. I’m not really sure what happened.” She gave me a weak smile.
“What was it about?” I leaned over the opposite side of the island where she was seated.
“Something stupid.” Sidney attempted to shrug it off, but the look in her eyes reminded me all too well of the reflection I’d seen in the mirror in another time.
I smiled sadly, at a complete loss for words. Having been in her shoes before I knew there was nothing I could say that would bring her any solace or make her talk about it. I sipped my coffee trying to think of something else to say just to change the subject.
“Do you guys have any plans for today?”
“I think Landon’s going to watch football with the other two delinquents. I’m not sure what time we’re going to head back to campus. Why? What are your plans for today?”
“Nothing, do you have anything in mind?”
“Want to go into the city and do some Christmas shopping?” She looked hopeful.
“All right.” My smile broadened. “That sounds good.”
“Why don’t you call Jenna or Caitlyn, see if they want to join us?”
“Okay.” Sidney had never hung around with me or my friends. I guess this was her way of avoiding being alone with me. Maybe she was afraid I’d bring up her nightmares again.
“Great, you take care of that and I’ll tell the guys we’re leaving.” She jumped off the barstool and trotted off.
I stood there for a few minutes longer finishing my coffee and debating on whether I should call Jackson or Caitlyn first. Jenna was still in Indianapolis with her family until later this evening. I wanted to speak with Jackson, but I figured I’d better call Caitlyn first simply because I knew it would take her a while to get ready.
***
It was shortly before one o’clock before the three of us pulled out of the driveway. Caitlyn was talking a mile a minute about her Thanksgiving and all the craziness with her own family. I think Sidney was thankful because it kept her thoughts off her own terrifying experience or me inquiring any further about it. Instead she stared ahead at the road, smiled, and nodded in all the appropriate places but never joined in the conversation. Her behavior didn’t seem that unusual because she was never that friendly with Caitlyn.
We parked in a large parking garage and wandered through the various shops looking for anything interesting. It was a chilly day with the sun darting in and out of the clouds. I pulled my jacket closer around me and wrapped my scarf once more around my neck. Sidney appeared preoccupied with her thoughts and hardly paid any attention to Caitlyn’s overzealous behavior. She was bouncing around looking at every peculiar trinket that adorned the city windows. I tagged along between them, only concerned with trying to keep the cold wind from ripping through me.
***
It was six in the evening when we returned home. It was already dark and the temperature was steadily declining. Caitlyn waved good-bye as she pulled her car out of our driveway and headed home. Sidney and I scurried up the walkway and could already hear the voices of the men hollering at the television from the front porch. We looked at each other and laughed before opening the door.
Ethan, Landon, and our dad were all in the family room with a fire blazing in the hearth, empty coke cans and beer bottles cover
ing the tables intermixed with half-eaten bags of chips and pretzels and an almost empty pizza box. None of them noticed our return.
Sidney and I wandered into the kitchen to fix ourselves some hot chocolate. She took a seat at the island while I busied myself getting our drinks.
“Do you think Mom’s been in her room all day?” she asked.
“Probably. She’s been hiding in there, supposedly dictating patient charts. At least that’s what she told Ethan earlier.” I took a deep breath, stirring the mix into the hot water. “I don’t know. She hasn’t really spoken to me since I mentioned BU and marrying Jackson.”
“Can you blame her?”
“Sidney . . . don’t. I’ve heard enough already from her, Ethan, and my friends. I really don’t want to have the same conversation with you.” Our eyes met for a brief moment.
“All right. I’m just saying, don’t be stupid.”
“I’m not. And like you really have room to talk . . . I can’t believe Mom and Dad let Landon sleep in your room.”
“He was sleeping on the couch.” I tried not to giggle at how defensive she got. “Seriously . . . he was. He knows sometimes I have nightmares and he wanted to be there in case I had one. It’s no big deal.” She shrugged it off casually.
“How often are you having them?”
“It’s not a big deal, Jocelyn. Drop it!”
“Geez, Sid, calm down. You brought it up.”
“Sorry, it’s been a long semester. I’ll be happy when it’s over.”
I set the mugs of hot coco on the island and sat down across from her. “Are you taking anything interesting this semester?”
“Finite Math, which I hate and makes no sense whatsoever. I’m not even sure why they call it math.” she rolled her eyes with a smile. “Ummmm . . . Behavioral Neuroscience, History of Western Civilization, which would be interesting if my professor wasn’t so darn boring. Anthropology. That sounds boring except that I have an amazing professor that makes the class fascinating, and Organic Chemistry.”
“Sounds fun. At least you’re not taking the boring crap that I’m taking. I’m so sick of high school. I can’t wait until I get to college.”
“It’s okay, I guess. Don’t rush high school away, Jocelyn. College is so much harder than you can imagine. I have no life. I’m buried in books and I think I have more coffee running through my veins than blood.” A small laugh escaped from somewhere inside her. “I hardly get any sleep anymore, maybe three or four hours if I’m lucky.”
“I thought you loved Northwestern.”
“I do. It’s just a lot more work and harder than I ever imagined it would be.”
We sipped our coco in silence for a few minutes listening to the hollering of the men in the other room. Sidney glanced at her watch wrinkling her brow. “It’s almost seven. We’d better head back to school or I’m never going to make it to class tomorrow.” She smiled weakly.
“I hate to see you leave, Sid. It seems like we’re finally getting to know each other.” I looked into her tired eyes and grinned.
“Finally . . . I always wanted us to be closer. We just really never had anything in common.”
“And we do now?” I laughed.
“No, not really, I suppose. But maybe we’re starting to appreciate and accept each other for who we are rather than focusing on our differences.”
“I hope so.” I took another sip nervously. This sort of dialogue was very out of the ordinary for us. “Are you coming home for Christmas?”
“Most likely. I know Landon wants to spend some time with his family, but I’m not sure I want to. I think I’ll come home while he visits his family and then he can join me here later.”
“When is your last final?”
“The nineteenth. I should be home shortly after.”
“Good, we’ll bake some Christmas cookies and make the house more festive.”
“Bake cookies?” She narrowed her eyes at me and laughed. “We don’t bake cookies, we buy them.”
“Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” I gave her a playful nudge across the island.
“I’ll think about it,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“I’m surprised Mom hasn’t put up the tree yet. She always does that on the Friday after Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, I know.” I looked down at my mug instantly feeling guilty for sucking all the holiday spirit out of the house.
“Hey?” Sidney tapped her fingers on the island. “Don’t worry about it, she’ll come around.”
“I hope so,” I muttered, picking up my coco.
***
Sidney and Landon left before nine o’clock and even though they were only home for a short while, the house felt really empty when they’d gone.
I took a long hot shower. washing the city smog out of my hair and ridding the late fall chill from my bones. I relaxed under the stream and tried not to think of what was waiting for me when I closed my eyes. I had done my best all day to keep my thoughts focused on Sidney and her night terrors if only to avoid the pain that I could feel in the depths of my soul. The images I had witnessed when Patrick sent Jackson and William downstairs were still very vivid.
I crawled into bed pulling my covers up around me. This big old house was so drafty in the cold weather despite the new renovations. I thumbed through my uncle’s journal, looking for the place I’d left off when I noticed my bedroom door opening silently.
“Ethan . . . I’m in bed. Leave me alone,” I said to the gap.
Jackson poked his head into my bedroom. “It’s me,” he smiled.
“Jackson!” I whispered. “What are you doing?”
“I wanted to speak to you.” He quietly closed the door behind him and sat down on the corner of my bed.
“I have a cell phone.”
“I also wanted to see you.” There was no way I could be upset when he looked at me that way.
“Please don’t tell me you snuck into my house again.” I shook my head in dismay.
“No one saw me.” He flashed my favorite mischievous lop-sided grin.
“You have any idea what my mother would do if she found you in here?”
“Is she speaking to you now?”
“No, but that’s not the point.” I gently smacked his arm.
“Then I guess I don’t have to worry about her coming in here.”
“But my father could.”
“He thinks you’re asleep. He will not bother you for the rest of the night.”
“Are you willing to bet your life on it because he’ll kill you if he finds you in here?” I snickered.
“I wanted to see how you were doing with all that happened? Do you remember any of it?”
“What I do remember, I wish I could forget.” I looked down at my hands. “I’ve never seen anything so awful, there was so much blood. I’m glad my father didn’t let William see any of that.”
“He’s a mess.”
“I wish there was something I could do for them.” I looked back up into Jackson’s face. “The whole thing with the photos has been bothering me.” I reached under my bed and pulled out the old album and flipped it open. “I took this from the basement after Sidney left. Look . . . here’s proof that they have children.”
I placed the open album on his lap and pointed to the family picture of William and Olivia with their first son.
“I know, but there is no date written beneath it.” He gently slid the photo from its corner tabs that secured its place.
“Careful,” I cringed.
Jackson flipped the photo over, “Look, May 18, 1883. That is another four and a half years from where we are now . . . there anyway.” He handed the picture over.
“I guess Olivia had a hard time either getting pregnant again or carrying a child to term.”
“Maybe. Or they were just careful until William finished his degree.”
“Perhaps. It seems strange though, doesn’t it? Especially after last evening, knowing all that is to happen.”
“Sometimes I wish I didn’t know so much about our future . . . our children. It’s so aggravating to know we have so long before they’re here and I want to see them, hold them now. I don’t want to wait another ten years.”
“Me neither, but just imagine how much fun we are going to have in those ten years. College, graduations, weddings . . . a lot is going to happen in that time and I believe we will have enough to keep us very busy.”
“True,” I giggled, thinking about how busy planning one wedding was keeping me here.
We curled up together and talked for the next couple of hours about all of the things that were happening now on both planes and all the things that still were ahead. The last thing I remember was Jackson talking about our beautiful babies while I rested with my head on his chest, securely wrapped in his arms.
CHAPTER 6
Wednesday, December 04, 1878
THE SOUND OF THUNDER rumbled through the house followed by a long brilliant flash of lightening, awaking me from a lost slumber. My heart raced from the abrupt noise. I could hear the rain dancing off the house and wind whistling through the barren trees. The drapes around the windows moved softly from the small drafts along the windowsills. The embers glowed from the hearth, casting long, strange shadows along my walls. I pulled my covers up around my chin and snuggled down tight beneath them.
Jackson had more or less disappeared the last couple of days. He was now home from school but buried under a mountain of books and papers preparing to take the bar exam. He had come over briefly on Monday to have supper with my family and then disappeared once more. I believe I saw him more when he was away at school than I was now.
William had stayed home the last couple of days, tending to and comforting Olivia. She had not gotten out of bed since the miscarriage and was consumed with grief. We all spent time with her regularly, but there was nothing any of us could say to console her. William spent his days next to their bed reading to her in attempt to occupy her mind with something else. I was amazed by my brother’s compassion for his young wife and touched by the loss that seemed to be overwhelming him.
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