A Day at the Office

by Matt Dunn

  'But she obviously wasn't, was she?'

  'Why not?'

  'Because she didn't want to marry you. And because she was seeing someone else behind your back. That hardly makes her perfect, does it?'

  'Well...'

  'Admit it, Nathan. She's spoiled every other woman for you, hasn't she? Even someone like Sophie, who...'

  Nathan bristled slightly. 'If you think Sophie's so perfect, why don't, you go out with her?'

  'Because I want to go out with Julie.'

  'And she's perfect, is she?'

  Mark shook his head. 'I'm not looking for someone who's perfect. Just who's perfect for me. And I think there's a difference.'

  Nathan folded his arms. 'But I thought Ellie was perfect for me.'

  'And you were wrong, weren't you?'

  'Maybe,' admitted Nathan, begrudgingly.

  'So don't you think maybe it's time to get over it?'

  'Don't you think I want to?'

  'No, actually, I don't.' Mark looked at his watch, then signalled to the waiter for two more coffees. 'And Anti-Valentine's proves my point.'

  'What point?'

  'That you are to Valentine's Day what Scrooge was to Christmas.'

  Nathan looked at him blankly. 'I'm sorry, mate. My Dickens is a bit rusty.'

  'I'm not surprised, after three years,' said Mark, and Nathan sniggered.

  'So what do I do about it?'

  'What Scrooge did,' said Mark. 'Confront the ghost of your Valentine's Past.'

  Sophie Jones headed back along Bateman Street, clutching the Selfridges bag beneath her folded arms as if it was transparent, and everyone could see its racy contents. She'd felt flattered by what had just happened - it had been a long time since anyone had seen her in her underwear, and even though the prospect of Nathan doing exactly that later was more than a little daunting, the incident hadn't done her confidence any harm at all.

  She swiped herself into the building, smiling at Mia-Rose on her way past reception, then stuffed her purchase under her coat as she walked past the stairs that led down to the basement - the last thing she wanted was for Nathan to see what she'd bought before she was wearing it. She hurried upstairs and into her office, pushing the door shut behind her, and as she took the bag out from under her coat and put it on her desk, Julie cleared her throat.

  'Have you just shoplifted that?'

  'What? Oh, no. I... I just didn't want to risk anyone seeing it.'

  'Seeing what?'

  'It's underwear.' Sophie felt herself start to turn the same colour as the bustier. 'For tonight.'

  'For the bowling? I thought it was only our shoes we had to change.'

  'It's for Nathan.'

  'Are you sure it's his size?'

  'No, I mean it's for me to wear, but, you know, for Nathan,' said Sophie, before realising Julie had been joking. She looked over her shoulder to double check the door was shut, then handed over the bag. 'I didn't think I'd be going out this evening when I got dressed this morning, and I'm hardly wearing my Sunday best. You know how it is?'

  Julie nodded, although she didn't know how it was, given how the last piece of expensive underwear she'd bought had been a top-of-the-range sports bra. She'd read enough horror stories on the internet to know that training for the marathon carried various risks, though the one she'd been most concerned about was the prospect of her nipples ending up level with her knees.

  'Nice,' she said, inspecting the bag's contents. 'And if tonight doesn't work out, you can always do a few shifts at that place round the corner.'

  Sophie made a face. 'I knew it. Too tarty.'

  'I'm kidding. I'm sure Nathan will...' She picked her words carefully. 'Appreciate it.'

  'He'd better.' Sophie felt a sudden surge of guilt as she remembered how much she'd just spent, and slumped down into her chair, still wearing her coat. 'Assuming it's his kind of thing.'

  Julie smiled reassuringly. 'I'm sure it will be. Have you thought how you're going to ensure he actually gets to appreciate it?'

  'Er... No.'

  'Don't you think you ought to? Remember, marketing is all about creating a need in someone for something they don't know they want yet. And the best lingerie in in the world isn't going to do you any good unless Nathan actually sees you in it.'

  'I suppose not.'

  Julie thought for a moment, then looked at her watch. Her own love life might be a disaster, but that didn't mean she couldn't try to play cupid for Sophie. 'Have you eaten yet?'

  Sophie shook her head. Given how much she'd just spent in Selfridges, she'd been considering skipping lunch. And for a couple of months, at least.

  'Okay. Come on, then. My treat.'

  'Should we be leaving the office unattended?'

  Julie laughed as she picked up her handbag. 'We're in marketing, Sophie,' she said, heading for the door. 'We're hardly the emergency services. What's going to happen - some customer suddenly has a we've-run-out-of-brochures emergency?'

  Sophie shrugged. 'I suppose,' she said, following her boss downstairs and out of the building.

  'What do you fancy?' asked Julie, once they were standing on the pavement. 'A sandwich?'

  Sophie thought for a moment. 'I'd prefer something hot,' she said, wrapping her scarf around her neck.

  'Will you stop thinking about Nathan for one moment?'

  'Ha ha.'

  'Soup? There's a new place on Old Compton Street.'

  'Why not?' said Sophie.

  They made their way through Soho until they found a freshly-painted building with a neon sign above the doorway proclaiming 'Souped Up' in bright pink letters, and walked inside.

  'What can I get you?' said the man behind the till, as they approached the counter.

  Sophie scanned the menu on the wall behind him, and quickly spotted her favourite. 'Carrot and coriander,' she said.

  'You sure?' asked Julie. 'It's got garlic in it.'

  'And?'

  'Tonight? Nathan? Kissing?'

  'Ah. Good point.' She looked at the menu again, checking each soup's list of ingredients. 'What have you got without garlic?' she asked.

  'Winter vegetable,' said the man.

  'Sounds good,' said Sophie.

  Julie ordered the same for herself, ignoring Sophie's raised eyebrow while waving away her offer to pay - something Sophie was grateful for, having spent her last bit of cash on the coffees that morning. As the man poured their soups, they helped themselves to bread rolls, then carried their lunch to a nearby table.

  'So,' Julie said, though a mouthful of poppy-seeded bloomer, which Sophie didn't dare eat, not wanting to spend the afternoon picking the seeds out of her teeth. 'Any thoughts as to how you're going to get a bit of one-on-one time? Maybe even a bit of the aforementioned kissing?'

  Sophie stirred her soup thoughtfully. 'I don't know. I was kind of hoping to rely on alcohol.'

  Julie almost dropped her bread into her soup. She knew that worked - but given what had happened subsequently with her and Mark, wouldn't necessarily recommend it as a strategy. 'You mean get him drunk? Or make sure everyone else is drunk, leaving the two of you on your own.'

  'I haven't really thought that far ahead.'

  'What are you trying to achieve, exactly?' Julie blew on a spoonful of soup. 'Just a drunken snog? Because that might not lead anywhere.'

  'Of course not,' said Sophie, though in truth, if that was all she was going to get, it wouldn't have been a bad result.

  'Have you and Nathan ever actually spent any time together? You know, just talking?'

  'Well, no. At least, nothing more than office chit-chat,' said Sophie, not wanting to own up to their conversation during his card delivery earlier. 'But that's not how it works, is it? I mean, relationships nowadays kind of happen the other way round, don't they?'

  'Do they?'

  Sophie nodded. 'Yeah. You know, meet someone, get drunk, sleep together, then keep doing that until one of you gets fed up with the other one.'

 
'Whatever happened to getting to know each other? Spending some time finding out what you have in common before you, you know?'

  Sophie let out a short laugh. 'Yeah, right.'

  Julie swallowed her spoonful of soup, conscious she might be sounding like Sophie's mother. 'Well, what time does it start this evening?'

  'Five-thirty, I think.'

  'And assuming it was just you and Nathan on your own, how long do you think you'd need to work your womanly charms on him?'

  'How long will it take me to get him drunk, you mean?' Sophie did a quick calculation in her head. If last year was anything to go by, everyone was pretty well away after three or four cocktails. And at one cocktail every fifteen minutes... 'I don't know. An hour?'

  'Okay. So all you need to do is make sure you get that window of opportunity.'

  Sophie watched in amazement as Julie started on her second bread roll, worried if she followed suit, the lingerie she'd just bought wouldn't fit. 'And how do we do that?'

  Julie smiled. 'We don't,' she said, dunking the bread into her bowl. 'You do.'

  'Huh?'

  'Think how a marketing campaign works.'

  'What do you mean?'

  'Say we were trying to run a seminar. What's the first thing we'd do?'

  Sophie wondered whether her boss was testing her. 'Book the venue.'

  'Which Nathan's already done. Next?'

  Sophie scratched her head. 'Well, we'd send out a mailer. Try and get people interested.'

  'Which you've already done.'

  'Huh?'

  'Your Valentine's card.'

  'Oh. Right.'

  'Exactly.' Julie smiled encouragingly. 'Then?'

  'Well, then we'd...' Sophie frowned, unable to see any more parallels.

  'Qualify the prospects. And we've done that by establishing Nathan's not gay.'

  'Right. Of course.'

  'And at the event itself?'

  Sophie stared into her bowl of soup, as if hoping she might find the answer there. Aside from making sure there were enough chocolate biscuits to go with the coffee - and she wasn't sure what parallel Julie would draw with that particular observation - she couldn't think of anything else she'd have to do. 'Er...'

  'We want them to buy something. Which means we need to create a need.'

  'How?'

  'By presenting our product as attractively as possible.' Julie fished a soggy piece of crust out of her bowl, popped it into her mouth, and swallowed it without chewing. 'Which you've just ensured, thanks to your recent Selfridges purchase.'

  'But I can hardly walk around in my lingerie in front of everyone, can I? It's hardly likely to turn into a game of Strip Bowling.'

  Julie laughed. 'Come on, Sophie. We work in the marketing department. If we can't run an effective campaign to get you to that point, then who can?' She smiled. 'What's the surest way to win the sale?'

  'Um...'

  'Eliminate the competition.'

  'That's a bit drastic, isn't it?'

  Julie shook her head. 'Not at all. Look at it this way - you want a date with Nathan, but you're too scared to ask him out, right?'

  'Right.'

  'And as far as we know, he's unlikely to be asking you out.'

  Sophie made a face. 'I suppose not.'

  'And how would you define a date, exactly?'

  Sophie knew the answer to this one. 'Two people, out for the evening,' she said, confidently.

  'And you're going out tonight, aren't you?'

  'Well, yes, but like I said, with loads of other people. That might cramp my style a little.'

  Julie smiled. 'My point exactly.'

  'I'm sorry,' said Sophie. 'I'm not quite following you.'

  'Get rid of the rest of them. Or delay them. That way, it'll just be you and Nathan. At least, for a while.'

  Sophie's eyes widened in admiration. It was a brilliant plan. Though she could see one small flaw. 'So, er, how do I do that, exactly, short of going round and telling everyone individually that it starts an hour later? And even if I managed that, how on earth do I stop it getting back to Nathan?'

  Julie picked her bowl up and, forgoing the use of a spoon, drained the last of her soup in one go. 'Think laterally.'

  'Huh?'

  'Don't get everyone there late. Get Nathan there early.'

  'And how do we - sorry, I - do that?'

  Julie eyed the rest of Sophie's soup hungrily. 'Easy,' she said.

  Sophie felt more than a little guilty as the two of them walked back to the office - Julie was being so helpful in her quest to land Nathan, and without knowing that she was actually the object of his affections - though not guilty enough, she reflected, to actually tell her that. But what was it she'd been reminding herself ever since losing out on that promotion, and that handbag, and even the seat on the tube this morning? Nice girls finish last. And today, she couldn't afford to be a nice girl - though as they strolled back along Frith Street, she almost lost her nerve. There, sitting outside Bar Italia, was the object of her affection, drinking coffee with Mark Webster.

  As they neared the bar, Sophie began to panic - the last thing she wanted was to give Nathan a chance to compare her with Julie, side by side, particularly since knowing her luck she was bound to have soup somewhere on her face. Mark had just stood up, so Sophie hung back a little, hoping they might be leaving and she'd be safe, but Nathan was showing no sign of going anywhere, and Mark just disappeared inside the café, leaving Nathan sitting there, alternately sipping his coffee and scanning the street. What if he saw her, spoke to her, even, and mentioned something about sending - or receiving - a card this morning? Sophie feared she'd turn into a jabbering mess, Julie might put two and two together, and surely that would mean game over.

  Sophie decided this was one meeting she could do with avoiding. Julie didn't seem to have seen them, so she tried to steer her across the road to where they'd be obscured by a double-parked British Telecom van, but judging by the sudden mischievous look that had appeared on Nathan's face, it was too late. Especially when his loud shout of 'Soph!' rang out. She reddened, and pretended to be fascinated by something in a nearby shop window, but just as she'd decided the best (if not only) strategy was to simply ignore him, she felt Julie grab her arm.

  'Maybe you won't have to go to all that trouble after all.'

  'Pardon?'

  'Someone seems to be calling you.'

  'But... No. I can't. I...'

  'Come on.' With a smile, Julie tightened her grip and marched Sophie along the pavement. When they reached Nathan's table, he nodded towards the two empty chairs.

  'Join us?'

  'That would be lovely,' said Julie. 'Wouldn't it, Sophie?'

  Without waiting for an answer, she guided Sophie down into the seat next to Nathan, and seemed to be wanting to make a break for it herself, but Nathan wasn't about to let that happen.

  'Here,' he said, shifting his chair round. 'You come and sit here.'

  Julie caught Sophie's pleading look. 'Well, okay,' she said, lowering herself into the chair.

  'In between me and Mark,' continued Nathan.

  'Mark?' Julie froze, her backside not quite touching the seat.

  'Yeah. He's...' Nathan frowned towards the interior of the café. 'Well, he was here. Perhaps there's a queue for the toilets.' He peered towards the door, where Mark - having spotted the new arrivals - was lurking, a look of panic on his face. Nathan glared at him, then furiously waved him over. 'There he is.'

  Realising he'd been spotted, Mark reluctantly made his way back to the table and took his seat, and the four of them sat there in silence.

  'Well, this is nice,' said Nathan, eventually.

  'Yes,' agreed Julie. 'We don't do this often enough. Do we, Sophie?'

  Sophie glanced across at Mark. By the looks of him, and given the awkward way she was feeling, that statement wasn't strictly true. She shook her head reluctantly, and Nathan smiled.

  'Everyone looking forward to tonight?'
/>   'Oh yes,' said Julie. 'Aren't we, Sophie?'

  'Yes,' said Sophie, quietly.

  'Great,' said Nathan. 'I thought we'd split into two teams.'

  'Don't tell me,' said Julie. 'Girls against boys.'

  He nodded. 'Isn't that the way of the world?'

  'That's a bit unfair, surely?' said Julie. 'On the boys, I mean.'

  Nathan raised both eyebrows. 'That sounds like a challenge. Want to make it interesting?'

  Julie let out a short laugh. 'The only way to achieve that would be to do something other than bowling.'

  'Very funny,' said Nathan sarcastically, then he smiled. 'So, Julie...' he said. 'Did you do a lot of this at your last company?'

  'A lot of what?'

  'You know. Socialising out of work.'

  'Not really. Why?'

  'Some places do, some don't. I just wondered whether you enjoyed it. I mean, the Christmas party was... Fun, wasn't it?'

  'Yes,' said Julie, flatly. 'It was.' She tried not to glance across at Mark, which was just as well. He couldn't have looked more awkward, though that was partly because he was trying to kick Nathan's shin underneath the table.

  'Apart from when poor Mary ran out in tears when some drunk shouted out something about her facial hair,' said Sophie, desperate to contribute to the conversation and dazzle Nathan with her witty repartee - or at least, break up the private chat he and Julie seemed to be having.

  'Yes, well, some people can't handle their drink,' said Nathan, and Mark had to force himself not to meet Julie's eyes.

  'Or their balloons,' said Sophie, before she could stop herself, and Julie made a face. 'Without bursting them, I mean.'

  'Mary's not that...' Julie stopped talking, remembering how she'd been fascinated by Mary's five-o'clock shadow earlier. 'I suppose it is rather an unfortunate nickname.'

  'Isn't it?' said Sophie, sensing an opening. 'Quite a few people in the office have got one.'

  'Such as?' said Julie.

  'Dominic in pre-sales. 'Last minute dot Dom'.'

  'Pardon?'

  'He's late with everything. Leaves all his work to the, you know...'

  'Last minute?' said Julie.

  'Exactly.' Sophie smiled. 'And there's Fiona.'

  'Consultant Fiona?' said Nathan. 'The one from Newcastle?'