A Day at the Office

by Matt Dunn

  Nathan relaxed a little. So she wasn't talking about the card he'd found on his desk this morning. 'Inappropriate?'

  'Exactly.' Julie nodded. 'And I don't know whether the sender felt that the, ahem, receiver had done anything to encourage them, but if they have, then it wasn't on purpose. So I just thought it was worth getting out in the open the fact that, while the person who received it was...' She tried to pick her words carefully, not wanting to sound ungrateful or hurt Nathan's feelings. 'Flattered, there's just no way that the, shall we say, sentiment can be returned.'

  'Right.' Nathan glanced briefly at his laptop screen, where an email had just pinged into his in-box from Mark, and he didn't have to open it to know what it probably said. 'And you're telling me this because...'

  'Well, because I thought the person who sent the card might want to know that...' Julie paused again. Know what? She decided to end the sentence there. 'I mean, know that.'

  Nathan had to stop himself from smiling. All this beating around the bush wasn't like Julie, though what it seemed to prove was that she couldn't have thought the card had come from him. No, unfortunately this was obviously her way of telling him she knew it was from Mark, and making sure the message got back to him that she wasn't interested without them having to have an embarrassing showdown at the bowling later. Though given how flustered she seemed, this was evidently embarrassing enough for her already.

  He looked back up at her, and Julie couldn't tell whether he was offended or not. 'And you're sure, are you?'

  'Sure about what?'

  'That the sentiment's... Unwelcome.'

  Julie nodded, then she shook her head. 'Not unwelcome, no. Just...'

  'Inappropriate?'

  'Exactly.'

  'That's a shame,' said Nathan, already wondering how on earth he'd give Mark the bad news.

  Isn't it?, thought Julie, though because it hadn't been Mark who'd sent the card. And while in truth she was flattered that Nathan, for want of a better word, fancied her, her disappointment at a lack of interest from Mark outweighed that by quite some way.

  For a moment, she thought of telling Nathan that Sophie would be more than happy to step into her shoes, but now perhaps wasn't the time. That was a little like getting that card at Monopoly that said you'd won second prize in a beauty contest. And a consolation prize was never something to celebrate.

  'So, am I understood?'

  'Loud and clear.' Nathan saluted smartly, and to her surprise, Julie found herself a little miffed he didn't seem that upset. 'You are still coming tonight, though?'

  'Tonight?' Julie thought quickly. She could still go – after all, even if there was an atmosphere, it would be preferable to the one at home. But the last thing she wanted was for Nathan to be spending the evening gazing adoringly at her as she bowled, while Sophie would no doubt be staring at her with the opposite sentiment. And even though she'd be missing an evening with Mark, and the possibility (though admittedly, that seemed like quite a slim one now) of a repeat performance of what happened at Christmas, she knew what she had to do would be best for all concerned. 'Sorry. No. I can't. Not because of this, you understand. It's just that... Something's come up. Work. You know how it is?'

  Nathan smiled a tight-lipped smile. 'Well, that's a shame too,' he said.

  And for the second time in as many minutes, Julie found herself agreeing with him.

  Calum's phone pinged to tell him it was three forty-five, so he saved the proposal he'd been writing, took his glasses off and wiped the lenses with the end of his tie, then strolled downstairs and made his way towards the reception desk. He didn't know why Sophie wanted to play a trick on Mark and Nathan - he could only assume it was something to do with tonight - and seeing as he wasn't going to Anti-Valentine's, he'd decided the less questions he asked, the better. Mia-Rose was on a call, so he waited until she'd finished, then cleared his throat.

  'If the phone rings again, don't answer it.'

  Mia-Rose widened her eyes. 'Sounds exciting.'

  'Not really. Just fire drill time. We need to test the system, and make sure everyone pays attention.'

  'Now?'

  'Actually, in about five minutes. You remember how it goes?'

  'You get them out, and I make sure they're all there.'

  Calum blushed. 'Have you got the personnel list?'

  'Sure.' Mia-Rose hit a couple of buttons on her computer, then printed off a record of everyone whose key card swipes said they were in the building. 'Here.'

  'Thanks.' He took the list, crossed his and Sophie's names off it, and handed it back to Mia-Rose. 'Right,' he said, leading her over to the alarm box in the corner. 'Usual drill, though today, I'd like you to actually sound the alarm, if you don't mind?'

  'Ooh,' said Mia-Rose. 'Are you sure I'm ready for the responsibility?'

  Calum nodded, her irony lost on him. 'First thing you need to do is make sure the link to the fire station is disabled.'

  'Why?'

  'Because we don't want any firemen turning up.'

  'Spoilsport.'

  Calum sighed exaggeratedly, then reached up and turned the switch off. 'Then, you just press this one,' he said, pointing to the large red button next to it.

  Mia-Rose peered at the panel. 'The one with 'test' written underneath it?'

  'That's the one,' said Calum, before realising she was teasing him.

  'I think I get it.'

  'Great.' He pulled his sleeve up to reveal his watch, then tapped the dial. 'And then, at four o'clock...'

  'That's when the big hand's on twelve, and the little...'

  'Yes, very funny. Just press the button, will you?'

  Mia-Rose frowned exaggeratedly. 'Now?'

  'No, at four...' Calum stopped talking, and wondered why he was always like this with women.

  'You're so easy to get!' said Mia-Rose, with a smile. 'Don't worry. I'll make sure I push all the right buttons when the time comes.'

  Calum blushed again. He could only hope he'd do the same for Emma later.

  For the fourth time since Julie had left his office, Nathan Field picked his phone up and began to dial Mark's number, then put it down again without making the call. Something about her attitude hadn't quite added up, as if... He didn't know what it was as if. His expertise, if you could call it that, was still a little rusty, and besides, what would he say, given how vague she'd been?

  What was clear was that Julie had pretty much told him to warn Mark off, and Nathan suspected it was probably better to tell him that as soon as possible, rather then let Mark waste his time, or build his hopes up only to have them shattered when she didn't turn up this evening. And given that he'd already spent the best part of the afternoon avoiding the issue by dealing with a problem with Seek's server that could easily have waited, he realised he'd better get on with it.

  He responded to the last couple of work emails that had come in while he'd been out with Calum, then popped to the toilet, helped himself to a drink from the water-cooler at the top of the stairs, then realised he'd run out of delaying tactics, so he walked as jauntily as he could into Mark's office and shut the door behind him. Before he could say anything, Mark pointed excitedly at the carrier bag on his desk.

  'Look.' Mark removed a blue-cellophane-wrapped chocolate biscuit from the bag and handed it to him. 'It's a 'Taxi'.'

  'I haven't seen one of these for years. Where did you get it from?'

  'The retro sweet shop on Floral Street. You said to carry on with what I was doing, so I just nipped out on the off-chance.' He grinned, evidently very pleased with himself. 'I thought I'd go and bump into Julie in the kitchen, and see if she wanted to share it.'

  'Huh?'

  'Share a taxi. Can you see where I'm going with all this?'

  'To an employment tribunal, if you're not careful.' Nathan peered closely at the bar, then before Mark could stop him, he tore the wrapper open and took a bite.

  'What are you doing?' Mark snatched the biscuit back, and for a momen
t, seemed to be considering trying to patch it up. 'That was the last one they had.' He patted his pocket to check for his wallet, and made angrily for the door. 'I'll have to see if I can find one somewhere else now.'

  'I wouldn't bother, if I were you.'

  Mark stopped in his tracks, one hand on the door handle. 'Why not?'

  'You won't need it.'

  'What? Why not?'

  'Because...' Nathan took a deep breath. 'That thing Julie wanted to see me about earlier...'

  'Was?' Mark was sounding alarmed.

  'Did you want the good news or the bad news.'

  'I don't know.' Mark threw his hands up in the air. 'Is there good news?'

  'Kind of.'

  'I'll have that, then.'

  'Great. Well, she definitely doesn't think I sent her that card.'

  'How do you know?'

  'She as good as said so.'

  'As good as? Or actually?'

  'As good as.'

  'And does she think it was from me?'

  Nathan nodded. 'Yup. Well, I'm pretty sure she does.'

  'Pretty sure? But not...' Mark thought for a moment. 'One hundred and ten percent sure?'

  'Stop splitting hairs. You told me you were worried she thought the card was from me. She doesn't. You should be happy.'

  'Yes. You're right. Sorry.' Mark sat back down behind his desk. 'Hold on. You said there was bad news.'

  'Oh yeah. That. Well, she's not coming this evening.'

  'What?' Mark looked crestfallen. 'Why not?'

  Nathan shrugged. 'Beats me. She just marched in and said so.'

  'For god's sake, Nathan.' Mark stood up again, and began pacing anxiously around the office. 'What did she say, exactly?'

  'Hey, don't shoot the messenger. She just came in and gave me some weird third person speech about how that Valentine's card you'd sent her was inappropriate, and that she wasn't coming this evening.'

  Mark stared at him. 'Inappropriate?'

  'That's what she said.'

  'What did she mean by that?'

  Mark's pacing was getting more frantic, so Nathan got up, grabbed him by the shoulders, and steered him back into his chair. 'Er... The opposite of 'appropriate', I think.'

  'Thank you for explaining that so well.' Mark leant back and stared at the ceiling. 'Christ, I almost wish she did think the card was from you now.'

  'Sorry, mate.'

  'You're sure she doesn't.'

  Nathan nodded. 'She referred to that night.' He picked up the remainder of the chocolate bar. 'In the taxi.'

  Mark looked up sharply. 'I'm guessing it wasn't in a good way?'

  'Well, no. She said she knew she'd done something to encourage you. But that it hadn't been...' Nathan cleared his throat. 'On purpose.'

  Mark stared at him disbelievingly. 'Not on purpose?'

  'That's what she said. Then she told me she'd have to cry off this evening.'

  'Did you at least try and convince her she should still come?'

  Nathan shrugged, then popped the last of the biscuit into his mouth and chewed it slowly, making Mark wait a frustratingly long time until he'd swallowed it. 'Didn't seem much point. Seeing how she'd said how the card was...'

  'Inappropriate. I know.' Mark glared at him. 'She's definitely not going?'

  'No. She said she had to stay here. Something to do with work.'

  'Well, that's just brilliant, isn't it?' He slumped back into his chair. 'The object of my affections...'

  'Objects to them?'

  'Thanks, Nathan.' Mark shook his head slowly, then picked his phone up.

  'Who're you calling?'

  'Who do you think?'

  'The Samaritans?'

  'Julie. I've got to at least apologise to her.'

  Nathan reached out and grabbed Mark's wrist. 'Hold on. Is that such a good idea?'

  Mark placed the receiver back down, then put his head in his hands. 'What else can I possibly do?'

  Nathan started to answer, but Mark couldn't hear him. The fire alarm had just gone off.

  Calum stood back as a flood of people in various states of agitation came streaming down the stairs. 'Don't panic,' he said, bracing himself for the usual grumpy comments, particularly as it looked like it had just started spitting outside. 'It's just a test.'

  'Really?' Aisleen said sarcastically, almost tripping down the last step, before grabbing a huffing and puffing Mary for support.

  'Good timing,' said Mary, nodding towards the mug of hot water and lemon she was carrying that Aisleen's grab had just made her spill.

  He held his breath as Benedict strode past him, then waited until everyone else had made their way outside before marching smartly over to Mark's office and pushing the door open. Mark and Nathan were deep in conversation, so he cleared his throat loudly, and they looked wearily up from the desk.

  'Didn't you hear the alarm?'

  'Pardon?' shouted Nathan. 'I can't hear you for that annoying ringing sound.'

  'I said... Yes, very funny.'

  'I take it this is a drill?' said Mark.

  Calum folded his arms. 'Not as far as you should be concerned. We have to do this at least four times a year. By law.'

  'Yes, but in February?' Nathan looked at him pleadingly. 'Can't you at least reschedule these things for the summer months?'

  'That's a good idea,' said Calum. 'Because fires never happen in the winter.'

  'Well, in the future, can we at least not have them when it's raining. Because technically, fires and rain don't...'

  'Outside, please. Now.'

  'Okay, okay,' sighed Nathan.

  Reluctantly, the two of them stood up, and as Mark reached for his briefcase, Calum cleared his throat again.

  'Leave everything,' he said. 'You won't be there for long.'

  As Mark did as he was told, Nathan walked out of the office and made for the stairs to the basement.

  'Where are you going?'

  'To get my phone. It's on my desk.' said Nathan.

  'Leave it,' ordered Calum. 'No one wants to read 'burned to death because he'd forgotten his iPhone' on someone's gravestone.'

  'But it's the latest model.'

  'Sorry.'

  Calum held the front door open as Nathan reluctantly followed Mark outside into the street, then he peered along the pavement, where the rest of the team were huddled impatiently under the shop next door's awning. He smiled awkwardly as Mia-Rose gave him the thumbs-up, then turned to Nathan, who'd paused in the doorway.

  'Problem?'

  'Aren't you coming?'

  Calum shook his head. 'Someone has to make sure everyone got out safely.'

  Nathan rolled his eyes. 'Calum, the building's not really on fire.'

  'Even so...'

  He left Mia-Rose ticking off everyone's name on the register, locked the door to the street from the inside, then - pausing to switch the bell off on the panel - nipped into Mark's office and found his iPhone in his briefcase. As quickly as he could manage, Calum removed the protective leather case, stabbed at a couple of buttons on the screen and did as Sophie had requested, then he sprinted downstairs to the technical support room. He found Nathan's phone where he'd left it on his desk, pulled the black silicone case off, and fitted it onto Mark's phone, before slipping Nathan's phone into Mark's case. Then it would simply be a matter of putting them in their alternate locations, before...

  'Whose phone is that?'

  The voice made Calum freeze, though he relaxed when he spun round and saw it was Sophie.

  'Mark's.'

  'In Nathan's case?'

  'Yup.'

  'Great.' Sophie took the phone, touched the screen, then she smiled. 'Thanks, Calum.' She placed it on the desk, then sat down in front of Nathan's laptop, and, thankful for her copy of 'Windows For Dummies' (which she'd spent the last half-hour consulting), Sophie right-clicked in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. A few key-presses later, she'd done what she needed to.

  'Can I let them back in?'
said Calum, peering up the stairs and out through the front door, where most of Seek's staff could be seen shivering on the pavement. 'They look like they're getting a little chilly.'

  Quickly, Sophie scanned the office walls, relieved there wasn't a clock there, and allowed herself to believe her - or rather, Julie's - plan might just work. 'Sure.' She pointed at Calum's hand. 'But hadn't you better put that where it belongs first?'

  Calum stared at the phone he'd forgotten he was holding, then ran up the stairs to Mark's office, and slipped it into his briefcase. 'You ready?' he shouted.

  'As I'll ever be,' replied Sophie.

  As Calum unlocked the front door, Sophie got up from behind Nathan's desk, adjusted her watch, then headed out into the hallway, hiding round the corner until she heard Nathan come back in. Once he'd disappeared back into his office, she waited for a count of five, pulled her coat on, then stuck her head in through his open doorway.

  'Right,' she said, cheerily. 'See you there, then.'

  Nathan checked the time on his Omega, then smiled up at her. 'You skiving off early?'

  Sophie made a play of looking at her own watch. 'I thought we had to be there at five-thirty?'

  Nathan nodded. 'We do. But it's only...'

  'Five to five,' said Sophie, innocently.

  Nathan looked at his watch. 'No, it's five to four.'

  'Five to five,' insisted Sophie. 'Look.'

  She stuck her wrist out in front of him, hoping Nathan wouldn't laugh at her cheap Casio. 'Your watch must have stopped.'

  Nathan frowned, then glanced at the corner of his computer screen, then - as Julie had predicted he would, checked his phone. 'But...' He tapped the dial of his Omega. 'Bollocks,' he said, leaping to his feet, then he blushed. 'Sorry, Soph.'

  'That's OK.'

  'I've got to run,' he said, reaching for his jacket. 'I promised everyone I'd get there early to sort out the shoes.'

  'Sooner you than me.'

  'You couldn't tell everyone else not to rush, could you?' said Nathan, grabbing his crash helmet, and as he ran past her and up the stairs, Sophie nodded.

  'My pleasure,' she said, even though she wouldn't need to.

  Nathan steered his Vespa along Oxford Street, thankful that at least the rain had stopped, but cursing the rest of his luck. The one day he needed to be on time, his trusty old Omega (the one present from Ellie he'd not either given to a charity shop or sold on eBay) had let him down. He almost found it ironic it would happen today, and while he didn't believe in fate, this... Well, Nathan had to admit it was a little spooky.