Love, Never-Ending_Flash Me Photos Portfolio 1

by Michele Notaro

  Jax: I missed you last night. Please come over for dinner tonight? I’ll cook. And pack a bag, pumpkin.

  I smiled as I replied.

  Me: Sounds good, want me to pick up dinner instead?

  Tanner walked back into the locker room as I sipped my almost-gone coffee. He smiled and said, “Are hyper people allowed in your vicinity if they bought you an extra coffee? I know you have to be close to finished with that one by now.”

  “You bought me coffee?” I sounded surprised to my own ears.

  “Yep.”

  He passed me a cup from my new favorite coffee shop, The Chipped Mug. I looked at him. “Thank you, Tanner.”

  “No big deal, Symon.”

  His smile was so huge that it made mine grow as I looked up into his brown eyes. I shouldn’t have been so surprised that he’d bought me a coffee. He was always doing sweet and kind things like that for me. Not only that, but he always had my back, no matter what situation we were in.

  Chief Callanan assigned us together, so ninety-five percent of the time the two of us were partners on a rig. The only time we weren’t was if one of us took an extra shift or covered for someone else. In the last two months, Tanner had become a good friend.

  Just last week, a guy who’d clearly been on drugs came after me with a knife while I was trying to help his overdosed girlfriend. It had been the scariest ten seconds of my life, but I’d barely had time to register what was happening before Tanner had the guy on the ground with the knife a few feet away from him. I’d called for police backup, and they’d carted the guy off while Tanner and I took the girlfriend to the hospital. Afterward, I’d been rattled and Tanner had pulled me into his arms and rubbed my back until I’d calmed down.

  It wasn’t like it’d been sexual in any way, but I’d still felt guilty about it since Jax and I were together. He was officially my boyfriend now, no more fake boyfriend bull crap. So that night, I’d gone to Jax’s place and told him about what happened, including the long hug I’d received from Tanner. I’d expected Jax to get angry or jealous, but all he’d done was pull me into a hug and hold me tight, whispering, “I’m glad he was there to protect you.” Jax had seemed more upset about the knife part than the hug part. Which I guess made sense. Either way, I was glad that he trusted me. And I was glad for Tanner’s friendship.

  And for this coffee he just brought me.

  I chugged the rest of the coffee in my travel mug I’d brought from home and immediately took a sip of the deliciousness in a disposable cup. I moaned out loud. So freaking good. When I lowered the cup, I looked over to see Tanner staring at me with wide eyes and an odd expression on his face. “What?”

  He blinked a few times, as if just realizing where he was, then quickly said, “Nothing,” and opened his locker, blocking his face from view.

  I shrugged off his behavior and took another sip with another moan. “Best damn coffee, ever,” I muttered.

  “What?” Tanner asked without looking at me.

  “Nothing, big guy. You ready to scrub everything down and check inventory?”

  He sighed. “Yeah, sure.”

  I smiled a little, then scooped up my bag and made my way to our rig. The guys on the shift before us waved and saluted me before walking off to the break room. I hopped up into the back of the ambulance and grabbed the chart off the wall to see if the guys noticed us low on any supplies. Then I began my own check through to make sure we had everything we needed. Tanner hopped in with me, and the two of us went through our starting shift list together. When we finished everything and still hadn’t gotten a call, we sat side by side at the foot of the ambulance with the back doors wide open. We were close enough for our shoulders to touch whenever one of us moved.

  “Are you glad to be back here? In Baltimore, I mean?” I asked as I sipped my now-cold coffee.

  Tanner sighed. “I am. I missed my family and friends. But… it’s weird being out. Weird not being surrounded by all those people every second of every day and having to follow orders, you know? It’s just… weird.”

  “I’m not sure if I ever said this out loud to you, but thank you for your service.” I was probably an asshat for not saying that to him sooner.

  Tanner smiled at me and bumped into my shoulder on purpose. He didn’t say anything, but I knew him well enough now that I could tell he appreciated it.

  We sat in companionable silence for a while before I finally said, “I can’t imagine going over there. I feel like we see enough shit here, doing this.” I waved behind myself at the ambulance. “I dunno. That’s not really something I ever considered doing, you know?”

  “Yeah.” He picked at his shoe, bumping into me with every little movement. “Yeah, I know what you mean. It wasn’t really something I wanted to do, either, I just…” He trailed off and wouldn’t look at me.

  I shoulder bumped him. “You just, what?”

  He sighed. “I thought it would make my family happy, make my dad proud of me for once.” He was quiet for a long time.

  “Did it work?”

  He glanced at me. “Nothing could ever make my dad proud of me. Not unless I brought home a girl to marry or something.”

  I frowned at that. “For what it’s worth—and I know we haven’t known each other that long—but for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. For what you did over there and for everything you’re doing here.”

  He looked at me with his head tilted and a soft smile on his face. “Thank you, Symon, that means a lot to me.”

  I felt my cheeks flame in embarrassment.

  “So… tell me something I don’t know about you.”

  “What?” I laughed.

  “I dunno. Tell me something.” He tapped his fingers on his thigh.

  I thought about it for a while before answering, “Oh, I know. I want a pet pig!” I accidentally said pig so loudly I made myself wince.

  Tanner chuckled. “I can totally see you with a pig for a pet.”

  “Have you ever held a piglet? They’re so freaking adorable.”

  He laughed. “I’ve never even thought about holding a piglet.”

  I glared at him. “How is that even possible? They’re tiny and wiggly and cute and sweet and like to cuddle and—what?” He was laughing at me. “Don’t laugh at me.”

  “I’m not.”

  “You totally are.”

  “Okay, maybe I am a little.”

  I glared, then huffed out a small laugh. “What kind of pet would you want, then?”

  “You make a pretty convincing argument for a pig.”

  “We could be fellow pig owners. Maybe we can start a pig park, you know, instead of dogs, everyone can bring their pigs. It’ll be, like, the new thing.”

  He let out a loud, deep laugh that made me smile at him. “That sounds like a plan. Okay, tell me something else.”

  “Like what? What do you want to know?”

  He thought about it for a few seconds. “How long have you and Jax been together?”

  I held my breath and bit my lip. I didn’t want Jax to be upset, but I didn’t want to lie to Tanner. No, I couldn’t lie. I’d just have to tell Jax later. I blew out a breath. “I guess I should come clean. Jax and I have only been together since the night you and I met.”

  Tanner’s brow furrowed in confusion, and it took him a few moments to comprehend what I was saying. “So you weren’t his boyfriend that night?”

  I shook my head. “No. We officially started dating right after that, though.” Tanner looked a little upset, so I felt the need to explain. “Jax was… flustered when he ran into you. He’s told me about what happened between you guys, how you dated in high school and stayed together until you left, so I think he just didn’t want to face you by himself.”

  “He needed backup?”

  I shrugged. “Yeah.” I didn’t elaborate because I didn’t want to get in the middle of this thing between him and Jax. This was for Jax to tell, anyway. “He really did almost run me over with his car. And he
tripped me. And spilled coffee on me.”

  Tanner snorted out a little laugh and shook his head.

  After a few moments of silence, I looked at him from the corner of my eye. “Are you mad?”

  He faced me. “No, not at all. I’m just surprised. But I get why he did it.” He nudged me with his shoulder. “Thanks for telling me. I guess it’s my turn to tell you something. When I was eight, I convinced Jax it was a good idea to jump off this little cliff into a creek.”

  My eyes widened. “Did he do it?”

  Tanner grinned. “We both did. Nearly broke our heads open, but we did it.”

  I shook my head. “I have a feeling that you and Jax were a handful growing up.”

  He laughed. “We were complete terrors.”

  I chuckled at that, relieved that Tanner was already over our little white lie about being boyfriends. I didn’t want him angry with me, or with Jax.

  After a few minutes, he got up and walked around the garage a little, stretching and flexing his arms. He did that a lot when he was restless. He didn’t like to sit idle for long. There were days when we didn’t catch a break throughout our entire shift, then there were days like today where we sat on our asses for most of the day because other rigs were closer to the calls—although that didn’t happen often at all, we were usually swamped. Whenever it did happen, Tanner would pace and stretch and use the weight bench in the corner to burn off some steam. Sometimes I just sat back and chatted with him while I watched him moving around. I couldn’t deny how gorgeous he was. How incredibly sexy. He was all muscle and power and basically the opposite of me. I was scrawny in comparison, even if I could hold my own with lifting weights, I’d never be able to compete with that. He was broader and bigger chested than Jax was, even though Jax was built in his own right. But Tanner was just a lot of delicious muscle. But the best part about him was that he was a serious teddy bear on the inside. Anyone who didn’t know him would probably be intimidated, but I never felt that way with him. Not anymore. He was sweet and kind and generous, and he had a big heart underneath all that rough exterior.

  His shirt slipped up once before when he was working out, and I saw his side and stomach covered in scars, but I didn’t know what they were from. I didn’t have the heart to ask him. It was obvious that he didn’t feel comfortable with anyone seeing them. When he showered or changed at the station, he never did so in front of anyone else. He took his clothes into the stall with him so he could change before coming out. He wouldn’t even walk around in a towel like the rest of us did. He even wore long sleeves under his uniform.

  The alarm went off and a call came through the speaker, so I jumped up and slammed the ambulance’s back doors shut as I ran to the front of the rig to answer the call. Tanner jumped into the driver’s seat while I was still radioing our position in. When the operator came back on saying they needed multiple ambulances, I cringed thinking about what we might find.

  Tanner drove as quickly as he could, weaving in and out of traffic like a pro, and when we were still two-minutes out, I could see what the problem was. There was black smoke in the distance, but I couldn’t tell if it was a residential or commercial building on fire because this neighborhood was a mixture.

  When we were closer, I could see that it was a townhouse—make that two townhomes—on fire. Shit. Tanner pulled up as close as he could and I grabbed my bag, hopping out of the rig. When Tanner came up beside me to run over to a fireman that was calling out directions, I noticed how pale he looked. “You okay, big guy?”

  “Fine,” he muttered with a frown.

  I looked at him in concern for a few more seconds before focusing on the fireman and asking him where he needed us. He pointed to a woman lying in the street with another firefighter helping her. I ran ahead while Tanner ran for a gurney. I bent down beside the woman and started my initial exam while asking her questions. She wasn’t able to answer many, but the fireman who helped her told me where he’d found her.

  Tanner and I ended up staying on the scene for a couple of hours as the firemen did their thing. We triaged nine people—five were children—and sent them along with some of our fellow EMTs and paramedics to the hospital. I tried to save a dog they brought out of the building, but I was too late. Several cats and even two bunnies didn’t make it, either. I tried to push thoughts of their innocence out of my mind so I could focus on helping others. By the time the fire chief declared the homes clear, I was covered in soot and completely drained, both physically and emotionally. And one look at Tanner told me he felt the same.

  I ended up driving our rig back to the station because Tanner looked like he might pass out or throw up or something. He didn’t say a word to me the whole drive back. It was… troubling. Really worrisome.

  Don’t get me wrong, I was tense and upset and worried about all those people and the poor animals. Some of their injures were just awful, and there were a couple I wasn’t sure would make it through the night. But… Tanner’s expression was scaring me.

  I followed in silence after I parked and clocked us both out—we were way past our scheduled time—then went to my locker to grab my clothes and towel. I needed to get all the ash off my body before I could go home. Shit. I’m supposed to go to Jax’s. He’s probably wondering where I am.

  I pulled my phone out of my bag so I could call my boyfriend, but Tanner distracted me. He looked like he was on autopilot.

  “Tanner?”

  He turned to me and the devastated look on his face made me want to cry.

  “Tanner… what…?” I didn’t know what to say to him.

  He stared at me for a few seconds before saying in a monotone voice, “I’m fine.” Then he turned around and walked to the showers.

  I dialed Jax on my cell as I stared in the direction Tanner had gone, even though I couldn’t see him anymore.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Jax.”

  He must’ve heard the tone in my voice because he asked, “Sy, what’s wrong?”

  “Just… a rough day. A big fire. Lots of victims, including children… and pets.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry, pumpkin. What do you need me to do? You want me to come to your place instead? Would that be okay?”

  I thought about that for a few seconds. “Actually, um, Tanner looks really bad.”

  “What… do you mean?”

  “I don’t think he should be alone tonight,” I said it in a quick whisper.

  There was a long pause before Jax said, “Okay. Why don’t I pick up some Chinese food on the way to your place? You have a bed in that extra bedroom, right? Does it have sheets and pillows on it already? I can’t remember.” We usually went to Jax’s place, probably because he usually got off of work before me during the week.

  I smiled a little and sagged against the lockers, completely overwhelmed and feeling so freaking relieved that my boyfriend understood and was being his usual sweet self. “Yeah, it should be fine.”

  “Okay, good. I’ll get some food and some beer. You both have off tomorrow, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I’ll see you soon, pumpkin.”

  “Jax?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “Anything for you, Sy.” He hung up and I smiled a little. That wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that to me, but it never stopped making my heart squeeze a little. He was such a generous guy.

  Tanner walked out of the showers fully dressed and headed to his locker.

  I moved closer to him. “Jax is picking up some food for us and meeting us at my place. I have a spare bedroom, so bring your extra clothes, okay? He’s getting beer, too.”

  Tanner stared at me for a long time before he swallowed loudly. “You want me to come over?”

  “Yes. Please.” When he continued staring at me, I added, “Please don’t go home, Tanner. I don’t want you to be by yourself tonight.”

  He looked down at the ground for a few seconds, then nodded
.

  “Thank you. Let me grab a shower, and you can follow me home, okay?”

  He nodded again, so I walked past him. Right before I walked into the showers, I heard him quietly say, “Thank you, Symon.”

  “Anytime, big guy.”

  Jax

  When I got to Symon’s place, he and Tanner were already inside. I kissed Sy on the lips, then walked in and set the food and beer on his dining table before pulling him into a hug. When I’d heard his voice on the phone, my mouth had gone completely dry, and my heart felt like it was in my throat. He’d sounded so upset all I’d wanted to do was pull him through the phone so I could hug him. When he’d asked about Tanner, I was a little surprised, but I understood. Kind of. I mean, I knew they were friends, that they worked together and were partners, but so far, he hadn’t really seen Tanner much outside of work, and I’d only seen him a few times with Sy.

  I wasn’t avoiding Tanner… exactly, but I also wasn’t seeking him out.

  “Are you okay?” I whispered against Symon’s shoulder.

  “Yeah, just a little… I dunno… I guess I’m wigging out a little.”

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  He squeezed me tighter and thought about it for a couple of seconds before shaking his head. “Not really. Maybe tomorrow. I don’t really want to think about it anymore than I already am. I want to try to forget so I can actually get some sleep tonight.”

  “I’m here if you change your mind, pumpkin.”

  “I know, thank you, Jax.”

  I finally released him with a kiss to his temple, and Symon led me farther into his apartment. I stopped short when I saw Tanner sitting on the couch. The TV was on, but he was staring off into space. He looked… haunted.