“Um… I dunno. What kind of stuff do you like?”
He shrugged. “I don’t watch too much TV, I usually read, but I kinda like decorating shows and stuff like that.”
I didn’t really watch those kinds of things, but I didn’t think I’d mind it. “Put one of those on, then.”
“Are you sure? I’m really not that picky as long as it isn’t something I’ve seen a million times or something really cheesy.”
I grinned at him. “I’m not picky either, so whatever you want is completely fine with me.”
He sighed a little. “I hate being the one to pick.”
I laughed. “Why? I just said that I don’t care.”
“Yeah, but I feel like you’re just being polite, and I don’t want you to hate what we watch.”
I turned on the couch to face him, and he mirrored me as I spoke. “I promise that I don’t care. If you put on something I don’t like, I’ll tell you.” What I really wanted to say was that I would never lie to him, but I didn’t want to freak him out. He was skitterish enough as it was this morning.
He searched my eyes for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. Fair enough.” He put on a show about flipping houses and we settled in.
After several minutes, I said, “This is actually pretty interesting.”
Symon spoke without looking away from the TV. “Right? I can’t get enough of this show.”
“It makes me want to flip a house.”
Sy laughed. “Me too, only I know for a fact that I’d be terrible at it. I don’t have the patience or the knowledge to pay attention to all that little shit.”
I shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you’re the most patient man I’ve ever met.”
He snorted.
“Seriously, I think you’d be good at that.” I glanced at him. “I think you’d be good at anything.”
I watched his eyebrows shoot up on his forehead, and he started chewing on his bottom lip. Over the months, I’d learned that his lip biting was a sign that he was nervous or anxious about something, although he sometimes did it when he was simply thinking.
I held in a sigh and went back to watching the show. I didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable with me. I wanted him to be okay with everything we’d done, and I wanted him to go back to being my friend. But I was also hoping for a repeat of last night because that’d been hot as hell. Mostly because it was Symon and Jax. I didn’t think I’d have such a good time with any other couple. I wrinkled my nose at the thought. I wouldn’t want to have sex with any other people.
Symon suddenly looked at me, so I met his intense stare as he said, “I’m thinking about taking the paramedics test.”
“Honestly, Sy, when we went out on our first run together, I was surprised to find out that you were an EMT and not a paramedic.” Paramedics required more training, but were also allowed to do more to help the patients. Sy was a level up from me, but he was technically still an EMT and had been for a few years. I was really surprised that he hadn’t decided to test yet, but I’d assumed that maybe he didn’t want to.
“You really think I can pass?”
“Absolutely. You’re amazing at your job, Sy.”
He stared at me again, searching my eyes. His grey eyes flicked back and forth between my brown ones. “Thank you, Tan.”
I smiled at his use of my nickname and I shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
He smiled and turned back to the TV, shoulder-bumping me along the way. I grinned at him and followed suit. A few minutes later, Jax walked back through the door. “Hey, guys.” He walked in and plopped onto the couch on Symon’s other side. “Sorry that took so long. I got caught up at work. Trent called the studio because he was lost on his way to his shoot and needed help finding directions. His GPS sucks ass, not in a good way.”
Symon gestured to the television. “It’s okay. I was just showing Tanner the wonderful world of flipping houses.”
Jax smirked. “That sounds incredibly boring, pumpkin.” He sarcastically added, “I’m so sorry I missed it.”
Symon pushed him. “You’re a real ass, you know that?”
Jax laughed and threw his arm over Symon’s shoulders, pulling him into his side and kissing the side of his head. Symon playfully struggled against him, then leaned into him, laughing. I suddenly felt like I was intruding. I was completely on the outside of this, and I didn’t want to spend all day feeling like the third wheel. As much as I wanted to spend time with both of them, I wasn’t sure I wanted to have this feeling all day long.
So I stood up from the couch and said, “I think I’m just going to head home.”
“What? Why?” Symon asked with a cute little frown that made me want to kiss it away. Not that I should be thinking about things like that. We’d had sex. That didn’t mean he was my boyfriend or that I could kiss him anytime I wanted.
I hesitated a little and Jax said, “I thought you were going to come down to the Inner Harbor with us?”
“I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Symon sat up and moved to the edge of the couch so Jax’s arm fell off him. “I thought you said we were going to be friends?”
“We are.” I ran my hand through my hair, then started tapping my fingers on my thigh.
“Then don’t be weird.” Symon chewed on his bottom lip and stared at me with kindness in his eyes.
“I’m not, I just… don’t want to be the third wheel.”
“You’re not, Tanner.”
Jax stood up and pressed his front against Symon’s back. “I don’t want you to come if you’re uncomfortable, but… I think it would be nice to hang out with you.”
I stared at both of them for several seconds. “Okay, fine, but… can you try not to leave me out?”
Symon smiled at me, then startled me by suddenly throwing his arms around me, hugging me. “Of course.” He quickly stepped back and looked at the floor. He may not have been looking at me, but there was no denying that his cheeks were flaming red. He was seriously so adorable. And beautiful. Adorable and beautiful. I couldn’t get over how gorgeous he looked when his freckles stood out the way they did when he was blushing. And I appreciated the random hug—no one ever really hugged me, so the gesture was welcome, even if it was a little too quick for my liking. I smiled at him when he finally looked at me.
Jax found me some jeans and a half-decent t-shirt to wear, and Symon apparently had some clothes here already, so after everyone was changed and ready for the day, Jax drove us in his car. Symon sat up front, but he turned his body sideways in the seat so he could still look at me and include me in their conversation. I thought it was sweet.
Once we got to the Inner Harbor, Jax and Sy held hands, but Symon made sure to include me in everything they talked about. Jax was unusually quiet while we were walking around. I couldn’t figure out if he was just enjoying being outside walking along the edge of the bay with the breeze blowing in our faces, or if he was feeling weird because I was with them.
I wanted to talk to him. Like, really talk. I wanted to explain to him why I’d left. I wanted to apologize and beg for forgiveness. I wasn’t sure if I deserved any, but I was hoping to get some. I mostly wanted to tell him how sorry I was that I’d ruined what we’d had back then. And I wanted to tell him that I’d missed him all these years. That even though I hadn’t heard from him in five years, I’d always missed him; I’d always thought about him, every single fucking day. That I still missed him. Because even though he was standing only a few feet from me, he wasn’t really here with me.
“Are you guys ready to eat?” Symon asked. “I’m really hungry.”
“Me too,” I said.
Jax nodded. “Yeah, I’m hungry. Do you want to go over to that little mall place or one of the restaurants?”
“I don’t care,” Symon said.
“Can we go to that restaurant over by the aquarium?” I pointed.
Jax looked. “Sure. I’ve never been there before.”
�
�Me either.” Sy shrugged.
“I haven’t either, but I heard they have good food,” I said.
Symon nodded. “Perfect. Lead the way, big guy.”
I smiled at his nickname for me, then led them over to the restaurant.
We spent the whole day together and very slowly, Jax seemed to come out of his fog with me. He started talking to me a little more and getting involved in my and Symon’s conversations. He still seemed like he had a lot on his mind, but he relaxed as the day went on, and I ended up having a great time. Symon talked to me so much that I didn’t feel like a third wheel at all while we were out.
Chapter Ten
Symon
I’d admit that I was probably a little weird at work this week with Tanner. Not because I was embarrassed that he’d seen me naked… and fucked me… and well, no, not because of that. I’d been weird because I couldn’t seem to stop fantasizing about doing it again. He was my work partner, so we were constantly together. All the time. So there was no escaping seeing the way his muscles stretched his shirts or the fact that every time he was close to me, I could smell him, and his scent brought back memories that made my cock extremely uncomfortable in my pants. Sigh.
Other than my uncomfortable predicament, my week had been amazing—minus the rough work day today. Jax spent the night three times already this week and had asked me to come over for dinner after I got off work tonight. I’d been a little worried that I would feel weird in our relationship after having a threesome with another guy, but he’d been so caring and attentive, he never made me feel like I wasn’t enough for him. I was falling harder and harder every time we were together. Just the thought of seeing him had me nearly sprinting to his apartment.
“Hey, pumpkin,” Jax said as he opened the door.
I smiled and went up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips. “Hey, Romeo.”
He smiled against my lips and pulled me into the apartment, keeping his mouth glued to mine. When we broke apart, I smiled and pulled him into a hug. He embraced me back and I buried my face in his neck. It’d only been two days since I’d seen him, but it felt like it’d been two years.
Without pulling away from me, he whispered, “You okay, Sy?”
I nodded against him. “Yeah, just… missed you. Work was rough today.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really. I’m just drained.” I took a deep breath without moving away. “You smell good.”
He chuckled. “Probably from cooking.”
“Nah, you just smell like yourself.”
He squeezed me tight, and we stayed that way for a long time before breaking apart and walking into the kitchen. Jax had made some roasted chicken and vegetables that smelled delicious, so we fixed our plates and rather than eat at the table like we normally did, we sat on the couch. I pulled my knees up and scooted close to him so we were leaning into each other as we ate.
After we finished dinner and set our plates on the coffee table, Jax put his arm around me, so I rested my head on his shoulder and grabbed his hand to lace our fingers together as we watched TV. Jax kept leaning down and kissing my hair and temple and cheek every few minutes, and I was soaking it up. I loved being in his arms.
After a while, I started thinking about work instead of watching the movie. Nothing too terrible had happened today, Tanner and I had just been running all day. But he’d been his usual sweet self, although there’d been a couple times when he’d looked like he was almost afraid to talk to me or something, and I’d had the overwhelming need to pull him into a hug. I didn’t do it, but I’d wanted to.
“Whatcha thinking about over there?” Jax nudged me.
I took a deep breath, then scooted down to rest my head on his lap and I looked up at him. He immediately started playing with my hair and placed a chaste kiss on my lips. I smiled up at him. “I was thinking about work… and about Tanner.”
“What about him?” He looked curious and not angry like I thought he might be if I brought up the guy we’d slept with.
I sighed. “I don’t know…” I chewed on my bottom lip. “Would you maybe want to have him come over again?”
“What do you mean?”
I felt my cheeks burn. “Like, for… you know.”
Jax chuckled.
I sighed. “Do you want to have him come over for sex again?” I bit my lip and wrinkled my nose, afraid of his answer.
Jax brushed the hair off my forehead. “I wouldn’t mind having a third come over again. Are you sure you’d want to ask Tanner this time?”
“You mean you want to find someone else?” For some reason, the thought of asking someone other than Tanner, some stranger, didn’t sit well with me.
“No, I… like Tanner, I just wanted to throw the option out there.”
“I don’t really like the idea of inviting someone we don’t know into bed with us. And… it was fun with Tanner. I’d kinda like to do it again.”
Jax smiled, ran his hand through my hair and kissed my forehead. “It was a lot of fun. I’d like to do it again, too. Do you want to ask him? Or do you want me to?”
I took a deep breath. “I want to.” I felt a little squirmy thinking about it, but… I needed to ask him. I wanted him to know that I was on board and still wanted to be friends and everything.
“Okay.” He kissed my forehead again.
“Are you sure?”
Jax laughed. “Yes, pumpkin, I’m sure.”
I smiled up at him, then pulled him down to kiss me.
***
The next day, I waited until Tanner and I were in the ambulance together. I didn’t want anyone else overhearing our conversation. We were driving around without a call for the moment, so I figured I’d take advantage of the situation.
I cleared my throat. “So… um… I was wondering…” I trailed off and bit my lip. This was harder and more embarrassing than I’d thought it’d be. Why the hell didn’t I take Jax up on his offer to ask?
Tanner glanced at me from the driver’s seat. “Yeah?”
I took a deep breath and blew it out. “So, uh, yeah, I had a lot of fun when you, uh, came over Jax’s the other day.”
He glanced at me again, then cleared his throat. “Um, I did too.”
Puffing out my cheeks, I quickly breathed out, “Wouldyoumaybewanttodoitagain?”
“What was that?”
“Ugh. Would you want to do it again?” I covered my face with my hands. Ugh. So embarrassing.
Tanner cleared his throat a couple of times. “Um—”
“I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to, but it was fun and I thought that maybe we could, and Jax said he wants to, too, but it’s okay if you feel weird about it, but—”
“Symon?”
I took a deep breath, kinda relieved he cut me off. “Yeah?”
“I’d love to.”
I sighed in relief. “Okay. Cool.”
He shot me a small smile. “Cool.”
I opened my mouth and snapped it shut, then figured I may as well get it over with. “Does this Saturday work for you?”
He laughed a little. “Yeah, that works.”
“Cool.”
He nodded. “Cool.”
Jax
Tanner had been staying the night with Symon and me for over a month. Usually more than once a week. Somehow it seemed like I was becoming addicted to having sex with the two of them. After that first time, I’d been afraid that Sy would get weird with me, or weird with Tanner at work, but after getting through some awkwardness, everyone seemed fine. Symon had told me that he’d felt really weird and embarrassed with Tanner at work at first, but once they’d gone on a couple calls together, he’d gotten over it.
It was a little strange thinking about the fact that the two of them spent so much time together at work, but I wasn’t jealous. At least not in the sense of being afraid of them being together without me. I mostly just wished I could spend more time with them. I wanted to spend every waking—and sleeping—minute
with Symon, the man I was in love with but hadn’t told. And I was finding that I really did enjoy spending time with Tanner—I always had, so that wasn’t a surprise.
Symon and I spent nearly every night together at one of our places, and I loved cuddling with him, even though he called me a bed hog. I loved holding him all night and waking up to him in the morning. On the nights that Tanner spent the night, I didn’t even mind being squished on the bed together. If I were honest with myself, I’d admit that I liked having him in bed with us, too.
But it was supposed to be only sex with Tanner. Only. Sex. No feelings involved. He just crashed here since we kept him up so late, and sometimes we were able to get in some morning sex. So he was here for sex only.
Maybe if I said it enough, I’d actually believe it.
Last night, all three of us had worked late, but we’d still managed to come home and fuck before tumbling into a sweaty heap and falling asleep. I’d woken up to Tanner playing with my hair. I was pretty sure that he hadn’t meant for me to notice because as soon as he realized I was awake, he jerked his hand away and wouldn’t meet my eyes.
I cleared my throat. “Good morning.”
“Morning.”
Symon had his head on Tanner’s shoulder—he’d fallen asleep on me, but must’ve rolled—and Sy groaned and pressed his face into him. “Why are you two awake already?”
I chuckled. “It’s ten in the morning, pumpkin.”
He groaned again. “Too early.”
Tanner laughed. “You have to be at work earlier than this sometimes.” Tanner moved a little like he was going to get up.
Symon poked Tanner’s cheek without opening his eyes. “Don’t you dare even think about taking away my pillow right now.”
Tanner smiled. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Good.”
Tanner smiled, but then he looked at me with a guilty expression I didn’t understand. I just smiled a little, then leaned in to kiss Sy’s shoulder and whisper, “I’m pretty sure your pillow needs to piss.”
Symon grumbled some unintelligent words and poked Tanner’s chin. “Do you?”
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“You suck. Pillows aren’t supposed to get pee breaks.” Sy scooted off Tanner’s shoulder and into my chest, keeping his eyes closed the whole time.
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