Cassandra: And they all fall down

by Julie Hodgson

  “So, Cassy, it’s been a week and a half. How have you been coping without the medication?”

  “Good,” Cassandra answered, instinctively protecting her secrets, and watched as he began to write on his pad. “Actually, I’ve been having a few problems.” This wasn’t easy to say, but it felt good to admit it. She looked down at her hands. They had healed so quickly, very quickly in fact, and there was almost no scab left, so she began with how she had been feeling, and then all of it came out at once. “I’ve been having lots of arguments with people and just not feeling myself. On Saturday, I ran all day. Then on Sunday night I could hear things and see things differently like the volume and color had been turned upon the world.” He nodded as she spoke and she realized that none of what she was saying sounded particularly weird, although it felt as if her world had been turned upside-down. People argue, people run, people get head colds that affect their perception. “And I cut my hands open from itching them and pulled out a greeny, black, leathery thread. Now they’ve stopped itching.” She had meant to keep this detail to herself, but it slipped out. She had to convince him that something very strange was happening to her.

  Dr. Somner continued writing even after Cassandra had finished speaking and now she felt awkward in the silence, waiting for his verdict.

  “Well,” he told her, his expression showing none of the shock or revulsion Cassandra had expected. “It’s to be expected that you have a few teething problems as you leave the tablets behind. Although you haven’t been dependent upon them, you have been taking them for such a long time that your body will need a period of adjustment, which is what you’re going through right now. The great news is that your hands have stopped itching.”

  Really? The fact that they had stopped itching was what he was taking from this. “But what about the long things I pulled out of them?”

  “Let me see.”

  Cassandra held out her hands for him to examine.

  “They’re healing well,” he told her. “And the nightmares?”

  “This wasn’t a nightmare.”

  “But how are the nightmares?”

  Cassandra realized now that she hadn’t had a single nightmare since she came off the drugs. “Fine actually.”

  “The running is a good thing,” he told her while jotting on his pad again. “You’re relying on your own resources now to control the excess energy in your body. It’s all going very well, Cassandra.” He was on his feet and walking over to the door, and Cassandra realized that the consultation was over. “You should be incredibly pleased with the progress you’ve made.” He now had the door open for Cassandra to walk through and there was nothing more she could say because he was right; her hands had stopped itching, she had been free of nightmares, she was controlling her energy, but he had only heard what he wanted to hear. Everything else she had told him was an inconvenience, and she decided as she walked out of his useless office that she would have to look for answers elsewhere and she would never return to his office ever again.

  Chapter Ten

  Braydon pulled up outside the house at 6.00 p.m. on Wednesday evening. Cassandra had been watching out the window and ran down the stairs and out before he could knock for her before her mom could make it out into the hallway to inspect him. She would tell her all about it if the date went well, but for the moment, she wasn’t about to let anything spoil the evening. She was wearing her favorite jeans and a pink top that hung off her shoulder revealing the straps of the vest beneath. She had labored over what to wear and eventually arrived at this perfect combination of ‘I care enough to make an effort, but not too much to go all out.' He jumped out of the car and swung around to open the door for her, and she realized that he had found the exact same midground in his shirt and jeans, but his aftershave hit her before he was at her side. It was a dreamy musk that did strange things to her body.

  “Hey!” he told her, looking shyer than he had before. “You look beautiful.” He opened the door, and she slipped into the passenger seat. She watched out back as he ran around the car and slipped in behind the steering wheel. “So …” he added.

  “So …” Cassandra gushed and soon they were both laughing. Then they both started to speak at the same time, which made them laugh even more.

  “Ladies first,” Braydon told her.

  “No, I was just going to say I didn’t see you at school today.”

  “No, there’s still so much to do at the house, so I stayed off to help out, you know, putting up a few shelves, clearing boxes, unpacking.”

  “What were you going to say?”

  He smiled and turned to her as he started the engine. “I have absolutely no idea.” They held each other’s glances and then the engine purred to life, and they were on their way.

  “So, is your dad not around?” Cassandra asked and immediately regretted it. He didn’t answer right away.

  “No, I never met him. It’s hard to get a straight answer out of my mom about who he is. She has a different story for each day of the week. In fact, it changes depending on what she’s drinking.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, don’t be. It’s almost funny,” he said, but he didn’t laugh.

  “So, it’s just you and your mom?”

  “For now. She’ll find herself a new guy soon enough and then we’ll probably have to move again. For now, it’s all good, though. I’m enjoying Garden City. It’s … erm …”

  “Small, boring and nothing ever happens here?”

  “I wouldn’t say that.”

  “No, I guess things have changed a lot around here in the last week or so.”

  “I guess they have.”

  iCandy was far less busy that it had been the last time Cassandra visited, which was definitely because of what was happening in Garden City. She knew quite a few girls from school whose parents were completely disregarding the curfew and not letting them out of their sight at all. Far more parents were picking their kids up from school, and the streets were empty. Those who risked leaving the house were more likely to stay at a friend’s place than hang out at the mall or anywhere else around the town. Cassandra was lucky to have gotten out of the house without her mom and dad dragging Braydon in for the third degree. She was sure it wouldn’t be long before this was unavoidable, though.

  They took a booth near the window, taking advantage of the fact that the place was half empty, and disappeared behind the oversized menus.

  “See anything you like?” Cassandra asked and then regretted it when Braydon answered with a smile and looked into her eyes. “I meant the ice-cream.”

  “Ah, well, I’m feeling brave. Some of the guys were talking about the Chilli Bomb. You wanna give it a go?”

  “Chilli ice-cream? Are you kidding?”

  “No, look, it’s there.”

  “I know, but it doesn’t mean you have to get it.”

  “We should share it. You’ll love it. It’s hot and cold at the same time.”

  “No thanks. But you should go for it. I’m going for the … erm … Licorice Helter Skelter.”

  “Chicken,” Braydon smiled.

  “No, licorice,” Cassandra joked and wished she hadn’t because it was pretty lame, but Braydon laughed anyway.

  When their ice-creams arrived, Cassandra dived into a tangle of licorice and multi-coloured ice-cream. She had never tasted anything quite like it. Braydon attacked his dessert with the same enthusiasm, but it faded after the first mouthful. It was called the Chilli Bomb for a reason, and his face flushed red after a single mouthful. Cassandra guessed that the deep freeze did nothing to tone down the spice.

  “How is it?” she asked after he stopped coughing.

  “It’s good … yeah,” he replied and tried to smile at her, but it came out all wrong.

  “It looks good. Will you be eating it all?”

  “Why, do you want some?”

  “And deprive you of it? No way. You go right ahead.”

  He tried a smile again
and forced another mouthful into his mouth. His eyes began to water as he worked it around inside his mouth.

  “Good?” Cassandra asked and still Braydon nodded his cavalier head. “And you’re going to eat it all up?”

  “Uh, hu.” He smiled thinly then took another spoonful and looked as if he might be sick.

  Eventually, Cassandra said, “Stop, seriously, I get it. You can take your chilli. You can’t eat that. It’s gross. You’ll burn your tongue off.”

  “I have taken the challenge,” Braydon told her. “And I will not rest until this ice-cream is eaten.” He forced another spoonful in his mouth, now looking to be in very real, physical pain, and another and another. When his glass was very nearly empty, he scraped his spoon up inside it to get every last morsel. Cassandra was barely halfway through her own. When his glass was empty, he sat back in his seat and let out a proud, “Ahhh!”

  “How do you feel, champ?” Cassandra giggled.

  “Actually …” He gulped hard and now looked a little green. “I think I might be sick.”

  “Was it worth it?”

  “Oh yes, pain is always worth it, in the end.”

  Cassandra laughed, although she didn’t really get what he was saying, and wondered if she was looking at the most determined, stubborn guy on the planet. She watched as a waitress brought Braydon over a drink of water, which restored him enough to order another ice-cream for himself, only this time one that wasn’t made of pure fire. He took this one slowly and now the heroics were behind them they easily found a rhythm for their conversation, which inevitably led back to Braydon’s home life because it was on Cassandra’s mind. She pictured him as the little boy she had put in the hospital and now knew there were reasons behind his behavior at school. His mom was a drunk, he was being knocked around by any number of ‘uncles’ brought back to the house. Sometimes he didn’t even get fed. She wanted to apologize, but she didn’t want to bring their date back around to that moment. She wanted to date Now-Braydon and for him to see her as Now-Cassandra. They were not the children they had been, and she had to leave them behind.

  “So why did you guys move here?” she asked instead, choosing a neutral theme.

  “I think she just drove a pin in a map. I don’t think there’s ever a real plan. She doesn’t like staying in the same place for long.”

  “And you?”

  “I guess I’m used to it. New school, new friends, new places to hang out, but it’s all the same really.”

  “What about when you leave school?”

  “What? Will I keep moving? I don’t know. I guess I have to make sure Mom’s okay. She’s not got anyone else, but … I don’t know. Anyway, my life’s boring as hell. Tell me more about you. I heard you have a big meet coming up. It must be out of this world, the whole school chanting your name.”

  Cassandra’s heart sank. She hadn’t thought about the race for days. She stirred her straw miserably in her ice-cream and said, “I guess.”

  “You guess? I thought you loved to run, Forest.”

  “I do, but …”

  “What?”

  She wasn’t going to tell him about Abby, but she felt she could tell him anything and not telling him was a kind of deception. “It’s just … Do you know Abby Malone?”

  “Bug-eyed thing with a flock of yes-girls kissing her ass.”

  “That’s her.” She told him about how she would always gatecrash Abby’s party and how this year Abby wanted her to throw the race or she wouldn’t be getting a sweet sixteen.

  “It’s your sixteenth soon?”

  “Sure.”

  “Awesome. Are you getting a car?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You can drive mine if you like.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Great. Thanks.” Cassandra hadn’t particularly thought about driving, but she now realized that having a boyfriend with a car would have its advantages. She felt herself blushing. Boyfriend? Although she hadn’t said it out loud, she felt suddenly self-conscious and eager to cover up the slip. “So, that’s what I’m facing,” she continued. “If I win the race then no sweet sixteen. If I lose, then I let the whole school down, and there could even be scouts in the crowds.”

  “I guess only you’ll know what to do when the time comes.”

  “That’s just the thing, though. I really don’t know what to do. I want to win, and I want to celebrate my birthday with my friends. It feels like an impossible situation.”

  “There’s no such thing as an impossible situation. In my experience, things always have a way of working themselves out.”

  “Believe in miracles, do you?”

  He looked deep into her eyes again and allowed a gentle smile to raise the corners of his lips. She knew what he meant, although he remained wordless. Yes, he believed in miracles. It was a miracle they had found each other again. Maybe he had even stronger reasons for believing in miracles. He had survived so much in his life and here he was, sitting in front of her, a happy, balanced guy whom she was falling in … She distracted herself from thinking such thoughts. This was only a first date after all, but it felt as if she had known Braydon Taylor her whole life and every minute she spent with him only made her feel closer and closer to him. They talked about things that mattered and things that didn’t, and at times they didn’t speak at all; they barely needed to. Hours passed by in a flash and the evening ended on the cusp on curfew, in the car outside Cassandra’s house.

  “Thank you,” Braydon said solemnly.

  “Thank me? What for?”

  “For … this is going to sound cheesy … but for giving me a reason to smile.”

  It did sound cheesy, but Cassandra loved it, and when Braydon reached to take her hand in his, she knew that she loved him. It was official. There was no going back now. Her heart belonged to him, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. As he slowly leaned in, she could feel his warmth radiating towards her and smell a reprise of the muskiness that her nose had gotten used to as the night wore on. It twisted her insides once again, and by the time their lips touched, she could hardly breathe. She had kissed guys before and always wondered what all the fuss was about. As the world twirled around them and dissolved into a colorful swirl of insignificance, she now had her answer.

  When she got home after the date she wanted to climb onto the roof of the house and tell everyone. “I love Braydon Taylor!” But she also wanted to put Braydon in her pocket and keep him all to herself. It felt deeply private, and now she couldn’t understand the girls at school who were always talking about the details of their relationships with anyone who would listen to them. She would never talk about Braydon like that. However, she realized that she would have to talk about Braydon at some point. She would have to tell her parents what was happening.

  “In here, honey!” her dad called and just as they had been the other night, her parents were curled up on the sofa in front of the TV.

  Cassandra was a little less reluctant to join them this time and hovered over the edge of the armchair.

  “Everything alright, love?” Mom asked.

  Cassandra thought for a moment and then began to speak. “I need to tell you both something, and I need you to trust me.”

  Dad picked up the remote and paused the program they were watching. They both turned to her with worried expressions.

  “What is it? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s fine. Better than fine. Everything’s perfect.” She could still feel Braydon’s lips on hers as she spoke. “This is really weird, but I don’t want you to over-react.”

  “What is it? You’re worrying us.”

  “They guy I went on a date with tonight. I’m sorry. I wasn’t completely honest with you. It’s … well … it’s Braydon Taylor.”

  At the mention of the name, Cassandra’s father stood up and ran a hand through his graying hair, while her mother simply looked at her with a puzzled expression. “The Brayd
on Taylor?” she asked. “The Braydon Taylor that you–”

  “I know,” Cassandra interrupted. “It’s weird, and it’s the last thing I expected to happen. I didn’t even think I’d see him again, but his family moved to Garden City and … well, there’s a … I mean …” She had no idea what she wanted to say, and it was a relief when Ellen started talking.

  “Braydon Taylor?” she repeated, and Dad sat down again. They were as inarticulate on the subject as Cassandra.

  “He’s not like he was when we were kids, and I’m not the same person. He even said what happened when we were kids helped him to change and become a better person.”

  Ellen leaned into her daughter seriously. “Cassandra, how do you know he hasn’t come back for revenge. I know you were little, and it wasn’t you, but you hurt him pretty badly. People don’t just forgive that kind of thing.”

  “He didn’t even know I live here.”

  “So he tells you. How do you know he hasn’t spent his whole life plotting a way to get back at you?”

  “He’s not like that, Mom. Seriously. You just have to look into his eyes to know that.”

  “Well, we’ll have to meet him,” her dad added. “We were planning to do that tonight, and you just ran off. I guess we know why now. We’ll meet him, but I want you to know that I don’t like this at all, Cass. I don’t want to dictate how you live your life, but it’s our responsibility to keep you safe, especially with so much going on in the town at the moment.”

  “Meet him, then,” Cassandra said. “And you can see for yourself. If you don’t like him, I promise I won’t see him anymore.” She knew she was lying when she said it.

  Ellen and John exchanged glances and with no words spoken Ellen turned back to Cassandra and said, “We need to talk about this, Cass. I can’t promise you anything. This is a big deal.”