I take a sharp breath. My brain is trying to tell me something, um, um, slow? Um, just kissing? Nothing makes a guy’s brain forget good intentions faster than the sight of boobs.
She pushes me down and lifts the bottom of her gown up to her thighs. Swinging her legs around my hips, her body wiggles on top of mine. Her face comes back down to me and she begins to kiss me wildly. Two hands race down to the front of my pants and tears at the button, pulling my zipper open. I can hardly keep up. This is a whole new level of fast. My heart is pounding as I feel her hand discover me. I reach for her breast and…
“Stop.”
Tessa sits up and yanks her gown back up over her chest. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” She opens the car door and jumps out. “I’m sorry,” she yells again before taking off.
I’m gasping for air, unable to move. I can’t even get enough oxygen to form any words to try and stop her. When I finally sit up and look out the rear window, I’m just in time to see her run up her walkway and disappear into her house.
What. The. Fuck. Just. Happened?
I warned you my brain says in an annoying voice that sounds irritatingly like Patrick’s.
After I collect myself, and get back into the driver’s seat I take my phone out and dial Tessa’s phone. It rings, but she doesn’t pick up.
She sends me a text, I’m sorry, it says.
Are you okay? I send back.
She never answers.
The whole way home I beat myself up. I haven’t learned anything. It looks like more heartache, because I really do think I like her.
I park in front of my house. Tessa’s pink rose is sitting next to me on the passenger seat. I pick it up and carry it with me.
“Hey, you’re home early.”
I turn, shocked, to see Robin standing behind me. She’s changed out of her gown, into a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt. Her dark hair is still pulled back with the pretty crystal clip she wore earlier and her bright blue eyes stand out even in the dark. No matter what, she will always be the prettiest girl I’ve ever known.
“Yeah, we didn’t go to the party. Looks like you didn’t either.” I motion and we sit down on the steps in front of my house. I rest the pink corsage down at my side where it won’t be noticeable.
“Where’s your crown?” She points to the top of my head.
“Oh,” I reach up, touching where the crown had been and chuckle. “How crazy was that?”
“I guess no more crazy then you going to the prom with Tessa Jameson.” She flashes me a hand signal. A secret code we haven’t used in years.
“Did you just secret code me I’m crazy?”
“You still remember?” she giggles.
“Of course I do. We had our own language. Patrick would get so pissed when he caught us doing it, he could never figure it out. Can we start doing that again?” Another adorable giggle comes out of her. God, I miss her. Our rift has gone on way too long. Hopefully she’s here so we can talk and fix our friendship. In fact I’m not going to let her leave until we do.
The smile vanishes from her face and her hands start twisting nervously in her lap. “I need to talk to you about something.”
“I hope it’s something good,” I say. But I can tell it isn’t.
“My dad is putting the house up for sale. The signs will probably be up sometime tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know.”
“You guys are selling the house?” I swallow and look across at the white colonial. “Where are you moving too?”
“Not that far, a couple hours from here, Dad found a townhouse and the location actually works out better for him with work. Our house should sell quickly and we expect we’ll be moved out by the end of the summer.” She takes a breath. “I’m gonna go to school there. They have a good one and I applied late and got in. I’ll be able to work part time and go to school.” She follows my stare over to her house. “We don’t really need this big house anymore, probably never did. I think we stayed here for so long because of your family. My dad knew that you guys were like my family and I needed you.”
I’m unable to say anything, just incessantly swallowing, choking back the emotion building up inside of me. This is a lot to take in.
“I don’t know how I would have survived without all of you. God, after my mom died, I was so alone, until you guys, my family, were there for me. Your mom and dad were like parents to me, Patrick and Matthew were my brothers.” She stops there.
“What about me?” My voice goes hoarse. I’m trying my best to hold it together.
She leans into me, our knees touching. “You were never my brother.”
The tears slide down my face and I don’t care. My arm goes around her shoulder and I hold her close. “I love you.”
“Me too.”
We sit there continuing to stare at her house. Thousands upon thousands of trips made between the two homes over the years would be coming to an end. We wasted so much time these last few months.
“We messed up this year. How? How did we manage to do that?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I lost my best friend. It’s been rough,” she says through tears.
“I’m sorry. I missed you like crazy, but I needed time. I wasn’t able to just go back to being friends.” I pick up her hand and squeeze it. “You were hard to get over.”
“But you did? You got over me?” she asks resting her head on my shoulder.
“I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over you.”
She lifts her head and smiles up at me. “Do you think we’ll ever get back together one day?”
No telling what will happen if I answer that question. Our eyes meet and linger. I know we’re both thinking about kissing each other, but we don’t. The timing doesn’t feel right.
Robin pulls her hands up into the arms of her sweatshirt and shivers. I slip my jacket off to put around her shoulders.
“I wish I had my guitar. I’d make up a funny song for you and sing it. Lighten the mood a little.”
“Do it anyway. You don’t need your guitar. Sing for me, please.”
I can’t say no to her. The girl owns my heart.
Robin, I sing. We look at each other and smile. So many times, I’ve sung for her before. But tonight is different.
Robin, she’s gonna move away, what the heck is that all about? I can’t believe I won’t get to see her every day. She’s my best friend and I’m gonna miss her ’cause I must really like her.
I put the emphasis on the word really and she laughs through her tears at the memory.
“Robin, we have the whole summer to fix things and make it right before you go. I need my best friend back.”
“I need it too. I’m always going to need you.”
We sit on the porch for two hours restarting our friendship. Everything feels right. This isn’t something I’ll ever let go of again.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The day we met…
“You know strawberry is the best gum.” She stuck a piece in her mouth and tossed the wrapper on the ground. “It tastes good, it smells good and it’s pink.”
“I don’t think I ever had strawberry gum.” I sniffed the air. She was right again; the best smell filled my nose. I snuck the discarded wrapper into my pocket without her noticing.
“This is my last piece, but here.” She took the chewed gum from her mouth and gave me half.
If it was anyone else it would have been gross. I chewed away.
The sun was setting fast and soon it would be dark. She pulled out a plastic pink keychain and squeezed it. “Look, so we have light when it gets dark.”
I was captivated, the flashlight, the gum, everything. She was smart, she was mouthy, she was pretty…I was in love.
“Know how many kids I’m gonna have?”
“How many?”
“Six, three girls and three boys,” she boasted.
“Wow, that’s a lot.”
“My mom told me I probably wouldn’t have that many kid
s, she said I’d be lucky to have one before some guy left me. She said all guys leave.”
I knew that wasn’t true. “No they don’t,” I said, excited I was able to say something to help her. Just like the way she helped me.
“My mom says they do. She says they always want more. More what? What does that mean? ’Cause I would give more, anything to make him stay.”
“I don’t know what more is, but I would never leave. If you were my girl, I would never leave you,” I vowed.
“Do you promise?”
“I do.”
She turned frantic, desperate almost. “Then say it. Squeeze this flashlight three times in a row and say you promise me. Say it.”
I squeezed the flashlight with all my might. “I promise you.”
Patrick
Matthew and Ashley are watching the TV. I’m watching Ashley. I’ve loved her for so long. My favorite scent surrounds me.
“Can I have a piece of your gum?”
“Gum? Yeah sure, where’s my purse?” She looks over the side of the couch for her purse.
“No, your gum.” I point to her mouth.
She looks over at Matthew to make sure he isn’t listening before whispering. “Do you mean like kissing?”
“No, take it out of your mouth and give me half.”
“That’s ridiculous, I have a whole pack. You don’t even chew gum, I offer it to you all the time and you say no.”
“I know, usually I just enjoy smelling it. Today I’m in the mood for half.” I hold my hand out and smile.
Ashley shrugs. She takes the gum from her mouth and rips a piece off. The gum tastes as I good as I remember.
“Gross,” Matthew sticks up his nose.
“It means I’m in love.” I say to the two faces watching me chew used gum.
“Oh, that’s how you know if someone is in love with you.” Ashley looks at me like I’m crazy.
Matthew hops over. “I think maybe he’s just excited because we get to have a sleepover.”
“That’s definitely why I’m excited,” I beam. “I get a new bunk mate.”
Matthew and I will be sharing a room for the next month while Ashley stays with us. Her mother’s leaving for the rehabilitation center across the country. Not only did I, but my entire family insisted she stay with us while her mother is away seeking treatment. My family is amazing, very loving and welcoming. Ashley makes me appreciate these things more than ever.
“Are you guys sure this is okay? I feel horrible that Matthew is giving up his room for me.”
“No everyone’s so excited.” Matthew swears holding his hand up. “Mom just said Patrick better not forget which room is his, but I think she meant me ’cause I’m the one who’s going in a different room.”
Ashley looks over at me and we laugh.
“I have to confess, I might get a little confused.”
“Your poor mom,” she says to me with a huge smile.
Kent
Tessa was nowhere. I searched all day and never found her. I’m guessing she’s avoiding me.
All school activities are over, and I no longer have practice. Still, I walk down the hall to the empty auditorium and sit down at the piano.
My fingers press down on the keys releasing a sad melody. That’s how I feel. Sad.
School’s ending. Robin’s leaving. I messed things up with Tessa. Sad.
My sadness continues to pour out in song. Playing until I feel I’ve let enough out. My finger hits the final note and I exhale loudly letting all the breath out of my body.
Footsteps walk up behind me across the wooden stage. I wait.
Tessa sits down on the bench next to me.
I stare down at the ivory keys. “I’ve been looking for you all day. I wanted to say I was sorry.”
“It wasn’t you.” Tessa folds her hands in her lap, staring down as well. “It was all me. I’m the one who is sorry.”
“What happened?”
“It was prom night and I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do.” Tessa inspects her nails. “Everything is a big act with me. Like, I should have probably been in the drama club with you.”
“I’m not in the drama club, but you know what it doesn’t matter.” I shake off the comment; there are more important things to discuss right now. “Did you think we had to just because it was prom night? Did I make you think that we had to?”
“No, you didn’t.” she sighs. “Listen, I’m just going to say it. I’m kind of a prude. Not because of any messed up things in my life or anything, just because I’m not ready. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I want to wait for love and a special person. I’m nervous because I don’t think there is any guy out there willing to wait.”
I have no idea what to say. I think hard about how to reply.
Tessa adds more before I answer. “I do like you. If it makes you feel any better, I went farther with you than I have with anyone else. I mean, I still can’t believe I touched it.”
My eyes squeeze shut. Okay, now I really don’t know what to say.
Messed up relationships and wanting a normal relationship, we have that in common. We discussed it. So, I have to tread very carefully if I want to make this normal and not mess it up.
Think.
This is way too long to go without saying something, but I just don’t know where to start.
Tessa stands up. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
I catch her arm to stop her. She looks down at me waiting, waiting for me to say something, the right thing.
The right thing? Think, come on, you have to say something. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.
I let go of her arm and she walks away.
Patrick
We’re as far as we can go in the airport. I watch Ashley say goodbye to her mother.
It’s emotional.
Ashley hugs her mother tight. “I know I’m crying Mom, but it’s not because I’m sad. I’m just so happy you’re doing this. It’s a new start.”
“Me too, honey, I’m sorry it took me this long.” Her mother’s wearing a shiny black trench coat and large dark sunglasses covering half her face. I’m sure the glasses are hiding her tears as well. She steps back and looks over at me pointing her finger. “This one might actually be the one who makes me change my opinion on men.”
Ashley beams up at me and gives her mom one last hug. We watch her pass through security before turning to leave.
“You’ve helped me so much, both of us. You’ve changed our lives.” She reaches for my hand and laces her finger through mine.
“I owed you, you changed mine a long time ago.”
The gentleness of her touch ends, her hand crushes my fingers with frustration. “Patrick, you always say things like that. Am I ever going to find out what they mean?”
“It just means I love you,” I say.
I’m not sure how Ashley is going to react, if and when, she ever does remember the first day we met. It wasn’t exactly ideal conditions. Just because the day meant so much to me, doesn’t mean it meant as much to her. For all I know, she left that day and never thought about me again.
Maybe that’s why she doesn’t remember.
Kent
Something crunches as I sit down on the slop piled arm chair in my room. I stand up to see the roses I gave Tessa the night of the prom. The soft pink petals have turned brown and dry. Why didn’t I say something to her? Was it because of the prude comment? Or was it something else? Was it because of Robin?
Robin and I are friends again, friends. I can’t let the “what if” of me and Robin stop me from seeing other girls.
I do like Tessa. Is it headed for love? Probably not. But I can’t let it stop me from taking a chance.
Slow.
I can do that.
Grabbing my keys I take off making one quick stop on my way to Tessa’s house.
Tessa opens the door and I hand her one long stemmed pink rose. Her eyes move from the flower up to my eyes.
“I like you,” I say simply. “Let’s start there.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
The day we met…
“PATRICK!” My father shouted into the woods.
“That’s my dad.” I stood up.
“You better go.” The girl stood facing me. The little dot of light from the pink flashlight shined between us.
“Come with me, we can bring you home,” I said.
“No, you go. I don’t want you to get in trouble.” She was whispering now. The voices were getting closer.
“I won’t leave you.” I leaned in close. Our faces were almost touching. I licked my lips, I wasn’t sure but we might kiss.
“You can go, I’m okay. I don’t live far from here. Just make sure you keep your promise.” She held her breath and released. “Ya know the one about being a good big brother.”
“I will and the other promise too.”
“That’s silly. I shouldn’t have made you promise.”
“I don’t even know your name.” The crunching sound of footsteps was coming towards us.
“Ashley Simons.”
“I promise you Ashley Simons, I’m gonna marry you one day and never leave you.”
A tree branch snapped and I turned my head. My father and my brother appeared through the trees.
“Thank God!” my father exclaimed. He ran over and hugged me in a tight squeeze. “Are you okay? We were worried sick. Patrick, the baby…”
“No, Dad, don’t worry, I love the baby. I’m sorry I said I hated the baby to Mom before. I’m gonna be the best big brother. I promise. Right Ashley?” I turned but she was gone.
My father and brother hadn’t seen her, but I made them search before leaving. There was no sign of her.
I went to the park in search of her many times, but it was a long time before I found her.
“Remember that girl at the park that time, what was her name again?” Kent asked me, shortly after he started high school.
Fast (The Fast Series) Page 21