“Ashley Simons.” I’d thought about her every day since I met her, wondering if I’d ever find her.
“She’s in one of my classes. Kinda bitchy,” my brother said.
I found her.
I counted down the days. On my first day of high school I studied the faces of everyone I passed, searching for her. I recognized her instantly. She was blonder, taller, and even more beautiful than I remembered. She looked in my direction and I stopped breathing.
Nothing.
She looked right through me. Never noticed me. I always thought once I found her our eyes would meet and we would fall madly in love.
Stupid. I was mad at myself for being such a fool. Thinking I fell in love at the age of ten. Absurd. Ridiculous. Dumb kid.
Life moved forward and I did my best to put her out of my head, which was tough seeing in her in the halls, always waiting, hoping she might finally remember me.
I went out with a few girls, dated one I thought could be special, but she wasn’t.
Then one day whether it was due to my brother’s stupidity or brilliance, I still wasn’t sure, Kent brought her to our house. I fought it at first, but it was obvious.
A ten year old fell in love.
Patrick
I took Ashley to her house to check on a few things, and pick up more clothes. Her mother will be coming home next week. The reports we’ve received from the doctors at the center are very optimistic.
Ashley takes out the tassel she’s been saving from her cap and gown and places it over her dresser mirror. “Okay, the tassel is displayed. I’m an official graduate.”
“You were a week ago,” I chuckle.
“I’m gonna go get the mail, pack me some friends.” She points to her packed white bookshelf and leaves the room.
I sort through her books. An old book, more worn than any others is hidden between two books on the bottom shelf. I look over my shoulder for her and slide the book out. It’s a book geared towards young girls, kissing boys, training bras and little prayers to God. I’m smiling as I flip through the old book. A piece of paper drops from it, a letter written in faded pencil.
God, it’s me Ashley,
I did something really good today. I helped a boy to love his baby brother or sister. I know I’m not always good and you might say no to what I’m going to ask you. The boy I helped today, I heard his Dad calling his name, and it’s Patrick. I hope we get married, he promised he would never leave me. I also want three boys and three girls. (If it’s easier you can make me have twins or triplets.) Oh, and can you make Patrick’s mom have a boy? He said it didn’t matter, but I think a little brother would be good for him.
Love, Ashley Simons
PS- can you give Patrick muscles before we get married?
Whoa, my hands tremble as I fold the letter and stick it back in the book. That day meant something to her too. Smiling wide I look up to the ceiling. Thank you God – I have a little brother, I have muscles and I’m positive I’m going to marry Ashley. Wow, six kids, I better start saving.
Ashley comes back and she doesn’t look good. Her face is pale and her eyes are blank.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” she flashes a weak smile.
“It’s not nothing, what happened?”
“It’s something stupid, really, nothing big at all. Just my dad.” She twists a piece of hair and looks away, hiding her face from me. She crumples a piece of paper and tosses it in the garbage. “I need to get out of here.”
“Okay, where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere, just away from here.”
We walk outside to the fresh air and Ashley breathes deep. “I need to take a walk, alone,” she says. “I’ll be back in a little while.”
I let her go, knowing exactly where she’s walking to.
An hour later I step through the brush of the trail. There she is. It’s as if I’ve stepped back in time. Dirty tear marks line her face, and she’s weeping into her knees. I kneel down in front of her.
She’s not surprised to see me or that I found her in this hidden spot. “Are you here to tell me you hate babies?”
She remembers.
“The paper you saw me throw away,” she says. “It was a letter to me from some woman I never met telling me my dad died. He had a heart attack, four months ago. She said she thought I should know.”
“I’m sorry.” I sit down next to her, as I go to put an arm around her, she pushes it away.
“Why are you sorry? I haven’t seen him in almost nine years. He left us when I was a kid and never came back. Not once. Never called or anything. Now he’s dead and I’m glad. Or maybe I’m not glad, but it doesn’t make a difference, I never saw him anyway. He didn’t love me, he left me.” She wipes a tear from her eye with her hand and lets out a little laugh. “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”
I feel like I’m ten years old again, watching her cry and feeling her pain. This time I’m older, I can help her, I don’t have to leave when my family comes looking for me.
“I remember my mom told me he was gone and that all guys leave. I lived my life knowing that all guys leave.”
“Not all guys leave.”
She stands up and smacks the dirt off her shorts. “Maybe they do Patrick. I spent years desperately trying to give guys ‘more’ so that they wouldn’t leave and you know what they all did.”
“I will never leave you, I promise,” I vow. The same vow I made on the day I met her.
“You’re too young to make a promise like that Patrick,” she cries. Without looking back at me, she steps away, ready to leave the trail.
“Ashley.”
I try to make her stop, but she only walks faster. When I catch up with her, she slows down but won’t talk to me.
We drive back to my house in silence.
My mom calls out to us as we walk in the house. “Hey guys, just in time for dinner.”
“I’m not feeling well. Is it okay if I go lie down for a little bit?” Ashley asks.
“Of course dear, go ahead, I’ll save you a plate.” My mom walks over concerned and places the back of her hand across Ashley’s forehead. “You don’t feel warm honey. Are you okay?” she frowns. “We’re taking Matthew out tonight, we won’t back till very late. Is there anything I can get you before we leave?”
“No, thank you.” Ashley forces a smile and walks upstairs.
“Everything okay with you two?” my mom asks.
“Yeah, everything’s fine.” But I’m not so sure it is.
Ashley doesn’t come back downstairs the rest of the night. I walk to Matthew’s room where Ashley’s staying. Instead of knocking I go down to my own room and shut the door.
I stare up at the ceiling. Of course the news about her father is upsetting. There’s something else. She finally remembered the day we met. There hadn’t been much of a reaction. Does it have something to do with that? With me?
My eyes shut even though I’m not able to sleep. The door to my room cracks open and I hear the floorboards creek under her feet. Just like I had once before, I pretend I’m sleeping.
Ashley’s lips graze my cheek. “I know you’re not asleep,” she whispers in my ear.
I open my eyes to see her shivering before me with her arms folded over her chest in the darkness of my room.
I pull her into my lap rubbing warmth into her body. “When did you remember?”
“Today, when I went to the woods and remembered how it was I survived when my dad first left. I survived because of a promise from some skinny little knight in shining armor who said ‘If you’re my girl I would never leave.’ ”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“He was ten. You can’t meet the person you’re going to be with at ten and expect them to never leave. A ten year old can’t make that kind of a promise. You were that ten year old.”
“Look at me.” I tip her chin up until I can see her eyes. “Are you my girl?”
�
��Yes, but…”
“I will never leave you.”
She’s not convinced. “Is this my story? I met the love of my life at age ten and years later we meet again and he rescues me from my horrible lonely life, and we fall deeper in love and I get a happily ever after? Just like all the books I read, I get an actual hero?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re my hero?” She jumps away from me and walks over to my desk, leaning back and crossing her arms.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t buy it. Heroes and love stories, those things aren’t real.”
I walk over to her, desperate to make her understand. “Are you telling me this isn’t real? Because let me tell you something Ashley, it’s sure as hell real to me.”
Her shoulders fall and she crumples into me. “I’m scared. We’re so young. What if something bad happens?”
“I’m sure we’ll face plenty of things and yes, some of it is sure to be bad. We’ll fight, and get mad, yell, cry. You know what? We’ll work it out. Couples face problems all the time and the strong ones are always able to get through the tough times. We’re a strong couple, whatever comes our way, we’ll be able to handle.”
“What if you cheat on me?”
“I won’t. I would never do that.”
“So, at seventeen you can look at me and promise me I will be your only girl for the rest of your life.”
“No, I can’t promise that.” I hold onto her face with both hands bringing it up to meet mine. “I plan on having at least three more girls in my life.”
She blinks at me in disbelief, her brows furrow in confusion.
“Hopefully three boys as well.” She smiles and I plant a kiss right on top of that beautiful smile. “I love you, Ashley. I will never leave you.”
She closes her eyes tight. “Do you promise?”
“I do.”
“I want to believe you so bad.”
I force her face up. Her eyes are still closed, afraid to open. “Then ask me to say it,” I whisper.
“Promise me, say it.”
Her hand in mine, I give her palm three squeezes with my thumb. “I promise you Ashley Simons, I will never leave you.”
Her eyes stay shut. I step back and wait, praying.
When she finally opens her eyes something in them has changed. They’re unguarded, letting me in fully for the first time. I can look in her eyes and know.
She believes me.
My heart slams against my chest. Ashley lowers herself down to the bed pulling me down with her. Her arms wrapped tightly around me. “I love you,” she whispers.
Her tongue traces gentle kisses along my neck until finally reaching my mouth. She lifts her hands over her head and I slowly remove her top. Curving her body up, I hold on to her hips, kissing my way down her stomach before removing the rest of her clothes.
My breath catches in my throat as I stand next to the bed taking a moment to admire the flawless body stretched out in front of me. Ashley is perfect and I love her. I will never leave her, and finally she believes me.
She sits up on her knees in front of me lifting my shirt, running her hands against my bare skin. I step away but only for a moment. Taking the foil packet from my hand she takes care of the rest. My body pulses with desire as we fall back on the bed. This is the beginning of her truly being mine. Her heart, her soul, her body, finally it’s all mine. Everything I want is being handed to me in this moment.
Ashley whimpers as my body presses into hers for the first time. I move slowly, her gasps repeating softly into my ear.
“Patrick,” she breathes my name.
“I love you, Ashley.” My words come out in a raspy groan.
We make love.
For both of us, it’s the first time.
CHAPTER NINE
Kent’s letter to Robin…
Dear Robin,
I don’t think I ever really told you some of the reasons I fell in love with you.
Yes, our physical relationship went fast. But the way I fell in love with you was something that happened very slowly, building over the years.
Our secret codes. We had one for everything. Remember the secret code we came up with for whenever Patrick stunk up the room but wouldn’t claim it. And the cute way you would giggle every time I flashed you the code. I lived for those giggles. I still do.
You never cared that my room was always a mess. You even defended its nasty smell to my mom once. Well, not to her face, but you said it to me after she left the room.
The time you came to my house with three green Lifesavers in a plastic baggie. You told me you saved them for me because they were my favorite. It made me feel so good because I knew you were thinking about me even when we weren’t together. It made me realize I was doing the same thing about you. I wasn’t sure why yet, but I was getting there. I ate all three candies even though they were sticky and I had to peel them out of the plastic bag.
When you decided to play the violin, I knew why. It was the same reason I begged you to come with me and check out the music programs they were offering. I loved spending time with you. You’re so smart and pick things up so easily. I knew you’d be a natural. You play the violin beautifully. I’ve always been impressed by your talent. You’ve always said you’re my biggest fan. Not sure if I ever told you, but I’m yours.
When you were really sad, and you know when I’m talking about, you came to me to make you feel better. No one else could do it. You would only smile for me. I loved knowing whatever we had between us was special and that you trusted me.
But you need to know…I needed you to make me feel better too. No one else could make me feel as good as you did. If I was down or had a bad day, you were always who I wanted to see. You were the one who brought the smile to my face.
Robin, I don’t know…one day you were my best friend and the next you were this gorgeous girl who was all grown up and I realized you were so much more. All the pieces came together. I remember thinking holy shit I’m in love with the girl next door.
It was hard not to go too fast when we finally got together. You were the whole package. Everything I wanted in a girl and when we added…the rest, it was hard to slow down and realize all the good parts I was forgetting about.
I like to think what happened between us was practice. I know one day we’ll try again and we’ll know what we’re doing and get it right. I can’t wait for that day.
I love you. I’m always going to love you…
Love,
Kent
Kent
The girl next door is leaving.
It’s the end of the summer. The end of so much more.
Laughing, crying, playing, pizza, kissing, friendship, love, fighting, touching, discovering, music, songs, smiles, school…
“My life with you is flashing before my eyes.” My voice cracks. “I can’t say goodbye to you.”
“It’s not goodbye,” Robin tries to reason through tears. “I’m not that far away. We’ll see each other. You promised me.”
The backseat of her car is filled with brown boxes and ready to go. She leaps into my arms for one last hug. “Why is this is so hard? I feel silly because we’re going to talk and email. I’ll probably text you in a half hour,” she laughs.
I know why it’s so hard. No matter what, it will never be the same. I wouldn’t see her every day. She wouldn’t live across the street anymore. It was the end of an era.
An amazing era.
That’s the thing with an era. You don’t realize the significance of one until it’s over.
“I got to go.” She bites down on her strained smile and gives me that famous shrug. “I love you, Kent.”
We hug and the kiss we give each other is tender. One last kiss for now, but it won’t be our last kiss.
“I love you, too. But I have to go inside. I don’t think I can watch you drive away. I’m gonna pretend you’re just going home for the night.” I gulp down what I’m sure woul
d have been a sob. “Thirty minutes and then I better get that text.”
I look at her old house, give her one last smile and walk away. I have something in my pocket for her, but I’m not going to give it to her. Not yet.
Patrick and Ashley are inside waiting for me. They said their goodbyes to her earlier.
“She’s gone?” Patrick asks.
“Yeah.” I can’t believe it but she is.
“It won’t be the same around here without her.” Patrick gives me a pat on the back.
“It’s not far guys, two hours. I plan on talking to her all the time and we’re going to see her whenever we can.” Ashley tries to comfort us putting an arm around each of us and squeezing us in for an awkward hug.
I want to believe it. Two hours isn’t the part that bothers me. We’re growing up, starting our lives. School will be starting soon, we’ll be busy, meet new people, and our priorities will change. Things had already started changing these last few months.
One thing though, I’m determined to keep our friendship. No way will I ever lose it again.
Somewhere down the road, I’m hoping we’ll try again and get it right.
In my room I take the letter I was going to give her out of my pocket and read it again. One day I’ll give it to her. I just don’t know when yet.
A half hour later Robin sends me a text from the road, just like she promised. Later she sends another text saying she’s arrived and is settling in.
That night I pick up my phone and call her.
“You sound lonely,” I say.
“I am.”
I put the phone on speaker. “Can you hear me okay?”
“Yeah, I can hear you. What are you doing?”
I pick up my guitar and sing her a funny song.
The end.
Table of Contents
Copyright
Acknowledgments
Part One
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Fast (The Fast Series) Page 22