by Becca Fisher
"And yet Jed left you anyway," Daniel said.
"It's like you said. We all have our own journeys to heaven, only some are rather more bumpy."
"Do you ever regret not going with him?" Daniel asked.
"I sat up nights wondering if I had made the correct decision. But being with you, I realize love doesn't mean you have to give up your identity. The right person will love you for who you are, plain and all."
Daniel looked deep into my eyes. "You are anything but plain to me. And I promise you that for as long as you'll have, I will not leave your side."
"Why is it that every word out of your mouth seems to sow the seeds of temptation?" I asked.
"I can't help it. Every time I look at you the most torrid thoughts come into my mind."
"Well, I suggest I bid you good day then, because I would not want my own torrid thoughts intermingling with yours," I replied.
But I imagined we were sharing quite the same hopelessly inappropriate fantasies. Fueled by desire. Designed to make me do nothing but crave Daniel relentlessly. As happened so often when I was near Daniel, my whole body began to swoon. Daniel did not appear to take my hint. He appeared ready to indulge in forbidden passion. To give my lips the kiss they so desperately had been awaiting.
"Must we part so soon?" Daniel asked.
But I held steady. "You know the only terms under which our lips can meet."
Not that marriage hadn't come to my mind. Lately it seemed like it would never leave my thoughts. I was convinced more than ever that in Daniel I had found a mate as perfect for me as any ever before.
Daniel knew just the way to send my heart completely aflutter though.
"I think they shall be meeting sooner rather than later," he said with a smile.
Six
Sleeping proved to be an impossible task. The inkling of wedded bliss that Daniel had planted in my mind could not be chased away. But the morning brought more surprises.
"Miriam, how I've missed you," Jed said, waiting at his buggy in front of my parents house.
I didn't know what to make of it. What to say. I was having a hard time even believing my eyes. It was actually Jed, in the flesh.
"Jed, what are you doing here?" I asked.
"Why is it that you do not seem happy to see me?" Jed asked.
"No, no. I'm just rather surprised. I did not expect your company anytime soon."
"I have seen what I need to of the world and realize that it all pales in comparison to you," Jed declared.
"That is quite a bold proclamation for someone who left me just months earlier."
"I have made many mistakes in my life, but none bigger than letting you slip through my fingers. I will not make that mistake again."
"The choice isn't just yours," I argued. "Do you know what it feels like having your heart break seemingly beyond repair? To have the man you've daydreamed about your whole life choose unknown exploits in the city over treasuring you? And to have to live every day with a pain that would not abate?"
"I do not. And I regret every indiscretion I have made against your heart. But I stand before you now as a changed man. One that's ready to love you as you deserve. It may have taken longer than expected, but once I realized how a life without would look, I knew I had to return to you."
"The gesture is duly noted. But the world is not the same as when you left it. What's done is done, and what happens to my heart in the future has little to do with your emotional whims."
"But Miriam, I don't understand," Jed remarked.
As Daniel's buggy pulled up though, things became clear.
"Who's that?" Jed asked, seeing Daniel approach me.
But Daniel seemed to only be interested in my company. "Miriam, would you care for a ride to work?"
I cared to be anywhere but my parents front yard at that moment. But the situation demanded introductions. "Daniel, I'd like you to meet Jed," I said.
Daniel eyes turned steely and turned to Jed. "So you're the man that broke her heart." Daniel looked Jed up and down. "I expected you to be taller."
"Who are you?" Jed asked, fearing the answer.
"A man that plans to love, honor, and cherish Miriam for the rest of her life," Daniel replied.
"Yeah? Well plans don't always work out the way you expect them to," Jed fired back.
"For you at least. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe the lady needs a ride to work," Daniel said.
"Wait a minute, we're not done," Jed insisted.
I turned to Daniel with my answer. "I'd love that ride."
Jed refused to let me go without one last remark though. "I will not rest until I win your heart once again."
***
The ride was hardy ideal. My thoughts ran amok like a tornado hurling debris across the countryside. Of all the times for Jed to come back, why would he wait until I was at my absolute happiest? Maybe his coming back was a sign. Maybe it was meant to be. Or maybe I needed Jed to come back so I could look him in the eyes and know my feelings for him were never returning.
But was that true? Did I feel nothing when I looked into Jed's eyes? Was there not even a hint of jubilance mixed with the shards of heartbreak? All the right words had come out of Jed's mouth suddenly, months too late. But when happiness was at stake, wasn't late better than never?
Then of course there was Daniel. A man that wanted nothing more than to build his future with me. It wasn't every day a man caught your eye from the first day he was in town. He was a hunk in his own right. Devout to his core. And he'd brought me back from the brink. My spirit soared because of him. I loved Daniel. There was no question about that. But did I still love Jed as well?
"It's a shame we had such a boring morning," Daniel joked.
"Daniel, I want you to know that when I think about Jed, it's always in the past tense," I explained.
"The present may have something quite the contrary to say about that. I'm quite sure those hills haven't been stared at that long in some time."
"No matter my demeanor, I assure you my feelings for you have not changed--"
"I'm glad they haven't. But my concern is whether your feelings have changed for Jed."
"Daniel, imagine the surprise I find myself confronted with. To have an old flame show up at my doorstep just as my heart had fully recovered from breaking."
"And imagine my surprise realizing I'm not the only one that wants to spend the rest of their life with you."
"Jed's feelings don't necessarily reflect my own."
"Miriam, your words are hardly assuring a man in limbo. I don't need to know what you necessarily feel. I need to know if your heart beats for me."
I was too overwhelmed to answer definitively. Confusion had won the day. And I just needed time to gather my thoughts. But I could see that those were not the words Daniel wanted to hear. So I tried to bide time.
"I implore you to understand how difficult of a situation I've been put in," I said.
"And I implore you to understand how terrible the feeling is in my heart knowing I could lose not one, but two lovers in my life."
"I beg of you to just give me time to organize my thoughts."
"Of course. I'm completely smitten with you. So all I can do is love you with all of my heart and hope that you respond in kind."
Seven
"Somehow I knew this is exactly where you could be found," Jed said, joining me in my parents barn.
I always went up to the hayloft to ponder the mysteries of my life. The sunset was fiercely beautiful over the horizon that day, but it might as well have been overcast. Nothing to tear me away from trying to gather my jumbled thoughts. But Jed had come to rearranged my thoughts in his favor.
"Perhaps next time it will occur to you that I come here not to be found," I explained.
"Miriam, this is where you've always gathered your thoughts, even when we were just children."
"Please spare me the past when my only concern is the future."
"This has not been qu
ite the homecoming I expected," Jed admitted.
"And just what sort of kindness should I extend to you when you left my soul in such disarray?"
"If I need to beg for forgiveness, I shall do it."
"I can offer you forgiveness, but it's my heart I know you're truly after. And that I do not give so freely," I replied.
"Daniel appears to disagree."
"I do not think it is wise to compare yourself to a man that has done nothing but honor me since we first met."
"Miriam, you may enjoy his company, but we are fated to be together."
"I highly doubt that fate works in such roundabout ways."
"I don't question fate, especially when it brings me all the way back here to you," Jed explained. "Don't you see? I cut short everything I was doing because the stars told me we were destined to be together."
"I think there's a distinct possibility that you read the stars incorrectly. Perhaps we were fated to be together once, but you changed our trajectory. And for that, I'm not sure there's any recovery."
"If you truly believe that then look into my eyes. If I stir no emotion in your soul, then I will relent my pursuit of you."
I was in no need to be challenged. I craved a life of simplicity. Instead my whole world was being turned upside down. I didn't want to look into Jed's eyes. He didn't deserve the satisfaction of dictating my actions. But I also wasn't sure how my heart would react either.
"I think it's best that you go," I insisted.
"This stranger has quite the sway over you, doesn't he?"
"He may be a stranger to you, but he means the world to me. Now, if you'd please leave," I insisted.
"I'm sorry you do not share the same passion for me that I do for you, but I will not stop trying to change that."
***
I immediately turned to the Lord for guidance, praying for the answer to the question in my heart. Jed meanwhile opted for confrontation, paying Daniel an unexpected visit at his furniture shop.
Surprise was written all over Daniel's face as Jed entered with a head full of ideas.
"I suppose I can't interest you in hand crafted furniture," Daniel joked.
"Do you have any idea how much I love Miriam?" Jed asked, in no mood for small talk.
"I've heard you say that quite a bit. But my actions speak louder than your words," Daniel fired back.
"I have come here to urge you to let fate run it's course."
"Does that mean you'll step aside and leave Miriam and I to our happiness?"
"No. It means you should be the one to step aside."
"On what merit?" Daniel asked.
"I've loved Miriam my entire life."
"Then why did you leave her?"
"No man's life is without mistakes," Jed explained.
"And sometimes those mistakes can cost you the person you love the most," Daniel warned.
"I was hoping coming to you in good faith would bring an end to this, but it's clear to me now that we have quite a duel on our hands," Jed replied.
But it was Daniel that got in the last word. "It's funny, because I've heard a lot of talk about what you want and what you think is right. Have you stopped to consider what it is that Miriam wants?"
***
While Jed had a lot to think about, he wasn't alone. Drama had taken hold of my life. Dinner became a complete wash, monopolized by the tug of war in my heart. But my Sister sought to offer some clarity when we retreated to my bedroom.
"You know, a lot of women in this village would consider themselves lucky to have two guys clamoring for them," Allison explained.
"I have no use for a love triangle. You know I detested math in school," I replied.
"To me, the decision is easy. Daniel has been noble and true to you since you first saw him."
"I am aware, but Jed appears to have returned as a changed man."
"That's true," Allison admitted. "But I think you're letting your past cloud your future. Could you really imagine your life without Daniel in it?"
"No. But months ago I couldn't have imagined my life without Jed in it either."
"Well, we both know how much you loved Jed. So I guess the question is, how much do really love Daniel?"
That was one show stopper of a question. I knew what life was like without Jed. Did I really want to venture what life would be like without Daniel though? I mean, this was a man that had brought such joy into my life when I needed it the most. Who had restored my faith. Who made my heart swoon. A man that not only seemed to be my other half, but my better half. Could I really turn my back on such devotion?
Seven
There was no way I could sleep with such heavy matters weighing on my mind. When morning came though, I was certain I had my answer. I couldn't wait to put all the drama behind me and return to the simple life that God intended for me. But the peace didn't last quite as long I was anticipating. Daniel came calling, pleading to have his emotions heard.
"I know you've had a lot on your mind and it must not be easy," Daniel said.
"No argument here," I replied.
"I just wanted to let you know one thing above all else though."
I didn't know what was left to say. I already knew Daniel loved me with all of his heart. That he would do anything for me. And that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But still, Daniel managed to surprise me.
"I just want you to be happy," Daniel continued. "And I want you to do what's best for your heart."
Sweeter music had never played in my ears. "I'm so happy to hear you say that."
"Of course," Daniel continued. "You're the love of my life. Nothing matters more than your happiness."
"And yet those words have never come out of Jed's mouth," I explained.
"I can assure you, the prospect of losing you is not easy concept to wrestle with."
"And yet you look surprisingly calm."
"Because I realize the Lord has a plan for me. And I know that God's plans are never wrong. I just hope that plan involves you and I together."
Such charisma was hard to ignore. Daniel always said the right things. And he seemed to adore me. But I had to hear the words out of his mouth once more.
"Daniel, I need to know. How much do you love me?" I asked.
Daniel did not hesitate in answering. "I love you with all of my heart. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. And I know that my life can't truly be complete without you in it. You're a reflection of God's grace, and being with you is like experiencing a little piece of paradise right here on earth. And when I look into your eyes, I know without a doubt that you were heaven sent."
Tears of joy started to well up in my eyes. "That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me."
"It's just the truth."
"Good. Because I feel the same way about you."
"Wait, does that mean--"
"I choose you," I replied. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Daniel's smile was instant validation that I'd made the right choice. Deep down I knew I had. Daniel was poised to love, honor, and cherish me for the rest of his life. And I felt the same way about him.
But before our lips met for the first time, Daniel had more thing to say.
"I just want you to know you've made me the happiest man in the world."
The End.
Heavenly Desire
One
Marriage had proven fertile ground for Miriam's heart to swoon. She'd finally gotten to taste Daniel's lips and they were sweeter than she could have ever imagined. They'd shared intimate moments that Miriam wouldn't soon get out of her mind. And the connection they felt for each other grew deeper and deeper. But most importantly, their passion had not abated.
"Darling, I had quite a dream about you last night," Daniel said, holding Miriam close in bed.
"What sort of dream?" Miriam asked.
"The sort of dream that makes me want to stay in bed with you all morning."
&
nbsp; "Surely your desire has gotten the better of you."
"Such is the case so often when I'm around you."
"With talk like that, it'll be a wonder if I get any quilting done today."
"I think the Lord would forgive you were you to take one day off."
"Have you authority to speak for God now?" I joked.
"Of course not. I do speak for my heart though, and currently it has much to say."
Miriam looked deep into Daniel's dreamy eyes.
"You know I would favor nothing more than to stay here with you all day, but there are obligations to be met," Miriam insisted.
"I shall look forward to a return engagement here later this evening then."
"Much later. Remember, we have dinner tonight with my parents."
"Then I shall have to grab an appetizer now," Daniel said.
Daniel then gave Miriam a deep kiss that reverberated throughout her entire body. It was sheer delight. Not to mention a formidable distraction to cloud any productivity the day had planned for her.
***
Untenable sensuality played a non existent role in Allison Beiler's life though. Then again, Miriam's sister had daughters to tend to. Allison's marriage once had the same passion as Miriam's, but time and circumstances eroded away at the foundation of her torrid desire.
Not that Allison didn't try to rekindle the flagging flame. But as so often happened, any attempt at romance was thwarted by the machinations of everyday life.
Recently those machinations had come in the form of Allison's daughters Patricia and Beth. Sibling rivalry had over taken their young lives. Everything turned into a competition, including the attention they could grab from their mother.
But before the drama of the day began, Allison wrapped herself up in her fantasies. Allison's mind was a playground of passion. She imagined her husband Lucas striding into the room with a head full of naughty thoughts and the zest to bring them to life.
Allison greeted Lucas with a soft kiss, but he demanded more. So they pressed their bodies against each other as well as their lips, foreshadowing the fulfillment of long dormant desires. The penetrating gaze in her husbands eyes said it all--Allison was in for an experience she would never forget. But just as things started to heat up, Allison would always wake up.