To Be a Lesbian

by Yuriko Hime

  "Who? Who came back?" I asked. Her eyes widened on something behind me, making the hair on my arms raise. I shivered and rubbed the goosebumps away.

  Balmy air blew inside when the glass door swung. "That's her," the girl said, nudging her head to the person who came in. I sneaked a peek at the newcomer.

  It wasn't uncommon to see well-dressed people in this town. It was the university area, and the homes offered around here were usually expensive and couldn't be easily accessed by "more common folks," so to speak. But regardless of how anyone dressed, you could still tell if they were from here because they gave off that certain presence. There was no specific term for it. Just think of your own neighborhood and the people there. Somehow you'd know that you all came from the same place due to an unexplainable vibe.

  The woman who just arrived didn't possess such vibe. In fact, she looked like she wound up on the wrong side of the neighborhood. She was nicely dressed in a sweater, a short red pleated skirt, and tights that hugged her toned legs. With her black hair styled in a bun, a slightly upturned nose, pearl jewelry on her ears and wrist, and a designer bag on her hand, I've already passed judgment on the stranger without actually knowing her. She came from money, though not as rich as the Roth's, and she probably partook in physical activities that strengthened her lower body. Now the big question was, why did they point her to me when I didn't give a fudge about her?

  "She's Lynx's girlfriend," my companion said, as if to answer my thoughts. I fixed a stare at my informant, not letting my cool mask slip away. She swallowed. "I meant ex girlfriend."

  "I thought Lynx's ex was dead," I said. "Or her best friend was? I don't know." My throat was scratchy and in need of a good cough, or scream, whatever. Didn't someone mention that to me in one of the chapters back? My memory wasn't faulty. Did I just assume things?

  The girl I was talking to was ashen-faced. "Dead?" she wondered aloud. "No she's not. You heard wrong. Lynx and her, they used to hang around here often, years ago. Then something happened that made them go splitsville. I'm not really sure. Most of it is hearsay because Lynx doesn't actually talk about herself, and we're too afraid to ask. Anyway, one time Julia stopped coming so we knew things were over. And there was also you." She wriggled in her seat. "I should probably stop talking now. You didn't hear anything from me if Lynx asks. It's not like she's two-timing you with Julia, okay? Rumors are spreading around that you two are dating."

  I've stopped listening to her the moment I heard the name. Julia, huh? It left a bitter taste in my mouth, like I've eaten something unpleasant. Something bubbled from the pit of my stomach, a warm flush that went to my chest, unfurled on my throat, ballooned in my head. It was a rare feeling, mind you, one that I've never experienced and was not happy about.

  "Thank you for your time," I said, getting out of the chair. My goal was to go to the front door, make an escape, release the bent up feeling anywhere than here. My feet made a u-turn. It carried me back to Julia who had now occupied Lynx's table. I plastered a smile on my face. "Mind if I sit down? All the other tables are full."

  She glanced up from her phone. "Be my guest," she said. Pshh. Be her guest? The table wasn't hers in the first place. What's-her-name fiddled with her phone when I sat, oblivious by my company. Rude and possessive. What else did you have up on your sleeve, Julia? She scrunched her nose and looked at me. "I beg your pardon? Did you just say my name?"

  "I would, if I know it." I reached a hand to her. "I'm Scotland Ro—w, row, row your boat, gently down the stream," I sang. She gaped at me as if I've lost my mind. "I'm kidding." I smirked. "You can call me Scotland. What did you say your name was?"

  "Julia." We shook. She nodded to the direction of the counter when she retrieved her hand. I glanced over my shoulder and glared at Granny who Julia had been looking at. Treacherous old woman. She was supposed to be on my side. "This place didn't change a bit," Julia mentioned, bringing me back to her. "The coffee still tastes great. I can't find it anywhere else. The ambiance has upgraded though. They must have gotten an interior designer."

  "I agree about the coffee, though I can't say much about the design. I've only discovered this place a few months back." She nodded and sipped her drink, listening. "How come I didn't see you until now? From the sound of it, you came here often in the past. Did something happen?" I pried. "A broken heart perhaps." My curiosity couldn't keep my mouth shut. I must know what went on between her and Lynx. My chest couldn't take it. The ribcage was squeezing tighter and tighter the more I stared at her face.

  She stirred her coffee with the spoon. The swirling of the liquid made me dizzy. I was tempted to snatch it from her, smash it to the floor, and make a scene. If only the old woman watching from the counter wouldn't throw me out. "I wouldn't call it broken heart," Julia said. "It's more like my girlfriend Lynx being hard-headed like usual. She'd been the same in high school. She wouldn't change now." She tugged at her pearl earring absently. "But that's what I like about her. There's a challenge."

  "Girlfriend?" I asked, tilting my head. "Like you're still together?"

  She put the spoon down. "Of course. Why would she break up with someone like me? She'll ruin her life." Wow. I've been told many times that I lacked modesty, but this was just. . . Wow. "Lynx is like a child," she continued. "Her parents think so too. She's wasting money staying here when she has a perfectly good home in Manhattan. As much as she's a challenge, she's spoiled and irrational. I came here to bring her back to her senses so she'd come home. What she's doing here is insignificant compared to what she can achieve back there."

  "I beg to differ," Lynx said. When did she get here? I couldn't measure her reaction while she approached us. Her face was perfectly straight, with only her predatory way of walking to tell us that she meant business as usual. When she got to our table, she put a calm hand on the back of my chair. "I don't think that place is large enough for both of us, Julia. Tell my parents that they can train you to follow their footsteps all they want, but I'm staying here." Her lips spread into a thin line when she glanced at me. "You shouldn't be here, Scotland. Let me take you home."

  My thumb twitched. "Not before you tell her first," I said.

  Julia raised a brow from Lynx to me, startled that we knew each other. The air around the cafe had turned from warm to sizzling. People were holding their breaths, waiting for the next episode of our entertaining TV show. "Tell me what?" Julia said.

  I was about to say that Lynx wasn't a child, that she was a capable and mature woman who shouldn't be controlled by her parents. That Julia, pardon my words, should just fuck off. But as it was, my lips said none of those things. "That I'm your fiance," I pointed with a nonchalant shrug. "That you've decided to ditch her sorry ass for someone much better." I grabbed Lynx's hand and pulled her to my side. "Sorry girl." I gave Julia a half-smile. "Lynx is mine. I don't know what relationship you think you had in the past, but it's over now. She's with me."

  That should do it. Nobody should say horrible things to Lynx. If there was someone who was going to beat her in her silly games, that was me. Not Brittany Shaw from 982 North Dakota who we met from The Cove. Not some sorry loser that wanted to be Lynx's groupie. And definitely not Julia. Me.

  Julia's mouth opened and closed like the stinky fish she was. She whipped her head to Lynx, betrayal spreading on her face. "You're playing me," she said in between breaths. "All this time I was practicing, thinking you were being faithful, when all you've been doing is going out with this. . ." She looked me up and down. "Uneducated bimbo."

  The dictionary meaning of bimbo; inept, foolish, unintelligent. Urban dictionary meaning; airhead, boy obsessed, dumb blonde. It was offensive, uncalled for, rude for blondes all over the world, not to mention a lie. I worked my butt off trying to get where I was with minimal to zero help from my parents, especially when it came to the research. ESPECIALLY THE RESEARCH. CAPSLOCK. Julia whom I haven't been talking to for thirty minutes had managed to tick me off, insult me, and make me feel awful thi
ngs. It was matter of time before I exploded from my seat, breathing hard, trying to take a hold of myself.

  "This is not the time and place to talk about that," Lynx rushed to me. "Let's get you home, Scotland." She turned to Julia who was equally red-faced. "You're better than this. We'll talk tomorrow."

  "We will," Julia acknowledged, standing gracefully from her chair. So that was it? She'd get the pass? I covered my mouth to try and talk reason with myself. I shouldn't stoop low to her level. Saying ugly things would prove that I was, in fact, a bimbo, which I was not. The right thing to do was to face the opposite way and wait for her to disappear from my sight.

  Julia wasn't done with her jibe though. She reached for my arm to stop me when I faced the front door to leave. "You look well off," she said. "Your clothes are nice. You have a snobbish look on you. It's a shame because even with all that money, a girl like you wouldn't be accepted to our school, much less by Lynx's parents. You have to be so much better, and well, you're not. I bet you can't even dance to save your life. Basic girls don't have much to offer."

  Basic? Nothing to offer? Enough was enough. I twirled to her, yanked my arm from her claws, and put a finger under her chin. "You're on," I said. "Give me the time and place, and we'll finish this." She needed to be taught a lesson. She needed to be sorry. Nobody could call me bimbo and get away with it.

  Chapter 28

  Queens shouldn't be affected by the jester's jokes for they were made to provide relief in the most boring and stressful days of Her Highness. But sometimes fools overstep their boundaries, so the queen must keep them in line. It wasn't so much as being affected. It was a convincing way of showing power to both the fools and the people, giving a valuable lesson that the queen should never be trifled with. Thus, I have consented to Julia's challenge. She might have been the queen of the Midnight Cafe before, but that was all in the past. There was a new ruler now, and she must bow down at any cost, even if I had to make my toes bleed.

  We were given a whole day to practice for the showdown. In desperate need, a person must team up with the people she'd be most comfortable with. Her trusted allies. For me those were Casper and Lulu, the former not having left since they became a couple, and was staying in the hotel nearby.

  The rules of the competition were as followed; Julia and I would get a chance to show our moves in three rounds. First round was ballet. After performing different techniques, the audience would judge the winner. The same conditions applied for the second round, though it was hip-hop and not ballet that we were required to perform. The third was freestyle. We could do anything under the sun, provided that Lynx would give the final decision. I was 50/50 with her. You'd understand why after a moment.

  "And one, two, three, and four." Casper counted with the music. "No, not that way. This way, Scotland." He grabbed at his hair. "That's not what I meant. You'll break your toes. Blimey!" Why was he using British slang? My backside banged on the floor before I could answer the question. I groaned. The studio's dance floor was clean and shiny thanks to my constant dropping, sliding, and screw-ups for the past two hours. Casper motioned to his neck at Lulu. The music stopped, with only my haggard breaths to disrupt the silence. "Maybe you should take a break," he said to me, putting a hand on his waist.

  I wiped my forehead with the collar of my shirt. I've never perspired this much since arriving in town, notwithstanding the jog I did on some mornings to keep my endurance. Ballet was a different kind of torture. My cheerleading teammates from high school would whine and complain whenever the coach suggested it for strength and conditioning, and I wasn't far off.

  "I'm good," I said, and used the beam on the wall to get up. The muscles on my legs tightened. I quickly stretched it to avoid the lurking cramps that would have surely killed me. RIP. "This is nothing. We should redo the whole steps. Lulu, please turn the music on."

  "Don't do anything, Lu," Casper instructed, keeping an eye on me. Lulu pouted on the side, not sure who to follow. He was using his boyfriend power on her. I should have known this day would come. "Why are you doing this?" he asked. "Ballet has always been your weak spot. You didn't want it when mom offered for lessons when we were kids. Hated and acted like a brat when she pursued the subject. The teacher would have sued for injury when you threw your jawbreakers at her if it wasn't for dad's intervention."

  A good memory, I must say. They shouldn't force me into anything. I eventually took the thwarted lessons after years, but in my mind I've already given up. It was unappealing to me. "I don't have a weak spot," I corrected, holding on to the beam. "Ballet is not for everyone. If you don't agree, maybe you should try it."

  "I had, and I actually enjoyed it." I hated when he pointed that out. It was the one discipline that eluded me. All the rest I could do perfectly. Casper stared into space, resting his chin on his hand. "I know better than to argue with you," he accepted. It was like he was talking to himself and not directly at me. From the corner of my eye, I saw Lulu nodding to herself. Damn right the two of you should know that by now. Casper shrugged and waved his hand. "You won't stop until you win. Take a ten minute break. Then we'll continue with your en pointe, pirouettes, or whatever you want to do without breaking your neck."

  At his directive, I dragged myself to the corner and snatched the bottle of water. It was the best drink I'd had in a while though it wasn't cool as when I've left it. When the bottle was back on the floor and I opened my bag to get a towel, I noticed my phone glowing. I faced the wall so the others wouldn't see my frown as I took the phone and read Lynx's message.

  'Don't go through with it,' she said. 'You're wasting your time.'

  The knife hit home to my chest. It was bad enough that Julia insulted me by saying I was a bimbo. Did Lynx have to add injury and send me these kinds of messages too? It was clear where here loyalty was. That's why I was torn for the last round of the contest where she was the judge. I thought she and I had an understanding of some type. Not a romantic understanding. More of camaraderie, perhaps? Didn't the familiarity principle worked for her too? If her ex girlfriend who thought so low of her was more important, I guess I just had to win the first two rounds so there wouldn't be a third.

  Shoving my things aside, I got up with renewed strength. "Enough rest," I said to Casper and Lulu. They broke their embrace to stare at me. Oh yes there was fire in my eyes. I wouldn't lose to anyone. "I'm bagging this thing."

  That night when we left the rented studio, my back was aching, my elbows hurt, and my ankle was ready to snap under my own weight. "Do you want me to carry you?" Casper asked, holding my arm in case I slipped.

  "I'm not a five year old anymore," I groaned. Casper used to carry me all the time when we were kids. Few people could play with the Roth's children, so he and I tend to stick together until we found our own set of friends in high school. "Why don't you grab me a taxi and spend the rest of the night with your girlfriend? My best friend could use a date." Lulu blushed when I glanced at her over my shoulder. They were in the beginning of their dating stage and the worst thing I could do was interfere. I winked at her.

  "Are you sure?" he said. "We can stay in and keep you company." Lulu nodded her agreement.

  "And make me a third wheeler?" I shuddered. "Sorry, but not this time. I also need my beauty rest. Queens need to look perfect when they get their award for being the best."

  Convinced that they wouldn't change my mind, Casper hailed a cab and gave the directions to the driver before closing the door. I glanced at the rearview mirror to make sure that it wasn't Lynx behind the wheel. The coincidence wouldn't work in her favor because for sure I'd be giving her a piece of my mind. She was betting on the wrong team. I'd show her. The desire to prove her wrong was high on my to-do list.

  I wasn't going into this contest totally ignorant about Julia, in case you were wondering. I understood who my competition was the very night that the challenge was issued. Unlike Lynx, Julia had her profile on the internet for the whole world to see. The snake knew what
she was getting into when she made the dare. Some would even call it cheating.

  She was currently the top student of dancing on the Ivy League school she was enrolled at. The best in the country when it came to performing arts. She had a blog where all her achievements were listed, along with the well-wishes of her fans. At a ripe age, big companies have already invited her to be a choreographer for their projects, but according to her profile, she refused the films, the glitz, and the glamour at the advice of her mentors. They thought it wasn't the right time for her. I've learned a lot of things from this research, more than you could ever think.

  On the day of the challenge itself, this was what happened.

  "We're going with you," Casper called from the sofa as I descended the stairs. He'd been insisting it the whole morning, and I've said the same reply over again, no.

  "Is this okay?" I said, looking down at the outfit I've chosen- a white cropped top that showed my navel, a looser streetwear pants that would allow me to move better, and colorful sneakers I've purchased the other day. "My varsity uniform is back home."

  Lulu snaked her eyes on me and made a thumbs up. "Ooh, girl you look cute." She whistled. "I'd hit that ass anytime."

  My grin was short-lived. "Yeah, but I'm not going there to impress anyone. I'm referring to comfort when I asked." And she wasn't the first to hit that ass, to be completely honest.

  "The outfit is fine," Casper said impatiently. Trust boys, whoever they were, to say the same thing. Mom would give him a disapproving glare if she heard. He checked his watch. "We better hurry. It's going to be on in forty-five minutes, and I don't want you to be late."

  "Settle down mother hen," I chided. "Didn't you hear what I said this morning? You and Lulu should stay here and guard the house. And don't ask me from what because I've had it with your sarcasm. I can't bring you to the cafe. I'm not even sure if they allow boys on the midnight party. It's for lesbians." He cocked an eyebrow. "And females who want to interview them, apparently." I tossed him my house keys. "Clean after yourselves before I get home." Both of them turned beet red as I went to the door. I always knew what to say and do to make them agree.