by Yuriko Hime
Lynx squeezed my breast when I tried to move her hand away. I chuckled. The she-wolf did it on impulse. After rolling away, I went to the stone fireplace to rekindle the fire. I didn't bother to cover myself. I'd go back to Lynx's side when I finished my tasks. Since the wood were already there, all I needed was to stack new ones to the pit and light a match. It felt like I've drank hot coffee once the room was orange again.
I noticed the papers that Lynx left last night. They were still above the fireplace right where she put them. She really shouldn't burn anything. She might need the information later. I took the pages to examine the contents.
"Don't read that!" Lynx yelled all of a sudden. Her bare footsteps resonated on the marble floor.
Flames licked the edge of the papers even before she twirled me around to face her. The sound of me slapping her cheek echoed louder than the burning of the wood or my strangled cry. "You're a liar," I whispered. "I can't believe I slept with a fucking liar." She touched the side of her face, shocked.
I waited for her to say anything. I waited and waited, but she didn't deny it. I hurried to my clothes, numbly, mechanically, a robot torn of feelings. This was the last time I'd ever trust her.
Chapter 34.
Name: Scotland Alba Marideux Roth
Nickname: Scotland, Scottie
Age: 18
Permanent Address: 2106 Atherton California
Current Address: 4637 The Borough
High School: Menlo
Honors: Valedictorian, Student Council President, Cheerleading co-captain (Gold on the nationals), Science fair 1st prize (contribution in combating global food crisis by introduction of special seedlings), Environmental Awardee recognized by UN, etc. Too many to mention.
Quote to live by: To know society is to understand oneself.
The minority are still human beings.
Course Taking In College: Sociology
Father: Richmond S. Roth
Mother: Clarine M. Roth
Sibling/s: Casper Enoch M. Roth
Favorite Food: Boiled lobster, ribeye steak, truffle, pizza, purple yam, etc.
Favorite Color: Purple, blue green
Languages: English, French, Arabic, Mandarin, etc.
Net Worth: ???
Page 1 of 10
I stared hard at the wall. The foamy sponge I've been rubbing on it had barely made a scratch. The warning was still there in bold paint for me to cringe at. Maybe I should have gone for the repaint.
Dumping the wet sponge on the bucket, I wiped my hand on paper towels, then went to the corner where I left my mp3 and speakers. "I'm done with you, Britney," I said. "Time for hard metal." The house was flooded with the sound of drums, cymbals, and a guy screaming at the top of his lungs about murdering someone. My thoughts exactly.
After an hour of scrubbing and belting out to different tunes, I stepped back to look at my handiwork. The ghost of the paint was still on the wall. It wouldn't do. Time for plan B.
The can of paints were waiting for me downstairs. I stacked them on my arms, careful not to drop a single one, and set foot on the stairs. First step, pick up the pace. Second step, clean up my place. Third step, get on with life. Fourth step, get a new wife. I frowned. That was a bad rhyme. Fifth step, I'm not the bad guy. Sixth step, just fell for a lie. Seventh step, there was no goodbye. Eight step, she should leave me and die.
"Much better," I murmured to myself after thirty minutes. The wall dripped wet with white paint, soaking the newspaper-covered floor. My clothes were also splattered, but at least the letters weren't visible anymore. This could be my destiny after all. I was to become the new Leonardo though my means were unconventional. I did just throw the contents of the tin cans to the wall without much fuss about the mess. But the results were amazing. Virgin's honor. Oh, wait. . .
The shrill ring of the phone downstairs tore through the silence of the house. I tapped my fingers on my chin. It could be Casper or Lulu, calling to ask if I was feeling better. I told them that I lost my phone for the umpteenth time and couldn't buy one because I was still sick. Didn't want them here either.
"Hi, this is Scotland. And Lulu," our voices rang below. "Call our cellphone's if we don't pick this up. We're probably outside or too busy being great. Ciao." Our innocent laughter's from the recording echoed before the beep. We sounded so carefree, so young. My tummy rumbled. And I sounded so hungry. When was the last time I've eaten?
"I know you're there," Lynx's voice entered my thoughts. It was low, strained, but still as I remembered it- heartbreakingly sexy. "I'm sorry," she said. "I've explained this every day since you left my house, but I'll say it again. I didn't mean to lie." Her voice cracked. "I might have known everything about you from the start, but that didn't mean that I was going to hurt you." Too late. You did. "I was doing it for my study. Scotland, please. . . I chose happiness. Believe me, I love you. Pick up the phone."
The tin can fell from my hands. What remained of it splashed on my sneakers, cold, wet, and sticky. I covered my ears and ran to my bedroom to hide. All the while, her lies still resounded in my head.
So what really happened? Ten pages long and too many pictures of me to count on her possession. That's what. The evidence she was going to burn before I stopped her. Before we did it. And she said that she had no idea who I was. With a strangled cry that latched on my throat, I grabbed my hard drive from the bed and pitched it outside the window. Useless piece of shit! I regretted the action soon as I did it. Someone could have been hurt. Wasn't that good though? Misery loves company. I buried my face on my hands. God, this was hopeless.
The floorboard outside my bedroom creaked. What was that? I should have been alone. With my heart thumping, I jumped off the bed and raced to lock the door. The knob turned a second after. "It's me," Lynx said.
I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt. Just as I suspected. "How did you get in?"
"Does it matter?"
"It matters to me."
"I. . ." She hesitated. "I picked the lock." There you go. She picked the lock. What else could she do aside from breaking in other people's homes, researching a person's full identity, lying to that person about it, then making her fall in love? She was a sick person. She wasn't who she said she was. She was a liar, a fake, and she'd probably seduced me because someone told her to do so. I wanted to trash on the floor after admitting that to myself, but what was the use? The outcome was still the same. I'd been a gullible girl in her hands. "Please let me in," she begged. She never begged. Another lie to convince me.
"Snakes aren't allowed in my room," I said contemptuously. "What do you want, really? A position in my father's company? A boost in social standing with my mother's influence? Why did you have to use me? It would have been so much better if you came straight to me and told me that." My voice was rising. "You didn't have to pretend that you loved me. Fuck you!"
The door wiggled as she tried to force herself in. "I am who I said I was," she defended. "I wasn't spying on you because of your parents or social standing. Those information about you. They're. . ." She paused. "I've told you, they're for my study."
"I don't want to hear your lies," I hissed. "Leave me alone."
"I'm not going anywhere until you hear my side," she insisted. "I was desperate to find a research study, and you came at a perfect time."
Did she think I was stupid? "No, you intentionally stalked me," I accused.
"I didn't. The first time I saw you, I was driving a taxi because it was easier to study people that way. I'm an anthropologist. You should understand this by now." The doorknob jiggled again. "Can you let me in? I want to talk to you face to face so you can see how sincere I am." A fresh wave of anger ran through my body. We were looking straight at each other while on the floor, naked. If she was really sincere, she would have told me everything then. "You rode my taxi after dumping the guy on the alley," she continued. "At first I didn't recognize you, but then you closed your eyes and talked in your sleep."
My knuck
les turned white. "Did. . . Did you rape me?" My voice was so low, I didn't think it possible for her to hear.
"I was a liar, not the lowest creature on earth," she growled. Same thing. Her breathing was hard. "You were mumbling about finding the lesbians, and since you didn't give me your exact address, I took you to the cafe. I realized who you were when I was carrying you in my arms. You were Scotland Roth, the daughter of possibly the richest man alive. What were you doing there without an entourage? Why were you in the alley? And then it hit me. I could use you for my study."
My laugh sounded empty. "So that's what you really wanted," I said. "You used my body, you used me for your study, and you were going to get my money. Well bad news for you. My parents wouldn't give me my share of the wealth until I was twenty one. You had to wait a little longer until you killed me in my sleep so you can inherit it."
Daddy was right. Modesty would take me nowhere, as with trusting snakes like Lynx. It was a ruthless, cutthroat world. She was the first and last to do this to me. The lies stung more than anything I've experienced before. She didn't need to kill me in my sleep. She did it to me while my eyes were wide open, adoring her. "And to think I became a lesbian for you," I said.
Lynx drew in a long breath. "Don't give me that," she said. "You were a lesbian before you met me. That's what the research was for. You're an intelligent woman. You've figured this out."
Three more set of footsteps approached. One, heavy. Another, shuffling. The last, meek and unsure. I shrank back from the door. "Who's there?" I said. Hired hooligans to rape and plunge their knives in me? Her friends from whoever she worked for? My hands balled into fists. It was a pity I've left my phone in her house when I stormed out. Calling the police would be kinder. With my mood, I didn't know what I'd do with them.
"It's us." I recognized Joe's voice. "Lynx asked us to go here."
I wasn't surprised that they knew each other anymore. "I'm not opening the door," I said stubbornly.
"We don't want you to. We just need you to hear us out." I plugged my ears. It didn't do a thing to thwart her explanation. "Lynx was planning to help the world through you, Scotland. People like you who were raised to get everything you needed. You have a leverage. Lynx wanted to even the playing field to give everyone a chance. By testing your reactions, your decisions, and by giving you subtle challenges, she'd know your limit. Through that she can figure out the differences and bridge the gap."
"It was unethical to do it without permission," Nicky added, to support Joe's claims. "But didn't you do the same thing with me on your experiment?"
I squared my shoulders. She had the nerve to compare. "That's different," I said. "I never sought a relationship with you, Nicky. It was strictly professional between us."
"Lynx didn't mean to do that too," she said. "We're her friends. We warned her against the possible attachment, but she cared for you anyway. When you needed subjects for your own study, she asked Joe and me to be involved. When you needed a person to boost your morale, Lynx asked Erika to step in."
"I told you not to call me that. My name is Pudgy," someone complained.
"Don't get us wrong. Your study is still one hundred percent accurate," Nicky said. "We could never have predicted that you'd tie me on the metal bed and try to scare me to death. Our response to your study was legitimate. You don't have to worry about that." Erika and Joe murmured their agreements. "Lynx fell in love with you," Nicky continued. "It wasn't because she followed you with the taxi, in the movie house, the spa, or anywhere else. Everything you did intrigued her. We'd never seen her so smitten with anyone until you."
Smitten? I pulled my jeans to check. Still there. "Is that why she tattooed me with a lynx? Because she was smitten?" I said. "Or was it because aside from being a pathological liar, she was psychologically impaired too?" I vowed to have the tattoo erased soon as this mess was over. It was scalding my skin, and I didn't want to see the memory of her every time I was naked.
"She didn't tell us about it," Joe said. "Don't you see? When she realized she was falling for you, Lynx ended the research. She didn't care that her parents were pressuring her for results at the risk of disownment. She wanted to bury it all behind her and start fresh with you. Her grandma promised to support her with the decision. She was supposed to study a great mind, but she fell in love with it instead. We can't dispute that."
I leaned my head on the door. They could explain all they want, but something, a larger issue still nagged at me, and I wouldn't conceal it like they did. "My net worth statement was printed on her data sheet," I murmured. "Explain that."
"All in the name of data gathering," Pudgy said. "Nothing more. If you can't admit that, then you're the biggest hypocrite that has ever walked this planet."
Following the statement, the door thumped and vibrated, as though someone had smacked it with her fist. "Don't say that about her," Lynx said angrily. Even at my defense, every time she spoke, my heart would get this painful jab.
I was tired of speaking to them. There was only so much lie a person could take in a day, and I had my fair share. "I'm not coming out," I declared. "Not while you're all here. You can either stay and let me starve, or go away. I don't care."
The standoff lasted for a day. They've knocked on my door to entice me with soup, chicken, or God-forbid, the favorite foods listed in the infamous research Lynx has done about me. No matter what they bought, no matter what they said, I didn't budge.
Let me tell you about my travel to Cambodia. Casper, Lulu, and I went there in hopes of meeting the leader monk who has been praised and worshipped like a God by his people. At first he didn't want to talk to us because we were outsiders, but I was an insistent girl. I got my way. Not only did the monk taught me to fight, part of his training was to deprive me of food and water when meditating inside the stone temple. Starving for a day or two was nothing compared to that experience. I was disciplined for it. But since Lynx and the others worried for my health, they left my house.
It wasn't without its demerits. Lynx called me every hour for a whole week until I cut the phone line, tired of hearing it ring. After a few more days, Casper and Lulu came back to live with me. Everything was as it should be, or so I thought.
One morning, Lulu, bright-eyed and dressed for the nines, nudged me awake. When that didn't work, she progressed to insistent shaking. "What do you want?" I said, covering my face with the blanket. I was still exhausted from yesterday's activities. Since college was three weeks away, Lulu and Casper urged me to prepare the transfer. It would have been lovely if they helped me carry my things to the dorm, not walk around campus like sightseeing honeymooners. It was unbearable.
"I found a solution to your problem." Her tone said that she wouldn't rest until she'd given me her case. "You know how Lynx is still bothering you with text messages even with your new number? We don't have to bludgeon her after all."
I didn't know how to respond. Truthfully, all I wanted to do was sleep and not talk about my ex who I was still desperately in love with. Fantasizing at night and hating her by day. It was unbecoming of a Roth.
Lulu bounced on my bed, making me feel nauseous. "I've been researching and researching, testing with my babies and candles," she said. "I think I've done it, Scottie." She yanked the blanket from me.
It was too early for this. I rolled to face her. "Can you please give that back?" I said.
She smirked. "Exactly, I'm giving you your freedom back." She wiggled her fingers like a magician about to perform a spell. "My voodoo has worked! Lynx and everyone else you've met after we transferred here has forgotten about you. It's like this whole thing never happened."
Chapter 35.
Lulu has promised to give my freedom back, but what did that word mean? To a poor farmer, freedom was having enough money to buy the land he labored on, so he didn't have to answer to a landlord. To a student, freedom was the last bell ringing in the afternoon, telling him that the day was over and he could go back home to play. To a teenage
r, freedom was attending a party with a boy she liked unsupervised. For the gay community, it was the capacity to marry or love someone without being judged.
All of those were equally important, save for the fact that it didn't apply to me. I didn't want to be free. What I wanted was to be with Lynx, and that was impossible.
"How do I know that you're telling the truth?" I said that morning, bathed and dressed, sitting on the living room sofa with Lulu and Casper. They stopped being cheesy in my presence ten minutes ago. Thank goodness. I couldn't take any more of the sweetness. It made my skin crawl. The two of them looked at each other like they knew something I didn't. That was another thing to be concerned about. They've never kept secrets from me. Was this what it was like to be free to love someone? To end up shackled with that person too?
"You're too much of a cynic these days," Casper said. "You used to believe that nothing was impossible with us Roth's." It was not being a cynic but being cautious. Too many people wanted to break other people's hearts. Mine was still in recovery.
"We're talking about voodoo here," I said. "Outside the realm of men. How am I suppose to believe that no one knows me from here anymore? Show me facts. Otherwise I'm going to waste my time. If you can recall, I still have a book to rewrite and a dorm room to furnish."
Casper lifted the voodoo doll he was holding to eye level and looked at it without flinching. He didn't shy away from it anymore. The two of them treated it like a baby. Shudder-inducing if you asked me. "I'm going to name him James," he said to Lulu.
"But your puppy is named Jessie," I pointed out.
"That's the idea." He handed the voodoo doll to his happy girlfriend. They've become the Addams Family. Yay for them. "The proof you're looking for is right outside this door," he said to me. "Ask around. See if anyone recognizes you."