by Yuriko Hime
I crossed my arms. "You just want me to leave the house so you can hog Lulu to yourself," I said. He shrugged. "How far will this joke go?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Are you afraid?"
Of what? I jolted from the sofa. His plan to intimidate me wouldn't work. "There should be food ready and an explanation from you two when I come back." I went to the door.
"Scottie?" Lulu said when my hand was on the knob. I swung around. "I'm sorry for what you'll find." She lowered her eyes. "Freedom is not always as we expect it. You might hate me when you come back home. I want you to know beforehand that everything was done to make you happy."
I snorted. "Thanks for the warning."
The glow outside was too bright. I had to let my eyes adjust for a while before glancing back at them. I wish I didn't. They were unsmiling and grave, the lightheartedness from the conversation a while ago all but gone. An awful feeling settled on my stomach, telling me not to go. I shook my head. This was a prank, nothing more.
If I were to test the validity of their claims, the bookstore would be a good place to start. There was one in the neighboring street. If you could remember, it was the place where I bought the tape recorder way back then. The same recorder in my pocket now. Habits die hard they said, and since we were on that topic, let me impart another valuable lesson. It was a good way for me to pass the time. Better think about productivity than she who must not be trusted. Because snake.
Anyway, they said that habits could form after 21 days of repetition. They were right and wrong, as proven in a study made in London. Maybe it would take 21 days if the habit you wanted to form was easy, like drinking a glass of water every morning after you wake up. Do that for 21 days and it would be so natural you wouldn't need to think about it. But for harder tasks, like exercise or memorizing a new foreign word every day, it would take longer than 21 days. Consider that when you want to become good at something. And now I was in the bookstore and you didn't even notice me get here. Aha! My diversionary tactic worked.
"Excuse me," I said to the girl behind the counter. She was a new employee. You know how they'd wear a vest or a different colored shirt from the rest of the staff, and how they'd have this lost look about them like they weren't sure of what they were doing? Yeah, that. She was new. "Where's the guy that usually handles this store?"
"He's on sick leave," she answered. In that case, I was wasting my time here.
"Thank you."
I was tempted to call Casper and Lulu to tell them that I was coming straight home. But then if I did that, they'd think they won their game, whatever it was. I needed to win and prove that I was still great. Heh, if Lynx heard me saying that she'd. . . I shoved my hands in my pocket. She'd poison my thoughts with her lies and wrap me around her fingers until I suffocated. Never, ever think of her. Didn't I agree on that with myself? I should go someplace else.
The voices of the choir resonated blocks from the church. They were angels, coming down to earth to gift me with their melodic masterpiece. There was something about the church that calmed me even if I wasn't religious. Maybe it was the music or the solemnity. Maybe it was the absence of the chatter of gossipers that made it easier for me to think. Whichever it was, I stepped into the grounds to find myself looking at the altar boy. The priest's not-so-secret son who was a little off in the head as the rumors said. Just the person I was looking for.
"Long time no see," I said, going nearer to him. He was just outside the big wooden doors. There was no mass inside, only practice for the choir. "Do you recognize me?"
The altar boy looked at me long and hard, studying me from head to foot. I felt oddly excited. Winning in any competition, stated or not, still gave me pleasure. It had lessened the last few days, strangely enough, but it was still there. Two words and I'd ask Casper and Lulu to come here. All he had to do was say El Diablo. "Good day to you, miss," he said.
"That's not what you usually call me," I said, frowning.
He looked quizzical. "What do I usually call you?"
"Something meaner." I didn't want to say it aloud. It seemed foolish coming from me. "You despise me, remember? You think my friend and I are seductress from hell." I made little horns on my head with my fingers.
"I would never think that about you, or anyone else," he said, baffled. "My father said that we should treat all men equally. You may be a woman, but you have my respect."
That's it. I grabbed him with both hands by the collar, so sudden that he squeaked in mild surprise, and dragged him to the side of the church where no one would spot us. "Drop the act," I hissed. "You're in church grounds. No lying." God, I despised that word. I recovered from cringing and established why I was there. "Did my brother and best friend put you up to this? Tell me."
He shook his head frantically. "I don't know them. I swear by Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior. Hail be to Him." I let go. Well that was nice. He was telling the truth. "Where are you going miss?" he said as I walked away. Settling a score? Getting evidence from elsewhere? Anywhere but here.
The next couple of stops I made were either to restaurants where I've eaten before, or establishments I'd frequented for observation and private purposes. None of them provided me with what I needed. Most of the staff were new, temporary workers, or absent from sickness. The season was transforming from summer to fall, and with it came sniffles and coughs.
Sitting on the bench of the park, I stared at the emptiness. There used to be a funfair here days ago. Just like the good weather, it had come and gone, leaving us to find fun for ourselves again. The positive part was I didn't have to look at the carousel and reminisce about stuff. Lulu said I was taking things well, and I did. Life went on. I'd gotten myself a new phone, new locks for the doors, a new laptop, and a new dorm. Once I got settled in and started college, this would all be forgotten like a bad dream.
An idea formed in my head. New phone, but I still had the number memorized. Taking it from my pocket, I dialed Joe's number. We haven't talked for a while and I had no intention of being friends again, but this she could do for me. After waiting a couple of rings she finally answered. "Who's this?" she said. My heartbeat skipped. She didn't know me. Was this the power of voodoo? I scratched my cheek. No, of course not. I just said the phone was new didn't I?
"This is Scotland Roth," I said, not bothering to hide my last name. How are you, you lying motherfucker?! I took a deep breath. "How are you?"
"I'm great," she replied. "But who is that?"
I chuckled. "You're not going to play this with me again, are you? You've had your fun with the snakes. I need a favor from you."
There was a pause. "Seriously, dude. I don't know who you are. I've been getting tons of prank calls lately. Maybe they're from you." She sounded disgusted. "Look, I'm a working student. I'm busy. I have no time for you, bitch." She cut the line. I stared at my phone. What the hell just happened? Joe had always been a gentle girl. She'd been a snake to keep things from me, but she wasn't the type to word things like that.
I prowled the park all day like an animal set loose from the zoo, thinking about things. By nightfall and too many mosquito bites to count, I decided that my choices were rather limited. I could stay there and die from the bite, or I could turn into mosquito girl, whatever. That aside, I could go home to Casper and Lulu who were probably laughing at me while toasting their glasses of wine. Or. . . Or I could go to the Midnight Cafe which I'd avoided under all circumstances to kidnap, I meant retrieve a girl, and show them the proof that their voodoo didn't work.
I cursed the Gods for giving me more than the right amount of competitive gene as I stood outside the cafe later on. I've gone in circles, wanting to go home, only to go back here like a firefly drawn to the light. An apt description considering the cafe was the only business open. The rest of the stores nearby were closed and dark because of the time. I searched my pocket for a coin. Heads I go, tails I stay. I sighed. This was ridiculous. What was I so scared of?
The soft music playin
g in the background reached my ears when I stepped in. Then came the aroma of coffee, the homey ambiance of the place, and I could almost taste the creaminess in my mouth as I ambled to the counter. I didn't dare glance at the spot on the corner. "The usual please," I said to granny.
She was stacking the cups and had stopped to gaze at me. "What's the usual?"
"Cappuccino, not too strong, heavy on the cream. You've been giving me that from the start. Why stop now?"
She placed the remaining cups down. "What start? This is the first time I've seen you." I snapped my eyes to her. Granny wasn't a joker. Wasn't a liar either. She might not be a huge talker, but when she did incite conversations, it was usually short and straight to the point.
While I was floored and quizzical with the turn of events, the cafe door opened, taking the smell of whoever was coming inside with it. Earthy and musky. The cold icicles on my heart thawed. Not long after, her elbows were propped on the counter, arms outstretched, hand resting near me. I couldn't tear my eyes from the ring on her index finger. I've sent it back to her with a formal note, telling her not to bother me again or I'd send word to my parents. I couldn't breathe. "One usual," she said to granny.
"Coming right up," granny said. "Wait on your table while I prepare it for you."
"Thanks."
I thought she'd stick around or look at me till my cheek was burned from her stare. We haven't seen each other in a while, haven't talked either. Instead, she withdrew her hand and made for the table. I followed her with my eyes, confused, but otherwise not missing a thing; The curve of her shoulders; Her titian colored hair that was only seen in paintings; The way her footsteps barely made a sound on the wooden floor; How she placed her leather satchel on a chair before sitting, oblivious to anyone but her surroundings. I was sure she'd seen me. Was she so afraid of my warnings that she decided to cut all ties? I left granny to go to her.
"Aren't you rude not to ask me to sit with you?" I said once I reached her table.
She glanced up as if hearing my voice for the first time. Weird that I've memorized every speck of her blue green eyes, but somehow it was like looking at a stranger. Or maybe it was her. She was looking at me as if I was a stranger. "Would you like to sit down?" she said.
I pulled a chair and sat. Was this how it felt to see someone you've loved so much after breaking things with her? It was like diving in an ocean you haven't swam on in a while. It was familiar, and you knew you loved it once, but it was cold and biting just the same. You had to tread carefully or drown.
Lynx retrieved documents from her satchel and laid it on the table. The quiet was bothersome. All I could hear was the shuffling of the papers and the scratching of her pen as she started to write. Scratch, scratch. Scratch, scratch. I snapped. "Would you just speak to me?!" I said. She'd won in the reverse Psychology, I'd give her that, but I wasn't to be ignored by a snake. I wanted to see her squirm. She needed to be as miserable as me or maybe worse for what she'd done. That could be my only revenge for her breaking my heart. I wanted to punish her.
"Speak to you about what?" she said.
"I don't know." I banged my fist on the table. "Say something. Do something. Kneel, beg, smash your head with a rock." I couldn't control my anger. Everyone was staring at us.
Lynx put the pen down and gave me her full attention. "You must be out of your mind then," she stated. "I won't do that for anyone, especially someone I don't know." Our eyes leveled with each other. There was no love in her stare, no recognition. She wasn't hurt or ashamed. She was just. . . a stranger. I was hit with the full gravity of what she said.
"You don't know me?" I asked, my eyes beginning to water. You didn't love me?"
"I never loved you," she said her expression unchanging. As if she didn't hurt me. As if she wasn't the one who killed me.
Chapter 36
There were thousands of ways to die. By fire, scalded and burnt. By torture, fingernails plucked off, tooth extracted, excruciating pain. By nature, drowning or drought, all leading to the same fate. But none of them, I found out, was worse than hearing someone you love not love you back. At least other ways of dying would only last for an hour or so, sometimes days. This? This was unbearable, gut-wrenching, and there was no escape. It was like losing small amounts of blood, until the life was drained, and a person was bone dry. The agony would continue for a long time.
I stumbled on the chair behind me, toppling it noisily to the floor, tripping me with it. My backside hit the cold tiles hard. I barely noticed the pain. Lynx rushed to my side, stormy blue green eyes, putting her arms around me. For a second there I thought she'd confess that she made a mistake. It was a joke, a lie, just like what she did before. Then we'd find a way to settle the score and be done with the whole thing. Let bygones be bygones.
"Are you alright, miss?" she said as she lifted me up. The question shattered me. I couldn't move a single limb. She lead me back to the chair, offering full support, disregarding the onlookers. "Maybe you should stay by my table until you're alright."
There was no way I could look at her. No way I could trust myself not to break down. I focused on her things, like the uncapped pen and the light scratches on her leather satchel, or her perfect handwriting and how her letter I's were slanted. Still, it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
She pulled her chair closer. Her scent taunted me. So was her skin that radiated warmth. And her long fingers. I couldn't bear to think that it wouldn't touch me again in those secret parts that made us giggle, and me cry out in the dark. This was wrong and perplexing, overcomplicated to think about. She tucked a stray hair behind my ears, adding insult to injury. I flinched.
"I think you have me confused with someone else," she said. "I can't be in love with you. I have a girlfriend." Her chest rose. "Her name is Julia."
My palm connected to her cheek without preamble. The sting on my fingers didn't give me satisfaction, only more bitterness. The chair scraped on the floor as I stood. Lynx was touching her face, staring at me like I poured boiling water on her. "I hope you're happy with her," I managed to choke out. "You deserve each other." I stormed out of the cafe, dignity gone, tasting the saltiness in my mouth.
How could this happen? I'd heard of rituals and sacrifices but had never truly believed in them. We were in the modern age. Magic and spells had no room here, and yet I was seeing the result firsthand. Did Lulu? Did she? I took my phone out and started dialing her number with trembling fingers.
"I knew you'd call," she answered on the first ring. "Where are you? Casper and I will pick you up."
"You're a mind reader now?" I said.
"Are you crying?!" She sounded so shocked. I was a beauty, not the beast. What did she expect?
"Give me the phone," Casper's agitated voice rang in the background. It was easy for me to imagine him pacing, scratching on his chin, worried for his sister.
"I don't think she needs that right now," Lulu said to him. To me she said, "Tell me where you are and we'll make you feel better."
I rubbed my puffy eyes hastily. Crying was something I didn't think I'd do for anyone, no matter what stage in my life. "Until when will the effect last?" I sniffed. "Will she remember me tomorrow? How did you do it?"
She gave a weary sigh, and I remembered how she warned me against hating her. I didn't. She thought she was helping. "The details are unimportant if you're not a fan of animal slaughter and incantations," Lulu said. "It's done, but it's not entirely irreversible. We can set things to normal with another spell. Do you want that? I've done this so you can be free from the burden of her and live your life as a single woman. You've told me she was a liar. She can't lie to you anymore, but if you still love her, things can go back to the way they were. Just say the word."
I was about to say yes. Yes, give her back to me. Lynx belonged in my arms, in the crooked spaces that no one could touch, but then something stopped me. "She's with Julia now," I said, hearing the anger and hurt in my voice. Voodoo or not, she didn't h
ave a right to replace me.
"Insignificant," Lulu said. "Lynx probably thought of that because of the spell. I meant it when I said I could turn this around, but doing so requires you to forgive her and move on. You've been stuck in denial. First you didn't want to admit that you were with her, then you've been rejecting that you were hurt. It's time you face the truth."
"I need more time to think about this," I said.
"What is there to think about?" It was Casper, taking the phone from Lulu. They must have put me in speaker. "You love her, and she loves you. Obviously you can't stand that she's forgotten you. You've never cried for anyone before." His voice faltered. "I don't see the point of continuing this, Scotland. Forgive Lynx and get back with her once this is over."
"No," I said. "Not yet. I feel irrational and upset. Don't you remember what daddy said about making decisions? We can't do that when we're extremely happy, sad, or excited because it clouds our judgment. That has always been the foundation of the Roth's, and I have every intention of upholding it today. I'm going to spend the night at a bed and breakfast, so don't wait for me. I'll come back tomorrow morning with a decision."
The two of them protested in the background until I cut the call. I've almost forgotten that I was Scotland Roth. I was a thinker and a problem solver. This whole thing could work in my favor or blow on my face. Whichever, I needed to dry these tears and sleep. It's been a long day.
At 5:30 am on the dot, I ran. At 6 am, I showered and dressed. By 7 in the morning I'd made my decision and was on my way back to the house. Casper was going down the stairs when I went through the door. "You're up surprisingly early," I said, tossing the house keys on the center table. "No midnight shag?"
He was in front of me in a few steps, holding my face tenderly in his hands. "Your eyes are red, baby sister." He hasn't called me that in a while. He must really be worried. "Have you made a decision? Lulu is busy setting up a place to do her spells. I'll call her when you give your go-signal."