“Oh.” Elliot didn’t know what to say. She’d asked, but she hadn’t been quite prepared for the answer.
“I don’t like the idea of people talking about me.”
“I don’t think they are.”
“Maybe not yet. But if anyone saw us together in any situation other than work, they would talk. Half of them would jump right on the most salacious possibility and say I can’t keep my hands off you, and half of them would say I’m too uptight to ever carry on an affair with you. And you know what bothers me the most?”
Elliot shook her head.
“They’re both right.”
“Kelly?” Elliot asked slowly, her chest full of emotions that pushed at her rib cage and expanded her lungs, but she didn’t dare let any one of them take hold until she got some clarification. Only she didn’t know which point she wanted to clarify first. “You can’t keep your hands off me?”
Kelly glanced down to their intertwined fingers. “Apparently not. And I can’t keep you at arm’s length emotionally, either. I’ve tried. God— I’ve tried work, and distraction, and being outright rude to you, but then I go and suggest this dinner tonight—”
“Which was wonderful.”
“Yes. But it shouldn’t have been. It should’ve been business, taxes, case studies, and job searching tips, but all I can think about with you sitting across from me is what a great smile you have, and how your passion makes you even more magnetic, and how, no matter how hard I struggle against your pull, I only end up wanting to be closer to you.”
Elliot’s breath caught in her throat. She didn’t know what she could possibly say in return to make Kelly understand how she’d
just turned her insides to mush. Kelly liked her. Kelly wanted her. Kelly was holding her hand and looking up at her with those pleading brown eyes. And her lips— so full and red against her pale skin.
Suddenly the lack of words didn’t matter. She didn’t know what to say because she didn’t have to say anything. A certainty she’d often hoped for but rarely experienced washed over her as she pulled Kelly close, wrapping her free arm around Kelly’s slender waist and relishing the feel of their bodies pressed together for a few delicious seconds. Then, lowering her head, she took Kelly’s mouth with hers.
Kelly moaned, melting into the kiss. God, she needed this. She still had the awareness to realize she might regret the kiss later, but she simply didn’t care. Right then, the only thing that mattered was the sensual press of Elliot’s lips.
God, she could kiss. Kelly eagerly opened up to everything Elliot had to offer. Hot and wet, and so damn skilled, Elliot owned her. She backed her across the office until she bumped up against the desk. A cup full of pencils clattered to the floor, and Kelly felt as if the walls she’d put up to guard herself from this moment might make the same sound as they tumbled down.
Elliot’s fingers splayed across the small of her back, holding her close and caressing her through the thin cotton of her oxford shirt. She wanted those hands everywhere. She had to touch Elliot all over. Needed to feel her smooth skin.
Cupping Elliot’s face with her free hand, she caressed her cheek, then ran the tips of her finger up to the faint ridge above her eyebrow. She traced the thin line, remembering the wound that had split them both open the first time. This time she brought more composure to the encounter, but she didn’t delude herself into thinking she had any more control. With Elliot, loss of control seemed to be just another one of her many draws.
She ran her fingers back down Elliot’s jaw line, then followed the subtle cleft in her chin right under the lips that worked magic against her own. Elliot kissed her slowly, passionately, luxuriously, and still she craved more.
She slid her hand down Elliot’s chest, circling each button before dipping lower until she hooked one finger through a belt loop and gave a little tug. Elliot pushed closer, spreading her legs just enough for Kelly to work one of hers into the empty space. She thrilled at the cool silk of Elliot’s slacks against the heat of her own thigh.
Elliot pulled her lips away only far enough to skim them across the curve of her neck, first kissing, then nibbling as she went.
“God help me, I can’t get enough of you.” Kelly threw her head back in a primal show of surrender, but submission to whatever this thing between them might mean did not equate to passiveness. She worked her hand along the waistline of Elliot’s trousers, caught hold of the zipper, and pulled. It made such a satisfying sound in the silent office, and she felt power surge through her. She could take, she could possess, she could have everything she wanted right now. Loosening her grip on restraint had finally given her the type of control she’d been missing for years.
Then the phone rang, harsh and shrill, an alarm waking them from the most wonderful dream. They both jumped, then stared at each other in surprise.
“Leave it,” Elliot said, between heavy breaths.
Kelly nodded and grabbed Elliot’s shirt, pulling her back in. “We’re closed. They can call back tomorrow.”
Elliot leaned close again, touching her forehead to Kelly’s and waiting until the phone stopped sounding its warning before asking, “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” Kelly kissed her cheek. “How about you?”
“Yes.” The word fluttered against her skin, heating as it went.
“Good. Then where were we?”
Elliot sprang forward again, hips, legs, lips, and all of her body weight pinning Kelly to the desk in the most gloriously intrusive way, but before they even got back to the point where they’d left off, Kelly’s cell phone rang and rattled its way across the desk.
“Kill it,” Elliot said hoarsely into the arch of her neck.
She shared the initial impulse, and if only she’d had a hammer handy, she might have smashed it, but she didn’t, and in reaching for it, she saw the number flash red across the screen. She stiffened, and Elliot immediately got the message.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“It’s the hospital.”
Elliot sagged against her, then pushed back enough to let her straighten. “Okay. You have to take it.”
Kelly bit her lip and tried to hold back a scream, but she used her free hand to retrieve the phone.
Elliott gave their still-connected hands a gentle squeeze. “It’ll be okay. It’s probably nothing.”
She nodded, but she didn’t believe it. Her life simply didn’t work that way. “Hello.”
“Miss Rolen?” an unfamiliar voice asked.
“Yes, this is she.”
“I’m calling about your father. He seems to have had another stroke, a small one or a couple small ones. We call them TIA strokes or mini-strokes.”
She knew the term. She’d read up on strokes enough to know they happened frequently enough to be a concern. She also knew they weren’t a good sign, the opposite of the progress she’d hoped for. She couldn’t think of what the opposite of progress was, and she didn’t have the time or wherewithal to worry about semantics. “And my
father had one of these TIA strokes?”
Elliot held her hand a little tighter.
“Yes, I’m afraid he’s had at least one.”
“At least one?” Why did she always end up reverting to just repeating things in these types of conversations?
“Yes, some of the side effects from his original stroke have returned. We’ve moved him back to critical care. He’s stable, but the doctor wants us to be prepared to transport him to St. Louis if his condition worsens.”
Kelly closed her eyes tightly. She couldn’t handle this. She couldn’t handle anything else right now.
“It’s okay,” Elliot whispered in her ear. “Tell them you’ll be right there.”
She took a deep breath and tried to draw strength from Elliot’s soothing tone, then, finding her voice once more, managed to say, “I’m on my way.”
She ended the call and looked up at Elliot, who managed to smile weakly.
“I’m sorry,” Kelly s
aid. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this to you again, but—”
“I understand,” Elliot said. “You have to go.”
Kelly stood a little straighter. “Thank you.”
Elliot opened her mouth as if to say more, then closed it again. She gave Kelly’s hand one last squeeze, then released her. “I hope everything’s okay.”
“Me, too.” Kelly blindly grabbed a few files off her desk and headed toward the door. “It’s probably going to be a late night. I don’t know if I’ll be back.”
“Of course. I’ll take care of everything here,” Elliot said, shifting back and forth, then looking down and noticing her zipper was still undone. Her cheeks turned pink as she pulled it back up.
She seemed so sweet and awkward and vulnerable. Kelly almost cried to have to leave her. Instead she stepped back and kissed her quickly on the mouth one more time. “I really am sorry.” What else could she say? Whatever happened between them had to take a back seat to her real life. Her real commitments. The things that would really matter long-term. There shouldn’t even be a conflict here. And still she felt torn enough to want to make them both understand.
Elliot forced a smile. “Just go.”
And she did. She walked out the door without looking back because she had to. But for the first time in a long time, she really didn’t want to.
Chapter Twelve
“Good morning,” Beth said cheerfully. “I brought you some W-2s and homemade blueberry muffins. Which do you want first?”
“Muffins,” Elliot said, then added an exaggerated, “duh.”
Beth laughed, and a dark curl fell into her eyes. She was so damned adorable. No wonder Rory never could put her foot down about all the wedding business. “You want some coffee?”
“Some of Kelly’s coffee? No, thank you.”
“I took over the coffee-making responsibilities during my first week on the job. I even bring the good stuff from home.”
“Well, in that case,” Beth said sitting down in the chair opposite her desk, “fill me up.”
Elliot poured them two piping hot mugs and added only slightly more sugar to Beth’s than she did her own before she took her seat.
“So, you mentioned something about muffins?”
“You heard that, did you?” Beth opened up a reusable grocery bag and pulled out a tin full of yummy goodness. “These are for you and Kelly, so don’t eat all of them.”
Elliot took a big inhale of the fresh baked goodies. “Kelly who?”
Beth laughed again. “Is she in?”
“No.” Elliot tried to hide her frown. “She got called to the hospital last night. I haven’t talked to her since.”
Beth’s brow furrowed with concern. “I take it she didn’t get good news.”
She didn’t want to betray anything, “It didn’t sound like it. She left in a hurry.”
She didn’t take the departure personally. She understood why Kelly had to go. If it were Syd, she would’ve done the same thing, but she didn’t have to like it. And she didn’t have to like that Kelly didn’t call or text. She really didn’t like coming in the next morning to find the office dark and empty. But she couldn’t very well tell Beth any of that. She couldn’t tell Beth anything. Hell, she couldn’t tell anyone anything.
“You seem worried.”
She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “Maybe a little bit. Mostly I’m tired.”
“You’re not putting in too many hours, are you?”
“No,” Elliot said quickly, then stuffed her mouth with muffin. At least she didn’t mind lying about her work nearly as much as she minded lying about Kelly. Hour restrictions were silly. Or maybe they came from a good place, but Kelly didn’t force her to put in the extra time. She chose to. She found the work challenging and wanted to help. Besides, she didn’t exactly have anything else to do in Darlington.
“Okay, I just know Kelly can come across as … intense.”
She loved the way everyone danced around those types of descriptors. Maybe rural Midwesterners saw intensity as a bad thing, but she admired Kelly’s ferocity, even when she found it inconvenient. If she had to name qualities that drew her to Kelly, she would list things like competency and confidence and, yes, even intensity. Kelly might not always make the choices she would’ve made, but once she decided to do something, she damn well did it.
“Kelly’s great.”
Beth eyed her seriously. “Kelly’s great?”
“What, you disagree?”
“No,” she said quickly, “I don’t. I think Kelly’s a special person. She’s very important to me.”
Elliot raised her eyebrows as she once again got the sense of something unspoken beneath Beth’s comments.
“She’s loyal, fair, steadfast, and she’s got a bigger heart than she likes to let on, but a lot of people don’t take the time to see those qualities. I thought you might, but I worried the two of you would clash until you got to know her.”
“We did at first,” Elliot said, then realized they’d actually sort of clashed the night before, too, only in a different way. “We’re in a better place now.”
“Good,” Beth said as though they’d just come to some agreement. “Then I feel good about leaving Rory’s and my taxes in your very capable hands.”
“Oh, I get to see what the great rebel warrior makes for a living?” she teased.
“Don’t act too disappointed when you see the actual pay stubs. Telling people they’re failing queer youth doesn’t get her many big bonuses.”
“Not the monetary kind, mind you, but I’m sure she’s storing up treasures in heaven.”
“You’re too smooth for your own good, but I’m going to use that one next time she’s depressed after balancing the checkbook,” Beth said. “In the meantime, do you mind if I use your restroom?”
“Go right ahead,” Elliot answered, flipping through the documents Beth left on her desk. She was already putting papers in order to be scanned when she heard a door open. It took her another couple of seconds to realize she’d heard the back door, not the bathroom door.
She sprang to her feet and met Kelly in the hallway.
“Morning,” Kelly said. Her eyes were accentuated with dark circles, and she wore her hair down, which made her face seem even thinner than usual, but her smile at least appeared genuine.
“Morning,” Elliot replied carefully, casting a purposeful glance toward the bathroom. “How’s everything with your dad?”
“Not as bad as it could be,” she said. “He’s stable, and still at least somewhat verbal when he’s awake, which isn’t very often.”
“Good.”
Kelly sighed. “Thank you for being so understanding last night. I know I don’t have a very good track record.”
“No worries,” Elliot said quickly, then nodded toward the bathroom door again, but the gesture seemed to be lost on Kelly, who stepped closer and took her hand. The contact was so unexpectedly sweet Elliot couldn’t bring herself to pull away.
“Really, I didn’t plan anything about how we ended things. Everything after dinner caught me off guard, but I didn’t want a repeat of last time. You deserve better.”
“Kelly—” She swallowed her emotions. She needed to hear those words from her. She’d been dying to have this conversation for weeks, but, they couldn’t have it now.
Kelly pulled on her hand. “I’m not really good at talking about my feelings, and even less adept at admitting I have needs.”
“Kel,” Elliot pleaded, “listen to me.”
The doorknob to the bathroom turned and Elliot jumped back just as Beth stepped into view. “So as I was saying, Beth stopped by to drop off her taxes.” Elliot shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. “And she brought muffins.”
Kelly blinked a few times and then stiffened. Elliot watched the little muscles in her jaw twitch while she silently begged her to say something.
“Hi, Kel,” Beth said airily.
The name sounde
d intimate, and she realized she’d just used the same one. Had Beth heard? Is that why she’d chosen to use it? Surely not. The connection had to be coincidental, and yet as she thought back, she couldn’t recall ever hearing anyone else shorten Kelly’s name.
“Hi, Beth,” Kelly finally said.
“Did I interrupt something?” Beth asked.
“No,” Elliot and Kelly both said quickly, perhaps a bit too quickly.
“Because I can leave if you two need to be alone.”
Elliot laughed loudly. “What, to talk about our very clandestine tax filing plots? Don’t be silly.” Shit. The lie happened too fast, too easy.
To Beth.
She’d just lied to Beth about a woman.
And she’d done so quickly, easily, naturally.
“Elliot,” Kelly said, “will you get Beth’s files scanned for me? I’d like to look at them myself.”
“Sure thing,” she said, grateful for the cue to exit, but since her desk sat well within earshot of the hallway, she still heard everything they said.
“How are you doing?” Beth asked, slowly looking from Kelly to Elliot.
“Tired, but okay.”
“And how’s your dad?”
“He’s stable, but not improving. In fact, he’s relapsed a bit.”
“I’m so sorry.” The suspicion faded from Beth’s voice as concern took over. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“No,” Kelly said, the exhaustion evident under a thick layer of tension. “I’ve got plenty of work to keep me busy, but I can handle everything.”
“Of course you can,” Beth said, “but if you want any help or company or … never mind.” Beth must have realized she was speaking to the emotional equivalent of a brick wall or a locked door. Kelly might as well have not even been in the room. “You’re in work mode. I’ll let you get back to it.”
“Thank you,” Kelly said, her voice remote. “I’ll let you know when your taxes are done.”
“You can just have Elliot tell Rory next time they work out.”
Kelly didn’t respond, and Elliot didn’t know if she’d just reached her breaking point or if something else had torqued her off even more.
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