“Good, because you’ve got an interview next Friday.”
Elliot felt a little dizzy. “How?”
“I told you. One of the partners’ college roommates is dating a woman who works there,” she said in the same tone of voice she used when Elliot left wet towels on her bedroom floor. “She knows all about you, and she’d like to talk to you.”
“Do I need to send them anything?”
“I already emailed your résumé.”
“Mom!”
“Don’t ‘Mom’ me. This isn’t like the times I let you dress yourself when you were three just to avoid a tantrum. If you’d sent your stuff, it would’ve gone into the slush pile with all the other applicants. This way it goes right to the committee members.”
Her stomach tightened. “I don’t want to get a job because my mom knows someone.”
“You don’t have the job. You have an interview. This is how business works. Connections get your foot in the door. You have to take it from there.”
She wasn’t sure she believed the logic completely. She was still getting an advantage many of the other applicants didn’t have, but she would be the one to seal the deal or fall flat on her ass in the interview. Surely if she didn’t belong in the same class as the top applicants, both she and the hiring committee would know soon enough. “Okay. So, a week from Friday. Ten days. I’ll have to miss work.”
“Surely your boss will be sympathetic.”
Elliot snorted. The word sympathetic didn’t seem an apt descriptor for Kelly, but Elliot didn’t think she’d stop her. “I’ll make it work.”
“Good. We’ll talk more later about how to prepare, but right now I have to run. My client’s here.”
“Oh, okay.” Elliot wished Syd wouldn’t hang up just yet, but she couldn’t think of a logical reason to say so. “I’ll talk to you later. And thank you. For everything.”
“I love you, Champ.”
“I love you, too, Syd.”
She hung up the phone and flopped back into her desk chair. An interview. At a think tank. Doing research that could lead to actual policy changes. And in Washington, D.C. She couldn’t ask for a better opportunity. Why wasn’t she happier?
Did she really care about leaving Kelly in a lurch after everything she’d said and done over the last twenty-four hours? She owed her nothing. They weren’t dating. They weren’t lovers. They weren’t even fuck-buddies. Kelly clearly didn’t care about her at all.
Her stomach flip-flopped again. It didn’t make sense. Not after last night. Not even after the way Kelly had come through the door this morning. She’d been sweet and affectionate. Hell, that’s why Elliot hadn’t been able to warn her about Beth sooner. Kelly had been too eager to talk to her, too emotional. Nothing like she’d been only moments later. Had the stress gotten to her? She’d made a legitimate point about Elliot not understanding the pressures associated with life in the closet.
“Fuck,” she said aloud. Why was she sitting here making excuses for Kelly? Who let a woman she barely knew and had sex with only once treat her like crap? And who would then look for ways to absolve the woman? A doormat, a coward, someone with no backbone. Kelly’s actions were unacceptable. A sick dad and a chosen life of closetude didn’t give her the right to treat other people like shit.
More importantly, even if Kelly hadn’t snapped at her today, Elliot couldn’t give up her dreams.
Not for a woman who lived in Darlington.
Not for a woman who lived in the closet.
Not for a woman who didn’t even want her around half the time.
“No, damn it.” She couldn’t let this decision be about Kelly. She couldn’t give up on her dreams. Period.
Chapter Thirteen
Tensions ran high at the office for the next few days. She and Elliot had barely spoken about anything other than the basic needs to keep the office running. Kelly had to hand it to her though. Elliot remained professional at all times. She hadn’t cut back her hours or slowed her pace. She hadn’t sulked or acted out. If anything, she’d been more efficient while Kelly had grown less so.
Ever since her “date” with John she hadn’t been able to focus, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on why. The date itself was like so many she’d had over the years. She doubted she’d even remember the details six months from now. They’d had a nice, no-frills meal. She’d remained polite enough to be considered approachable, but distant enough to ward off any physical overtures. She’d perfected the tightrope act over a decade of practice. She’d left John with a vague comment about hoping they could get together again sometime when things settled down. More importantly, though, she’d seen and been seen by the people of Darlington. By the end of the day, her friends and neighbors would all know she’d gone on a date with John Bale. While the idea of giving people something to gossip about still set her teeth on edge, at least she’d controlled the story. She had to hold onto any ounce of control she could grasp these days.
Control.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt truly in control. No, that wasn’t true. She’d felt in control with Elliot pressed against her, but clearly that type of control was an illusion. If she’d had a little more actual control before they’d gotten to the point of making out on her desk, maybe she’d be able to focus on her job instead of trying to figure out why she couldn’t get anything done.
A gentle knock sounded on her open door, but Elliot stayed out of view. She’d given Kelly an extra-wide berth lately, a gesture she should have appreciated, but the distance only served as a reminder of why they couldn’t be closer.
“Come in.”
“I don’t want to interrupt,” Elliot started. She wore a white shirt with a red tie under a navy suit vest. Her hair was brushed back, away from her angular face, giving her a prep-boy-meets-boardroom appeal.
“You’re fine. What do you need?”
“I wanted to let you know I’m going to have to leave early next Thursday and I’ll be out of town all day on Friday, but I’ll work this weekend to make up the hours.”
Kelly nodded. “I don’t doubt you’ll get the work done, and I’ll be able to cover everything here.”
“Okay, well.” Elliot stood in the doorway as if she had something else to say but wasn’t sure if she should. Had she expected more of a fight? Did she want Kelly to ask why she’d be gone? She shouldn’t. She didn’t owe Kelly any explanation. She’d already worked overtime, and Kelly had made it abundantly clear she didn’t want them to have any part in each other’s personal lives. “I’ll be back on Sunday. I could come in then.”
“It’s up to you. I won’t lie and say I couldn’t use the extra help. You know we’ve only got about a month left to do two months’ worth of work, but you’ve already done more than your share. If you want to take a whole weekend off, you’re certainly entitled.”
“It’s not that I want to take the time off. I have something I need to do, out of town, and I’m going to do it as quickly as I can.”
Cryptic.
“Is everything okay?” The question sort of spilled out before she processed the personal implications of something so open-ended.
“Yeah,” Elliot answered quickly. “I uh, I just have a job interview. In Washington, D.C.”
“Wow.” She didn’t know what else to say.
“It just sort of happened. A friend of a friend. I’m sorry I’m going to miss work.”
“Don’t apologize. Washington, D.C. is your dream, right?”
“Pretty much.”
Why didn’t she sound more excited? “When does the job start?”
“Probably right after tax season.”
“Wow.” She had to find a new word.
“All my hours will be fulfilled, and you’ll be through the bulk of the work.”
“Of course. I understand,” Kelly said quickly. “You have to take this opportunity.”
“I’ve only got an interview. It’s a fellowship at a really important
think tank. I probably won’t get an offer.”
Kelly smiled sadly, wondering if Elliot really believed that or if she’d only said so for her benefit. She didn’t know which option bothered her more.
“Well, they’d be lucky to have you,” she said resolutely.
“Really?” The single word held both a hint of disbelief and defiance.
She finally let herself make eye contact, but only briefly. She couldn’t handle the questions she saw there. She didn’t have answers.
She picked up a stack of papers and rearranged them blindly. “If you need me to serve as a reference, I’d be happy to do so.”
“Thank you,” Elliot said. “I appreciate that.”
Kelly nodded, ready to be done with this conversation. Elliot took the hint and backed out of the office. Kelly waited until she heard her desk chair squeak before she allowed her shoulders to slump.
A month. Elliot would be gone in a month, and they’d likely never see each other again. An early departure would make things easier, or at the very least, less complicated. She should’ve felt overjoyed that the end of their current awkwardness was in sight, because Elliot would surely get the fellowship. When Beth had first spoken of her, she’d said she was special. At the time she’d thought Beth might have chosen a bit of hyperbole to try to sell her on having an intern. Now she knew “special” was an understatement. Only six weeks ago, she couldn’t imagine having Elliot underfoot for an entire tax season. Now her head hurt at the thought of no longer having her there.
The office phone rang, and she heard Elliot answer. She would miss hearing her voice. She’d never had the whole place to herself before. There had always been someone working just on the other side of her office wall. She’d always known Elliot’s presence would be a temporary fix for her father’s absence, but she didn’t expect her to move on quite so soon, and she hadn’t expected to find that prospect quite so lonely.
“Kelly,” Elliot called, “it’s for you.”
She didn’t feel like talking to anyone in her current mood. “Can you take a message?”
“I can,” Elliot hesitated, the pause giving Kelly just enough time to realize something wasn’t right. “But it’s the hospital.”
“I’ll take it.” She snatched up the receiver. “Kelly Rolen speaking.”
“Kelly.”
She recognized Kelsey Patel’s voice immediately. “Dr. Patel, are you with my father?”
“I just left his room, and I’m afraid the news is not good.”
She clutched the arm of her chair until her knuckles turned white. “Your father has a cerebral hematoma, which basically means blood has collected in a spot on his brain.”
Her stomach roiled, and her throat went dry.
“It’s a very small one, but it wasn’t there when I ordered an MRI for him a month ago. I fear it’s what’s caused his most recent relapse. I have already started him on a new regimen of corticosteroids to try to reduce swelling and a different blood pressure medicine to try to slow the flow of blood to the area so I can get a better look at the site. Right now it’s unclear if he’s had a minor hemorrhagic stroke or if the swelling stems from an undiagnosed trauma, perhaps a holdover from when he fell, though this far in I consider that unlikely.”
She heard Dr. Patel talking and fought her rising wave of panic to try to focus, but she had no more energy left.
“I’ve also sent the images to a colleague who specializes in brain trauma to get her opinion as to whether or not surgery is our best option.”
“Brain surgery?” she asked breathlessly.
“Yes, but that’s not a foregone conclusion. It’s a very small amount of blood, and with your father’s weakened condition, it’s risky to move him, and even more to operate.”
“So we have to wait?”
“I’m afraid so, and it’s still unclear as to whether time is our ally or our enemy here.”
“What should I do?” Please someone just tell me what to do.
“His condition is in flux. I don’t want to alarm you any more than I already have, but I hope you respect my honesty when I say that if you have something to say to him, the window for doing so might be shrinking.”
Her breath caught painfully in her chest. She didn’t even have the will to process what sort of underlying assumptions the comment implied. “I’ll be there shortly.”
“I’ll be here for the rest of the day, and I’ll check in before I head back to St. Louis.”
“Thank you.” She hung up and rested her head on her desk. She had to get up. She had to go, but her limbs felt coated in cement. The lethargy overtook her at a frightening pace, as if her own body had begun to shut down like her father’s.
She was running out of time. The imperative should’ve made her act faster. Instead it paralyzed her. Every second ticked by, a dire countdown to some silent internal bomb. She was helpless to stop time. She couldn’t outrun the clock on any of their lives. She couldn’t do anything for anyone, anymore.
“Kelly?” Elliot whispered from the doorway.
When she failed to respond, Elliot moved closer and laid a hand gently on her shoulder. “Come on, Kelly.”
“I can’t,” she said, barely recognizing her own voice.
“Yes, you can,” Elliot said. “I’ll help.”
“You can’t help me.”
“Sure I can. I’m a very helpful person.”
“Why would you even want to?”
Elliot chuckled. “That’s the same question I’m asking myself.”
“And?”
“I have no idea, but I’m going to drive you to the hospital, okay?”
She took a deep breath and summoned the strength needed to lift her head off the desk. She had to pull herself together because somehow having Elliot beside her made her think she could.
“Where are your keys?”
“Jacket pocket.”
Elliot fished them out, then held out the jacket for Kelly to slip into. The gesture was so sweet she almost buckled under another wave of emotion but she forced herself to take one step toward the door and then another. Elliot stayed right at her elbow through the alley to a gravel parking lot. “The silver Buick LaCrosse is mine.”
“Of course it is,” Elliot said, a hint of amusement back in her voice. “Buick, the choice of accountants everywhere.”
She opened the passenger door and made sure Kelly was situated before jogging around and climbing in.
She put the key in and turned the ignition before staring at the dashboard for a few seconds.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just acclimating myself. I don’t want to wreck your fancy car.”
“The hospital is only two miles away. I think you’ll be fine.”
“Sure. Right. Fine.” Elliot put the car into gear and gingerly pulled out of the parking lot.
“Turn left,” Kelly directed. “This road will take you out of town and past the plant. The hospital’s just about a quarter-mile on the left.”
Kelly closed her eyes while Elliot mumbled the directions over and over to herself. She tried to focus on what would happen once she got to the hospital. She tried to think of all the things she needed to do back at work. She even tried to be annoyed with how slow Elliot was driving or how often she tapped the brakes, but the only thought she could pull forward with any sort of clarity was, What am I going to do without her?
Over the last three hours in the waiting room, Elliot had sat in uncomfortable chairs, paced brightly lit hallways, and seen snippets of more soap operas than she even knew existed. Kelly had given her the keys and told her to go, saying she’d get a ride back to the office later, but Elliot couldn’t bring herself to drive away for any number of reasons. Not the least of which was the panic she continued to feel every time she thought of Kelly slumped over and unresponsive on her desk. The sight of her exhausted and broken had cut through the anger she’d carried with her for days. Kelly’s words still hurt, but Elliot clea
rly wasn’t the only one in pain. If Kelly was in as bad shape as she’d seemed today, the breakdown must’ve been a long time coming. And while nothing excused her behavior, this kind of upheaval could certainly offer an explanation.
She rolled her head back until it bumped against the wall. Then again, maybe she only told herself Kelly’s actions could be logically explained because she didn’t want to believe Kelly had meant all the shitty things she’d said and done. What if the stress hadn’t over-powered her true nature? What if it had revealed it? God, what if Kelly really did find her pathetic? She hadn’t seemed upset by the prospect of Elliot taking the job in D.C. What if she couldn’t wait for Elliot to leave? Maybe she should just go. Maybe she should have never come to the hospital in the first place.
No, damn it, she hadn’t offered to help Kelly because she expected something in return, or even because she hoped to make her feel a certain way. She’d helped because Kelly needed her, and because, like it or not, she still cared about her. Which, incidentally, was also the primary reason she couldn’t just abandon her now.
“Are you, by chance, Elliot Garza?”
Startled, she shot to her feet and found herself looking down at a small woman of Indian descent. “Yes. I’m Elliot.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Patel. I’m one of the specialists working with Mr. Rolen.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I’m afraid I cannot talk to you about his condition.”
“Right.” She rubbed her face. “HIPAA violation.”
“Exactly, but I’m not Ms. Rolen’s physician.”
Elliot arched an eyebrow, not sure where to go with that.
“So, if I were to make a suggestion about her welfare, it wouldn’t be a formal medical assessment or suggested treatment.”
“Oh, just some friendly advice, person to person.”
“Exactly.”
“Got it,” Elliot said conspiratorially. “What’s the completely non-medical suggestion, doc?”
“She needs some rest.”
Elliot snorted. “You want to tell her that?”
Close to Home Page 18