Close to Home

by Rachel Spangler

  Dr. Patel smiled. “I’ve tried, and from the look on your face I think you can imagine how the conversation went over.”

  “I’ll give you points for bravery, but forgive me if I don’t want to fall on the same sword.”

  “The brain and body are complex enough on their own, and the relationship between the two only magnifies the complexities. Emotional responses and physical are sometimes inexplicably linked.”

  “Okay,” Elliot said, unsure where the doctor was headed.

  “Stress cycles in one person can trigger physical responses in people who share strong emotional connections.”

  “What kind of doctor are you?”

  She laughed. “I’m a neuropsychologist.”

  “A what?”

  “Don’t worry about the title, my completely non-professional opinion is that there’s a vicious cycle occurring that’s likely affecting everyone’s physical and emotional well-being, and someone has to stop it.”

  “Look, I’m just Kelly’s intern, and I don’t even know Mr. Rolen. I’m barely involved in my own well-being. I can’t believe I have any possible relationship to his.”

  “And yet, you’ve been sitting outside his hospital room all night.”

  She had a point. Not a clear one, or a pleasant one, but a point nonetheless. “Fine. What do I need to do?”

  “Sorry, I can’t tell you that.”

  “HIPAA again?”

  “No.” She patted Elliot on the arm. “I simply don’t know. I’m a doctor, not a mind reader. I just know the mind and the body both have ways of protecting themselves when someone’s hurt or scared or stressed. Sometimes those forms of protection involve shutting down systems vital to healing, or even survival, as we understand it.”

  “Wow, Doc. No pressure, right?”

  “The body never gives us a flight instinct without offering a little something in the fight category, too. Or vice versa. Just think about it, okay?”

  “I’m sure I’ll think of nothing else.”

  The doctor smiled once again. She seemed young and competent, comfortable in her own skin. She supposed some people were just born knowing who they were and what they needed to do. She envied Dr. Patel. Elliot worked hard to project confidence, but more and more she felt everyone around her could see through the act.

  “You’re Rory’s protégée, yes?”

  At the name, she straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin like a soldier called to muster. “She’s my mentor.”

  “Very interesting.”

  “What is?”

  “The human psyche.” Dr. Patel patted her arm one more time. “It rarely reveals what we want, but it always finds a way to let us know what we need.”

  And with that, she strolled away. Elliot waited until she’d turned the corner, completely out of view, before crashing back into the chair. She bumped her head against the wall and wondered if the universe really did send signs. If so, why couldn’t it send them in an easier-to-read format?

  The body shuts down in order to protect itself? That seemed counter-intuitive. Shouldn’t the body fight to protect itself? What had she said about fight or flight? They work together? No, they were opposites, right?

  She didn’t have any answers. No one did, apparently. Maybe answers didn’t even exist. Maybe they were all just grasping at straws trying to find something to make them feel a little less helpless. The thought rattled around in her chest and made her jumpy. She stood, shook out her limbs. Then she paced, but nothing helped soothe the restlessness building inside her. Maybe she needed fresh air.

  Walking as calmly as possible to the doors, she fought the urge to sprint when she saw them slide open before her. She had the keys in her pocket. Why had she thought she couldn’t leave? She could. She could go anywhere. Back to work, back to her apartment, back to Chicago even. She jogged through the parking lot and skidded to a stop next to the Buick.

  A Buick. She didn’t know why she found the car so damn funny. Because it was such a stereotype? Because it was so expected? Because it was so Kelly.

  Resting her head on the cool glass of the driver’s side window, she smiled. “Damn it.”

  She always needed something solid to steady herself through the roiling waves of emotions Kelly inspired. What had the doctor said about fight or flight? What if she didn’t run? What if she stopped leaving when the ground shook under her feet?

  Pressing up off the car, she turned to face the hospital, now illuminated against the dusk falling along the plains, and her heart caught painfully in her chest. There, in the doorway, stood the answer she didn’t think existed.

  “Elliot.” Kelly breathed the name more than spoke it as she took the first tenuous step toward her. The sight of Elliot standing there in the parking lot sent all the emotions roaring back. Joy, fear, disbelief. She couldn’t process them all. She could only move toward her.

  “Kelly.” Elliot met her halfway amid cars, trucks, and fading light.

  “I thought you left.”

  “I couldn’t. I thought you wanted me to, though.”

  “I didn’t.” Her voice caught. “I said I did. I said so many things I didn’t mean, and I haven’t been able to say any of the things I do.”

  “Come on.” Elliot wrapped her arm around Kelly’s shoulder and nudged her toward the car. The embrace felt heavenly.

  Once inside, Elliot turned on the heat and then turned to face her. “What do you need?”

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I think I do. I mean, I thought I knew. I was wrong. God, what are you still doing here? After everything I did, after everything I said to you?”

  “I don’t know.” Elliot shrugged. “I’ve asked myself that question a hundred times. I even tried to leave, but I just can’t.”

  “You just can’t?” The logic seemed so flawed and yet so familiar.

  Kelly searched her eyes looking for the turmoil, for the pain she’d caused. She needed a reminder of all the reasons she’d tried to push her away in the first place. She found nothing but clarity. Elliot’s mouth curved up in the subtle way that always made her heart beat faster, and in an instant they were on each other.

  Mouths collided, tongues tangled, hands grasped and clasped. The raw animal instinct took hold and then took control. They kissed so fiercely, breath came hot and rapid. The windows fogged around them, the heat of their bodies blocking the cold of their outside lives. She reached across the car, tugging at the hem of Elliot’s shirt and pulling her over the console. Elliot practically growled in her ear as she wound her fingers tightly into Kelly’s hair. Elliot clung to her, then, with a sharp jerk, broke free.

  “No,” she panted. “We can’t do this again.”

  “What?”

  “Kelly,” she pleaded, “please, we can’t let it happen again, not like this.”

  Kelly stared at her, mouth open, eyes wide.

  “Please don’t look at me like that.”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Fine. You’re right. I understand.”

  “I don’t think you do.”

  Her chest felt cracked open, her nerve endings so raw tears stung her eyes, but she fought desperately to keep her reaction controlled for Elliot’s sake. “Too much has happened. There’s too much against us, and that’s my fault, not yours. I don’t blame you for not wanting me—”

  “No.” Elliot kissed her quickly on the mouth to quiet that line of reasoning. “I still want you very much. More than you can probably understand.”

  She could understand a great deal about want right now, with Elliot’s lithe form pressed hot and close to her own. “But?”

  “Not like this,” Elliot said. “Not in a car, not in a parking lot, not fully clothed. I want you in my bed.”

  All the air left her lungs in a rush. She couldn’t speak. She could only nod.

  “Yes?” Elliot asked.

  “Yes.” She finally managed. “But Elliot?”

  “Yes?”

  �
��Drive faster than you did on the way here.”

  “Actually,” Elliot said, climbing all the way over her, “you better drive. I don’t have a license.”

  “You don’t have a license? And you—”

  Elliot stopped her with another searing kiss. “Drive first, yell later.”

  The ride through town was a blur of heat, stolen touches, and one painfully long red light.

  At long last, Elliot wrapped one arm around Kelly’s waist and pulled her into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind them as she went. “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about having you naked in my bed?”

  “How many?” Kelly asked between kisses.

  “More than I should have,” Elliot admitted, pushing Kelly’s jacket off her shoulders and onto the floor. “I want to do all the things to you.”

  All the things? How many things were there? She’d only done two or three of them, and it had been awhile. What if she couldn’t keep up?

  Elliot snaked a hand up under her shirt, raking her fingers along Kelly’s ribs, then cupped her breasts. Kelly’s head lolled back and the doubts disappeared. Elliot kissed and sucked along her neck as she reached around and unclasped her bra. Her hands, hot and skilled, found newly exposed skin, causing Kelly to suck a breath between clenched teeth.

  “Bedroom. Now.” She commanded, or maybe she begged. The difference didn’t matter anymore.

  Elliot urged her backward across the small living room until her back bumped against a door that swung open with only minimal pressure. She opened her eyes long enough to see a lavish pile of pillows and blankets atop a mattress and box springs on the floor. There might have been more furniture, but in her lust-induced tunnel vision, she saw only the bed.

  They eased across the room, kissing deeply until the back of her knees hit the mattress and she fell, taking Elliot with her. The weight of Elliot’s body pinning her down triggered another level of arousal as her hips pressed firmly against Elliot’s leg. She relished the friction of their clothes rubbing on sensitive skin, but now that they had the time and space, she craved a more complete connection. Elliot must’ve shared the desire because she unbuttoned two buttons on Kelly’s blouse, then urged her up so she could just pull it the rest of the way off, taking her already unclasped bra with it.

  Kelly reached down and flipped open the button on her own slacks, but Elliot shook her head. “Oh no, that’s my job.”

  She arched an eyebrow, but didn’t argue as Elliot kissed her way down her neck and shoulders to her collarbones. She lay back and enjoyed the path of Elliot’s hot mouth over her breasts, down her stomach. Elliot took her time lowering the zipper and slipping the slacks over her hips, or maybe the process only seemed slow compared to the reckless abandon they’d used in the past. Elliot certainly moved with a purpose as she discarded Kelly’s slacks and socks then kissed the arch of her foot before starting her progression back up. She kissed and massaged her way up Kelly’s calf. Kelly held her breath as Elliot slid up her inner thigh, her mouth hot and so amazingly close to the center of her desire.

  She’d never been overly demonstrative in bed, but she’d never experienced the all-controlling need she felt for Elliot. Call it primal, or even animalistic, but she couldn’t fight against her instincts anymore. She didn’t even want to. Elliot was so damn sexy. Her green eyes flashed with intensity, her intent completely clear as she lifted her gaze. Kelly answered the unspoken question by arching her hips off the bed to meet Elliot.

  Years of stowed desires and hidden craving crumbled as Elliot took her into her mouth. The breath she’d held poured out in a cry of satisfaction. She hadn’t been touched in any truly intimate fashion for years, and she found Elliot’s talent almost too much to bear. Her breath came in jagged gasps as her back arched and her hips rolled in ways she didn’t think herself capable of. She clutched the pillow behind her head to keep herself from holding Elliot right there forever. The emotions surging through tangled with the physical sensations and drove her into a near-frenzied state.

  Elliot spread her open in every sense, and then gently, slowly worked her way inside. They moved in such a perfect rhythm, hands, mouths, the press of their now-joined bodies. She hooked one leg over Elliot’s shoulder using her heel against her back to urge her on. Perfect pressure built at her core and spread through her body, coiling every muscle until, with one deliberate moan, she let go and willingly lost control.

  “God, you’re so beautiful.” Elliot pulled herself up over Kelly’s body. She looked like some fair sex-goddess, her normally pale skin flushed and her dark hair fanned strikingly against the white pillowcase. Elliot kissed her cheek, then her forehead, before trying to lie down gently beside her, but Kelly caught her with a hand on each hip and held her in place.

  “Where do you think you’re going with all those clothes on?”

  “Something about your tone tells me the answer to that question is, ‘nowhere.’ ”

  “Has anyone told you, you’re very smart?”

  “I’ve been told I’m a smart-ass.”

  Kelly slid her hands down until she cupped her ass. “Both statements are equally true.”

  “Has anyone ever told you you’re insanely sexy?”

  Kelly pursed her lips. “Never.”

  “You hang out with blind morons.”

  Kelly laughed and rolled Elliot onto her back until they’d swapped places. “I don’t think anyone has ever seen me quite like you have.”

  “Lucky me,” she said, her eyes fixed on the remarkable body above her. “If you showed everyone this side of you, someone would’ve snatched you up years ago.”

  Kelly’s brow furrowed.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” She flashed a quick smile. “Except too many clothes in my way.”

  “That can be remedied.”

  Kelly straddled her waist and sat back, showcasing the fullness of her glorious form. All the blood in Elliot’s body rushed to the point where they connected.

  “I’ve always secretly been a fan of this layered look you favor,” Kelly said trailing her fingers across the front of Elliot’s vest, flicking open buttons as she went.

  “Really?” Elliot asked, her eyelids heavy with lust as Kelly yanked the hem of her dress shirt from her jeans.

  “Really, but now that I’m faced with removing them all, the idea of one person wearing so many articles of clothing seems a bit excessive.”

  “Agreed.” Elliot swallowed hard. “The tie seems particularly restricting at the moment.”

  Kelly threaded the silk through her fingers as she ran them back up Elliot’s chest. “I’ve never taken one of these off anyone before.”

  “Want me to?”

  She gave the tie a little tug. “Maybe I should leave it on. It’s kind of handy.”

  “It’s always the quiet ones,” Elliot quipped, but she honestly couldn’t believe this was Kelly in her bed right now. She knew from previous experience that she would be passionate and commanding, but she hadn’t expected her to be quite so open.

  “No, I want you completely naked.” Kelly leaned down and kissed her while she undid the knot and set to work on the buttons of her shirt. Once she’d completed the task, she spread everything completely open and smoothed her hands over Elliot’s chest. Her touch felt so amazing. Elliot arched up, trying to pull her closer, but Kelly pushed her back with one hand firmly between her breasts.

  “My turn,” she whispered.

  “But I—”

  “Shh.” She placed one finger on her lips. “Don’t argue. In case you haven’t noticed, I have control issues.”

  Elliot laughed. She couldn’t argue even if she’d been inclined to. She hardly considered herself a pillow queen, but she liked a woman who knew what she wanted, especially when what she wanted was her.

  Kelly pulled her attention back to the moment as she unclasped Elliot’s belt and worked the zipper down. Elliot arched her hips off the bed so Kelly could pull her j
eans and briefs all the way off.

  “I want you,” Kelly said, her eyes raking over Elliot’s body.

  “Take me.”

  “I want so much though, and it’s been a long time. Years.”

  “Years?” Elliot hoped Kelly couldn’t hear the shock in her voice.

  “Years,” Kelly confirmed.

  Elliot couldn’t imagine. Not just the celibacy, but that a woman of Kelly’s beauty and ferocity could go without for so long. No wonder she had so many pent-up emotions and desires.

  “I want so many things, and I don’t think I know—”

  Elliot surged up, capturing Kelly’s mouth with her own, then placing one hand on either of Kelly’s hips, pulled her back down so the length of their bodies melted together, skin on skin for the first time.

  When Kelly relaxed into her, the subtle weight of her body pressed against all the right places. She broke the kiss and dragged her lips across her neck. Giving her earlobe a playful bite, she whispered, “Don’t think. Take what you need.”

  The simple instruction made of her own desire seemed to give them both the freedom they needed. Within seconds they melted fluidly together once more. Kelly’s body moved in ways no one would possibly expect when they saw her all buttoned up in her business suits. Her hips rolled, her back arched, her fingers worked magic along Elliot’s skin. Slipping a hand between them, she explored every inch of flesh. Kelly kissed and touched every spot on her torso before going lower. Elliot bit her lip to keep from begging. In her more altruistic moments, she wanted Kelly to take the time she needed to feel safe and satisfied, but in flashes of honest self-awareness, she admitted she liked being made to wait.

  She’d always found Kelly’s emphasis on control a turn-on, and the more that trait took hold in bed, the more she realized its multitude of uses outside of the business world. As her confidence grew, so did her skill level. She played along the most sensitive areas of Elliot’s body. Teasing and taking in equal measure, she circled just around the space Elliot most wanted her to claim. Was she testing her, torturing her, or seeking further permission?

  “Kelly,” she panted, “please.”