The Ghost

by Danielle Steel

  And when she went back to see Edward again, Haversham was with him. He was quite stunned, as they all were, to see the recovery Edward had made, and he was less philosophical than Sarah.

  When he met her in the hall that afternoon, bringing soup to him, after he had thrown the first bowl at her and burned her arm, Haversham looked at her in anguish. You must listen to me, Sarah ' you have no choice now ' you cannot stay here. He's worse than ever. I think he's quite mad, he said angrily. Edward had warned Haversham that morning to stay away from her, or promised he would kill him if he did not. He had said he was not through with her yet. He was going to squeeze an heir from her loins yet, if it killed her, which was of no import to him, as long as she left him a son.

  He's not mad, just vicious, she said calmly. None of it was new to her, although he seemed less anxious to conceal it now. He was willing to let everyone watch him abuse her. In fact, he seemed to like it.

  I will find a ship, he said urgently, but she looked furiously at him this time, and winced when he touched her arm where Edward had burned it.

  You'll do no such thing. Hell kill you. He means it, Sarah warned. Stay away from me, Haversham. I will not go anywhere with you. Stay where you are and forget me.

  I will never, ever do that, he said heatedly, and he looked desperate.

  You must. She spat the words at him, looked at him as ferociously as she could, and went back to Edward's bedroom. And that evening she was told that Haversham had left to go home to his wife and children. With Edward on the road to recovery, there was no further reason for him to be there. But she was worried about what he'd do about the ship. He was just foolish and romantic enough to try and follow through on his plan, but she would not let him risk his life for her, or abandon his family because he thought he loved her. They both had to accept the fact that they had no future together.

  She went back to her own bedroom that night and slept fitfully, and she woke at dawn when the rooster crowed and she found herself thinking. There was no reason why Haversham's plan couldn't work for her, no reason she had to go with him. It was the maddest idea she'd ever had, but as she thought about it, she knew it was possible, if she made her plans carefully, and told no one. She still had a few of her mother's jewels left after Edward had taken most of them. She suspected that he had given them to harlots and friends, and she had heard from someone that he had sold them. But there was still enough left for her to make a life on. She would never live in grandeur again, but she had no desire to. All she wanted was to escape and to live in safety and freedom. And even if she drowned on the way to the new world, at least she would not be 4ying in terror and bondage, abused by a man she hated, and who hated her. She was willing to take her chances. And as she got up and dressed, she thought about it all morning. There was suddenly new purpose to her life.

  Edward was full of venom and complaints, and he slapped two of his men while they tried to get him up and dress him. She could tell he still did not feel well, but he wouldn't admit it. By noon he was dressed and in the drawing room, looking deathly pale and somewhat grim, but in his usual unpleasant humor. He drank some wine with lunch, and after that he seemed to feel better. But he was no kinder to her. The kindest thing he ever did for her was ignore her.

  And as he dozed in his chair after lunch, she slipped quietly from the room and went back to her bedroom. She had a great deal to think about, a lot to plan, and she opened the locked box where she kept what was left of her mother's jewelry. She wanted to make sure it was still there, and that Edward had not taken it and sold it. But there were still a few fine old pieces left, and just looking at them reminded her of her father.

  She wrapped them in cloth and put them in the pocket of her cloak, and hung it carefully in her wardrobe and then locked the box again. There were a number of things she had to do now, and that night, she spoke to Margaret in a whisper. She asked her if what she had always said to her was true, that she would do anything for her, if she had to.

  Oh yes, ma'am, she said, dropping a curtsy.

  Would you go somewhere with me, if I asked you to?

  Of course. She smiled easily as they whispered. She was imagining a secret journey to London, perhaps to meet Haversham, she thought. It was easy to see how much he loved her.

  What if it were far away? Margaret wondered if that meant France. She knew there was trouble there, but for Sarah, she would brave it.

  I would go anywhere with you, Margaret said bravely, and Sarah thanked her, and urged her not to say anything to anyone about their conversation. And the young girl promised dutifully.

  But the next night was more difficult. Sarah put on a heavy dress, and her wool cloak, and she stole silently down to the stables at midnight, and she was certain no one saw her.

  She saddled her own horse, and prayed that they wouldn't make too much noise, then she led Nellie out as quietly as she could. She didn't even mount her until she was far, far down the road, and then she quickly hopped onto her back, and rode her sidesaddle as hard as she could all the way to Falmouth. It took her just over two hours, and she was there at two-thirty in the morning. She had no idea if anyone would be awake, but she hoped to see someone, and find out what she could. But she was lucky, there was a group of sailors working on a small ship, preparing to set sail with the tide at four o'clock that morning.

  They told her of a ship that was returning from France in the next few days. They implied it had been used as a gunrunner, and it was sailing for the new world in September. They knew most of the men on it, and said it was a good ship, and she would be safe on board, though they warned her there would be few comforts. And she assured them it didn't matter. They were curious about who she was, as well, but they didn't ask, and they told her who to talk to in the port, to book her passage. And after she left, they all agreed that there was something very mysterious about her. She was very beautiful, even with her face half concealed by the cloak, and she actually went and woke the man they had told her to talk to. He was quite shocked to be woken up by an unknown woman. And even more so, when she said she had no money to pay him with, and instead she offered him a ruby bracelet to pay for her passage to Boston.

  What am I to do with that? he said, dangling it from one hand with a look of amazement.

  Sell it. It was probably worth more than the ship for which he was the agent. But there was no turning back now. She was going to do everything she had to, to be on it when it sailed.

  It's dangerous sailing to America, he said to her, still in his nightshirt and cap. People the on shipboard. But she still did not look frightened.

  I will the if I stay here, she said, and the way she looked when she said it, he believed her.

  You're not in trouble with the law, are you? It suddenly occurred to him that the bracelet might be stolen, although he was sure they had transported felons to the New World before. This would not be the first time. But she shook her head in answer. And even to him, she looked honest. Where shall we bring your ticket?

  Keep it here. I will get it when I come. When do you sail?

  On the fifth of September, with the full moon. If you miss it we leave without you.

  I'll be here.

  We'll sail with the tide, early in the morning. And we make no stops between here and Boston. She was pleased to hear that too. There was nothing he had told her that had warned her off, and she wasn't even frightened. She had an idea of how hard it would be, or she thought she did. But she didn't care now. She left the bracelet with him, and signed her name on a piece of paper. She wrote only Sarah Ferguson, and hoped that they wouldn't know who she was, or connect her to the Earl of Balfour.

  The ship was sailing in three weeks, and it was four o'clock in the morning when she left Falmouth. It was a hard ride back, and her horse stumbled once and almost threw her, but she got back just as the cock crowed in the courtyard. And as she looked up at the window of the room where Edward slept, she smiled for the first time in years. In three weeks, it w
ould be over, and her tortures at Edward's hands would be at an end at last.

  Chapter 9

  THE LAST THREE weeks Sarah spent with him seemed interminable. And the minutes seemed to tick by like days. She had taken no one into her confidence, except Margaret knew they were going on a trip, and she promised not to tell even her parents.

  Sarah had sewn the rest of her jewels into the lining of her cloak by then, and the only thing suspicious about it was that it had grown remarkably heavy. But Sarah spent all her time doing needlework, and trying to avoid Edward. He had recovered from his mishap in less than a week, and gone hunting again, and at the end of August, he came home with a group of friends who spent all their time with him eating and drinking in the main hall. They were a rowdy, demanding, badly behaved lot, and it was a relief when they left. When Edward had his cohorts around, Sarah always feared for the female servants, and other than keep the young pretty ones completely out of sight, which she did sometimes, there was precious little she could do to protect them.

  She hadn't seen Haversham again since his visit while Edward was so ill. She had heard that the rest of the children had come down with measles as well, and Alice was still ill, and they were beginning to fear pneumonia. It was easy to imagine that he had his hands full, but she was sorry he didn't come to visit. She would have liked to see him one last time, just to lay eyes on him again, to say something, and then in the end, she decided it was just as well she couldn't. He might divine something, or sense something different about her. He knew her far better than Edward.

  There were no telltale signs of her plan. She followed the same daily routine she always did. She only seemed a little happier these days, and she sang to herself sometimes as she went about her work at the far end of the castle. She had been darning tapestries for months, trying to preserve them. In fact, it was there that Edward found her. She was alone, and she didn't hear him come into the long, drafty hall where she was working. She was planning to go back to her own room as the light was fading. And she gave a little start when she saw him.

  Where have you been all afternoon? I couldn't find you. She couldn't imagine why he wanted to, he never bothered to look for her, and she was suddenly terrified, wondering if someone from the port had located her about her ticket. But it wasn't possible, she reminded herself. They had no idea where she lived, and they had no reason to come and get her.

  Is something Wrong? Her face was calm, but her eyes were still Worried.

  I wanted to talk to you.

  What about? She looked him squarely in the eye as she set her work down, and then she realized that he'd been drinking. He had been drunk incessantly all summer, not that it made much difference to her. It made him more violent sometimes, but she tried to be careful not to provoke him. And he had made no move to sleep with her since the death of the last baby. It was nearly three months now.

  Why are you hiding here?

  I'm repairing some of your father's tapestries. I think the mice have been gnawing at them. I was hoping to preserve them, she said calmly.

  Is this where you meet my brother? he asked her with a vicious look and she was startled by the question.

  I don't meet your brother anywhere, she said sharply.

  Of course you do. He's in love with you. Don't tell me that he doesn't ask you to meet him in secret. I know him. He's a sly, stupid boy, and that's just the kind of thing he would do.

  Haversham would never do that, Edward. Nor would I.

  That's sensible of you, because you know what I would have to do to you if you did, don't you? She lowered her eyes as he advanced on her with a cruel look in his eyes, and she didn't want to show him she was frightened. He was standing right in front of her by then, and he grabbed her hair hard and yanked it backward, so her face was looking straight up at his, And her eyes rose slowly toward him. Shall I show you what I would do, my dear? She didn't answer. She knew that anything she said would only worsen the situation. There was nothing to do but wait for him to tire of torturing her. She prayed it would end quickly. Why aren't you answering me? Are you protecting him? You thought I was going to the a few weeks ago, didn't you? What were you going to do with him then? Tell me ' what did you do while I was ill? He snarled his words right into her face, and then pulled back his arm and hit her in the face with the full force of it. She would have reeled backward against the wall, but he was still holding her hair in a firm grasp, and he rent her lip with his ring as he hit her.

  Edward ' please ' we didn't do anything ' she said, trying not to whimper as her blood dripped on her dress. She was wearing white cotton, and the blood looked bright and shocking, like his actions.

  You're a liar and a whore, he screamed, and hit her with his fist this time. He hit her cheekbone, and she thought she felt it splinter. She was dizzy when she looked at him and he hit her again, and then much to her surprise he yanked her into his arms and kissed her. Her blood mixed with his saliva, and she had an overwhelming urge to bite him, but she knew that if she defended herself in any way, he would hurt her more. She had learned that lesson the hard way. Instead, she felt herself falling backward and hit her head hard on the floor as he fell on her, and with one hand tore her skirt as he yanked it up, and then pulled her pantaloons down.

  Edward, you don't have to do this ' she whispered, choking on her own blood ' they were married. He didn't have to humiliate and beat her. He didn't have to rape her on the stone floor of the old castle, but this was where he wanted her, and how he wanted to do it. And whatever his lordship wanted was what she was expected to deliver. She had lived in hell with him for the past eight years, but she would soon be free. Edward ' don't ' please ' She was still whispering as he forced himself inside her, and battered her against the floor, while she was too afraid someone would hear them to make a sound. It was too humiliating to have everyone know what he did to her, and she knew that if she made a noise, he would only hurt her more. So she just let him. She thought she could feel sand loose in her head, as he banged her head against the floor again and again and ripped at her buttocks. And then finally he'd had what he wanted, and released her. He fell on top of her for a long moment, crushing the air out of her as he lay there, and then he got up and looked down at her like so much garbage at his feet.

  You'll give me a son now, won't you ' or the trying ' he said, and then turned and walked away as she lay there. He was long gone before she caught her breath, pulled up her pantaloons, smoothed down her skirt, and began sobbing. She couldn't even imagine the horror of having another of his babies. All she wanted now was to go quietly and the somewhere ' even if it was on the Concord, on her way to Boston. And if there was a child this time, and they both lived, she vowed never to tell Edward about it. She would truly the before she would let him take a baby from her, or ever do anything to her again. It was over.

  And as she walked slowly back to her room, covered with blood everywhere, her hair disheveled, her Up split and swollen, her cheek bruised, her head pounding, she knew she truly hated him as she had hated no one before him. He was the lowest of animals, the cruelest of beasts, and when he saw her in the hall afterward, having made an attempt to clean up his damage, he smiled at her evilly and bowed solicitously, with a look of cruel amusement.

  Have you had an accident, my dear? How unfortunate. You must be more careful about falling, he said, and swept by her. But she wore no expression as he passed her by. She had nothing to say to him, or to anyone, and she knew at that moment that there would never be a man in her life again. No lover, no husband, and now she hoped no son, no children. She wanted nothing more from life, except her freedom from him.

  Edward left her alone after that. He had gotten what he'd come for, or so he thought. In the past, a single act, however brutal it might have been, had always been enough to get her pregnant, and he assumed it would do so this time. And all she wanted now was to find out it hadn't. But she wouldn't know that until she was on the Atlantic.

  The last days
finally crawled by without event, or further disaster, and the night of her flight came at last with the full moon high in the sky, and the stars shining brightly. She wanted to feel something, some relief, some sorrow as she left, perhaps even some nostalgia, but as she stole to the stables, with Margaret and their two small bags, she felt nothing. She would have liked to leave a note for Haversham, but knew she couldn't. She would write to him from the new world. And she left no note for Edward, lest he find it before she reached Falmouth safely. And as it turned out, he had gone hunting the day before, and hadn't returned yet. It made their flight at midnight somewhat less frantic. And as they rode toward Falmouth, both women were in high spirits. Margaret especially, she thought it was going to be an excellent adventure.

  And just as it had before, it took two hours to get there. It was an easy ride this time, and no one bothered them on the way. Sarah had been slightly afraid of that, but she had said nothing to Margaret about being concerned about highwaymen or robbers. The girl would never have come with her. Bandits would have gotten nothing from them anyway, Sarah had her jewels and the little money she had sewn into all her linings.

  As they rode through Falmouth, Sarah let their horses slow to a walk, and they made their way to the dock in silence. And then, as soon as they got there, Sarah saw it. The Concord was much smaller than she had expected. She was two-masted and square-rigged, and the small ship barely looked sturdy enough to cross the channel, but there was no turning back now, and Sarah didn't care if she drowned. She was going. But Margaret looked puzzled when she saw the ship, Sarah had still not told her where they were going, though she had warned her that she would not see her parents for a long, long time, but the girl insisted she didn't mind. She assumed now that her guess had been correct, and they were going to Italy, or perhaps even France, despite the unrest there. In either case, she was aching to see a foreign country. And she only listened casually as Sarah conversed quietly with the captain, he seemed to be handing her quite a bit of money. He was an honest man, and he was returning the difference between their passage and what he'd gotten for her ruby bracelet. He had actually been able to sell it to a well-known jeweler in London, and they'd paid him a king's ransom for it.