But For Grace (HEARTSONG PRESENTS - HISTORICAL)

by Tracey V. Bateman

  “Oh, Pa.” Jane sighed and dropped to a stool. “I’m leaving so you aren’t shamed in this town.”

  “You’ve shamed me already.” Anger burned in his eyes.

  Star knelt before Jane and took her hands. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “I don’t see what you can do. I got myself into this fix. There’s nothing to do but go away and have the baby and find a good home for it.”

  “My sweet Ella’s only grandbaby given away to be raised by strangers.” Joe’s muttered words of pain brought hope to Star.

  “Joe, it seems as though you might be willing to help Jane raise this baby. Are you sure you want her to go away?”

  “Don’t waste your breath, Star,” Jane said. “Once my pa makes up his mind, he doesn’t relent.”

  “Of course he does. He hired me back, didn’t he?”

  Jane gave her a withering glance. “That’s hardly the same thing.”

  “You’re right, it isn’t. I’m not his daughter. You are, and he loves you more than anything in this world.” God, please give me the right words.

  Joe cleared his throat. “I guess you could stay on, if you want.”

  Jane’s eyes filled with tears. “Thank you, Pa. I know how hard it is for you to even consider being the talk of the town. But what good will it do to stay here? The whole town will be against me and my baby. My child will grow up hating me for ruining his or her life. It’s better if I go away and come back alone.”

  Tell her, Daughter.

  Star blinked at the words she heard impressed upon her heart. Not so much in words, but a gentle understanding, a knowing what God was asking her to do. She gathered a breath. How could she admit where she’d come from? Her hands trembled as she gently pressed Jane’s hands.

  “My mother raised me alone,” she began.

  The look of utter disdain she received from Jane nearly broke her resolve. “Raising a child alone because your husband is gone is not the same thing as raising a child alone because you got in a fix and don’t even know who the baby’s father is.” She jerked her hand away from Star’s and stood abruptly. Gathering her bag, she glanced at Joe. “I guess I best be going. I’ll wait at the stage office until the stagecoach arrives.”

  “That won’t be for hours,” Joe said. “Why not stay here until it gets into town?”

  “It’ll just be harder to go, Pa. Good-bye.”

  Star watched her leave through the kitchen door.

  Don’t let her leave without telling her.

  Following her into the dining room, Star called out to her. “Wait, Jane.”

  A longsuffering sigh left the girl, but she stopped and turned around. “What is it, Star? More bleeding heart acceptance? I appreciate that you haven’t seemed the judgmental sort. If it means anything to you, you’re the only woman I’ve ever felt friendly toward. But I don’t need your stories. I don’t need you to preach to me. I just need you to let me go.” Her lip quivered, and before Star’s eyes, the unimaginable happened: Some of Jane’s bravado crumbled.

  Encouraged, Star slipped her arm about Jane’s shoulders. She held her with a firm grip and led her to the dining area and a table. “Please sit down. I would like to tell you something. You have plenty of time.”

  “All right. But only because if I don’t, you’ll follow me to the station.”

  Star grinned. “You’re right. I probably would.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “As I said, my mother raised me alone. And it wasn’t because my father died.” She hesitated as Jane’s brow arched. “The truth is that my mother was a saloon girl. I don’t even know who my father was.”

  A look of disbelief crossed Jane’s face.

  “It’s true. I was raised over one saloon or another until a few months ago when my mother was murdered.” The familiar anger burned inside her at the memory. She pushed it aside for now. “The man who owned the saloon tried to make me take her place, but I ran away before he could force me to sell myself.”

  “But what about all this talk about God? You’re no better than I am. Even if you never actually sold yourself to men, you’re still the daughter of a prostitute. At least my ma was a respectable church-going woman.”

  Clearly, in Jane’s mind, that fact raised herself to a place just above Star. “That’s just it, Jane. I know I’m no better than you are. Or anyone. Jesus sees us for who we are on the inside.”

  “You were really raised in a saloon? How could your mother do that?”

  Star bristled a bit at the criticism of her mother, but she swallowed her quick anger, knowing God had a purpose for her conversation with Jane. “My ma never left her life because she didn’t believe she could do any better. She had no one to go to, and she had me to raise.”

  “You didn’t hate her?”

  “Never!” Star replied emphatically. “I loved her more than anything in the whole world. And your child will love you too. Children are that way.”

  “How can I do that to a child? Do you know how people will treat my baby?”

  Star nodded. “It’s possible some folks will be cruel, but you’re strong, Jane. You’ll have your pa to help you too. Most women in your situation aren’t so blessed.”

  “Listen to the girl, Jane.” Star turned to find Joe standing in the kitchen doorway. He walked toward the table. “I won’t let anyone say a word against my daughter or my grandchild. If they do, I’ll refuse them service in my restaurant.” He sat in the chair next to her and took her hands in his gnarled ones. “I don’t want you to go. I’ve not done right by you. Haven’t been a good pa. Your ma would be heartbroken if she knew how I’ve acted. But if you’ll give me another chance, I’ll do better with my grandchild.”

  Feeling like an intruder, Star was about to excuse herself when a knock sounded at the door. Joe gave a huff. “When are folks gonna get it through their heads that I don’t open one minute before eleven o’clock?”

  Star stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see who it is.” She glanced closer through the glass window, and her heart thudded in her chest. “May I have the key to open the door, Joe? It’s Michael.”

  “All right. This time. But tell him he can’t have anything to eat this early.”

  Star walked toward the door. She noticed that Michael’s face held far from an amiable expression. His eyes blazed. She unlocked and opened the door. He stomped inside and grabbed her arm. None too gently.

  “What is it, Michael? What’s happened?”

  A sneer twisted his lips. “What’s happened? I’ll tell you. I went to see Luke.”

  Star felt the blood drain from her cheeks. Pressing her palm flat against her stomach, she stared mutely at him.

  “Didn’t expect that, did you?”

  Feeling dizzy, Star dropped into the nearest chair. “D–did you tell him where to find me?”

  Michael placed his hands flat on the table and bent at the waist. His stormy gaze commanded hers, and Star cringed at the look of disdain. “That’s it? That’s all you care about? Whether or not I told him where you’re at? It doesn’t matter to you that I know about you?”

  “I–I was going to tell you, Michael. Honestly, I planned to tell you all about Luke and the saloon yesterday, but you weren’t at church. I guess now I know why.”

  “That’s a very convenient story.”

  “Everything okay, Star?” Joe asked from the other end of the room.

  “Y–yes. Everything’s fine.”

  “Michael, I’m sorry my past upsets you so. I know I should have been honest from the very beginning. I just didn’t have the courage.”

  “It’s good for you that you weren’t honest in the beginning, or I’d have never exposed my daughter to you. I was tempted to ruin your name, but I’ve changed my mind. This is between you and me. But stay away from my family or, so help me, I might change my mind again.”

  His boots resonated on the wooden floor as he made his way to the door.

  Fi
nding her courage, Star hurried after him. “You can be angry with me all you want, Michael, but I know I’m a child of God. Who I was before is wiped away. I’m just sorry you’re so set in your ways that you can’t see that.”

  She slammed the door behind him without giving him a chance to answer. He stood on the boardwalk, staring at her through the window while she locked the door. With a final look at him, she turned and walked to the kitchen.

  Jane stood at the counter, mixing up dough for biscuits. She shook her head sadly. “You see?” she said, her voice filled with resignation. “That’s what my baby has to look forward to.”

  Fighting back her tears, Star nodded. “Some people will turn you away, Jane. But God never will. Won’t you consider giving Him a chance?”

  Jane hesitated. “I’ll think about it, Star. I give you my word that I will.”

  That was all she could ask and more than she’d hoped for.

  They worked hard to open the doors at eleven, and Star barely had a chance to breathe all day. Snow fell steadily by the time she walked outside that night after twelve hours of work. She headed toward the street, trying to keep her boots from sliding on the icy surface. Just as she stepped off the boardwalk, she felt a hand on her arm. Her heart leapt.

  “Michael. . . ,” she breathed.

  “Not quite,” a familiar mocking voice said against her ear as a man clamped his hand over her mouth. “Now you be a good girl and don’t scream and maybe I’ll let you live until Luke decides what to do with you.”

  Tears filled Star’s eyes as Clem led her toward two horses waiting across the street in front of the saloon.

  Jesus, if You will, please help me.

  Fourteen

  After two hours of staring at the ceiling, Michael finally gave up his quest for sleep. He swung his legs around and sat upright on his bed. Resting his elbows on his knees, he sought answers from God.

  How could You allow me to fall in love with another prostitute? How? You knew I wanted to find a virtuous, godly woman to share my life with and to help raise my daughter. It was bad enough that I fell in love with Star when I thought she was just a thief—but a saloon girl?

  The snow had finally come to an end outside and the moon had risen. Now it streamed through his window and illuminated his Bible, sitting unopened on his nightstand. He picked up the Bible and let it fall open. He wanted to read something to assure him he was right, that he hadn’t been unreasonable—as Ma had said outright when he’d returned home and divulged the information he’d received in Oregon City.

  She’d quoted him every Scripture about God throwing sins into the sea and all the ones about His mercy and grace. Michael didn’t want to hear it. If Star had truly repented, why hadn’t she just told them the truth? Omission was the same as lying, so she’d been lying from the moment he’d found her asleep in the hay.

  In an effort to push the memory of her lovely, sleeping face aside, he lit the lamp, stretched back out on the bed, propped against his pillows, and let his gaze fall to the Bible.

  “He raiseth up the poor out of the dust, and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill; that he may set him with princes, even with the princes of his people. He maketh the barren woman, a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the Lord.”

  Star’s words came rushing back to him.

  Not one little girl is born with a desire to grow up and become a prostitute. We all dream of marrying our handsome prince and raising babies, taking care of a home.

  Was God trying to tell him something by using the words “prince” and “joyful mother of children”? Not that Michael was a prince by any means, but Star loved him. Or she seemed to. Ma certainly felt she loved him and Aimee. He’d called women like Star “trash.” Was God telling him He had raised her out of the dunghill and sent her to him so he could be her prince and make her a mother to his child?

  Kneeling beside his bed, Michael cried out to God. “I love her. You know I do. What do I do with the thoughts of her being with other men?”

  My love is perfect and unconditional. Let Me love her through you. Trust Me.

  Time stood still as Michael surrendered his bitterness and disappointment to God. When, at last, his tears were spent, he knew he had to go and see Star. He would beg her forgiveness, and if she’d have him, he’d marry her on the spot.

  A loud knock at the door interrupted his planning, and with a frown, he pulled on his trousers, grabbed the lamp, and headed down the ladder.

  He opened the door.

  “Oh, good—I have the right farm. It took me all night to find you.”

  “Miss Grafton?” Michael opened the door wider and allowed Jane entrance. “What on earth are you doing?”

  “Mr. Riley, it’s about Star.”

  Michael’s heart jumped. “What about her?”

  “I saw a man speaking to her after she left the restaurant tonight. At first I thought you had returned, but I realized when he seemed to be holding her against her will that it wasn’t you. He took her across to the saloon and made her get on a horse, then they both rode out of town.”

  Grabbing Jane by the arms, he shook her. “What did the man look like? Was there a scar on his face?”

  “P–please, Mr. Riley. I don’t know. The street was dark. It was still snowing.”

  Michael turned her loose and raked his hands through his hair. If anything happened to Star, it would be all his fault. He’d led Clem right to her.

  ❧

  Shivering and weary, Star nonetheless refused to cower before Luke’s frighteningly controlled anger. “So our little Star has returned. Shame on you for worrying me so much all these months.”

  He stood directly in front of her, towering over her. She flinched as he reached forward and traced his finger down her cheek. “Silly girl, there’s no need to worry. I wouldn’t bruise this beautiful face.” His gaze traveled over her frame, and Star stiffened. He made her feel undressed. When he looked at her again, she couldn’t keep the defiance from her eyes.

  “You don’t want to rebel, Star,” he said, his voice calm, but filled with warning. “You remember what happened to your mother?”

  Anger raged inside of Star. She’d bottled it for so long, in an effort to forgive Luke, that it came back in such a rush, it surprised her and loosened her tongue before she could stop herself. “You murdering thug. If you think you’re going to get away with killing my mother, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I’ll go to the sheriff and tell him what I saw.”

  “The sheriff knows all about your mother’s unfortunate demise at the hands of one of her rougher customers. A drifter. A man long gone before we even found her poor, broken body.”

  Fury engulfed her, and she flew at Luke, beating him with her fists. He held her off easily. “Calm down before I’m forced to tie your hands.”

  Chest heaving from the effort, Star glared at him. “You make me sick,” she hissed.

  His brow rose, and he narrowed his gaze; but true to character, Luke remained calm, as he did whenever it suited his purposes. “Now, I know you’re acting this way because you’re so tired. So rather than punish you for your hurtful comments, I intend to let you readjust to the saloon. You can have your old room back. But be warned: My patience won’t last forever. Don’t try to run away. Clem will be just outside your door. I’ll give you today to rest, but tomorrow you will begin working. Oh, don’t look so horrified. It won’t be so bad once you get used to it. Just ask the other girls.”

  He cupped her cheeks and pressed a hard kiss to her forehead. “It’s wonderful to see you again, my dear.”

  Star’s stomach revolted at the feel of his wet kiss. She shuddered and stepped back.

  His eyes narrowed. “Be a good girl, and you’ll be rewarded. Be stubborn, and you’ll suffer the consequences. Be impossible, and you’ll be dead.”

  “I’d rather be dead than do what you’re suggesting.”

  “We’ll see.” Going to th
e door, he motioned for Clem.

  “Escort Star to her room. And fetch Lila to bring her a tray.”

  “Lila? She isn’t dead?”

  “Of course not. Where would you get such an idea?”

  Star scowled at Clem. “Where indeed? Last I saw her, she was on the floor, and Clem was about to beat her down.”

  “She’s fine.”

  “What about Samson?”

  Luke hesitated. “I’m afraid he couldn’t be saved.”

  Tears stung Star’s eyes. At least Lila was alive. She wasn’t completely alone.

  ❧

  With his heart pounding in his ears, Michael rode his horse much faster than he should have over the snowy ground. When he stopped in front of Luke’s Saloon, he barely took the time to tether the horse to the hitching post before bursting through the door.

  The same bartender as before stood behind the counter. Michael didn’t bother to stop this time. Instead, he headed straight for the stairs and took them three at a time.

  “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

  Michael heard the gruff voice calling behind him, but he kept his focus on the door at the end of the hall. During the ride, he’d made plans in his mind, and he’d known he would have to take them by surprise and not stop to ask permission. He burst into Luke’s office. A woman gasped and shot from the saloon owner’s lap. She hurried past Michael and scurried out the open door.

  A flicker of alarm passed over Luke’s face, but he recovered so quickly it was as though he had been expecting Michael in the first place. He grabbed a cigar from his case on the desk, bit off the end, and lit the disgusting stick.

  “We meet again, Mr. . .Riley, was it?”

  Rough hands seized him from behind. “Sorry about that, Luke, he ran past before I could stop him.”

  Waving his bouncer away, Luke kept his gaze focused on Michael. “It’s all right, Jack. Mr. Riley is my guest. For now, anyway. Go back to the bar and close the door on your way out.”

  Reluctantly, the burly bartender turned him loose. Michael could tell he’d have preferred the opportunity to give him a good pounding. He’d most likely get the chance to try before all was said and done, but Michael knew God was on his side. Somehow, he’d get to Star and take her out of this evil place.