Oh Great! I was Reincarnated as a Farmer

by Benjamin Kerei

  “Of course you did.” Ranic paused. “That came out more sarcastic than I intended. I mean, of course you did. You basically saved your life and your farm with a pitchfork which would be a feat worthy of gaining a master rank with any tool that wasn’t also a weapon. Now, for what that entitles, it means that you now have perfect control with a pitchfork.”

  “What does perfect control mean?”

  “It means that a pitchfork is now an extension of your body. If you tied a razor to the end, you would be able to shave with it as safely as if you were holding it in your hand.”

  “So it’s not that useful then?”

  “For most farmers, I’d say no, but there is an ability that farmers can gain called improvised weapon. It costs ten stamina and allows them to use farm tools more effectively as weapons. There is also a type of reinforced pitchfork called a war pitchfork. Farmers in the militia sometimes use them as it’s easier for them to gain ranks with it than with a spear and their pitchfork rank already counts toward it. So if you acquired the ability and used a war pitchfork instead of a spear, you’d be more effective if you got caught fighting a wolf again.”

  I didn’t want to lose any more stamina, but I liked the idea of being more effective in close quarters. “Are war pitchforks any good for throwing?”

  “They are only slightly less effective than a spear if you have the improvised weapon ability. Your rank will make up for the difference.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “Of course you will.”

  This time Ranic didn’t apologise for the sarcasm.

  Part of my agreement with Ranic was that he would supply abilities to me for free. That was important because otherwise I never would have been able to afford them. Even the cheapest ability cost five crowns.

  The following morning, Ranic handed me the first of the two ability crystals as I sleepily climbed into the carriage. My routine of sleeping for the first few hours of the journey was cancelled when the exciting prompt appeared. Suddenly I was completely awake.

  You have found an infused ability crystal containing the Improvised Weapons ability. Would you like to gain this ability for the cost of 10 stamina?

  Yes/No?

  I selected Yes.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability.

  Improvised Weapons

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Passive

  Effect: Any object is now a weapon in your hands and applies your strength modifier to damage.

  I stared at the description of the effect for several seconds. The longer I stared, the more confused I became. Ranic had explained what it did, but it wasn’t until I was looking at it that the information sank in.

  “Ranic, I’m confused. When I threw the pitchfork at the troll’s eye, I didn’t have this ability adding my strength to the damage. Without the added damage, how did I manage to blind it?”

  Ranic was a morning person, so he smiled at the question rather than growled his annoyance like I would usually want to do at this hour. “Arnold, you come from a rather advanced world without magic so I can see how you would be confused. There are two types of damage in our world. One adheres to the rules that you would classify as physics. Velocity, momentum, and force all add up to doing a certain amount of damage when a warrior swings his sword and connects. So when you threw the pitchfork, you were doing that sort of damage. You should think of this as your maximum damage.”

  “Okay.”

  “Now there is the second kind of damage, the magical kind. That is what you receive from this new ability. Think of this as your minimum damage. Let’s say hypothetically that you had improvised weapon ability when you threw the pitchfork, and instead of hitting it in the eye, you hit it in the chest, and instead of being a full-grown man, you were a small boy. In that scenario, the energy behind the throw wouldn’t have been nearly as powerful, so the magical damage would have exceeded the physical. Upon contact, an extra burst of energy would have erupted from the pitchfork and brought the damage up to whatever your stats said it should be.”

  I nodded, kind of understanding. “But if I had done more damage through physics, then this magical damage wouldn’t be added on top, and only the physical damage would have applied.”

  “Yes. That’s also why your traps are so effective. They rely on physics rather than magic.”

  I’d wondered how this all worked shortly after I’d gone crazy in the forest, but by then, Salem refused to answer any of my questions that had to do with combat. At the time, I’d wanted to know how I’d killed some monsters with a single blow when my weapons damage didn’t go that high. Then, I’d just sort of forgotten about it over the months. Now I knew I’d been killing them with plain old physics.

  Thinking back, I could remember a few glancing blows that seemed to do a bit more damage than I would have expected them to do. At the time, I’d thought they were lucky shots. Now that I knew more, I realised that magic was involved.

  That was a terrifying thought.

  If it could work for me, then it could work against me. I lifted my trouser leg and stared at the scars underneath. That puma hadn’t been all that big, but it had cut through me like it'd had knives on the end of its claws.

  “Ranic, I’ve heard of high-level warriors who can crush a breastplate just by punching it. Is magical damage the reason?”

  “Short answer is yes. However, there are some warriors with absurdly high strength who can do the same through physics alone. It is useful to remember that magic does not trump physics when it comes to damage. If you held your hand out and an archer hypothetically shot it for a 1000 piercing damage, you would most likely live. You’d be missing your arm, but you would be alive.”

  “But the same damage to the chest would kill me.”

  “Yes.”

  “So a glancing blow from something like a troll could potentially kill me through magical damage.”

  “Clearly…” Ranic’s smile turned into a smirk. “I can see you are reassessing your life choices.”

  I wasn’t reassessing my life choices, but I was having several flashbacks to the trolls. Sure, I’d realised being directly hit by them would likely kill me, but I hadn’t thought that a glancing blow would do the same. I hadn’t known there was some magic that would turn what should have been a small strike along my shoulder into something that could tear me in half.

  Now that I did, I had to make sure that never happened.

  Ranic reached into his pocket and pulled out the second ability crystal. It was twice the size of the first. Green energy crackled in its centre, giving it a slight glow that was muted by the dawn sun. “Now, this cost me 250 crowns to charge, so I’m liable to stab you if you don’t use it.”

  “That cost how much?”

  Ranic shrugged. “I told you some abilities were expensive. Now take it.”

  I shook my head. “How wealthy are you?”

  I knew Ranic was rich. Not counting his driver, he had four servants travelling in the hired carriage behind us, with my goods from Weldon’s smithies in the three wagons behind them, and his furniture in the five wagons behind those, but I hadn’t really considered that the man would be able to simply hand over 250 crowns without even flinching.

  “I’m comfortable. We will leave it at that,” he said, pressing the ability crystal into my hand.

  You have found an infused ability crystal containing the Farming Interface ability. Would you like to gain this ability for the cost of 100 mana and 100 stamina?

  Yes/No?

  I selected Yes.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new interface option. As you gain more knowledge about this interface, new upgrades will become available.

  You have 0 farming points available.

  The mana bar had disappeared entirely from the top left corner of my vision and the yellow stamina bar had lost some of its depth of colour. I closed the interface and brought up my stats.

  I really h
ad lost all that stamina and mana from getting these abilities. I hadn’t wanted it to be true. But it was. The only consolation I had was that I hadn’t lost the underlying attributes at the same time. They were all still there and just as effective in their own ways. I closed my stats before I started to feel worse about my decision.

  A big smile sat on Ranic’s face. He’d been watching my eyes as I read and seen me scowl when I got to the part that said I had to study upgrades to gain access to them. He hadn’t told me that part.

  I glared at him. “I’m going to have to listen to you talk about farming, aren’t I?”

  He happily nodded. “It’s a good thing we have a few days until we reach Blackwood. I’ve got hundreds of upgrades to explain.”

  “Just tell me about the ones that I will need for luring and killing monsters.”

  His smile turned into a grin. “I literally can’t. My oath requires me to help you to the best of my ability, and since you might need to know them all, I’m required to get creative when it comes to teaching you. The most necessary will be at the bottom of the list and the rest will be spread throughout.”

  Damn it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  INTRODUCTIONS

  The teamsters were unloading the crates in front of the barn. And I was giving Ranic a tour of my property, trying to forget the mind-numbing study that was the last few days of the trip. Ranic’s servants were back at the village, securing rooms at the inn while trying to locate a suitable house for him to purchase.

  The smell of earth and The Wild Woods filled my head as we walked. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t make me feel like I was home. Country living was never something I wanted.

  Ranic glanced about him, grumbling under his breath about the poor condition in which I kept my farm. I could see the fire inside of him. He wanted to roll up his sleeves and start making changes. It was probably a good thing he was going to stay in the village. Otherwise, he’d be nagging me to work more. However, he had downright refused to stay with me or anywhere nearby once he learned what I was attempting to do.

  Despite his reservations, he still needed to understand what I was doing and how I planned to do it if he was going to help me. So, I continued the tour.

  Days of travelling over bumpy roads left me glad to be able to stretch my legs. The pain from my injuries was entirely gone, and the herbal tea I’d been drinking had finished regrowing the missing muscle in my leg, but I’d lost my former level of fitness while recuperating. Starting tomorrow, I’d go back to running every day.

  As I took Ranic around the side of the house to the front door, he stopped complaining midsentence.

  I followed his gaze to where Salem was sleeping on my rocking chair. The familiar was magically tied to me, compelled to return to me every eight hours. That was before I bought the farm. Now, he either had to return to me or the farm. So leaving him behind hadn’t been an issue. It was even his idea. He was as happy I was for the break.

  Salem purred contentedly as he pretended to doze. His awareness of the world around him was too great for our arrival to go unnoticed. The late afternoon sun hit the spot where he lay, heating his fur the way he loved. He wasn’t likely to move from the rocker without a good reason.

  Ranic turned to me, eyes panicking. “Why is there a familiar sleeping upon a rocking chair on your veranda?”

  Salem twitched and opened one eye to stare at Ranic.

  I raised an eyebrow, trying not to smile. “What are you talking about? That’s just Salem, my cat.” It wasn’t much of a lie, but it was enough to test the old man.

  Ranic glared at me. “That is a wizard’s familiar and a very powerful one. I can barely analyse him.”

  Salem sighed, stood up, looked up at me and scowled. “You brought a level 99 master scholar to our village. Are you a special kind of moron or do you just hate me?”

  “Settle down,” I said. “I’m not a moron. Ranic has taken an oath not to share my secrets—that includes you.”

  Salem dropped the scowl. “He has taken an oath?”

  “I have,” Ranic said. “Now, what is he doing here?”

  “I am in hiding,” Salem said. “That is all I will say on the subject.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Obviously his presence here is a secret,” I said. “One I don’t want shared around.”

  “Fine,” Ranic replied, clearly annoyed. “I’ll just add it to the long list you’ve already given me. You know, when you made me take an oath of secrecy, I never thought I’d have to write a book to keep up with what I can and cannot say.”

  Salem sighed and sat back down. “Arnold, why do you have a master scholar with you?”

  “I figured you needed someone smarter to talk to.”

  “Oh, please, spare me the platitudes.”

  “If you must know, I helped Ranic get through his third threshold. In return, he’s agreed to lend me his skills for the next few years.”

  Ranic nodded. “I must say that I’m rather happy with this arrangement. I’m intrigued by this method that Arnold is trying to develop. I’ve made the study of farming my speciality and have read all the previous attempts to try something similar but I never considered treating a farm as anything other than a farm. Is it safe for me to assume that you have been assisting him?”

  “I have,” Salem said.

  “Would you mind sharing your observations with me? I’ve spoken with Arnold at length, but his academic notes are nonexistent, and all I’ve been able to grasp is a general understanding.”

  Salem chuckled. “You have no idea what I’ve had to put up with from him.”

  “Hey,” I said.

  Salem rose to his feet and leapt off the rocking chair. “Would you like me to take you on a tour of the property while I give you a proper explanation?”

  Ranic nodded. “You are too kind.”

  “No, no, I’m sure you’ve suffered enough having to work with Arnold. Has he made you listen to his inane description of that Home Alone story?”

  “Hey,” I said again.

  Neither of them listened to me as they walked off, deep in conversation.

  Jeric sat at his parlour table, shuffling a deck of cards as Hamlin led us inside. There was a tension to his gaze and movements that I wasn’t used to seeing. He appeared stressed as he smiled at me, his lips pressed too tight.

  I smiled back, holding out my hand to introduce Ranic. “Nobleman Jeric, this is Master Scholar Ranic. Ranic, Nobleman Jeric.”

  “Welcome to my home, Master Scholar Ranic,” Jeric said tersely. “Would you like a glass of wine or brandy?”

  Ranic swallowed, sensing Jeric’s mood, and looked at me out the corner of his eye. “I get the feeling you were not informed I would be here, sir. I apologise for my intrusion.”

  “You are correct. However, if you are a guest of Arnold’s, then you are welcome in my home.” He turned and scowled at me. “I’m glad to see you are well.”

  I knew that tone. It was the tone my mother used to give me when I got home late and didn’t call, which now that I thought about it, was kind of what had happened.

  “Look, I know my letter said I’d be here five days ago, but certain things came up.”

  “And these things were enough to stop you from writing?”

  I shrugged, not comfortable meeting Jeric’s gaze. We were friends, but he was closer to my dad’s age than he was to mine, and when he got like this, I couldn’t help but feel like a misbehaving child.

  “Look, I drank a Socialite potion without knowing what it was and lost about a week, by the time I came out of it I was already three days behind schedule and I just forgot to write to you in the rush of organising the trip back.” I turned to Jeric’s butler, who was barely in control of his laughter. “Can we have a little privacy?”

  Jeric nodded.

  Hamlin left the room, closing the doors behind him, shoulders shaking through the effort to hold in his laughter.

  “What did you want to say privat
ely?”

  I pointed to Ranic. “Ranic knows about my method. He has taken an oath to keep what we are doing secret.”

  Most of the tension eased out of Jeric. He shook his head. “You realise you almost gave me a heart attack walking in here with a master scholar—I can’t even see his level. I thought he’d found out what you were doing and was going to blackmail us.” He leaned back, folded his arms for a second, and then realised he hadn’t been all that polite and leaned forward and held out his hand to Ranic. “Welcome aboard.”

  Ranic took the offered hand and shook. “I’m sorry my arrival caused you distress.”

  Jeric waved his apology away. “It’s fine, take a seat.”

  I slid into one of the waiting chairs. “How have you been?”

  Jeric turned to me and shook his head. “We can talk about me any time. I want to know how long it will take you to set up.”

  “As I told you in my letter, I’ve got everything on my list, so I reckon about two weeks. It won’t take me more than a day to cut a field now that my level is higher. Ranic has also agreed to help out where he can and has offered a few ideas for improvements.”

  Jeric nodded and turned to Ranic. “How did Arnold get you involved with this?”

  Ranic smiled. “He gave me the information required to get me through my third threshold. There is no record of a farmer ever receiving the trapsmith skill before him.”

  Jeric frowned. “So his special promotions weren’t unique?”

  “No, they are well-documented.”

  “But the trapsmith skill wasn’t? That seems...strange.”

  Ranic shrugged. “I have two simple theories for that. Possibly the skill is a secondary skill, which requires enough experience all at once to reach the first level and those who have had the opportunity to do so in the past haven’t made the attempt, choosing instead to use other methods that would gain them guaranteed experience rather than take the risk.”