Oh Great! I was Reincarnated as a Farmer

by Benjamin Kerei

  She smiled, softening a face full of freckles and a nose that was a little small. “You must be Landlord Arnold. Welcome to Melgrim’s Adventurers’ Guild. I’m Quartermaster Talia. I prefer to be upfront about things…due to your actions, Jeremby has convinced me to extend to you a friendly trade status with our guild and offer you a onetime deal for purchasing from us at base, treating you as an adventurer. Now please have a seat. How can we help you?”

  Jeremby closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with the quartermaster.

  If I hadn’t already been thrown by all the pink, I would have been by the offer. “That’s extremely generous,” I said, taking a seat in the pink chair. “Thank you.” I pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Talia. “I need everything on that list along with your most powerful ability to increase movement speed.”

  She took the list and skimmed through it. Her lips pressed together. “We can do the enchantments for the items with little trouble, but I’m sorry to say that you aren’t going to be able to purchase any blessings independently at this stage. The recent purchase by Jeremby’s party has depleted most of our stock.”

  That was frustrating because I needed those attributes to pay for the abilities I wanted to buy. Compared to other classes, adventurers received new abilities all the time, maybe a dozen over their career. Most of those new abilities were of the common variety and class-locked, but occasionally they would obtain an ability that wasn’t common or locked. Most of those abilities were also duds and weren’t worth much, but very rarely, someone would achieve a new ability and surprise everyone. Those sorts of abilities could be game-changers and some of them weren’t class locked.

  Meaning, those abilities could be passed on to anyone through ability crystals the same way a farmer’s ability would be to a farmer. The recipient's only requirement was that they had to have the spare stamina or mana to receive the ability. There were ways around some class-locked restrictions, in cases like my socialite ability, but most of the time that was impossible.

  “I won’t be able to purchase those abilities without the attributes,” I said. “Are you sure you can’t sell them to me?”

  Talia waved away my concern. “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. You are still able to purchase the attributes that are required for these abilities, but nothing above what is required to maintain your current stamina and mana capabilities.”

  That was less annoying.

  “However, having read your list and knowing your situation, I am going to have to turn down your request to purchase items that increase your movement speed. The Melgrim Adventurers’ Guild cannot help you run away from the regent.”

  “They're not for running away from the regent,” I said.

  Talia smirked. “What are they for then? And I give you fair warning: my office is warded against deception.”

  “A giant tore apart my barn and smashed my house. I want to be able to outrun the beast if it returns.”

  Talia’s jaw dropped. “You want this to run away from a giant?”

  “Yes.”

  “You must realise that’s impossible. Even with these items, you won’t be fast enough to outrun a giant over open ground.”

  “There is a saying where I come from. If you meet a bear in the woods, you don’t have to outrun it. You just have to outrun the guy next to you.” Ranic’s lessons for lying to the bank were paying off. I barely had to think to come up with something that sounded like the truth.

  Talia frowned, shook her head, and then nodded. “As far as methods go for getting away from a giant that is quite intelligent in a horrific and dishonourable sort of way. It doesn’t, however, explain why you also want a cloak of monster taunting.”

  “That’s for if I somehow get the courage to act honourably. I figure if I’m that fast, maybe I’ll be able to buy some people another minute of life and lead the giant away.”

  She frowned. “That was a lie.”

  Her response surprised me and I frowned as well. I hadn’t thought that was a lie. I knew I was afraid of the giant, but I thought I’d gained enough perspective and self-control to bait it when needed. Clearly, I hadn’t. I was still drinking an awful lot to combat the fear. If my socialite ability didn’t stop me from getting intoxicated, most of the time, I’d be too drunk to walk straight.

  “Look I’m not planning to put it on some poor guy’s shoulders and use him as bait to save my own skin. I just want to keep my options open.”

  “That was the truth. I’m not sure what you plan to do with it, but I feel comfortable enough to sell it to you.”

  “And the movement speed items?”

  She nodded. “Yes, since you’re not planning to use them to escape the regent, I will sell you those too. However, movement speed abilities are a different matter.”

  “Why?”

  “Because there are only six available to all classes and the first five of them are expensive and ineffective. The last one is called hunter’s gambit. It’s expensive and effective, but it is also considered a build breaker.”

  “What’s a build breaker?”

  “Build breakers are abilities that are so powerful they have to handicap you to compensate. The one of movement speed is exceptionally brutal.”

  “In what way?”

  She sighed, folding her arm as she leaned back. “It permanently reduces your stamina by half. You will receive only five points of stamina from each attribute of endurance.”

  “Damn. What do I get in return?”

  “Your base movement speed increases by 100%.”

  I blinked. “Wait, wouldn’t that make my agility and the items I ordered twice as effective?”

  She frowned. “Technically, it would. And I suppose as a farmer, you aren’t as reliant on stamina for abilities, so it wouldn’t be nearly as brutal for you as it would be for a warrior. However, with those items and this ability, you would have to be wary of falling over.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Her right eyebrow rose. “Running at those speeds isn’t safe without the strength necessary to toughen your body. Falling will cause death or at the very least break bones and shave off much of your skin.”

  I heard chirping sounds. How had it not occurred to me that running as fast as a vehicle on the freeway would be dangerous? Falling over would be like coming off a motorcycle. This was a big oversight.

  “Is there anything you can sell me to help?”

  Talia paused and then chuckled. “We could make you a set of farmer’s overalls and a farmer’s hat. They give numerous benefits, one of which is resistance to damage while on a farm. I’d have to talk to the enchanter since I don’t think anyone’s ever tested it for high-speed running, but I imagine it would work. Though you would likely destroy them if you fell.”

  “How much would that all cost?”

  She smiled. “That depends on if you want the movement speed ability, and I strongly recommend you consider your options before you do. Once you take the ability, there is no turning back. You will be permanently handicapped.”

  I needed the speed too much and the fact that it would double the items’ effects meant I couldn’t turn it down. “How much for everything?”

  She paused and sighed. “You realise having hunter’s gambit will double the cost of purchasing stamina blessings. You will also have to double your current endurance if you want to remain where you are.”

  I grinned. “Wait, you will let me double my endurance? I thought you couldn’t sell me attributes outside of abilities?”

  She smiled. “I’m stretching the rules. Since purchasing that ability would halve your current stamina, I’m allowing you to purchase those blessings. How high is your endurance?”

  “Twenty-two,” I said excitedly before frowning. “Will hunter’s gambit halve my endurance’s other effects?”

  “No. That would cripple rather than handicap and we wouldn’t sell it to you if it did. Considering you are buying everything at base, all up that will cost
you 1084 crowns, 17 nobles, and 18 copper.”

  My eyes widened. “That’s at base?”

  “You are lucky you only want non-permanent enchantments. Otherwise you would be looking at another 1,000 crowns.”

  I just nodded. It was a good thing the adventurers hadn’t needed as many uncommon blessings as Jeremby had feared. They’d returned almost half the gold I gave them. If they hadn’t, I would have had to think twice. But I needed these abilities and items to survive luring the giant, so I said yes.

  Talia smiled. “It will take our scholar at least a day to prepare the abilities and you will have to pay for them upfront before they begin their work.”

  I nodded as I reached for the purse on my belt and opened it.

  Would you like to access your funds?

  Yes/No?

  I selected Yes.

  Would you like to access your personal or loan funds?

  Personal Funds: 3487 crowns, 16 nobles, 28 copper.

  Loan Funds: 27,382 crowns, 87 nobles, 43 copper.

  Personal/Loan?

  After receiving my bank purse, I’d asked around, but bags of holding weren’t a thing here. They could teleport across the kingdom, but dimensional space warping wasn’t within their capabilities. The only reason the purse could hold all my money was that it technically didn’t. The coins weren’t coins. They were condensed magic, and the purse was just a conduit for that condensed magic, transporting it back and forth from the bank, shaping it into coins as needed.

  I selected my Loan Funds and tried to withdraw all the gold.

  Only 55 crowns of the purchase you are trying to make is covered by your agreement with the Bank of Weldon. The rest of the amount can be withdrawn from your personal account if you agree?

  Yes/No?

  I scowled as I selected Yes. The weight of ten gold bars and 84 gold coins along with the silver and copper filled my purse as I reached into to retrieve the money.

  I was hoping that I could put the entire purchase on the loan. Ranic had suggested I do so every chance I got as loaned money couldn’t be used for taxes or interest. But apparently, only part of my purchase was viable under our agreement.

  I pulled out the bars and put them on the table in front of Talia. “Here you go.”

  Talia smiled as she reached out and touched the bars. There was a small flash of light and another five bars and 42 crowns appeared along with the corresponding silver and copper.

  My jaw dropped.

  I knew there was a level 50 promotion that let certain merchant specialisations generate more gold on the sale of an item, but I’d only seen it happen twice, and both times the merchants only received 5% more. For her to gain 50% more meant she’d had to have bought enough promotion crystals to have leveled the promotion to its maximum level of ten. And merchant promotion crystals were some of the most expensive to buy. They were on the same level as noble promotion crystals.

  Talia chuckled, seeing my shock. “Adventuring guilds are the source of promotion crystals. It only makes sense that we would use them for our own benefit. Now, I can have everything but the items ready for you tomorrow morning if you like. The rest will take at least ten days.”

  “I can’t make the morning. Is the afternoon okay? The deal my lawyer made with the regent only allows me outside the palace after lunch and I have to be back before dark.”

  She frowned. “Blessings take time to perform. Jeremby’s group took almost a day and that was with the clerics rushing the process. As you will only be receiving common blessings, you will only be gaining one attribute at a time. Without it being rushed, it will take at least three days once you factor in going back and forth from the palace.”

  “If it’s not an inconvenience, then I’ve got the days to spare.”

  She shrugged. “I’m sure we can work something out.

  The next three days passed quickly, and my capabilities leapt skyward.

  +11 Intelligence

  +48 Endurance

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of 10 stamina.

  Sure Grip

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Passive

  Effect: Objects you hold will not slip from your grip by natural means.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of 10 stamina.

  Ambidextrous

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Passive

  Effect: You are equally as dexterous with your off-hand as you are with your main-hand.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of 10 stamina.

  Double Jump

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: 1 minute

  Trigger: Activation

  Effect: Your jump is 100% higher.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of 100 stamina and 100 mana.

  Darkvision

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Passive

  Effect: You can see in almost total darkness as well as you would during a cloudy day. This applies to magical darkness.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of 10 mana.

  Lowheart’s Lungs

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Activation

  Effect: Your voice and volume travel four times as far.

  Congratulations, you have gained a new ability at the expense of five stamina per point of endurance.

  Hunter’s Gambit

  Cost: None

  Cooldown: None

  Trigger: Passive

  Effect: Your base movement speed increases by 100%.

  That last one hurt more than I thought it would.

  Chapter Thirty

  TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

  It had been fifteen days since the ascension ball. I still hadn’t had a chance to talk with Jeric. Our only communication had been a series of brief notes, where he made it clear that Emily passing through her threshold had created as many problems as it solved. His family was going from party to party as the nobles who formerly hadn’t been interested in them were now vying for the chance to marry their son to Jeric’s daughter. They’d been unexpectedly plunged into a new level of their world, a level which they had only ever seen the fringe of.

  I was happy for them.

  Now that I was no longer charmed and Beldose’s lawyer Arba had made the regent give me time outside the palace, I could get to work dealing with the giant problem. If that’s all I had to worry about, life wouldn’t be quite so stressful, but the regent was ominously quiet.

  Her plan to manipulate Jeric had failed spectacularly and she was now pretending like he didn’t exist. I had no idea what her next move would be, but after seeing how she reacted with Ilia and her husband, it clearly wasn’t going to be good.

  Trying to make plans wasn’t helping either. I didn’t have many options that didn’t involve making her an enemy. And making an enemy of the person who was basically in charge of your whole region didn’t seem like a good idea, even if she wasn’t as omnipotent as the nobles of the past back home.

  The carriage rolled to a stop outside a workshop in the middle of the lower city's smith district. I climbed out to the smell of smoke and steel and the sight of billboards. They weren’t on the main streets, but here on the side streets, they were everywhere, advertising all sorts of branded goods we didn’t get in Blackwood.

  The sounds of hammering coming from the workshop suddenly stopped, replaced by a string of cursing the likes of which I had only heard from English soccer fans. The woman spouting off had an extensive vocabulary and an active imagination.

  I walked into the empty storefront, listening to her rant out back. Basic bear traps in dozens of sizes lined the walls. Items labelled tripwire sat on a section of shelf next to a device that was a trigger mechanism for shooting a crossbow at a distance.

  The owner of th
is shop was a trapsmith named Quilly. It was an extremely rare class due to difficult personalities and low breeding rates. There were only three trapsmiths in a city of half a million, and I’d learned from Wolfkin she was the only one with advanced academy training. I’d asked the adventurers’ guild to double-check and they had confirmed it.

  I walked up to the counter and rang the bell, looking around. The stuff I could see in the shop was pretty basic, nothing I couldn’t do myself, except for maybe the bear traps. However, several triggering devices looked more effective than the ones I designed. There was also an interesting device used to cover and disguise a pit trap.

  “Useless fucking gear, that’s the last time I ever purchase anything from that hammer-fisted idiot,” she said as she stormed through the door, rubbing her grease-stained hands on her apron. “What do you want?”

  The woman glared up at me from where she stood at only about four and a half feet. Half of her screamed petite and the other half screamed mad wolverine. She had grease in her blonde hair and on her nose. Her eyes were just a little too pinched like she spent most of her time squinting at small objects.

  Trapsmith Quilly

  I pulled out the book with my designs inside and handed it to her. “Are you the owner of this establishment?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you make these?”

  She leaned to the side, looking past me. “That’s a lot of muscle you have there. You planning to try and intimidate me?”

  I knew she was looking outside at the escorts I’d been given. “I’m currently standing on a trapdoor, so I’m not really in any position to intimidate you even if they were here for that.”

  She grinned. “Noticed that, did you? I can’t see your name. Are you a fellow trapsmith by any chance?” The smile turned into a scowl. “Because if you are, you can piss off.”