Oh Great! I was Reincarnated as a Farmer

by Benjamin Kerei

  “Certainly, sir.”

  “Tell her I gave her a fair chance and she threw it in my face. So congratulations, she fucked herself because now I’m pissed off.”

  Fredrick went pale.

  I cleared my throat. “Do you need me to repeat it?”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  AN INTRODUCTION AT NIGHT

  I scowled as I filled my glass with whatever spirit I’d pulled from the bar in my room, before heading out to find Jeric. I had been hard-drinking for more than an hour, but my mood was so foul even the socialite ability barely touched me. Despite everything I saw firsthand, I didn’t want to believe the regent was as bad as everyone said. I wanted us to be able to make a fair deal.

  Now, I knew the truth.

  Whoop-de-fucking-do.

  I picked up the glass and poured the contents down my throat. The burn bit me something good as I swallowed. I put the glass on the table and refilled it.

  Twenty-nine times. Twenty-nine times, I was torn apart fighting monsters I had no chance against. The fear, the pain, the feeling of utter helplessness, it was all for nothing. That bitch dangled something shiny in front of me, and like a sheep, I blindly followed it into the slaughter pen.

  She made a mistake, though. I wasn’t a sheep. I wasn’t a fucking farmer. I was goddamn gamer and I could be a toxic sonofabitch if you pissed me off. She had fucked with the wrong guy.

  The door to Jeric’s family’s apartment opened and his wife and daughter walked in. Emily noticed me sitting on the couch and frowned.

  It was a pretty frown.

  The girl hadn’t become much prettier after gaining 25 points in charisma, but she was a bit prettier. She wore a lovely, storm-blue dress and had her hair tied in an elaborate plait. She would turn every boy's head back home, but after seeing some of the other noble men and women I knew she was still less than average in the circles she walked in. The poor thing.

  Isabella looked like a more mature and refined version of her daughter. She noticed me after her daughter did, gave me a look of alarm, hand forming into a position that I guessed would cast a spell, judging by the glow coming from her fingertips.

  Emily caught her mother’s wrist before she could act. “That’s the man I told you about. The one who helped me with my performance.”

  Isabella lowered her hand ever so slightly, halting her attack. “Sir, why are you drinking in our rooms?” Her voice was firm and sharp with an energetic edge.

  “I need to speak with Jeric. I’m a friend of his.” The words came out blunt and angry. Too angry.

  A hint of tension left her shoulders. “Sir, I do not know you, and I know most of my husband’s friends, but even if I did know you, waiting here would be far from proper. Now I must ask you to leave.”

  I liked Jeric too much to make a scene, so I picked up my glass and bottle and stood, looking around. “Do you mind if I take a chair into the hallway with me?”

  Emily tried to move towards a chair, but her mother caught her shoulder. “Chairs are for guests and you are currently not one.”

  “Fair enough. You have any idea how far Jeric is behind you?”

  “He was sharing a bottle of port with Lord Aster, so I cannot say.”

  I nodded my head. “Sorry for intruding. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t return together. I’ll wait outside.”

  Isabella stepped out of my way, dragging Emily with her. The girl didn’t seem to be worried about my appearance at all.

  I stepped past them and into the hallway, closing the door behind me. I found a comfortable spot on the ground, leaned against the wall, and returned to drinking.

  I was furious, angrier than I had been in a long time. The regent had been toying with me the whole time. I’d let her put me through hell for nothing more than dragging her down with me. She was going to do everything in her power to destroy me now. And so long as I kept reacting, she would succeed.

  I poured two more glasses down my throat, one after the other in quick succession, before the door beside me opened.

  Emily poked her head out and looked around before her gaze fell on me. She smiled timidly. “I’m sorry to intrude, sir,” she whispered, “but on the day you helped me, I couldn’t see your name and I was too flustered to think to ask. I’ve been singing your praises ever since, but without a name that has only been so effective.”

  “My name’s Arnold,” I growled.

  She frowned. “Farmer Arnold, the landlord who helped my father gain all the experience.”

  “That’s me,” I said, opening my interface to display my name and titles.

  Your relationship with Emily has improved from Neutral to Friendly. Emily can be relied upon to stop and chat and help you with minor problems.

  “Why didn’t you say?” Emily opened the door further and turned back to the room and yelled. “Mom, the gentleman outside is Farmer Arnold.”

  “What?” came a shouted reply.

  I heard what sounded like running and then Isabelle appeared in the doorway, hair half undone. “You are Farmer Arnold?”

  “Yep.”

  Your relationship with Isabelle has improved from Distrusted to Ally. As your Ally, Isabelle can be relied upon to keep your secrets and help you when you are in trouble. Your problems are her problems.

  Her whole demeanour changed. “You should have said. Come in, come in. Emily, take his glass and drink.”

  Emily rushed over and took my bottle, holding out her hand for my glass. I handed it over as I climbed to my feet. Isabelle grabbed my arm and threaded it through her own, practically dragging me through the door.

  She led me back to the chair I’d left, going so far as to pause and fluff the pillow before allowing me to sit. “I’m so sorry, Arnold. You are always welcome in our home. I am truly appalled to have thrown you out. My husband has told us all about you. And I’ve wanted to meet you since you arrived, but between the ball and all the post ball invitations that couldn’t be refused, we honestly haven’t had time to spare.”

  Emily pushed a full glass into my hand, making a face at the smell. “How are you not drunk?”

  “I went to a scholar’s party once.”

  Emily frowned. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  Isabelle turned to her daughter. “I’ll explain when you are older.”

  Emily looked at her, confused.

  “I gained the socialite ability there,” I said to clarify. “Now I can’t get drunk.”

  Emily managed to look even more confused. “But that’s a noble ability.”

  Isabelle sighed. “I’ll explain it to you when you are older.”

  Emily scowled at her mother. “Why can’t you explain now?”

  “Because we are having a polite conversation and that is not a polite conversation. Discussion over.”

  Emily’s scowl turned into a glare.

  Isabelle ignored her daughter’s anger and turned to me. “As I was saying, it is a pleasure to meet you. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you did for our daughter. I cannot express what it means to us with words, but I promise you if you ever need anything in this life, I will be happy to help you.”

  “You’re welcome.” I had no clue what else to say under the circumstances.

  She turned to Emily, staring daggers. “Thank him.”

  Emily glared back and spoke through gritted teeth. “I was going to.”

  “Then do it.”

  Emily turned to me, trying not to blush and failing. “Thank you for everything.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Her mother huffed out a breath, annoyed. “Do it properly.”

  “Maybe I would have done it properly if you had given me a chance to think about what I was going to say, but no, you wanted me to do it now like you always do.” Emily stormed out of the room. Several seconds passed and then a door slammed.

  Isabelle gave a somewhat forced smile. “She’s been under a lot more scrutiny than she’s used to.
It's been stressful for her. She is truly thankful for what you’ve done. I’m sure she will tell you herself at some point.”

  “I understand,” I growled, mood still terrible. “Her ascension ball was an intimidating and unpleasant experience. I can’t imagine what it must be like going through that sort of thing day after day even if you are trained for it.”

  “You are too kind, Arnold. But that is to be expected. After all, my husband cannot stop raving about your character.”

  “Jeric raves about me?”

  “All the time. It’s a little annoying at this point since he has given you his word not to go into details—I keep hearing about how amazing you are without knowing why. Though the fact you are my daughter’s mysterious singing instructor does indicate that whatever I don’t know must be as amazing as he claims. Literally hundreds of nobles have written to us about the performance, congratulating us on its success. No one has ever sung so poorly and been so well-received. No one has been desperate enough to consider the pure emotional angle of music for such a performance. Several scholars want to talk to you about that, by the way.” She looked about. “I have their information around here somewhere.”

  “I’m a bit too busy to talk to scholars.”

  Hearing that, her expression turned serious. “I do not wish to sound like I’m accusing you of anything, but why are you here?”

  “The regent tried to manipulate your family and failed. Now she’s moving against me. She is going to remove your husband from his position as mayor. She told me she would make you mayor in his place, but that was a trick.” I didn’t feel like telling her about all the pain that was involved in that trick. Not right now. Maybe when I could face it without yelling. “She’s going to use whomever she replaces him with to make my life as difficult as they possibly can until I tell her what she wants to know. As far as plans go, it’s pretty solid.”

  “You have a plan to stop her, don’t you?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “My husband was a nervous wreck before the ball. An hour after you arrived, he was racing all across the city, throwing together deals with some of the most powerful men and woman in the kingdom like he did so every day. In a few short hours, he somehow did enough favours to pull together the experience for our daughter to reach her threshold. He warned me about you when he got back. He said that you can appear and turn everything on its head in an instance. And you just said you needed to speak with my husband. In your state, you would only need to do that if you had a plan that required his help to implement.”

  Damn, brains and beauty. Jeric was one hell of a lucky guy. “Am I that obvious?”

  “Honestly, yes, but so is my husband which is probably why he likes you so much. And to be fair, being obvious never stopped him from getting things his way. And I doubt it will stop you. So you can wait right there until he gets back and then the three of us will do whatever we need to protect you.”

  Nobleman Pater stifled a yawn before scratching his aged jawline and resting his elbows on his parlour table. Perhaps waking the old man in the middle of the night hadn’t been the politest or most endearing way to introduce myself, but time was crucial. And Jeric promised he was used to it.

  Pater finished his yawn before dropping his hand. “I’m sorry, Arnold, but Jeric is correct. The regent has every right to take the title of mayor from him for manipulating the village land price while there is a known danger.” Pater’s voice had a dry rasp to it like aged, crinkled paper.

  Jeric and Isabelle shared a look, holding hands, taking comfort in each other’s presence, as they sat to the side, waiting for my point. Neither of them complained when I refused to fill them in on what I was planning to do while we were in the palace.

  All I’d told Jeric was I needed a lawyer well-versed in noble law. He had organised a carriage and argued with the gate guards until they let me out. The carriage then brought us straight to Pater, his old law teacher from his academy days in the capital, and then Jeric banged on his door until his servants woke.

  I fought off my own yawn, blinking several times to keep away sleep. Exhaustion was making me sluggish and my anger was wearing off now that I was doing something. Running around the arena hadn’t physically taxed my body, but all that fear and pain was mentally draining. Without my new mark, I would be little more than a screaming mess.

  “Would the regent be able to remove him if the village had been abandoned?”

  Pater shrugged. “Jeric was never granted the title to the village, which makes him its custodian, not its lord. The regent may remove a custodian at any time.”

  “So that’s a yes.”

  “It is.”

  “What if he were the lord of the village? Could she still remove him?”

  “Only under specific circumstances like those currently enacted. But otherwise, no. She does not have that power.”

  I nodded. “Okay then, let’s say hypothetically that the order to abandon the village was given tomorrow and Jeric was lord of the village rather than just its custodian. Would she be able to remove him in that scenario?”

  Pater turned to Jeric. “You were a bright enough student to answer this question. Under such a scenario, could she legally remove you?”

  Jeric turned to his wife, a sad smile hugging his lips. “She might argue that I did not do enough to rebuild Blackwood after the goblins sacked the village, but that would be a petty excuse, as I have now resold the land and collected taxes…however, she can still use it.”

  Pater nodded.

  Jeric gave his wife’s hand a comforting squeeze and then turned to me. “There is no scenario where I remain mayor, Arnold. I knew that the moment the regent refused to abandon the village. I’m not bitter about that. Our daughter has a future thanks to what we did. That is enough for me.”

  “Damn it,” I said, ignoring his defeated tone. “Making Emily mayor is going to complicate this.”

  Jeric and Isabelle gaze hardened at the same time and they began speaking together, “She’s too young.”

  Pater cleared his throat, smiling slightly, his eyes suddenly bright. “What they mean is she cannot be a custodian of a village until her twenty-first birthday. It’s the law. However, I believe you are making this suggestion as you intend to somehow make her a lord, not the mayor, and have her parents manage the village in her place. This is legal…and intriguing. How do you plan to accomplish this?”

  Sitting in the palace fighting off Ilia’s charm effect gave me days to plan our way out of this. But most of those plans were highly confrontational and required us making an enemy of the regent which I hadn’t been willing to do until now.

  “Jeric is going to exchange the knowledge of the exploit we discovered for the title from the king. After I bankroll the cost of abandoning the village by offering to pre-purchase the land that the crown would have to pay for if the villagers decide to sell up.”

  I’d talked about the possibility of buying the land from the villagers at the crown’s price with Ranic within the first few days of learning they weren’t going to abandon the village and him suggesting the loan. The only two hurdles were getting the crown's approval and the outrageous price we had created. Those were two obstacles I could now overcome.

  Pater’s brow crinkled as he thought. “Like every noble at Emily’s ascension ball, I’ve heard whispers about this method, but how practical is it? How many nobles can take advantage of it?”

  Jeric stared at me in surprise. So his wife had to nudge his shoulder before he answered. “Only a few dozen across all eleven kingdoms can truly benefit by my estimate. But there might be three times that number that can gain from it in a small way.”

  “The number isn’t important,” I said.

  Pater frowned. “The number is always important. Developing a new method of exploitation allows the creator to receive a quarter of the experience earned from it, not counting the favours that are traded to gain this information.”

  I knew t
hat. It was why it was so important that I kept my trap method a secret now that I knew it wasn’t a new exploit. If I managed to make it work safely, the amount of experience I could gain from building more barns and repeating it in other villages would be simply insane.

  I paused, looking Pater in the eye. “Normally I would agree with you, but our method can only be used by those nobles who are in poor circumstances, people who do not have a lot to trade.”

  “This would make it less valuable, not more.”

  I smiled, my first in hours. “Correct me if I am wrong. But if I sell this method to the king, and he gives it to his nobles with the stipulation that they must use the experience they gain to level themselves and develop their lands, the king’s actions will be classified as him strengthening his kingdom, which is the sort of action that will cause him to gain royal experience.”

  Pater’s jaw dropped.

  “Furthermore, it is my understanding that royal experience is more valuable than any other experience and that every method that can create this experience is already exploited to its utmost which makes any new method that much more valuable. Am I correct?”

  Pater nodded slowly but then frowned again. “I’m honestly not sure. I’m not a scholar. Methods for gaining royal experience are closely guarded secrets, but what you describe does seem plausible. However, if he agreed to go through with this, Jeric would lose any chance at gaining favours from other nobles, as you will all have to take an oath that you would never reveal the method to anyone before the king makes it public knowledge.”

  I looked at Jeric. “Are you okay with that?”

  Jeric sighed and then smirked. “I considered going to the king with this method almost as soon as I realised it was an exploit. The only reason I never suggested it was I couldn’t think of anything you might want from him, and at the time, it wasn’t anywhere near as valuable.”