Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  I couldn’t stop the wince.

  “I’m sorry, Your Highness. I know that’s not what you want to hear. I can assure you that we’re working as fast as we can.”

  I hoped it’d be fast enough. “Thank you.”

  She pressed her right fist to her chest.

  We were going to need something to tide us over in the meantime. “We should also warn the people. I don’t want to scare them, but they need to be aware of what’s happening.”

  I looked at Gitano—my head of media relations. He looked like he’d aged ten years in the last few weeks. He’d been trying his best to fight against my father’s influence, but it wasn’t easy.

  “I want to read whatever statement you put out about this. I don’t want them turning around what we say to blame this on Amihanna. I’ve had enough of that.”

  “Absolutely, Your Highness. I’ll have something to you within the hour.”

  I placed my hands on my hips. Seri’s attack meant that civil war was very possible, but it also meant something far more dangerous. “Can someone explain how Seri di Sopoyan used bombs and materials from SpaceTech not once, but twice?”

  “That’s what we were just arguing about when you came in.” Captain ni Eneko was usually on the same page as me. “I understand the extremists’ concerns with Amihanna—”

  So much for being on the same page. I started to interrupt, but ni Eneko held up a hand, stopping my words.

  “I don’t agree with them, but I understand their concerns. But if they’re upset that Amihanna might be compromised by her time on Earth, then how could they turn to SpaceTech for weapons?”

  “Desperation,” Councilman di Yenam said. “It can drive us to do all manner of things.”

  Very true, but I didn’t like the implications. “Are there SpaceTech operatives hiding on Sel’Ani? Or was the substance smuggled in?”

  I looked at Declan and he shrugged. “Months ago I thought that some of my father’s men were on Sel’Ani.”

  “And we looked into that theory, but we couldn’t find any.”

  “Well, clearly we were wrong. They’re here. They have to be.”

  “Any reason that you think that it’s easier to have men hiding here than have some lucole dust smuggled in?”

  “I think it’s both. My father won’t have just one plan of attack. He likes to have backups to his backup plans, and backups to those, too. He’s gotten this far by hitting from different angles all at once, and—”

  “And there’s a sizable SpaceTech force on the outer reaches of the Aunare Empire,” Captain ni Eneko cut in. “They’re not all together, but spread out. Still, if they decided to attack together—which we have to assume they will—then we’ll be deep in this war sooner than we thought.”

  He was right. It was terrifying, but I knew he was right.

  “See,” he said. “SpaceTech on the ground. Weapons smuggled. SpaceTech ships surrounding us. He’s coming—”

  I held up my hand. I knew Declan’s dad. I’d lived with him. He was the kind of man who loved to smother people with his rule, especially when it cost countless lives. He loved the thrill of instilling fear in others. “How soon?” I asked Captain ni Eneko.

  “Once mobilized, they could be on Sel’Ani within three days.”

  Goddess take it all. We weren’t ready. “Wait. That’s too fast. They travel too slowly for them to get here that quickly. It means that—”

  “They were heading this way before you and Amihanna blew up the moon. Yes. These ships are different. Bigger. And if I know anything, it’s because they’re holding a heavy load of weaponized lucole. When we talked to Matthew and Tyler, there was mention of ships that had disappeared. We need to know if those ships are the ones that are here now.”

  “Yes. I think this is where Matthew will really be helpful,” Declan said.

  “Why don’t we just blow up the ships?” One of the councilmen asked, but I wasn’t sure which one.

  “Because we don’t know for sure what’s on board,” I said. “It could be men. It could be weapons. They might be empty and have another hidden fleet waiting for us to attack those ships.” The Murtaghs loved setting traps.

  “Captain ni Eneko’s teams are working on locating any possible officers on Sel’Ani, and specifically in Ta’shena. He’s got another team following up on all the incoming cargos for the last six months. Anyone who brought in cargo that scanned positive for any container with powder will be brought in for questioning,” Rysden said.

  If I didn’t know him as well as I did, I wouldn’t have noticed the exhaustion in his movement as he motioned toward a vidscreen.

  “We’re also watching the interrogations. Hopefully, we’ll have some more answers soon.” Rysden sighed. “This is all going to come together quickly, Your Highness. Once you have the crown, we’ll need to move fast to secure Sel’Ani and start to strategically dismantle SpaceTech’s power in our sector. I won’t suggest moving on their colonies or Earth yet, but that might come sooner than we’d like.”

  “I hope it doesn’t come to that.” If it did, then innocents might be lost. Earther or Aunare—I didn’t care. I wanted to minimize the loss of life, but I wouldn’t do what my father did. I wouldn’t back down.

  “One more thing,” Declan said.

  “What else?” I hoped it was good news, but the way this day was going, I wasn’t sure I’d get that lucky.

  “Knowing what I do about my father, there will be another attack. Soon. If they’re really only three days out, they’ll want you weak and distracted when they hit. It’s their only chance at beating us. It’ll be soon.”

  This was too much too fast. How had they sneaked up on us after everything… “If there are any SpaceTech officers in Ta’shena, we need to find them. We need them alive. We need answers.”

  “We’re working on it,” Captain ni Eneko said. “As soon as we have one, we’ll get the answers. Give me a day, maybe less.”

  When I woke up this morning, I thought we had time. I was stressed that it wasn’t enough, but I thought we had months. To go from that to days in just one breath was dizzying. I needed to see what else they were going to tell me and then I needed to get out of here before the walls pushed in on me.

  “Any word from our allies?” I looked at Rysden. “I’m assuming you shared SpaceTech’s part in the bombings today.”

  “I have. They’re waiting for confirmation. We prove without a doubt that any of these actions were orchestrated by SpaceTech, then we have their backing. We don’t, and we’re alone in this fight.”

  I understood their stance, but I didn’t like it. “Can we do it alone?”

  Rysden shared a look with Captain ni Eneko, and then he turned to me. “You’ve done the simulations. We added in the latest intel. We can do it alone, but not without—”

  “She’ll do it.” They didn’t need to say her name. I knew who they meant. “She’ll fight.”

  Rysden closed his eyes and muttered softly to himself. I couldn’t hear the words, but I knew the prayer on his lips. He was thanking the Goddess, and I was right there with him.

  “We saw the tournament.” Councilwoman Wishna ni Ilajan was the youngest to hold her position, but that sometimes made her the firmest rule follower. “How much more is she capable of?”

  “A lot more,” I said. There were mutters around the room, and I knew that they might not believe me. But it was true. “She was holding back.” She didn’t know she was holding back, but she wasn’t using her fao’ana to their full extent. I’d show her how, and then she’d be nearly unstoppable.

  “I’m going to head out, unless you need me for anything else?” Declan said to me.

  “No, but you’ll let me know what you find out from Matthew.”

  “Yep. I’ll be back in a few hours, hopefully with some good news. We need it.” The room was mostly quiet as Declan and Ahiga moved out the door. I might be mad at Declan for what happened with Amihanna, but under it all, he was still one of
my closest friends. I knew what would happen if his father caught him, and I couldn’t let that happen.

  If he left and something happened to him, I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself from going after him, and that was truly terrifying. Because it was one thing for the crown prince to go rogue on SpaceTech and another thing entirely for the Aunare King to do it.

  “What was your father’s answer?” Councilman Broff di Yenam broke the silence. His thinning white hair was cut short and his skin hung loose on his bones. He’d served since before my father was king, and even though di Yenam usually agreed that my father was terrible at his job, he also supported my father. His loyalty ran strong. He held a walking stick in his hand and banged it into the floor as he always did when he was trying to make a point. “You’ve failed to keep us—”

  I owed di Yenam respect, but he wasn’t about to tell me that I’d failed. Not at this. “My father has yet to send a response to the change of crown notice. He’s avoiding me or living in denial, but either way, in forty-eight hours, I’ll be king. Whether he hands over the crown or I make the announcement that I’m overriding his rule with the backing of the High Priestess and this council, it’ll be done. I’d take it now, but the notice was part of the official procedure.”

  Councilman di Yenam shut his mouth. He was set in his ways, and that was partly his age, but he wasn’t exactly a supporter of mine. He lost faith in my ability to rule because I refused my position for so long, but I’d gain it back.

  “We should have you make a statement to the Aunare and the universe beyond as soon as you have the crown,” Gitano said. “We need to put this civil war nonsense to bed before it undermines us.”

  “I can do that.”

  “About Amihanna…” Rysden started, and I wasn’t sure I was going to like whatever came next.

  I met Rysden’s gaze. “What about her?”

  “Some in this room think it’d be best if you delayed any talks of marriage between the two of you. Some think she should be with you when you speak. Others say no. We were wondering what your position would be?”

  “My position is that it’s none of anyone’s business who I marry and when. That will be between me and Amihanna. This is not a council decision. This isn’t something that the public can decide for me either. Amihanna will help us win this war, and that’s all anyone needs to know.”

  I left the room before anyone else could object. I didn’t have the patience to deal with anyone arguing about Amihanna today.

  Amihanna was off limits.

  My skin tingled and my fao’ana brightened and I knew my tenuous hold on my abilities was slipping. I hadn’t found my balance again. It’d been thirteen years since I had full control, and the longer I went without it, the worse I got.

  There was only one person who could help me.

  I hit my wrist unit, locating Amihanna. She wasn’t in my room yet. She was still in the dining room. I’d been here for at least half an hour, but I was glad she was there. Maybe that meant she was having dessert.

  I strode through the estate, ignoring everyone I passed in the hallways. They took one look at me and my fao’ana and scampered away. I needed one thing, and one thing only.

  Amihanna.

  She was in the dining room off the kitchens where some of the staff liked to eat. She liked to avoid any visitors who might be stopping by for a meal in the great dining room, and I didn’t blame her. When I got there, I paused in the doorway for a second to take her in. She had her shoes off, feet resting on the table as she sipped a mug of wyso.

  I pulled out the chair beside her, but she didn’t move her feet. Only lifted her eyebrows as she took another sip.

  I held out my hand and she passed her mug to me. I took a sip, and then another. What had she put in it? “Is that chocolate?”

  She smiled. “And milk.”

  Only she would take our strong caffeinated drink and mellow it with milk and sugar. “It’s really good like that. Not as strong.”

  “I know.” She held out her hand for the mug, but when I didn’t give it back to her she laughed. “You can get your own, you know? Plarsha would be happy to make it for you.”

  But it was so much better when it was from her cup. “Why are you drinking this so late in the afternoon? It’ll keep you up tonight.”

  “Because it’s comforting.”

  I took another sip. “Well, at least we’ll be up together. Where’s Roan?”

  “Working. Messages were coming in about the bombings and requests for interviews and a million other things. It was going to be too annoying to watch a movie while he was on his tablet, so I gave him a raincheck.” She reached out her hand, and I gave her the mug. “What’s got you all flashing?”

  I huffed a laugh before moaning. “I don’t even know where to start.”

  She nudged my leg with her foot. “Start at the beginning.”

  So, I did. I went through everything that I’d found out in the conference room, and when I was done, she whistled.

  “Well, sounds like we’re fucked.”

  “I feel like we are, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “I’m really used to running from SpaceTech. I’ve learned a few things. First, you should enjoy the quiet while you have it. Which is why I’m here.” She motioned with her arms.

  “And the next?”

  “Run. But I guess we can’t do that now. So, I guess we’re going to need to come up with a different plan.” She passed me her mug. “You’re going to need this. It’ll make you feel better.”

  “Will it?”

  “Yep.” She shrugged. “At least it helps me think. I’ve been sitting here, thinking about everything that we’ve talked about today. The last few weeks.”

  “And what have you figured out?”

  She reached out her hand. “Give it back. I need more if I’m actually going to need to come up with some answers.”

  She was quiet for a minute, and we traded her mug back and forth for a few minutes. This was nice. I wasn’t sure when the last time was that I’d just sat. I hadn’t had a minute free for months and months. And then she came back and—

  Amihanna let out possibly the biggest sigh and I couldn’t help but smile. I’d come here on the verge of losing it, and just sitting next to her made me feel like everything was going to be okay. My control was back.

  I needed her. If we were days away from war, I needed to find a way to convince her to marry me. Today. Or maybe tomorrow.

  Her fingers tapped the side of the mug as she stared at the chandelier, and then she laughed.

  I wasn’t going to bug her when she obviously wanted time to think, but now I had to know. “What have you been thinking about that has you laughing?”

  “It’s nothing.” But it clearly wasn’t nothing because as soon as I asked, she was blushing and her skin had lit just ever so slightly.

  I took the nearly empty mug from her and set it on the table. “Tell me.”

  “It’s…” She rested her chin on her chest for a moment. “Jesus. It’s so fucking stupid.”

  “I don’t care if it’s stupid. What?”

  “I was sitting here thinking about the war and SpaceTech, and that made me think about queen stuff and marrying you, and I realized that we haven’t even been on a date or really hung out. But I sleep in your bed. It made me laugh. It’s weird.”

  “It’s not weird.” It was the best. I wasn’t giving that up.

  She looked at me then, and she had this teasing glow to her that had nothing to do with literal light on her skin. It was more an air of ease. “It’s super weird.” She smiled at me and laughed quietly and it was everything.

  Everything was about to shift. With SpaceTech. With the War.

  But most importantly—with us.

  I felt a rush every time our gazes met. I’d felt it when she jumped aboard my ship. My need for her hit me so hard, so fast, but then I saw the video of everything she’d been through and knew I’d have to
wait.

  So, I took care of her the last month. I gave her everything that she needed, everything that she’d let me. She was confiding in me slowly, carefully, and I wanted to respect that, but I’d stopped holding back my feelings.

  I tried to convince myself that just being near her was enough, but the last couple weeks, she’d started to heal, and I’d find myself pushing her more. I had to have more.

  I loved her—her strength and determination and kindness—and I was in love with the way she was starting to smile more and more. The sound of her laugh made me feel like I’d won some great prize. And the way she looked at me now, with a glitter of mischief in her eyes, made me feel as if I was flying and I knew in that moment I was fully addicted to her.

  If I had an ounce less control, I would pick her up from that chair, wrap her legs around me, press her against the wall, and kiss her until we both forgot everything around us. And this time—this time—we wouldn’t be interrupted.

  She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes a little. “What are you thinking right now?”

  I reached forward and pressed a soft, quick kiss against her lips because I couldn’t help myself. Not anymore. And then I leaned just far enough back to see her pupils widening, her mouth drop open, and her chest rising and falling quickly. “You’re sitting here with your feet up on the table, looking confident and at peace, all while talking about how weird our relationship is and I’m so in love with you it’s stupid.”

  She let out a little whimper. I pressed another quick kiss on her lips and stood. “I’m checking in with Solan and then we’ll head out. Stay right here. Ten minutes, tops.”

  I turned to leave, but her hand gripped my wrist as I tried to slip by. “What? Why? Where are we going?”

  “On a date. Well, it’s a semi-date, because my sister will be there and will insist on eating with us, but we’ll get out of this place and go somewhere that I know you’ll love.”