Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  “What?”

  His eyes glittered as he smiled at his sister. “I told her that she’s the sweetest of the ni Taures by a lot.”

  “I believe you now.” I squeezed his hand. “Keep going. Please.”

  “She told your mother to bring some seeds to plant. That they’d grow the spices and vegetables that she would need to make it correctly. So, on your next visit, your mom brought them. It took a couple of years to get the plants to grow and really produce, but Nori worked with the gardeners on the crop here and another at the estate. Your last visit here, she and your mother nailed it. You were so happy, and they must’ve made it every other day for you. But then Liberation Week happened, and you were lost.” He looked at his sister and said something quickly to her.

  Nori placed her right fist to her heart and replied.

  Lorne sighed heavily and then looked at me. “Sometimes, it felt like everyone had given up hope that we’d find you, and that was really hard and frustrating for me. I felt like I was alone a lot of the time. I told her that, but she said that she never gave up hope. She knew you would be back here one day. And when you did, she wanted to help make you feel safe and welcome. She stopped watching the news years ago because she was so scared for you, but because you are my shalshasa she knew that if you died, I would know.”

  “You would?”

  “Yes. I felt your fear and it drove me crazy sometimes, but at least I knew that if you were afraid, that meant you were alive.”

  Nori said something quietly.

  “She wants me to finish telling you the story.” He said something to her and laughed at the face she made. “Nori made sure to keep tending the garden and made the meal every year on your birthday to honor you. The more years passed, the more she knew you would come to her at some point and really need this meal. Her heart broke when she saw the videos of you. She couldn’t watch all of them—it hurt to see you in so much pain—but she knew you needed to know you were home and safe. So, she started practicing. She prepped it for your birthday, but you never came and now she knows why. But she’s been waiting for you.”

  “Tell her I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  Lorne squeezed my hand. “She’s not upset. She wants you to remember this is home. This is your home.”

  I let go of their hands and leaned close to Nori, wrapping my arms around her neck. “Thank you. You don’t know how badly I needed this.”

  Lorne translated quickly. “She says she knew. She knew.”

  I pulled away from her. “Thank you.”

  Nori was crying, too, but she pointed to the food. “Eat. Please. You home.” She stood up and walked back around the table to her seat.

  For the first time in a long time, I ate until I was full and then I ate some more. I thought that people didn’t love me here, but Lorne had said that wasn’t true. I’d been listening to the news—and it was pretty hard to ignore that someone tried to kill me twice today—but that wasn’t the whole picture.

  Keeping plants alive for thirteen years in the hopes that I would come back? That was true love.

  As we ate, Lorne translated for us, chiming in for himself sometimes. I told her about life on Earth and sometimes I’d hear Lorne’s soft inhale, but even through Lorne—I found Nori easy to talk to. She told me about her favorite times with me and how she taught me to bake something that I’d never even heard of before.

  Part of my comfort came from Lorne. He seemed truly happy and at peace here with me and Nori in this remote beach house. At some point he’d kicked off his shoes and was leaning back, stretching his legs under the table to rest on the seat across from him. He seemed to enjoy laughing and gave his smiles so freely.

  He didn’t seem like a king or even a crown prince tonight. He seemed like Lorne, a normal guy. Or maybe an abnormally kind guy who had done nothing but help me and support me from the second he heard my voice again.

  He didn’t do that because of some stupid betrothal contract or whatever it was that made it official.

  He’d flown across the universe to pick me up from that moon out of love. Not duty. Not so that I could fight his war for him. But to make sure I made it out of there alive because he honestly loved me.

  When I finally pushed away my plate, Nori squeezed my arm. “Dessert?” she asked.

  “I don’t know if—”

  “Just say yes,” Lorne said. “She has that glitter in her eye which means she’s got something really good for you. I don’t know how she’s going to top this, but she’s about to try.”

  I blew out a breath. If I ate any more I was going to be sick. “Okay. Yes.”

  “Right answer.” Lorne gave me a wink.

  Noriali grabbed my plate as she stood and I started to get up to help. She’d made the meal, she shouldn’t have to do the dishes, too. But she waved me away.

  “She says to rest. She wants you to stay here tonight, but I told her that we have to get back. Rysden has been messaging me, and I know there are updates.”

  “Should we skip dessert? Do we need to go?”

  “No, and I don’t want to steal away any of the pleasure you’re having right now, so let’s deal with whatever is coming later.”

  I tried not to be nervous, but it could just be that they found a way to detect a lucole bomb. Or it could be that SpaceTech was mobilizing already.

  But I wasn’t ready.

  “Don’t think about it now. I shouldn’t have said anything.” He sighed. “Do you want to go outside while she finishes the dessert? There are some chairs on the back porch that overlook the water.”

  “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

  He pointed down the hallway. “Down that way. The wall is glass and you can’t miss the door and porch.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m going to make a couple calls to make sure it’s nothing catastrophic, and then I’ll come out.”

  I got up and walked barefoot through the hallway and paused at the door. My hand brushed against the glass and I looked out to the beach.

  A memory hit me.

  Or bits of a memory that amounted to a feeling.

  A game of hide-and-seek. Running through the door—dripping wet. Giggling. Someone chasing me. Squealing as I’m tossed in the air. Strong, safe arms catching me. A nose rubbing into my neck. More giggles.

  My giggles.

  It could’ve been the meal that Nori cooked for me or the house or Lorne or even just the fragments of memories, but suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone, homesick, and lost.

  Suddenly, billions of light-years away from Earth, I was home.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  LORNE

  Nori watched me as I paced in her kitchen. I had my wrist unit on speaker while she got the dessert ready, but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to eat any of it. Rysden, Solan, and Captain ni Eneko were talking to me, and with every update, it got worse.

  Solan had found out that more than three people had helped Seri to get inside the estate. He was pulling more people from the staff for questioning and bringing in men from the royal guard to supplement the estate’s security.

  Captain ni Eneko was questioning people who associated with Seri and found more extremist groups that were working with SpaceTech. From what they’d found out, there were at least five groups of SpaceTech officers in the city, but none of his men had been able to locate even one person from any of the groups.

  Then Rysden broke the news that one of our vacation planets had been bombed, and Nori slowly put the dessert into dishes to take with us.

  I sat down heavily on one of her kitchen bar stools while I listened to the probable death numbers. “How did we miss this? How did we not know they were going to attack?”

  “I don’t know, but Declan’s packing now. He says he’s been gone too long, and he needs to go back to Earth to find out what his father’s plans are. But he says that his father did it to hurt our morale.” Rysden was quiet for a second. “You know I tried my best to stay calm whe
n my wife and daughter went missing, and I held onto the fact that they must still be alive if you hadn’t totally lost it. When I saw the videos, my heart broke for my daughter and at the same time, I was filled with a rage that…I wanted to attack, but I held back because my daughter had suffered to hold off a war. I was going to honor her sacrifice by not starting one myself.”

  “We were wrong,” I said, although I’d felt the same way, but we should’ve attacked as soon as we had her back. As soon as we found out that they were weaponizing the lucole—which went against our treaty. “But I didn’t have the crown and my father wanted to negotiate.”

  “I could murder your father and not feel bad about it. There were thousands of children on Sa’shotaem. The pictures…”

  I couldn’t think about that now or I’d never get through what I had to do tonight. We had rescue and battleships en route, and we’d know more about survivors in a few hours. Until then, I would pray that the Goddess takes the souls to the After where they could find peace. “What’s my father saying?”

  “He’s demanding to see you immediately.”

  I was sure he was. “What do you think?” I had my own thoughts on what my father wanted, but I wanted to hear Rysden’s first.

  “I think that he’s realized this is going to be war. He can’t say he’s being diplomatic anymore. Which means work for him, and probably more than a bit of anger from the people over our inaction these last few weeks. He’s going to shove the whole mess on you. It will be your fault for having not moved faster against SpaceTech.”

  Goddess. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do this. “Perfect.”

  “Which, hopefully, means you’ll have the crown sooner than we thought.”

  I wasn’t sure what to feel except heavy in my heart and soul. This wasn’t how I wanted to get the crown. Declaring war wasn’t what I wanted my first act as king to be. But I couldn’t always get what I wanted.

  Amihanna’s bare feet sounded against the wood floor. She’d said she would stay and fight with me, and I guessed I’d find out if she meant it.

  She stopped in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

  “I…I don’t know where to start. I…” I was still trying to process everything.

  Rysden spoke up and I let him fill her in. He could do that one thing for me before I took on everything else.

  “Okay.” She tapped my forehead until I looked at her. “We knew all of this was coming, so let’s get going. We’ve got things to do. Tell your sister thank you for me, and we’ll head back. Do you want me to go to your father’s with you or will that just cause problems?”

  I looked at her and I hoped she saw the gratitude and love I felt for her right in this moment. I’d felt like I was going to have to do this alone—she could’ve easily backed out and how could I ask her to stay and endure anything else? But instead, she just started making a plan. Doing what needed to be done. Without any sign of nerves or indecision or fear.

  “Lorne?” She put her hand against my cheek. “Do you want me to go with you to see your father? I don’t want to cause problems by going, but if you want me there, I’ll go.”

  I wanted to fall at her feet and beg her to marry me, but I didn’t want to scare her away.

  Rysden spoke up before I could say anything. “Stay at the estate, Amihanna. We won’t take long at his father’s, and the king might change his mind about the crown if he sees you. He seemed to have an interesting reaction to you at dinner the other night.”

  “Sure.” Amihanna huffed. “If by interesting reaction you mean he hates me, yeah. That’s accurate.” She sighed. “Okay. Tell Eshrin to pick me up, and you go see your father. Then we need to weed out anyone working with SpaceTech. Is Captain ni Eneko on the line?”

  “I’m here,” he answered.

  “My father said that you hadn’t been able to find any SpaceTech Officers. Can you get me surveillance footage of the city—the markets and high traffic areas—so Roan and I can take a look? We’re pretty much experts at spotting STOs.”

  “How good?” I didn’t want to question her, but I needed to know. “Declan’s already been looking for them for a while. Before Declan went to Albuquerque to get you, he was here searching for them in Ta’shena, but he hasn’t been able to find any yet.”

  She crossed her arms and gave me a hard stare. “Declan might think he’s good at it, but he’s not. I survived thirteen years on a planet filled with SpaceTech Officers—the last ten of them in the city with the largest spaceport on Earth. We were hiding in plain sight which ended up being good for us, but the city was swarming with STOs and STPF and IAF, and all of them—all of them—were keeping their eyes out for me. I was their highest target, and yet, here I am. I didn’t get caught until Declan led them to me.”

  I wanted to hope that she was right. Because if she was that good, then maybe she could find them. But… “You attacked Jason.”

  “Seriously? We’re getting into this now?” She pressed her lips together as she shook her head slowly, and I knew she was annoyed with me. “I knew Jason was SpaceTech when I punched his face. I didn’t know who he was, but he seemed a little heavy around the middle. I thought that was a sign that he was off the job. STOs aren’t allowed to be overweight. They get heavy fines for that, and then if they don’t lose the weight, they’re cut loose. And even assuming that he was off the job, I was trying my absolute best not to smash his face in, but when his hand went inside my underwear—went inside me—”

  There was a buzzing in my ears, my skin burned brightly, my fao’ana lit.

  I wanted blood.

  I wanted my hands around Jason Murtagh’s neck.

  I wanted Jason Murtagh so I could feel him die.

  “Rysden! Stop yelling! Jesus. Lorne’s losing it.” Amihanna’s hands cupped my cheeks and her forehead hit mine. “You’re the one who brought it up. Stop freaking out. Try to remember the blood when I broke his face and his screaming when I broke his arm. It helps me when I remember it.”

  “I want him dead.” I wanted it so bad that I could already hear his screams as I turned him to dust.

  “Feel free to get in line behind me.” She brushed a soft kiss against my lips, and it was that one move that calmed me down.

  She’d never kissed me before. I’d kissed her, but she never initiated anything.

  She stepped back from me and I was still frozen by her touch.

  “Trust me. I can spot one from a mile out in plain clothes.”

  There was some quiet arguing on the phone before Rysden cleared his throat.

  “All right,” Rysden said. “Captain ni Eneko will have footage ready for you in Lorne’s rooms. You can watch it there. Eshrin should be knocking on Nori’s door in a minute. Lorne, you head straight to your father’s. We’ll meet you on the roof of his building and go in together.”

  “Okay,” I said to Rysden, but I couldn’t stop looking at Amihanna. “I’ll alert you when I’m taking off.”

  “Good.”

  There was a beep, signaling the end to the call, but I stayed in my seat watching Amihanna.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I have a bad feeling about you not coming with me.”

  “Why?”

  “I just don’t want to be apart. I want to know that you’re okay, and—”

  “My father just told me that the estate was filled with royal armed forces. Sounds like it’s the safest place on Sel’Ani right now. I’ll be fine. I always am.”

  But something in my gut was telling me that she wouldn’t be, and I never liked to ignore my gut.

  “You have to go see your father, and he hates me. It’ll make it harder on you if I’m there, and I don’t want that. Go. I’ll be okay. I promise.”

  “I know you will be, but…” I turned to Nori. “I’m sorry we’re leaving so quickly,” I said to her in Aunare.

  “It’s okay. I understand, but tell her that I’m here when she needs a break from everything. And the same goes for you.”
>
  I translated for Amihanna while Nori came around the island with a bag full of containers.

  Amihanna gave her a hug, and Nori gave her the bag before coming to give me a hug.

  “Thank you for the meal. For what you did for Amihanna. You gave her some peace tonight, and I don’t think she’s had that very much.” I squeezed her tighter. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, little brother.”

  There was a knock at the door, and Nori left to open the door for Eshrin.

  I turned to Amihanna. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  She nodded. “Stop worrying.”

  I opened my mouth to apologize but she pointed a finger at me. “And don’t you dare apologize for something you didn’t do.”

  I gave her a tight grin. “Right. I’ll work on that.” I stood and wrapped my arms around her, breathing the floral scent of her shampoo. I’d grown really fond of the scent this last week. “Stay safe.”

  “You, too.”

  I pulled away and walked past Eshrin. I gave him a nod as he pressed his fist to his heart, and I had to trust that he would take care of her.

  I went out the door without looking back. Because if I did, I’d drag her with me and everyone had agreed that she shouldn’t come.

  Except me.

  The ship was too quiet and empty without Amihanna inside. I’d had more fun tonight than I’d had in a long time. I hoped that was why I was feeling so down about leaving her behind. The fact that there had been two attempts on her life made it especially hard for me to leave her, but I had to. I had to do this. The quicker it was done, the quicker I could get back to her.

  I pressed in the coordinates for my father’s building in Ta’shena and took off.

  “Reports on status of Sa’shotaem,” I said to my onboard computer.

  I forced myself to watch images of the devastation. All of the destruction had been done from a few of their gray, noisy, toxic ships. Hotels destroyed. Restaurants bombed. Shops reduced to rubble. There was footage of the few survivors trying to administer aid to each other, but there was so much loss of life. And for what?