Pieces of Me

by Jacquie Underdown

  She almost choked on her drink as she bit back laughter. ‘Well thanks, Graeme,’ she managed.

  ‘My absolute pleasure,’ he crooned and I wanted to vomit.

  If he thought he was getting his hands on Hannah … I shook my head and took a deep breath. Calm down, Bear.

  Hannah touched my forearm. I looked into those blue eyes. She gave me an understanding smile and said, ‘I’m going to take a seat with the others.’

  I nodded. ‘Sure. This will be ready in no time.’

  Chapter 23

  Hannah

  It was near midnight when I slurped on my straw, drinking in the delicious fruity nectar. I stopped as I noisily sucked at ice and held up my glass. Empty already?

  ‘Wow, these drinks are a little too delicious,’ I announced, words slurred.

  Natalie and Jasmine chimed their glasses together and yelled, ‘Hellz yeah!’

  I laughed along with them.

  ‘Want me to get you another one, sweetheart?’ asked … um. I’d forgotten his name.

  I shook my head. ‘I think I might’ve had my fill already.’

  He was sitting next to me and pressed a hand to my thigh. ‘Oh, sweetheart, the night’s just getting started.’

  ‘She said she’s had enough,’ snapped Bear.

  I searched through my drunken haze to focus on Bear’s face. His eyes were narrowed, lips all but snarling.

  ‘Overreact much, Teddy Bear?’ hissed Graeme.

  Natalie stood and slung her arm around her brother’s shoulders. ‘Leave Hannah alone. She’s my friend. Not yours.’

  Natalie kissed him on the cheek and sauntered back inside the house.

  ‘I … ah, might get going soon,’ I said.

  ‘I’m gonna take off too,’ said Bayden. ‘Do you need me to give you a lift home?’

  I arched a brow. ‘Are you under the limit?’

  He laughed. ‘You’re asking that to a cop?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Yes, I’m under the limit. I’m the only sucker who has to work early tomorrow.’

  ‘Not the only one,’ said Bear standing. He rubbed his palms down the front of his jeans. Bear could wear the shit out of jeans. They fit nice and snug around his arse.

  ‘I wouldn’t call surfing work,’ said Bayden.

  Bear laughed. ‘Good point.’

  I smiled. ‘I’d really, really, really appreciate a lift home.’

  Bear jumped in. ‘How about I take Hannah? She’s just around the corner from me.’ A silent look passed between them.

  Bayden nodded. ‘That’s a better idea.’

  Graeme laughed. ‘It’s Mercy Island, Teddy Bear. No one’s far away from anyone. But whatever.’

  I thanked Natalie for the fantastic evening and said my goodbyes to the others, promising we’d catch up again soon. I made it through the house and out the front without bumping into too many walls.

  Bayden said goodbye and jumped into his car.

  ‘Ready?’ said Bear.

  I nodded. ‘Yep.’

  I sat in his ute and pulled on my seat belt. My ears rang from the silence until Bear climbed into the driver’s seat.

  He grinned at me. ‘How are ya feeling?’

  I rested my head back on the chair and sighed. ‘Tired, drunk, but fantastic.’

  Bear laughed and I giggled with him.

  ‘I had such a great time. Natalie and Jasmine are two crazy cats.’

  Bear started the engine. ‘Yeah. They’re heaps of fun.’

  He pulled out and headed towards my place.

  ‘But I’ve had way too much to drink. Probably would’ve been better for me to walk home.’

  He slowed the car down. His eyes were wide. ‘You’re not going to be sick?’

  I laughed and shook my head. ‘No. At least I don’t think I am.’

  ‘We can go for a walk along the beach if you want. Try and work some of that alcohol off.’

  I shrugged a single shoulder. ‘Yeah. If you want to.’

  He pulled off to the side, then did a U-turn and headed back to the beach. Main Beach was deserted and dark, only one light illuminating the car park. We climbed out and Bear grabbed a torch from his toolbox and a bottle of water from an esky.

  I raised a brow and smirked. ‘Is there anything you don’t have back here?’ He laughed. ‘Torches are necessary tools of the trade. And water, necessary after a long surf, particularly if I’ve managed to swallow half the ocean.’

  ‘Very handy,’ I said, clasping the bottle. He’d already unscrewed the cap for me. I took a long drink.

  ‘Thirsty, eh?’

  I grinned and nodded. ‘You wouldn’t think so after all I’ve had tonight.’

  I slipped off my shoes and placed them in the back of his ute. He took his off too and we headed down to the sand. It was cool under my feet, the heat from the day faded away. The water was stunning, glinting silver under the light shining from the slice of moon that hung in the sky. The breeze was crisp and chilled my alcohol flushed skin. I breathed it deep into my lungs—cleansing almost. The blackened sky overhead seemed so close and big. The stars were bright and visible, no city lights blocking their view.

  ‘It’s so beautiful here, Bear.’ My voice was whimsical. ‘The stars. I can see them twinkling.’

  ‘It is beautiful.’

  Did I catch a note of remorse to his tone?

  We walked further to the water’s edge. Bear rolled his jeans up to his knees and we stood ankle deep in the ocean, letting the waves lick against our legs.

  Silence fell upon us, but I barely noticed until Bear turned to me and said, ‘I’m sorry again about yesterday.’

  I shook my head. ‘Don’t be sorry.’

  ‘But I am. I shouldn’t have rushed in while you’re still vulnerable. Because I’m leaving soon. It wasn’t right.’

  ‘I’m just as much to blame. And, to be honest, I’m not sorry.’ How brave I was after a few drinks. I scooted closer to him, leaning my head on his arm. He strung that arm around my back and I nestled against his chest. ‘I don’t want to rush into things. I need time to know myself again. But I’m not sorry. And neither should you be.’

  He caught my gaze as I looked up at him. ‘Yeah, maybe you’re right.’

  ‘Just bad timing, Bear.’

  He sighed. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘But hey, I … I’ll be here when you get back from overseas. Maybe things will be better then.’

  His lips parted and he shook his head. ‘I’m not coming back, Hannah.’

  I stepped out of his arms and peered up at him. ‘What?’

  ‘I’ll be moving to Brisbane. I’ve been accepted to study Veterinary Science at a university there, but I’ve deferred it for a year so I can take a break first.’

  My heart sunk to my belly. I was speechless. Veterinary Science? I thought he hadn’t even finished high school. My stomach wrenched and I realised then, on some subconscious level, I was counting on him returning when I was more stable. When I had a little more time to deal with things and get used to the place. Stupid me.

  ‘I didn’t realise. A vet? That’s amazing.’

  He nodded, but there was sadness in his eyes. ‘Nowhere else offered the course. If I wanted to do it, the compromise was that I had to leave this town. Not a bad compromise, all in all.’

  I took a deep breath in as I ran my gaze over this rugged, sexy man. I guess fate had settled it between us. He was leaving. He was to be no more than delicious eye candy for the next few months. No more than a friend. A short-term friend.

  That’s what I wanted, right?

  So why the hell did I feel so sick?

  I looked up at him and frowned. ‘I think I’m going to vomit.’

  His brows arched high. ‘You are?’

  I nodded and ran up the beach, found an inconspicuous place near a palm and proceeded to throw up. Loudly. Fantastic. More humiliation. I felt his hand on my back as he gently fisted my hair, pulling it away from my face and mouth. Ut
ter mortification. I vomited the entire contents of my stomach while he stood right there with me. I wanted to bury my head in the sand.

  He rubbed my back as I hung there for a while, eyes watering, sucking in gulps of air, until I was sure I wasn’t going to vomit again.

  ‘Get it all out?’ he asked in a soothing voice.

  I stood and dared to face him. ‘I hope so.’ He handed me a bottle of water. I took a mouthful, swilled it, then spat it out getting the yucky taste from my mouth. Very ladylike. But heck, what hadn’t I done in front of this man? I had a small sip of the water, unsure if my stomach could take too much.

  I wiped the tears from my cheeks, sniffled, then groaned. ‘My first night out and look what I go and do—party way too hard.’

  He laughed, his shoulders shaking, then slung his arm around my waist. ‘Come on, let’s get you home to bed.’

  Chapter 24

  Bear

  Hannah fell asleep during the short ride home. I cut the engine and went to her side, opening the door. The moonlight shone over her, tracing a silver shadow across her beautiful face. She looked so peaceful.

  ‘Hey,’ I said, a little louder than a whisper. ‘Wake up, sleepy head.’

  She stirred and peeled her eyes open, smiling bashfully. ‘Sorry,’ she said, tongue still thick with alcohol.

  ‘Can you walk okay?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Do you want me to carry you?’

  She smiled. ‘Do you have to knock me on the head first before you sling me over your shoulder?’

  ‘We could skip the head-knocking part tonight.’

  Hannah sat up straighter and reached her hands for me to help her out, stumbling as her feet found the driveway. I caught her against my chest, hands on her waist, her warmth flooding my senses. Our eyes met and that was the end of me.

  How to know if you really, really like a girl: have her spew up in front of you and yet still ache to kiss her silly.

  I forced myself to ease away. I held her around the waist. She used me for balance as we climbed the front stairs to her door.

  ‘Got your key handy?’

  Again the timid grin. Hannah reached down her cleavage and retrieved a key.

  I laughed. ‘Nice hiding spot.’

  ‘This dress allowed for no other options.’

  I took in the liberty to double-check. She was right. That dress allowed for no other options. ‘I love that dress.’

  She giggled. ‘Are you flirting with me?’

  I shrugged and smiled cheekily. ‘It was just a compliment.’

  ‘You’re going to have to do this,’ Hannah said, holding the key out for me and dropping it in my hand. ‘There’s no chance I’m getting that key inside that tiny lock.’

  Oh how I’d love to get my key inside her tiny … Hell, Bear. Ease up. I gritted my teeth, shoved the key into the lock and twisted. Hannah pushed through the door, nearly tripping over the raised landing. She righted her balance and giggled.

  ‘Christ, I’m going to have to get you to fix that,’ she said. ‘A bloody tripping hazard.’

  I laughed. ‘Kinda has to be there so the door shuts properly.’

  ‘Oh,’ she said.

  I felt around for lights and flicked them on.

  She froze in the centre of the room, squinting and blinking. ‘Oh no. That’s not good. Not good at all. I don’t like light.’

  I flicked them back off. ‘Sorry, I thought it might help with tripping hazards.’

  ‘That’s a good point. Okay. Turn them back on.’

  I did. When she was able to adjust to the brightness, she looked at me and frowned. ‘I look like shit, don’t I?’

  I laughed, but once again took liberty to assess for myself, running my gaze down to her toes then back to her face. ‘You look really, really good. And no, Miss Editor, I can’t think of better descriptive words because you kind of steal my ability to string a sentence together.’

  She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She stared at me through squinted eyes, then pointed in the direction of the beach, which was actually the wrong direction, but I knew what she meant. ‘I just spewed my guts up in front of you. You held my hair for me. My hair! And then you go and say something like that.’

  I shrugged. Nodded.

  ‘Are you even real? Or were you manufactured in some “perfect specimen” factory.’ Yes she used her fingers to air quote.

  I laughed so long and loud that my stomach hurt. When her guard was down and her mouth was motoring, she was sassy.

  ‘I’m far from perfect. Now would you like me to grab you a glass of water and some paracetamol before you go to bed?’

  She groaned with feigned exasperation. ‘There you go again. You’re …’ She stopped and looked at me, her mouth turned into a deep frown. Then whispered with a tone that expressed that reality had hit home. ‘You’re leaving.’

  Her words pierced me. Hard. Yes. I was leaving. And I—crackling, popping, sparking energy aside—had to come to terms with that. ‘In the meantime, let me be here as a friend.’ I needed that much.

  She nodded. ‘Fine. Friend. And talented carpenter. We can’t forget that.’

  I made Hannah a drink of water and grabbed two paracetamol from the cupboard above the range hood—according to her slurred directions. She swallowed the tablets and emptied the glass.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said.

  ‘Are you going to be okay?’

  She nodded. ‘I’m going to have a nice hot shower, brush my teeth and climb into bed.’

  ‘Can I trust that you’re not going to slip and crack your head open while showering?’

  She shrugged. ‘I can’t give guarantees, but you can watch a bit of TV and wait for me if it makes you feel better.’

  ‘It would make me feel better.’

  She waved her hand in the air. ‘Okay.’ And walked up the hall, only swaying into the wall once.

  I heard the bathroom door shut and the water whistle through the pipes. The last thing I needed was to be thinking about her taking that dress off, or of her naked body in the shower as water sluiced down her soft, soft flesh. Clearing my throat, I did a lap from the lounge, through the kitchen, the dining room, and then back to the lounge. I did another lap, stopping this time to check out her laptop. Next to it, on the dining table, was her bucket list. I looked away and started for the lounge again. I would not read that. It was private.

  The water was still on. How long had it been? I checked the time on my phone. Two minutes had passed. Not enough time to be barging in there to make sure she wasn’t on the floor bleeding from a head wound. You are not charging in there. Besides, I hadn’t heard any loud clangs.

  I did another round through the kitchen, stopped again at the dining table, picked the bucket list up and read it. Quickly.

  I will not cry another tear over Allister!

  I will take all the pieces of me back from him!

  Take a deep breath in, as though it’s my first, and START LIVING MY LIFE

  Oh man, when you have to open your bucket list with stuff like this … I clenched my jaw, gripped the paper tighter. I should have thumped Allister in the head a couple of times to let him know how it felt.

  Find reasons to laugh so hard that I cry tears of joy

  Buy and wear sexy lingerie

  I liked that one.

  Go shopping for a tight-fitting dress and wear it out TICK

  Mmm. Yes. She’d certainly done that one.

  Dye my hair TICK

  Grow my hair long

  Wear a bikini on the beach

  Wear any coloured lipstick whenever I want TICK

  Buy a surfboard and learn to surf TICK

  Share a first kiss with someone sweet

  I stopped reading and sucked in a breath. That was on her bucket list?

  Write a book and submit it to a publisher

  Get a tattoo

  Have sex in a public space

  Have a one-night stand
/>   Make my new house a comfortable home

  Do something philanthropic every year

  …

  I placed the list back down on the table and shook my hands out. I felt dirty, like I’d spied on her in the shower, except this was worse. I was spying on her private thoughts. Hopes.

  The water had stopped. A door opened. ‘Bear?’

  I shoved my hands into my pockets and shuffled out to the lounge room. ‘I’m here.’

  Hannah padded down the hall, dressed in short shorts and a singlet. Braless, god damn it. Her eyes were sleepy and red.

  ‘Heading to bed now?’ I asked.

  She nodded. ‘Thanks for waiting.’

  ‘Have a good sleep. I’ll lock up on my way out.’

  ‘Good night, Bear,’ she slurred. ‘If that is your real name.’

  I grinned. ‘Good night, Hannah.’ I locked the door behind me and jogged down the front steps to my car. I jumped inside and sat there for a long moment in the silence, hands squeezing the steering wheel.

  Was I going to deny it any longer? Keep lying to myself as though I was an idiot and refuting reality could make it go away? I liked Hannah. A lot. I wanted more. So much more than friendship.

  I looked at her house through the windscreen. It was smothered in darkness. I thought of her asleep in bed. Then of me in there with her, my body pressed to hers. I shook my head, tossing the fantasy aside.

  She’s messed up. Vulnerable. That could only lead to trouble. And besides all that, I’m fucking leaving. For good. I took a deep breath. I don’t have to leave.

  I groaned and slammed my palm against the steering wheel. I was obviously tired and very, very stupid. I was not going to give away everything, all my dreams, to wait around for Hannah and see if things may or may not work out between us.

  Chapter 25

  Hannah

  Oh my bloody god. I am never drinking a cocktail ever again in my entire life. What did Natalie put in those last night—absinthe?

  I staggered to the kitchen and boiled the jug. My head was pounding. My mouth dry and furry. I needed a cup of tea and vegemite on toast. The only things capable of curing a hangover. And paracetamol.

  I swallowed a couple of tablets with a glass of water, praying to the Higher Powers that I kept them down. This was what happened when you cage someone for six years, as soon as they are let off the leash they go crazy. Last night, I over-indulged and, right now, I was paying the consequences.