The Sex Surrogate

by Gadziala, Jessica

  “Yeah, this is a 'fuck me' dress,” she said, nodding.

  That was exactly what Chase was going to say when he saw it: fuck me. In that half-groan, half-growl he did. I felt a thrill just thinking about it. “Alright,” I said, grabbing it, “the 'fuck me' dress it is.”

  Shay eventually convinced me to wear her black peacoat over it, buttoning only one button so I could reach for it as soon as I was in the door and surprise him.

  “Here, put these on. I think we're the same size,” she said, producing a pair of black patent leather, red bottom heels.

  “No,” I said, holding up a hand, knowing how much those shoes cost.

  “Why not? You have the 'fuck me' dress. Now you need the 'fuck me' heels.”

  “They're too much. What if I snap a heel off or something?”

  “Oh, so what? I'll make my brothers all chip in to buy me a new pair for Christmas. Come on, put them on.”

  So I did.

  And I felt way too tall and unsteady in them. But, at the same time, kinda sexy and powerful. I could use all the confidence boosters I could get.

  Jake walked in, eating my take-out Italian, nodding. “Going for the 'bend me over and take me' look tonight, I see.”

  I smiled, looking between then. “You know... you two are so alike,” I said, watching their shared look of skepticism. “No. Seriously. You think exactly the same. It's crazy.”

  I didn't miss the look they gave each other, like they were trying to size the other one up.

  “Alright,” I said, spraying on some of the perfume Jake got me, “wish me luck.”

  “Go get it,” Shay said, swatting my ass.

  “Give it to him good,” Jake added, pinching my butt as I passed.

  “Seriously,” I said, shooting them a look. “Twins.”

  Eighth Session

  Alright. One button buttoned. Heels on. Bright red matte lipstick that was supposedly kiss proof. I was ready. I took a deep breath, making my way from the garage. Each click of my heels brought on more nerves. It felt like the first session all over again somehow. But I was determined to get through it.

  The door opened, and I shut it behind me, locking it.

  But Chase wasn't in his usual spot.

  I felt a rush of uncertainty, strong enough to make me seriously consider turning and leaving.

  Then his office door opened and there he was. In a blue suit and a lighter blue dress shirt. The combination made his eyes positively hypnotic. Two buttons.

  “Ava,” he breathed my name.

  My hand went to the button, pushing it through the hole, then grabbing both sides of the lapels and dragging the material quickly off of me.

  “Fuck me,” he said. Just as I had been anticipating. He shook his head slightly and I let the jacket fall to the ground. I took a step forward, then turned in a slow circle. When I faced him again, his arm was out, inviting me to him.

  So I went.

  His arms didn't go around me though, they slid down my arms, taking both my hands. “You are... So. Fucking. Beautiful.”

  Oh

  my.

  Okay.

  I swallowed hard. “Thank you.”

  His hands squeezed mine, pulling them upward, and placing them on his shoulders. One of his slid around my hips, pressing into my lower back and pushing my body against his. The other went to my jaw, tilting my face to his. “There she is,” he said, nodding. “I missed her.”

  Fuck.

  His head tilted and his lips found mine, soft, but deep, full of the passion I knew we were going to pull into the bedroom. So I sank into it. My arms wrapped around the back of his neck, my hips pressed into his, and I let him kiss me like it was the last time.

  It very well might be.

  “Okay,” he said, pulling away, “Bed. Now.”

  We made out way through his office, his hand holding mine like a vice. He pulled me past the sidebar, leaving our usual ritual behind as he pulled me to the bed. He turned, sitting down at the edge of the bed, opening his legs and pulling me in between them. His hands went to my hips as he looked up at me, his eyes soft.

  “Do you want to know about this session?”

  Unable to stop it, my hand moved to his hair, brushing a strand that had fallen forward, back. “Sure,” I said, running my hands down the side of his head until it landed on his shoulder.

  “This all depends on your limits, okay? Just because this is the way it is planned out, doesn't mean it is the way it has to be. If you're not into it, we move on to something else. Okay?”

  My brows furrowed slightly. “Okay.”

  “How do you feel about anal sex?”

  Oh.

  Well then.

  Okay.

  Somehow my overactive mind had never even thought to consider that as a possibility. And I hadn't really ever considered it outside of therapy either. I could barely tolerate normal sex. There had been no reason to think about it.

  Did I have some kind of mental block about it? I knew a lot of women who did. Women who swore they never had and never would try it. I also knew some women who swore by it. And I knew Jake raved about it.

  “Ava?”

  “I'm thinking,” I said, rolling my eyes.

  “Alright,” he said, his hands moving down to slide my skirt up slightly. “Then why don't you come here and think about it?” he suggested.

  I climbed up on the bed, straddling his waist, resting my head on his shoulder.

  “It's okay if you're not into it.”

  “I don't know if I am into it or not.”

  “That's alright,” he said, his hands sliding up my back and through the thin material of the mesh, I could feel his body heat. “Do you think you want to try it?”

  Did I?

  Honestly, I wanted to try anything and everything with him.

  I wanted all that I could get before it was over.

  “Yes,” I found myself saying, kissing his neck.

  “Good girl,” he murmured, kissing the side of my head. “We'll start with regular sex first though, okay? Get you all warmed up.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay. Now get a condom,” he said, slapping my ass playfully.

  I laughed, jumping off of him and going to the nightstand. I came back to him with one, which he took and laid on the bed next to him.

  “Arms up,” he instructed and my arms went up above my head. He inched the material off of me, making a game of it, enjoying each inch of flesh revealed. Finally free, I went to step out of my shoes. “No,” Chase said, stopping me. “The shoes stay on.”

  Ten points to Shay's 'fuck me' heels.

  He stared.

  For a really long time.

  Making me feel squirmy.

  Finally, nerves starting to surface, I lowered myself down to my knees in front of him. He watched, apt, as I reached to remove his belt and pulled his zipper down. Watched as I reached into his pants, dipped my hand under the waistband of his boxer briefs, and grabbed his cock, bringing it out. Then watched as I lowered my face down toward it, as it disappeared into my mouth, and his hand slammed down on the crown of my head.

  “Fuck, baby. So sweet,” he murmured, sounding out of breath and I had barely tasted him. I sucked him slowly, taking him deep, then working my tongue over his head, for a long time. “Okay. Fuck. Okay, baby. Stop.”

  I sat back on my heels, my hands on his thighs, smirking up at him. Because I knew I was the one in power. However briefly. I had him eating out of the palm of my hand.

  “On the bed,” he said, shaking his head at me.

  Yes, sir.

  I got to my feet, moving next to him, and crawling in, laying on my back. He stood, watching me, as he removed his clothes. “Legs straight up,” he said, and up they went. “Cross your ankles.” Absolutely. “Fuck fuck me,” he said, dropping his shirt. “This view, baby... fucking perfect.”

  His hand reached out besid
e me, grabbing the condom. Then I felt his finger slip between my thighs, moving slowly up my cleft until he was circling my clit. I felt my legs start to shake, moving them down. “I said legs up, ankles crossed,” he instructed. Then up my legs went again. His finger moved away and he stepped closer, grabbing my legs and resting them against one of his shoulders.

  Then, in one thrust, he was buried inside me.

  “Oh, my god,” I cried out, my thighs clenching.

  “You can hold me as tight as you want like this, can't you, baby?” he asked, turning his head to kiss the inside of one of my ankles.

  He was right. I pulled my thighs even tighter together, feeling each thick inch like never before.

  Then he was fucking me. Not hard. Just fast. BangBangBangBangBang. His arms wrapped around my knees, holding me still as my body started bouncing with each thrust.

  I felt my muscles grab at him, greedy, needy. Feeling closer faster than ever before. I was going to...

  “No!” I cried out as he pulled out of me.

  “Up on the bed, baby. All fours,” he said, softly, letting my legs fall.

  Oh.

  Right.

  I almost forgot.

  I moved slowly, nerves rolling around in my belly as I got into position for him. He moved in behind me immediately, his knees pushing my legs wider. I felt something roll against my leg and looked down to see the lilac vibrator next to me.

  Well, there was that to look forward to.

  “It doesn't always feel good right away,” he told me, his hands stroking across my ass. “If it hurts, tell me. I don't want to hurt you,” he said, leaning down and kissing my ass cheek. “I'll be gentle until you tell me otherwise.”

  Yeah, I was pretty sure I was good with gentle.

  “Okay,” he said, and I felt his cock press against me. His other hand grabbed the vibrator and flicked it on, but didn't bring it to my clit. “Just breathe, babe,” he said, and started pressing forward.

  There was pain. Enough for my body to jerk, tense. But there was something else too. Something just beyond the pain, teasing me. “Ava, breathe,” he said, his voice husky. I sucked in a breath and felt the vibrator touch me, my thighs shaking at the feeling. “Is it too much?” he asked, stilling. “I just have the head in, if it hurts too much...”

  “It's okay,” I said, focusing on breathing.

  His cock pressed forward, a sharp twinge with each inch that quickly subsided. I arched my ass up slightly, adjusting away from the pinch. Then I felt his balls press up against my heat, knowing he was all the way in. I reached for the vibrator, taking it out of his hands, and turning it off.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “No.”

  “Does it feel good?” I felt my face blush slightly. Because it did. And I felt like that made me some kind of freak. “Baby?”

  “Yes.”

  There was a rumbling sound in his chest. “I want it to feel good,” he said, rocking his hips into me, just the barest of movements, but... I felt it. His hands slid around me, stroking up my belly, grabbing my breasts. Then he was pulling me backward, until my back was against his chest. His arms went around me, one low on my hips, one just above my breasts. Tight.

  His hips dropped downward, sliding out, then moved up, sliding all the way in. I could feel his chest moving up and down my back with each thrust and my hips started to move to meet him.

  “Tell me it feels good,” he said in my ear.

  Oh, my god... it felt good.

  “It feels good.”

  “No one has ever been in here before, have they?”

  “No.”

  “It's all mine,” he growled.

  God, yes.

  It was all his.

  Everything was all his.

  “It's all yours,” I whispered back.

  “Fuck,” he hissed, kissing my neck. “Fuck, I like that.”

  It was too much.

  It was too slow.

  And sweet.

  And intoxicating.

  It felt like we were making love.

  But it wasn't love. Not for him.

  Not really for me either.

  And it was just... too much.

  “Chase?”

  “Yeah, baby?” he asked, his hips still rocking gently into me.

  “Harder,” I said, my hands digging into his arms. I wasn't sure I actually wanted it harder. All I knew was it couldn't keep being so gentle.

  And then his hips started jerking upward, hard, his cock burying deep and fast. Driving me unexpectedly upward. “Chase?” I heard my voice ask, unsure.

  “You're gonna come for me, baby, and I don't even need to touch your pussy. You can come for me just like this and I will feel it.”

  That was all I needed to hear as his thrusts got faster, wilder.

  And I let go.

  And... fireworks.

  My body felt like it had sparked. Like there was fizzling on all my nerve endings as my body pulsated hard.

  “Fuck, baby yeah, just like that,” he said in my ear, his own voice losing it's cool. “I can feel you coming. Fuck... Ava...”

  Then we sparked together.

  And it was magnificent.

  It lit up the whole fucking world.

  Chase's hands stayed around me for a long time, holding me painfully tight, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. His mouth kissed a trail up the side of my face, resting at my temple and staying there. I brought my arms up and wrapped them around the back of his neck, trying to hold onto him the only way I could.

  “So sweet,” he said, lifting his head and kissing my arm. Then he released my body, reaching up to pull my arms from around his neck as he ever so slowly moved away from me then walked toward the bathroom.

  I moved up onto the bed, pulling back the sheets and crawling in, rolling onto my side, away from where Chase usually rested, pulling my knees to my chest. I knew I should have been getting up and getting dressed. Getting out of there. But I couldn't bring myself to go.

  I heard the water run and then the door open and close. The mattress bent under his weight and, almost as soon as he got in, he was behind me, his legs coming up under mine, his arm draping across me and taking my hand.

  There was a silence for a long time and then, “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  And no... at the same time.

  “That was...” he paused, looking for the right word. But there weren't any right words. Words to describe what just happened didn't exist. “Spectacular,” he finally decided.

  “Spectacular” didn't even come close.

  But it was all there was.

  I wiggled back into him and he pulled me tighter.

  I let that moment hang. I wanted to let myself get lost in it. Just one more time. The last time. I wanted to feel his arms around me, his strong body holding me like I was fragile, like I was precious. I wanted his breath in my ear and his heartbeat against me. I wanted to wrap the comfort around myself like a blanket to fend against the cold days ahead.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, nuzzling my neck slightly. “You're tense. Talk to me.”

  Alright.

  Game face on.

  No more playing at love.

  Back to the real world.

  “I was wondering about the next session.” And then his body went tense behind me. “Chase?” I asked, snuggling back toward him because he had pulled away enough for there to be space between us. It was a literal metaphor for the emotional space we would soon we feeling.

  “Tomorrow is Friday.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Tomorrow I will take you out to a bar or club. You will dress for it. Whoever helped you with the dress tonight, if anyone, that's what you need to wear.”

  “I can do that.”

  “You'll meet me here and we will drive to the destinat
ion together. You can have a drink or two, but no more than that. And then you will do what I tell you to approach men, or what to say when they approach you.”

  “And where will you be?”

  “There,” he said, more space between us. He was barely even holding me anymore, his hand on my hip, his body completely disconnected from mine. “Watching.”

  “So the purpose is...”

  “To get you comfortable interacting with other men, not just me. But having me there to be a support system if you need it.” He paused for so long I thought he was done. “We will go in together, sit down and discuss how to go about... flirting,” he said the word like it was dirty. “After you get comfortable doing so with me, I will excuse myself to the bar. Then you will go to the other end of the bar.”

  “By myself?”

  “Yes, by yourself. Men get intimidated by women with their female friends, and won't approach a woman there with a man.”

  “Okay.”

  “When a man comes up to you...”

  “If,” I corrected, thinking how many men had managed to avoid coming up to me in the past.

  “When,” he said more firmly, “a man comes up to you...”

  “What? Is this some positive thinking nonsense? If I believe in it enough, suddenly hoards of men will find themselves flocking to me?”

  Chase sighed, a long-suffering sound. He scooted further back, grabbing my shoulder and pulling until I moved onto my back. He shifted, rising up on his forearm and looking down at me. He watched me for a second, shaking his head. “How is it possible that you don't see how gorgeous you are?”

  Oh

  fucking

  butterflies.

  My belly was a traitor.

  “Chase, really... I'm not...”

  “Shut up. Don't you dare finish that sentence.” His hand went to my face, cradling my jaw on one side. “How many times have I told you how beautiful you are?” he asked, to himself. “And you still don't believe me.”

  “It's not that... it's...”